Zombie Heroes Hired by the President – What is Paranormal Privateers All About?It’s one of my favorite books. It’s my most complex and surprising. So what is it about and why do I like it? I give you a free sample below. It’s in a unique humorous zombie hero genre.
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.
But let’s start at the beginning: My Undead Mother-in-law,introduces the Newbys, a zombie family. The son, Don Newby, shows up in Zombie Turkeys. The family, led by the matriarchal undead mother-in-law Diane Newby, fights for zombie rights and any criminals that cross their paths. It helps that my zombies regenerate from injuries and get stronger each time.
By the end of the book, they’re Zombie Heroes!
This leads to Paranormal Privateers where the President has given them a letter of marquis to fight as privateers on behalf of the United States. They’re given assignments that are too dangerous or sensitive for the US to intervene directly. Like Somalian pirates.
A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.
“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright red eyes looked squarely into mine.
“Sharon Windham – tall blonde bodyguard from England. “Her eyes shone bright red under a broad brow, with blonde eyelashes and a square chin. She could be a marble idol from a Greek temple. A zombie goddess”–from Paranormal Privateers
She was a former crime lord bodyguard who switched alliegiance to Diane Newby. Former Crossfit athlete, model, and competitive swimmer.. She deamt of becoming a UN translator. She speaks 11 languages: English, French, German, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Chinese, Korean, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, and Russian. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.
Darkly beautiful bodyguard from Acapulco Mexico. 5′ 4″ Former cliff diver and rock climber. Former crime lord bodyguard, now protecting Diane Newby. Former MMA fighter and bodybuilder. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.
I examined my cell methodically. A drainpipe, two inches in diameter. A toilet. A hard bed. A steel door with hinges on the outside. I’d probably need to escape from somewhere other than this cell. Once they established a routine with my interrogation, I’d look for escape routes.
I chuckled to myself. Synthia Smith was my true name, in the sense it matched my birth certificate and other current identification. Before Synthia Smith, I was Rachel Rathbone, and before that Quinella Quincy, and so on, through the alphabet. My earliest memory was a toddler named Betty Botter. I had to be cute and pick pockets. Who knew what my original name was? Changing identities was a standard procedure for me with each new assignment.
This had been my most challenging operation, and I’d almost pulled it off. Those damn zombies! Had I blown up Harrods, the demands for billions in exchange for each national landmark’s safety would have been credible.
They had no idea of the bigger picture—and they wouldn’t get it. My terrorist cover story was completely true, but neither the terrorists nor Scotland Yard knew they were merely a means to an end. It was the truth: total subjugation of the United Kingdom was a reasonable goal for one like me, a child of the world’s greatest criminal.
I knew more about Papa Smith, my ostensible grandfather, than any of my siblings. I think I actually touched his feelings as a loving granddaughter, and I think he shared more with me than with any of his other crime-lord grandchildren. Of course, he might be manipulating me, just as I tried to manipulate him. That was the most reasonable assumption, especially if we were actually related.
What Is Paranormal Privateers All About? – Synthia Smith, Part 2
Regardless, I felt fond of him. When I overthrew him and took over his crime empire, I thought I’d keep him alive. I enjoyed our talks via our secured video line. When he’d shared Sid Boffin’s failure with me, I clapped in delight as he praised me for staying in touch with him. I think that was genuine emotion and not an act. It was hard to tell sometimes.
A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. Then a dozen more. And then, hundreds.
This was not normal cockroach behavior. They did not come into the light in hordes. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They climbed the door, walked its steel perimeter, and went back down the drain as others came up.
Curious, I nabbed one using my lightning reflexes. Examining it, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. The acid ate a narrow trench in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.
Zombie Heroes vs Synthia Smith, Part 3
Modified and controlled cockroaches—like Sid Boffin’s cyborg-controlled animals. I’d read his Ph.D. paper as well as the Midley Beacon‘s declassified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Sid was dead at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.
Using my perfect memory of the twists and turns when they’d led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace the route.
The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. They etched the door perhaps a centimeter deep. Couldn’t be much left.
I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.
“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.
“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.
I stepped away.
CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.
I didn’t expect what I saw. A male silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.
This series was too easy to binge, I could not stop listening to the audible audiobooks once I started! This author is brilliant, the narrator(s) in all of the Life After Life chronicles books are wonderful, and the storyline was hilarious. At times I shook my head in disbelief and just cracked up at the ridiculousness surrounding this zombie story. My son is 12 and he listened with me at times and enjoyed the humor and different zombie stories as well!
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
First, Secret Supers is free on July 7th and 8th. Grab it here: CLICKITY CLICK!
Next, you can get an autographed book directly from me. Click here now!I give you FREE SHIPPING!
But that’s not all. Your third surprise follows.
Your Third Secret Supers Fourth of July Surprise – A New Excerpt
Enjoy this excerpt where Jeremy and his friends go to rescue their friend’s family from a burning house.
Chapter 9 Car Wash Icon
The Secret Supers arrived at the gas station. The parking lot was set up for a car wash with buckets of soap and a power washer. The day was sunny, but cool, good football weather, not for car washing. Amazingly, Darla and her friends wore their cheerleading uniforms, with short skirts and bare arms and legs. “Wow, Darla, aren’t you guys cold?” asked Aubrey. “A little. Once we get cheering we’ll warm right up. That’ll help attract customers.” Kayla pushed her tablet at Aubrey. I have to keep hiding my powers. Aubrey read aloud, “The nylons help keep cheerleaders warm.” “That’s right. Kayla was a cheerleader before her illness,” Darla said. She looked at Kayla and said, “I’m glad to see you’re walking better.” “Thank you,” came from Kayla’s tablet. She doesn’t know Jeremy’s helping me.When he goes to sleep, I get wobbly again. But that is the first time she’s talked to me since I got meningitis. Maybe she is changing. Kayla thoughtcast.
Fourth of July Surprise, A New Excerpt, Part 2
Kayla Verdera of the Secret Supers
“How are you going to wash the car in your cheerleading uniforms? Won’t that wreck them?” “Oh no, we won’t wash the cars. We’re just advertising. The other volunteers will do that.” “I don’t see anyone else here, but us.” “My brother Rich is coming with some of his football buddies. Oh, here’s our first customer.” The girls cheered and did some routines while the Secret Supers washed the car. Jeremy used an electric scrubber from his wheelchair. Kayla used the power washer, while Dan and Aubrey soaped up the car. Rich and his friends arrived. “Great!” yelled Darla. “Now we can do two cars at once. Let’s get a production line going. Here come some more cars. Keep cheering girls.” “This isn’t so bad,” Dan said. “Nah. Just putting on soapy water isn’t a problem. I’m glad I can walk now,” said Aubrey.
A New Excerpt, Part 3
Aubrey Wilcosky
Rich called to them, “I’m surprised you guys came.” “It seems the least we can do. You guys were nice enough to come to our magic show,” said Aubrey. “That was really good. I think I got the card trick figured out, but not the levitation stuff.” “Keep thinking. It’s a good practice.” “Oh no,” Dan yelled. “What’s the matter, Dan?” Jeremy asked. “My parents’ house is on fire!” “Did you get a text or something?” asked Darla. “Uh, yeah.” “Sorry to leave you in the lurch, Darla, but we’ve got to go and help,” said Aubrey. “What can you do?” “More than you think.” “I’ve already called my car,” said Jeremy. “Your car? You’re not old enough to drive,” said Darla.
Excerpt Part 4
Dan Elanga
“I made a flying car. I can summon it here. See, there it is.” Darla’s, the cheerleaders’, Rich’s, and the football players’ mouths dropped open as Jeremy’s car came flying down the street, as fast as any other car. Jeremy and Dan had modified it so it had a rumble seat in the back for Kayla and two running boards with grips and safety lines like a fire truck, for Dan and Aubrey to stand. “That is SO COOL,” screamed Darla. The Secret Supers climbed into the car. Jeremy transferred carefully from his wheelchair to the driver’s seat, not using his telekinesis. “We’ll come back if we can. Watch my electric wheelchair,” said Jeremy as they zoomed off. “Wow, Jeremy! You’re really going fast,” said Aubrey over the rushing wind “I told you I was getting stronger. I think we’ll have to modify this again for full seats for you and Dan.” “Hurry,” said Dan. “They’re trapped in the basement!”
Excerpt, Part 5
Jeremy Gentle
“Okay, let me open her up.” The car sped up, and they began passing other cars on the road. “Fifty-five, sixty miles an hour! That seems to be my limit, now. Hey, did someone call the fire department?” “I did before we started,” said Dan. “Oh hurry! The smoke is getting thick! They’re lying on the basement floor with wet clothes over their faces!” A line of cars at a red light blocked them. “Hold on! Kayla shields up!” Shields up, Captain Jeremy! The car faded into invisibility. “No one saw that,” said Dan, holding on for dear life as they soared over the cars and traffic lights. “Please hurry! My little sister is coughing on the smoke.” “I guess we can dispense with the roads. My GPS says if we take a twenty-degree turn—” “Look out for the high-tension wires,” screamed Aubrey. Six high-voltage wires blocked their path, less than twenty feet away. “Hold on,” yelled Jeremy. The car dropped like an elevator with its cable cut. The Secret Supers ducked, and the wires passed where their heads had been a moment before. They could feel the hairs on their heads lift up from the intense voltage a foot away. “Look out, a tree,” shouted Aubrey. The car swerved around and over an oak tree blocking their path. The Elanga’s house blazed ahead, a pillar of fire and smoke rooted in the disintegrating house. Swooping down, Jeremy brought the car to a skidding halt in front of the house. A wave of heat burned their faces. Acrid smoke assailed their noses. In the distance, fire engine sirens blared. Oh no! Dan, are we too late? “No, they’re still alive in the basement.
Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2023
Verified Purchase
It is a captivating tale that defies conventional superhero narratives. The author, with keen insight, weaves a story around four friends who turn their disabilities into extraordinary strengths. The seamless integration of disability and superpowers challenges societal norms, making the story not just entertaining but also thought-provoking. The author skillfully balances action, emotion, and humor, creating a narrative that engages readers of all ages. The message of resilience, unity, and embracing differences resonates throughout the book. This book is a delightful read that not only entertains but also prompts reflection on the true meaning of strength and heroism.
Your Final Fourth of July Surprise
First, you can get free audiobooks by clicking here. CLICK HERE. This includes Secret Supers in Space.
My Secret Supers are on summer vacation from 7th grade at a coaster park? Why would international criminals target innocent, 7th-grade superheroes? I’ll tell you why, revealing their motives by excerpts from my book.
If you’re not familiar with my Secret Supers team, I tell you all about them here: Meet My Disabled Superheroes. For each heroic teen (or pre-teen), I’ll give you a description from my book.
A popup window appeared on my computer screen. “Loretta, do you wish to accept a video call from John Smith?” I read. I quickly clicked Accept.
As soon as a black-and-gray-haired man appeared on my computer screen, I said, “Oh, Papa Smith, I want to give up.”
“Why would you do that, Loretta? You’re one of the most successful children in our family business.”
“Bah! Four crummy kids beat me.”
“Well, yeah, but you didn’t know they were there in Maryville and they would come after your agent.”
“Sure, I knew they were there. They were all over the national news this past year.”
“But everyone just thinks they’re regular disabled kids. Heck, Andy Zach published their story as fiction. No one knew they had superpowers until we caught them on video defeating your agent.”
Meet My Villains – Loretta – Part 2
“The telekinesis kid, Jeremy, is really powerful, but the telepathic pair, Kayla and Dan, can’t be stopped or intercepted. That’s before you add a real super girl, Aubrey. Their disabilities gave them the perfect disguises.”
“That’s an idea. What if we publish that video and tell everyone they have superpowers? The fame would disrupt their lives and maybe distract them so we can take over Maryville.”
“Hmmm. Maybe. But that would also point back to us as the source of the video. And people might think it’s just a deep fake.”
He sighed. “You’re right. The government might also enlist them in the NSA or some other secret agency. We don’t want any attention from them. Tell you what. Take a vacation. You haven’t had a break for a long time. Maybe if you do something completely different, you’ll come up with a solution to the Secret Supers.”
“There’s a good idea, Papa. My last one was in Paris? Three years ago?”
“Yes. That was after you successfully rigged that state election and got our candidate elected.”
“What would be a complete change for me? Something outside a city, something fun—I know!”
“What?”
“I’ll go to Coaster World!”
“That’s right. You always loved coasters as a kid.”
“Hi, Loretta. Are you all refreshed from your Paris vacation?”
“Hi, Papa Smith. Yes. I had a lot of fun waterskiing on the Riviera. I also cheated the casino in Monaco out of a million bucks.”
“Of course.
“But now I’m refreshed and bored. I haven’t had a job since I left for Coaster World.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve got a challenging assignment for you—the Secret Supers.”
Meet My Villains – Papa Smith, Part 2
“Ugh! I sure want to get back at them. But they’re backed up by the NSA. I’m not eager to tackle them and the US government.”
Papa stroked his hair. “The best cure for falling off a horse is to get back on. How about if I get a partner for you?”
“They’d better be awfully competent. I can’t really work with anyone who’s incompetent, or average, or merely a genius.”
“How about if you and I work together?”
I gasped. Papa Smith had raised me. He’d been very vague about what happened to my parents, so he was the only parent I’d known. I’d dreamt of working with him in the family crime business, but I hadn’t seen much of him once I went to college and began teaching, over fifty years ago. He was the one person I was pretty sure was smarter than me. Or at least he knew more.
“Villain’s Vacation” by Andy Zach, narrated by Michael Stafford, whisks you on a thrilling ride as four disabled seventh graders with superpowers take on Coaster World. The writing is as electrifying as their powers, keeping you glued to each twist and turn. Stafford’s narration brings each character to life, adding an extra layer of excitement to this action-packed adventure.
In this sequel to Secret Supers, Jeremy has been experimenting on his hamster. As a result, Dancer has learned how to read, and is reading everything he can to learn about the human world. When Jeremy discovers this, he gets Dancer one of his old cell phones so Dancer can text the group.
As for the superhero business, the group needs some downtime and goes on vacation to Coaster World. What they don’t realize is that the villain they defeated also loves roller coasters and wants revenge against the Secret Supers.
Will the Secret Supers be able to defeat the villain and enjoy their vacation, or are their crime-fighting days numbered?
This was a fun sequel to Secret Supers. Not only did we have Andy Zach as a character in the book, as though the events were true and actually happened, but I loved the inclusion of a Super-Hamster helping out Jeremy and his friends. In this battle against the villain, the Secret Supers struggle, as the villain seems to have figured out how to neutralize their powers, and they not only have to call in support but also reveal themselves to some non-Supers.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
