Posted on

Welcome 2023! Reviews, Free, and Discounted Books

Zombie Turkeys Laughter 2021 Reviews

Welcome 2023! I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve got the latest reviews, free, and discounted books for you! Let’s start with the reviews!

Welcome 2023 Reviews

Imagine my surprise when I found this waiting for me on New Year’s day.

3.0 out of 5 stars 

Good read


Get Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter
Zombie Turkeys front cover. Click to get a copy!

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 1, 2023

I enjoyed it, it was funny. I love the way the Narrator reads it and does the sounds. Keep up the great work.

Tonya

5.0 out of 5 stars 

Absolutely hilarious!

Welcome 2023
Literary Gifts
Zombie Turkeys Chapter 1 icon

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on November 17, 2022

I’ve never laughed so much listening to a zombie story before…but then again I’ve never listened to a book about zombie turkeys before either. Hilariously written and actually has some great characters too. Many cameos as well. Definitely an awesome time listening to this one. Hoping for a sequel!


kixfan

Get your copy for .99 by clicking here. That’s my discounted copy.

Get your autographed copy here, free shipping, straight from my home. Click here to get your discounted paperback.

Get a free ebook by reviewing it. Click here before it’s too late.

Or get a free audiobook by clicking here. Offer holds while supplies last.

Do you have questions or comments? Send me a note here. I’ll respond and send you a free book!

Welcome 2023 – More Discounts for You

Wouldn’t it be nice to have all my discounts in one place? You’re right! Here is that place!

You’ve got Zombie Turkeys above. Or you can click here to get yours for .99.

But I’ve got more for you. I have a whole second series, beginning with Secret Supers also for .99.

5.0 out of 5 stars 

Never disabled

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on March 24, 2022

An uplifting tale of how four students find that within disability is ability. Looking past who others think they are was the way the four came together to make a difference not only in their own lives but the lives of those around them. The main theme of this tale is practice, practice, practice.


Eric Rose

What about a review copy? You can get a free review copy by clicking here.

Get your discounted signed copy by clicking here. Free shipping from the author.

Then there’s my most recent book in the series, now discounted to .99 until January 8th.

Welcome 2023

5.0 out of 5 stars 

Cute

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on December 9, 2022

I love this story, a great continuation of the first book. The Super Secrets have one heck of an adventure, and I was happy to be along for the ride.

darlene loop

You can get your free review copy by clicking here.

Get your discounted signed copy by clicking here. Free shipping from the author.

What Else Do I have for You Today?

How about more free audiobooks for you? Get yours by clicking here! Which ones? Most of them!

Zombie Detective


Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

Then we have:

My Undead Mother-in-law


July Joy My Undead Mother-in-law
Click to listen to My Undead Mother-in-law

Welcome 2023
More Good Things
Welcome 2023
Andy Zach Newsletter
Oops! audiobook cover Click to listen now.

Next is Paranormal Privateers Click to listen

After that, you’ve got Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse

And last and not least, Villain’s Vacation

Welcome 2023
2021 Reviews
Villain’s Vacation Audio book. Click to listen.

Posted on 1 Comment

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Micro-hippo

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this unique excerpt from my recent book, Zombie Detective. This is perhaps Sam Melvin’s oddest case as a zombie detective.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here.

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift: From Zombie Detective

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift
New Science Books
Andy Zach’s new scifi detective mystery.

 They sat in a nearby conference room. “How much do you know about Vegan Inc., Sam?”

“They’re a big ag firm that competes with Corn-All. They provide garden seeds for farmers and home gardeners. They sell a line of vegetables. That’s about it.”

“Right. I was recently tasked with a secret project to diversify into pig breeding.”

“OK. That’s a big leap.”

“Yes. It was high risk, high reward, so they threw it to me. I’m fresh from college and too dumb to know something is impossible.”

“So where do I come in?”

“Let me finish with the background. We wanted a fast-growing, healthy strain of pigs. I thought, Wouldn’t it be great if they grew as fast as zombie turkeys?

“Uh-oh.”

“Right. I created a pig modified with zombie turkey and hippo and mouse DNA.”

“What?” Sam’s stomach clenched.

“I won’t go into all my failures with other combinations. This one worked. I get pigs that grow from piglets to full grown in four weeks.”

“But what’s the catch?”

“They look like hippos. And they grow only to about one pound.”

“Sounds more like a failure than a success.”

“They do taste like pork. And they reproduce fast enough to make up for their lack of size. But―” Bryce stopped and sighed.

“Tell me the worst.”

“They escaped my lab. They’re infesting the whole building. People keep finding them in the toilets. It’s very upsetting.”

“Are they zombies?”

The Threat

Your Twenty-second literary gift
Micro-hippo
Micro-hippo

“No, I couldn’t get that to work with pigs, hippos, or mice.”

“Whew. That’s a load off my mind. Sounds like you need pest control.”

“Right. I couldn’t find any who would tackle it, so I called you.”

Sam rubbed his head. “I don’t know, Bryce.”

“You’re my last hope. If you don’t catch them all, I’m fired.”

“OK, I’ll give it a try. Just tell me one thing. Why is Vegan experimenting with pigs? Isn’t that against their image of a pure vegan, non-GMO food source?”

“Well, yes. That’s why the project was top secret. If I can get it to work, it’ll be a spin-off company, Perfect Pork.”

“All right. Let me take a look at the hippo-pigs, or whatever you call them.”

“Right now I’m calling them micro-hippos, but I’m sure the marketers will think of something more appealing.” Bryce stood. “Let’s go to the restroom.”

“You have to go?”

“No, that’s the quickest way to find them.”

They walked in. “Check every stall and toilet.”

Sam looked in the first toilet. A cute hippo looked at him and then disappeared down the drain with a swirl.

“I found one!”

“Good. Now let’s go to the cafeteria. That’s where they feed.”

“Yuck.”

“Right. That’s one more reason why we need you.”

Non-Standard Salad

Your Twenty-second Literary Gift
Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Lunch hadn’t started, so there were just a few people scattered across the large cafeteria.

“First, we’ll go to the salad bar. Ah. They’ve been here. Don’t step in the hippo droppings.”

“How do they get up to the salad bar?”

“They climb as well as mice. Their feet are the least hippo-like. They’re more like rats or mice.” Bryce stirred the salad greens, then the fruit salad. Out popped two eyes peering above the strawberries, pineapple, and melon.


Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift Concludes

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift
Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like Zombie Detective you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here right now to find out how.

Posted on 5 Comments

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift of My 25 Gifts to You

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift of My 25 Gifts to you. Hi! I’m author Andy Zach and today’s your lucky day!

It’s not just lucky for you, but also for Sam Melvin, who barely survives his adventures in Zombie Detective. Your free excerpt is below.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here.

Your Thirteenth Gift: Zombie Detective – Sam’s First Case

Thirteenth Literary Gift
Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

An elderly but spry man entered.

“Mr. Haagen?”

“That’s my name—don’t wear it out. Or you can call me Steve. You are . . .”

“Sam Melvin, private investigator. I heard you had some zombie animal here.”        

“Or something. You saw my cows as you came in?”

“Sure.”

“Every night for the past week something has been breaking through my fence, and my cows have been escaping.”

“Wow. Could it simply be your cows getting out?”

“Nope. The fence is broken from outside.”

“Um, try a bigger fence?”

“It’s electrified. I amped up the voltage. Nothing. I put steel fencing behind the wire. Down it came. I even tried cinderblocks behind the steel fencing. Everything was smashed.”

“I guess I’ll have to watch it overnight.”

“Yeah, I thought of that, and then I thought of you, the famous zombie turkey reporter. I didn’t want to try this without your expertise.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“So you’re working as a detective now? A zombie detective?”

“I guess so.”

“Well, detect.”

Sam Melvin Detects

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Sam went to the broken fence with Steve. A hundred yards of electric fence wire lay on the ground, pointing toward the barn. The steel fencing was bowed and flattened. The cinderblocks were scattered about like cereal pieces from a toddler’s high chair.

“Whoa, there was some real force used here.”

“I’m glad it’s you who’s investigating.”

“Uh, yeah. What are these tracks all over the ground?”

“My cows. When the fence goes down, they go out. They come back in the same way.”

“They return?”

“Sure. They know where the food is.”

“What’s on the other side of the fence? Who’s property is it?

“It’s my neighbor’s wood lot. We’ve gone through it together, but we haven’t found anything.”

“I hope you were armed.”

“Yup. We read about the zombie turkeys. We had shotguns and flamethrowers. Zombie Burners brand from Amazon.”

“That’ll do it. I’m not sure the shotguns would help. They only slow them down while they regenerate.”

“Heh. I’ve been reading up on zombie turkeys. They’re loaded with rock salt.”

“That’s a new one. I know salt water works on zombie turkeys to kill the bacteria, but I never thought of rock salt.”

“You put a load of rock salt into a zombie turkey and what do you get when it dissolves? Salt water.”

“That might work.”

“We’ll find out tonight.”

That evening, Sam enjoyed a hearty barbecue steak dinner with Steve and his wife, Abby, around their dinner table. They filled in the cracks with corn on the cob and homemade French fries.

“That was a great meal, Steve, Abby. Thanks.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Sam. Seems we always have plenty of beef around here,” Abby said.

“Sun’s down, Sam. Let’s go on our ‘steakout.’”

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift – The ‘Steak-out’

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift
My Undead Mother-in-law Audiobook
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 2 icon

“Ha! Did you get the fence back up?”

“Yup. The boys are getting pretty fast at repairing that baby. I even had them mix up a bag of concrete and pour it over the cinderblocks.”

“Would it set that fast?”

“So happens we were laying a new driveway and I got this concrete admixture that hardens it faster. Plus, I had some rebar lying around, and I put that in too.”

“Let’s see if that slows down this thing, whatever it is.”

“You don’t think it was those zombie turkeys?”

“No, there’d be turkey feathers everywhere, and they’d attack your cows.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“I’m afraid some other animal has gone zombie.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Yes. I hope you have your flamethrower.”

“Yep. I’ve got the big one I use to protect the house. I hooked an old well pump to a fifty-five-gallon barrel of napalm. I read about that in the Midley Beacon.”

“Yes, that was from one of the turkey farmers who survived.”

As they settled down in a duck blind to watch the fence from fifty yards away, Sam asked, “Steve, did you have any zombie turkeys out here?”

“Yeah, we got one flock come through before Thanksgiving, but the flamethrower did the trick. I’d say I owe you one, Sam.”

The Attack

They watched the fence in the light of the setting half-moon. Out of the woods galloped a huge shape. Its eyes glowed red. It accelerated and hit the fence head-down. Sparks flew as the electric fence wires snapped. The steel fence slammed into the reinforced cinderblocks. The blocks and the concrete cracked and bent but didn’t break. The steel rebar held.

“What is that?” Sam cried “It’s a zombie something.

“I think—” Steve was cut off as the thing slammed into the fence again and again, like a horizontal jackhammer. With each blow, chips of concrete and cinder blocks flew yards from the back of the fence, hitting the blind like shrapnel.

“I think it’s going to break through!” Sam said.

The rebar bowed more and more as the concrete and cinderblocks crumbled beneath the massive blows. Then like a spring, a whole section popped out of the gravel that once was solid. The creature followed with a snort and a bellow.

“It’s a bull!”

“A zombie bull!”

Simultaneously, they sprayed the huge bovine with their flamethrowers.

Crazed, dazzled, and maddened by the flames, the bull ran in circles and then fled back to the woods. They could trace its path by the burning underbrush in its wake.

“OK, it’s time to see if this salt buckshot works.” Sam checked the magazine of the shotgun Steve had given him. He found it full and trailed the bull’s fiery tracks, carrying the shotgun.

“It worked on the zombie turkeys, but I don’t know about this bull.”

“There’s only one way to find out. Try it. Maybe we’ll find it sleeping.”

Here Ends Your Thirteenth Literary Gift


Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

What do you think of your gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like Zombie Dectective, you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here to find out how.