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Imagine You’re a Privateer. What Is It Like?

Imagine You’re a Privateer. What’s It Like? That’s the premise of Paranormal Privateers. Through a series of events (In My Undead Mother-in-law) an ordinary, middle-aged couple becomes the leaders of a ship of privateers. Well, they’re ordinary, middle-aged zombies. My zombies regenerate, they don’t rot. They get stronger and faster, sort of like superheroes.

About Paranormal Privateers
You're A Privateer
Chapter 1 icon

But what are privateers? They’re hired by the government for military duties, usually by ship. We got close to hiring airship companies to patrol the coasts in World War II. We hired ships in the War of 1812. The President still has that power.

But let’s start at the beginning: Their first assignment is to get the ringleader of band of Somalia pirates.

By the way, I show you how to get this book at over 80% off, later on.

Imagine You’re a Privateer – The Opening

Chapter 1 – Somalia

You're a Privateer

I sighed with relief when the US flag came down and the surrender flag went up on the mast of the enormous luxury yacht. I didn’t mind firing rounds from my AK-47 over their heads, but I hated killing people. They’re only infidels, but they’re still people.


Inhaling the salted breeze I grinned back at Muhammed, who was cheering and laughing from his seat behind the M2 machine gun in the bow of our boat we used to patrol the coasts and fishing waters of Somalia.

The sun gleamed off his white teeth, set in his brown face. “Look! They’re stopping” he cried.


True enough. The bow wave ceased as I watched. A pod of dolphins ended their sporting on the wake and submerged. The gleaming white yacht was truly enormous. What were they doing in the fishing waters of Somalia? I couldn’t imagine the wealth onboard. Enough for our whole village to eat well for a year!

Imagine You’re A Privateer – Part 2


Our Supreme Leader, Omar Ogala, had organized the fishermen and former coast guard sailors to patrol our fishing waters. He ordered us to capture any fishing or cargo vessels we found. He told us the Americans and Europeans no longer cared about Somalia with the other crisis around the world and we could defend our fishermen from foreign competition—and dumpers. Many foreign nations, knowing Somalia’s weakness, would send cargo ships full of pollutants and dump them in our waters.


I never expected to see a luxury ship here. It was as big as a cruise liner, but it was apparently a private yacht. I’d seen one once before, when an Arab sheik visited Mogadishu. This one was three times the size! The owner would pay big to get it back. Maybe even a billion dollars? I couldn’t imagine that much money, and I was good with numbers. Let’s see: fourteen million people lived in Somalia. Divide a billion dollars among them would give each about $70. Unbelievable. A family of five could live comfortably for year on that!

Imagine You’re a Privateer – Part 3

Writing Paranormal Privateers
The Paranormal Privateers back cover. Click to get yours!


I came along as a navigator, fighter, and boarder, guiding our boat along the shore of Somalia and into the Arabian Gulf for several days, before leading us back. Besides Muhammed and me, there was Zahi, another fighter and boarder, and Ali, our captain.


“Diric,” Ali said to me, “You and Zahi board this ship and take the helm. You will follow us back to Hobyo. Muhammud and I will stay on the boat and keep the machine gun on them.”

“Yes sir,” I said.

Ali took the megaphone we carried for ship to ship communication. “Let us board! Let us board! Or we will gun your ship!” I didn’t understand English, of course, but I knew what he was saying. Ali was the only one who knew any English.

Imagine You’re A Privateer – Part 4


“Don’t shoot! Give us time! We have to get our ladder!” Surprisingly, the person spoke in Arabic. It was good Arabic too, but with a strange Saudi and European accent. More surprisingly, it was a woman, a blonde, from what I could see of the figure leaning over the railing far above us.

We kept our boat about fifty meters away from the ship and watched the crew scurry about the decks.

There were many; I counted five including the main deck and there were at least three more decks below the main one.

Finally, rope ladder unrolled from the main deck, perhaps ten meters above us. We came close to the ship. I saw the pod of dolphins flash under our boat. Then they leapt out of the water and into it.


Only they weren’t the dolphins I had seen earlier. Four people in black wetsuits landed with heavy thumps in our boat. They had no breathing equipment, not even snorkles. They took off their goggles and their eyes shone bright red in the sun.

Imagine You’re a Privateer – Part 5

Happy Mother's Day
You're a privateer
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.


“Zombies!” cried Ali. “Shoot them!”


Automaticly I sprayed the nearest with my AK-47. I heard the others fire too. Muhammed shot the biggest one with the machine gun. That could cut a man in two.


Dozens of red craters appeared in the black wet suit of the one I shot. But she—it was a white, brown-haired woman—didn’t go down. Her brows furrowed in anger and shouting in English, she ripped the gun from my hand and threw it into the ocean.

The other zombies did the same, except the big one. He grabbed the barrel of the machine gun in both hands and wrenched it from Muhammud. I could hear his flesh sizzle on the hot barrel. Then he bent the barrel into a right angle. Rubbing his hands together afterward, the burnt skin fell on the deck of our boat. Pink skin showed on his palms.

George Newby
George Newby, wide-body zombie.


He was enormous, bigger than two of us put together. He red eyes looked out of his calm, square face.

The bullets from the machine gun had sliced the wet suit open across his chest, and more pink skin showed in the gap. As I watched, brown hair grew from it.


We were all struck dumb with shock and terror. Then the woman I shot called up to the main deck. The one on deck yelled down in Arabic, “All of you, lie down on the deck, and you will live.” We quickly did.

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What is Paranormal Privateers All About?

What is Paranormal Privateers All About? It’s one of my favorite books. It’s my most complex and surprising. So what is it about and why do I like it? I give you a free sample below. It’s in a unique humorous zombie hero genre.

Happy Mother's Day
Paranormal Privateers All About
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.

But let’s start at the beginning: My Undead Mother-in-law, introduces the Newbys, a zombie family. The son, Don Newby, shows up in Zombie Turkeys. The family, led by the matriarchal undead mother-in-law Diane Newby, fights for zombie rights and any criminals that cross their paths. It helps that my zombies regenerate from injuries and get stronger each time.

This leads to Paranormal Privateers where the President has given them a letter of marquis to fight as privateers on behalf of the United States. They’re given assignments that are too dangerous or sensitive for the US to intervene directly. Like Somalian pirates.

There are a ton of villains in the book (at least five). I have a whole post about them here: Meet My Villains from Paranormal Privateers. Plus, my book’s is on sale. My book is .99 from December 17th until December 24th. Merry Christmas! Get your copy by clicking here.

What is Paranormal Privateers All About? – The Good Guys

George Newby
Zombies Versus Aliens i
George Newby, wide-body zombie.

A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.

“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright red eyes looked squarely into mine.

George and Diane are also on the back cover of Paranormal Privateers.

Buy it here!

“Sharon Windham – tall blonde bodyguard from England. “Her eyes shone bright red under a broad brow, with blonde eyelashes and a square chin. She could be a marble idol from a Greek temple. A zombie goddess”–from Paranormal Privateers

She was a former crime lord bodyguard who switched alliegiance to Diane Newby. Former Crossfit athlete, model, and competitive swimmer.. She deamt of becoming a UN translator. She speaks 11 languages: English, French, German, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Chinese, Korean, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, and Russian. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.

My original character description I created before I wrote Paranormal Privateers.

Meet Lulu Guitierrez

Zombies Versus Aliens

Darkly beautiful bodyguard from Acapulco Mexico. 5′ 4″ Former cliff diver and rock climber. Former crime lord bodyguard, now protecting Diane Newby. Former MMA fighter and bodybuilder. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.

This is my character description I created before I wrote Paranormal Privateers.


Excerpt from Paranormal Privateers – Synthia

I examined my cell methodically. A drainpipe, two inches in diameter. A toilet. A hard bed. A steel door with hinges on the outside. I’d probably need to escape from somewhere other than this cell. Once they established a routine with my interrogation, I’d look for escape routes.

I chuckled to myself. Synthia Smith was my true name, in the sense it matched my birth certificate and other current identification. Before Synthia Smith, I was Rachel Rathbone, and before that Quinella Quincy, and so on, through the alphabet. My earliest memory was a toddler named Betty Botter. I had to be cute and pick pockets. Who knew what my original name was? Changing identities was a standard procedure for me with each new assignment.

This had been my most challenging operation, and I’d almost pulled it off. Those damn zombies! Had I blown up Harrods, the demands for billions in exchange for each national landmark’s safety would have been credible.

They had no idea of the bigger picture—and they wouldn’t get it. My terrorist cover story was completely true, but neither the terrorists nor Scotland Yard knew they were merely a means to an end. It was the truth: total subjugation of the United Kingdom was a reasonable goal for one like me, a child of the world’s greatest criminal.

I knew more about Papa Smith, my ostensible grandfather, than any of my siblings. I think I actually touched his feelings as a loving granddaughter, and I think he shared more with me than with any of his other crime-lord grandchildren. Of course, he might be manipulating me, just as I tried to manipulate him. That was the most reasonable assumption, especially if we were actually related.

What Is Paranormal Privateers All About? – Synthia Smith, Part 2

Paranormal Privateers All About

Regardless, I felt fond of him. When I overthrew him and took over his crime empire, I thought I’d keep him alive. I enjoyed our talks via our secured video line. When he’d shared Sid Boffin’s failure with me, I clapped in delight as he praised me for staying in touch with him. I think that was genuine emotion and not an act. It was hard to tell sometimes.

A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. Then a dozen more. And then, hundreds.

This was not normal cockroach behavior. They did not come into the light in hordes. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They climbed the door, walked its steel perimeter, and went back down the drain as others came up.

Curious, I nabbed one using my lightning reflexes. Examining it, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. The acid ate a narrow trench in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.

Synthia Smith, Part 3

Meet My Villains from Paranormal Privateers
Paranormal Privateers All About

Modified and controlled cockroaches—like Sid Boffin’s cyborg-controlled animals. I’d read his Ph.D. paper as well as the Midley Beacon‘s declassified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Sid was dead at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.

Using my perfect memory of the twists and turns when they’d led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace the route.

The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. They etched the door perhaps a centimeter deep. Couldn’t be much left.

I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.

“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.

“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.

I stepped away.

CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.

I didn’t expect what I saw. A male silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.

“Follow me,” he said.


Readers Speak About Paranormal Privateers

Action, humor, refreshing zombies; Yes please!

Top 7 Science Stories
Paranormal Privateers cover

5.0 out of 5 stars 

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on July 1, 2022

This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am glad I picked it up! The series continues with lots of action, characters continue to be developed, humor, and the zombies are still not mindless shells ambling around awaiting an axe to the head. Still a refreshing take on zombies as a whole. I look forward to what Andy writes next! Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.

Nemesis

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SciFi Fuel Paranormal Privateers
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.

Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours. Don’t wait until they’re gone!

Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.

Got questions? Comments? Reach me directly by clicking here. I’ll get back to you as quickly as I can.

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New November Reviews For You – SciFi and Fantasy

New November Reviews

New November Reviews For You – SciFi and Fantasy – I just curated these for you. I’ll bet at least one of these books will appeal to you.

Here’s a review you’ll only find here, since the book is only on RoyalRoad.com, not Amazon or Goodreads.com. The good news is that the book is free!

Your August SciFi > In Enemy Hands

New November Reviews For You – Review #1

New November Reviews

My Review 4 of 5 stars

Andy Zach

Author 10 books

91 followers

November 21, 2023

Five-year-old Nadia has Hobson’s choice: become a slave to malevolent Elven Mage Morvilind and have him heal her dying brother; or have her brother die and become orphaned as the only remaining member of her family.

Nadia saves her brother’s life and begins arduous training as a thief for the mage. He sends her to get magical and historic artifacts for his collection. Her failure would mean her brother dies, as well as herself.

Then comes the greatest challenge of all–stealing a magical tablet from a billionaire. What’s worse, there’s another mysterious agent prowling around as well. And he has no shadow.

New November Reviews For You – Review #2

Get Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter
Zombie Turkeys front cover. Click to get a copy!

S. Policar 4 of 5 stars

Author 24 books

135 followers

November 20, 2023

On to the good stuff! If you’ve seen Poultrtgeist: Night of the Chicken Dead or Thankskilling and liked them, you’ll LOVE this. The sarcasm is there, the humor is dark and twisted, and our killer Tom Turkey wakes up every day feeling great and ready to see who he can kill in the state of Illinois with his massive flock of wild and domesticated zombie turkeys.

I loved this book. The end is a bit predictable given the fact that it’s a series, but it’s definitely the predictable you’d expect from something like this. I think this book would make a great low-budget movie like the two I mentioned earlier; and let’s be realistic, thanksgiving is a pretty much open holiday in the book and movie business.

I give this book 4 of 5 Paws and I look forward to reading the rest of this series.

New November Reviews For You – Review #3

Andy Zach

Author 10 books

91 followers

November 17, 2023

I enjoyed The Big Easy novella enough that I was disappointed when it ended. But on the other hand, it didn’t seem to have the same stakes and tension the other novels in the series had. So I rated it as an Average, three-star apocalyptic fantasy.

I consider RPG novels as fantasies since they involve magic.

My rating scale:
5 stars = best of the genre, still selling after 50 years.
4 stars = above average for the genre
3 stars = average for the genre
2 stars = below average for the genre
1 star = execrable, not worth reading.

Finally, Your Fourth Review #4

Secret Supers in Space: The further adventures of disabled teen superheroes

imageKathi Clements

Andy Zack is my favorite author!

November 11, 2023

I met Andy Zack at ChambanaCon several years ago. I walked by his sales table looking for something to read in the hotel room. The title “Zombie Turkeys” caught my eye so I bought a copy. I read it and found him to be so interesting that I sought him out again and we talked about the setting of that book. He knew all the places that I knew and described them accurately. I then bought all his new books as they came out, and I am now one of his biggest fans! I hope he keeps writing because I brag about him to my friends and family, and I want to add to my Life After Life and Secret Supers collections! I’ll buy everything he ever writes!

Do you have any questions? Any books you want me to read and review? Let me know by clicking here.

And Speaking of Zombies and Superheroes…

I have some books for you. Some .99, some free. (Click here for those!)

Zombie Turkeys – click to laugh!

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Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook
Your August SciFi
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

Then you have Zombie Detective

Where reporter Sam Melvin becomes an amateur detective specializing in zombies.

My Undead Mother-in-law

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Click to listen to My Undead Mother-in-law

Next we have:

My Undead Mother-in-law

What happens when your mother-in-law becomes and unkillable zombie?

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Your August SciFi

Up next is Paranormal Privateers Click to listen

The zombies are sent around the world by Presidential decree to fight US enemies.

After that, you’ve got Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse

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Oops! audiobook cover Click to listen now.

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Your August SciFi
Click to listen to free sample of Secret Supers.

Following my Life After Life Chronicles, we go to my disabled teen superhero series, we have two audiobooks.

Secret Supers is available in Audible for free if you subscribe or if you’re from the United Kingdom.

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Villain’s Vacation Audio book. Click to listen.

The next book in the series is Villain’s Vacation, the second of my three Secret Supers books.

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Your August SciFi

Finally, my third book, Secret Supers in Space, just came out this year!

Click here to get an autographed copy now.

Click here to get an ebook or paperback from Amazon.

For all free audiobooks, click here to get them from me.