Laugh At Four Free Audiobook Excerpts Performed by Phil Blechman and Raven Perez. These are my gifts for you for Advent Day 11.
Phil Blechman and Raven Perez are professional voice actors who performed Zombie Turkeys. Here is one of the many favorable reviews they’ve received on Audible:
Overall 5 out of 5 stars
Performance 5 out of 5 stars
Story 5 out of 5 stars
I reviewed a copy of the audio book from the author in exchange for my honest review, and here it is. First book read/ listen from Andy Zach, and I’m totally hook. can’t wait to hear/ RAF the remaining series. the story line is very entertaining, and the way they perform (yes perform not read) the book was perfect. Love the sound affects, they just made the story come to live. This story had it all, from killer zombies, love, mystery, and action. it’s a must read/ hear. I totally recommended.Writing Festival. They performed the Zombie Turkeys audioexcerpt.
Bill looked up as a man came in—average height, maybe five-nine, medium build, not fat, not skinny, roundish face, hazel eyes, and brown hair. He would be hard to remember. But Bill had known him all his life.
Sam Melvin, the reporter for Midley Beacon, dropped in for his daily chat. Sam and Bill had been friends since elementary school, and they had both stayed around Midley all their lives. Bill, a short, stocky guy with blondish hair, had gone off to school and become a coroner.
Zombie Detective cover
Sam had stayed in Midley after high school, doing odd jobs, until he got on with the Midley Beacon. As a reporter and blogger for a small-town weekly paper, Sam wasn’t especially busy, and he liked to socialize.
Here’s Sam’s view of Lisa Kambacher ten years after high school, when he was working for her as a reporter for the weekly newspaper, The Midley Beacon.
Karen Yardley
“Keep it down,” growled Lisa Kambacher, his boss and the editor of the Midley Beacon, and the only other employee at the small weekly newspaper. “I’m busy editing your crap.”
Sam swiveled his ancient, uncomfortable office chair from his laptop so he faced Lisa. He’d garbage-picked that chair from his neighbor in Midley when he was hired fifteen years ago. Her thin face, framed in brown hair, peered at the computer screen.
Lisa’s dark-brown eyes stared intently at what she was editing. Maybe it was the piece Sam had written about Mrs. Huntington and her award-winning afghans. He hadn’t enjoyed reporting that; he couldn’t imagine she’d like editing it.
After typing up his story and sending it to Lisa for editing, he stared at her.
Because of his good grades, Sam’s high school English teacher had suggested he volunteer for the school paper. He’d gone to the newspaper “office,” a walk-in closet, and had seen a tall, slender girl pounding away on an old IBM PC. She’d looked up sharply, scowled, and said, “What do you want? Do you have a story?”
“Uh, um, I’d like to work for the newspaper.”
“Hmmm. I could use a reporter. Let me test you out. There’s a track meet today after school. Go to it. Get all the winners and losers and their feelings.Our readers care about them.Write it up, and report back to me here by seven p.m.”
“You’ll still be here at that time?” Sam asked incredulously.
“Of course. I’m the editor and head reporter and writer. I’ve got twenty stories to write, and I’ve got to report on the tennis match after school today. I expect you to work just as hard, if you want to stay on.”
“Uh, OK.”
“What’s your name, anyway?”
“Sam Melvin.”
“Sam, I’m Lisa Kambacher. Do what I say, and we’ll get along fine. Cross me, and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life!”
P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.
Chapter 3 – Turkeys
Sam Melvin, dealing with Zombie Turkeys
“Me too. Now that’s over, let’s talk business. About Maryland.”
“What’s going on, Lisa?”
“After the zombie turkey apocalypse, they kept a flock of wild zombie turkeys for hunters. Maryland’s gotten great tourist trade from that. The recent bad weather on the East Coast has kept the hunters down, and the turkeys are out of control. They’re hunting people in the suburbs of Hagerstown.”
“What can I do about that? That’s a problem for the National Guard. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
“Yes, I know. The governor, Mary Landis, called me begging for your help. They can’t find the turkeys. I promised her that you’ve got a nose for zombie turkeys and you’ll find their hideouts in no time flat. They’re paying you two thousand per day for this, so don’t screw up. I’ve booked an evening flight to Hagerstown from the Peoria airport at six p.m. That gives you an hour to get there. Starting now.”
The captain put up a map on the wall-sized video screen. It was dotted with little black symbols and bigger red ones. Looking closely, Sam saw they were miniature turkeys.
“The small black symbols are where we’ve found turkeys. The large red ones are where we fought them. The battles are all on the west side of Hagerstown. And so are all the turkeys we’ve found in the woods.”
Sam walked to the screen and peered closely at the symbols. “Hmmm. Look at the turkey attacks, Captain. Do you see the pattern?”
“It’s kind of a semicircular tangent to Hagerstown. What does that mean?”
“See this attack near Cearfoss Pike? Then this one on Fairview Road? Look how they follow the Conococheague Creek. All these attacks in Fairview Acres—it’s surrounded by a big loop of the creek.”
“So they’re following the creek.”
“Yes. Even zombie turkeys need water. And I’m sure there are lots of trees and brush around it.”
“So much so we haven’t bothered investigating the banks.”
After killing hundreds of hibernating turkeys later, they got a comm: “All units proceed to MD-40. Major turkey attack underway in Cearfoss, Maryland.”
“Crap. That’s past their previous attack in Fairview Acres. They’re getting closer to Hagerstown,” Jeff said.
Sam gunned the engine, and they mushed uphill to the access road where the MRAP awaited them. Jimmy trotted behind them. Another MRAP picked up Amy.
Sam drove a quarter-mile into the woods, when the first zombie turkey flew into his face, spurs first. They scratched the tough Plexiglas on his helmet.
“Gobble! Gobble!”
Sam speared the bird on his twelve-inch knife and continued to plow toward the MRAP. Hundreds of turkeys descended from the trees. Sam ran over some, pounding them into the snow. Jeff shot them with his M4 carbine. Sam again gunned the engine as he hit level ground. The flock followed them, pecking at their backs, as they hunkered down on the eight-wheeled vehicle.
Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – Part 4
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters
Sam had often thought zombie turkey victims looked like they had been assaulted by hundreds of pickaxes. Now he felt their beaks cut through his parka, slowly bleeding him to death. The cold air congealed his blood quickly. Next to him, Jeff had fixed a bayonet on his M4 carbine and sliced wildly, beating off the turkeys.
He saw the MRAP ahead and sped toward it. The flamethrower shot liquid flame over his head. He felt the heat on his exposed bloody skin.
Weak and faint from blood loss, Sam parked next to the MRAP as the flames shot out overhead. Jeff jumped out and opened the rear of the vehicle. Sam fell off into the soft snow between the vehicles. His last sight before losing consciousness was a huge tom turkey stalking toward him.
“Gobble! Gobble!”
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Andy Zach
Three Free Zombie Detective Excerpts – More gifts below!
‘He felt great. He was full of energy, he had many hens to breed with, and he was the leader of a great flock.’
Sam Melvin is a reporter with the Midley Beacon, it’s a tiny local paper – with an online presence – run by its penny-pinching editor Lisa Kambacher. When Sam sees the two turkey hunters on the slab in the local mortuary, he knows he has a story to cover and he sets out to do so with great gusto. As the zombie turkeys multiply, Sam and Lisa are the leading media team on the ground and the Midley Beacon goes international, solving their financial woes and syndicating their work across the globe. But it’s not all good news. After all, there are those people-killing zombie turkeys heading into town…
This was a book I picked up with trepidation as it seemed all too possible it would be a ‘one trick pony’ stretching a single joke to beyond breaking point across the length of an entire novel. Wrong! It is like a bowl of potpourri on the sideboard of life – lots of subtle blending examples of humour – many of them very American so I suspect there were even more than I noticed, handicapped by my British perspective.
Eighth Anniversary Blog Post – My Undead Mother-in-law Review
Fun zombie read! I love paranormal and supernatural books so I was intrigued to read this series. I’ve listened to it on audible and the narrators are really fun and easy to listen to, I feel like they’re talking to actual people rather than reading a story. The storyline is funny and it has just gotten better with each book in the series.
This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am glad I picked it up! The series continues with lots of action, characters continue to be developed, humor, and the zombies are still not mindless shells ambling around awaiting an axe to the head. Still a refreshing take on zombies as a whole. I look forward to what Andy writes next! Audio Version: Phil Blechman
Based on the title and the cover, I originally thought the detective was going to be a zombie back in the 30s or 40s. That wasn’t the case, but it was still a hilarious amateur detective story and I loved the absurdity of it all.
It’s a short read (or listen, since I listened to the audiobook), but is packed with Sam in crazy situations with all sorts of zombies. His string of good luck is as unlikely as the conundrums he finds himself involved in, but somehow it works for him.
Phil Blechman was the perfect choice for Sam’s character. Lauren Testerman did a great job channeling Lisa, the poor woman who has to manage Sam and all his antics.
This is a great book to start with if you haven’t tried any Andy Zach book before. It contains stories from both his Life After Life zombie comedy series and his superhero story Super Secrets. It also shows you Zach’s sense of humor (plus there’s one little horror story that isn’t overly gruesome). This book is great for both kids and adults and works just fine on it’s own.
I loved the silly story of the flying zombie cucumbers. Ha! Very fanciful. And they have migratory routes, like butterflies! Very silly and had me chuckling. I also loved the story with the hamster (who does play a role in Secret Supers). Perhaps rodents will truly save the world some day.
The stories also help fill in some of the blanks of the zombie comedy series, including one about Diane (the beloved zombie mother-in-law). But what I really liked was the stuff about genetic engineering and the aliens. Book 3 of the Life After Life Chronicles had a lot of stuff tossed into the story and some of these short stories really help fill those parts out.
No time life for the Secret Supers! I’ll cover those in another post.
My other series is Secret Supers, Villain’s Vacation, and Secret Supers in Space. Those are all $8 on my website and $8.95 from Amazon. This series is about four seventh graders with four different disabilities and four different superpowers–who fight crime.
“But wait, Andy!” you say. “Amazon gives me free shipping!”
“So do I. Checkmate.”
I have two more books for you, I’ll tell you about at the end of this post.
Eighth Anniversary Blog – My First Non-Fiction Book
It’s hard to believe, but I wrote a non-fiction book. It took me forty years to write. But it was worth it.
I use a different author name for my non-fiction. No sense in getting people confused.
Are you curious about Jesus Christ? Do you struggle to understand the Bible? The Gospel Medley includes the four Gospels in a single narrative, faithfully pulling the text from the World English Bible. You are now able to read all the gospel as a single, easy-to-read story.
Each Gospel describes Jesus’s life from a different point of view with different details and insights. The Gospel Medley combines every word into a single perspective with all details and events arranged chronologically.
Unlike other harmonies, The Gospel Medley doesn’t put the four gospels in columns or rows. Instead, the text is integrated word by word into a smoothly flowing narrative. Further, each paragraph references the four gospels so you can read the original citations. You also get footnotes of all the quotes from the Old Testament, giving you the context of Jesus’s words.
