Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this unique excerpt from my recent book, Zombie Detective. This is perhaps Sam Melvin’s oddest case as a zombie detective.
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Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift: From Zombie Detective
They sat in a nearby conference room. “How much do you know about Vegan Inc., Sam?”
“They’re a big ag firm that competes with Corn-All. They provide garden seeds for farmers and home gardeners. They sell a line of vegetables. That’s about it.”
“Right. I was recently tasked with a secret project to diversify into pig breeding.”
“OK. That’s a big leap.”
“Yes. It was high risk, high reward, so they threw it to me. I’m fresh from college and too dumb to know something is impossible.”
“So where do I come in?”
“Let me finish with the background. We wanted a fast-growing, healthy strain of pigs. I thought, Wouldn’t it be great if they grew as fast as zombie turkeys?”
“Uh-oh.”
“Right. I created a pig modified with zombie turkey and hippo and mouse DNA.”
“What?” Sam’s stomach clenched.
“I won’t go into all my failures with other combinations. This one worked. I get pigs that grow from piglets to full grown in four weeks.”
“But what’s the catch?”
“They look like hippos. And they grow only to about one pound.”
“Sounds more like a failure than a success.”
“They do taste like pork. And they reproduce fast enough to make up for their lack of size. But―” Bryce stopped and sighed.
“Tell me the worst.”
“They escaped my lab. They’re infesting the whole building. People keep finding them in the toilets. It’s very upsetting.”
“Are they zombies?”
The Threat
“No, I couldn’t get that to work with pigs, hippos, or mice.”
“Whew. That’s a load off my mind. Sounds like you need pest control.”
“Right. I couldn’t find any who would tackle it, so I called you.”
Sam rubbed his head. “I don’t know, Bryce.”
“You’re my last hope. If you don’t catch them all, I’m fired.”
“OK, I’ll give it a try. Just tell me one thing. Why is Vegan experimenting with pigs? Isn’t that against their image of a pure vegan, non-GMO food source?”
“Well, yes. That’s why the project was top secret. If I can get it to work, it’ll be a spin-off company, Perfect Pork.”
“All right. Let me take a look at the hippo-pigs, or whatever you call them.”
“Right now I’m calling them micro-hippos, but I’m sure the marketers will think of something more appealing.” Bryce stood. “Let’s go to the restroom.”
“You have to go?”
“No, that’s the quickest way to find them.”
They walked in. “Check every stall and toilet.”
Sam looked in the first toilet. A cute hippo looked at him and then disappeared down the drain with a swirl.
“I found one!”
“Good. Now let’s go to the cafeteria. That’s where they feed.”
“Yuck.”
“Right. That’s one more reason why we need you.”
Non-Standard Salad
Lunch hadn’t started, so there were just a few people scattered across the large cafeteria.
“First, we’ll go to the salad bar. Ah. They’ve been here. Don’t step in the hippo droppings.”
“How do they get up to the salad bar?”
“They climb as well as mice. Their feet are the least hippo-like. They’re more like rats or mice.” Bryce stirred the salad greens, then the fruit salad. Out popped two eyes peering above the strawberries, pineapple, and melon.
Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift Concludes
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