Tag: Paranormal Privateers

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Get Your Free Short Story – about my Newsletter!

Meet Andy Zach

Get a Free Short Story – about my Newsletter! You’ll be reading it for the first time. But it’s not fictional–it’s a real life adventure of how I started and built my newsletter.

Just in case, you can join my newsletter here and get free audiobooks. Click now!

Get Your Free Short Story about My Newsletter Starts Now!

Get Your Zombie Turkeys Laughter Get Your Free Short Story
Zombie Turkeys front cover. Click to get a copy!

How I started my newsletter

Timeline: October 31st, 2016

My first event, the Zombie Turkeys book launch in the Peoria North Library.

I captured people’s email addresses there, at these events. At every event, I had a yellow notebook pad with a signup list for people’s names and emails.

  • Nov 4, 2016 First Friday
  • Nov 5, 2016 Author Fair at Peoria Main Library
  • Nov 25-27th, 2016 Chambanacon

I sent emails to about 48 subscribers using my Yahoo email account.

I continued to gather emails and send them out monthly or bi-monthly since then.

Get Your Free Short Story Continues in 2017-2020

SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law Get Your Free Short Story
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.

I subscribed to Booksweeps to start building my mail lists in 2017. Booklists offers your books on various mailing lists. When people click on your book, you get a new subscriber.

I now had two books to offer! My Undead Mother-in-law launched in August 2017. Click to get it!

That, plus more book conventions grew my mailing list to 1000 subscribers by 2018. It became too unwieldy for Yahoo and I got a free Mailchimp membership, good to 2000 subscribers.

SciFi Fuel Paranormal Privateers
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.
Secret Supers audiobook cover
Secret Supers audiobook

Paranormal Privateers launched in 2018. You can get your copy here.

Secret Supers launched in 2019. Grab yours by clicking now.

COVID-19 hit in 2020 and I only had two events.

My newsletter list was kind of stuck at 1,500. What was I to do?

Oops! My SciFi latest science news What's New Science
Oops cover final medium

I kept writing and published Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse in 2020.

Villain's Vacation cover What is it like? Get Your Free Short Story
Villain’s Vacation cover

My second disabled superhero book also published in 2020, Villain’s Vacation.

But what about my newsletter? What should I do?

Get Your Free Short Story – My Newsletter in 2021

To continue to promote my books and my list, I tried the following in 2021, based upon advice from Travis Bach, author and husband of Rachel Aaron, an author we like. He suggested we try these promotions:

  • Bookbub
  • FreeDiscountedBooks
  • Awesome Gang
  • Books Butterfly
  • FKBT
  • Booksends
  • Book Butterfly
  • E-Reader News Today (Regular)
  • Bknights (through Fiverr)
  • Alignable newspaper ad
Get Your Free Short Story

I didn’t find these brought in sales equal to the expenses.

Here is the growth in the newsletter to this point:

Get Your Free Short Story

I also published Zombie Detective, a book set between Zombie Turkeys and My Undead Mother-in-law.

Gospel Medley Writer's Block: My Experience Get Your Free Short Story
The Gospel Medley cover. Click to get

Then in 2022 I published my first non-fiction book, The Gospel Medley under a different name, for a different genre. Here’s the blurb:

Are you curious about Jesus Christ? Do you struggle to understand the Bible? The Gospel Medley includes the four Gospels in a single narrative, faithfully pulling the text from the World English Bible. You are now able to read all the gospel as a single, easy-to-read story.

Each Gospel describes Jesus’s life from a different point of view with different details and insights. The Gospel Medley combines every word into a single perspective with all details and events arranged chronologically.

Unlike other harmonies, The Gospel Medley doesn’t put the four gospels in columns or rows. Instead, the text is integrated word by word into a smoothly flowing narrative. Further, each paragraph references the four gospels so you can read the original citations. You also get footnotes of all the quotes from the Old Testament, giving you the context of Jesus’s words.

For a unique perspective of the four gospels, read ‘The Gospel Medley’ today.

The Gospel Medley

Get Your Short Story about My Newsletter from 2023

I then segmented my list by responsiveness (one to 5 stars) and got these results to date:

Get Your Free Short Story

Around this time, 2023, I began using StoryOrigin ($100/year) to promote my newsletter. It slowly grew my newsletter and response rate.

Secret Supers in Space

I published my 9th book in 2023, Secret Supers in Space.

Mailchimp increased its price from free to $30 per month to $45 now. I’m willing to switch if I can find something that saves me money.

I pruned my list of 400+ inactive subscribers in 2024.

Disabled Superheroes

Then I published my most recent non-fiction book, The Revelation Devotional.

The Book of Revelation is mysterious to many, but if you use this daily devotional, you can understand it like never before.

Each day you’ll have one small verse to read and reflect upon. You will see connections and meanings you’ve never seen before.

Author Jeffry Smith asks provocative questions to help you think about each portion of scripture. He also supplies useful cross-references which give further insight to the scripture.

Begin your journey of inspiration now, with the Revelation Devotional.

Tell Me What you Think of my Newsletter Short Story!

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

You can get an autographed copy of Oops! directly from me by clicking here. Free shipping and I pay the sales tax.

Or you can get it on Amazon for .99 (from 5/19 to 5/26) or 12.95. ($2.99 if you get it another time.)

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here. You also get all my audiobooks for free!

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here to find out how.

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Zombies and Aliens–Oh My! Get Paranormal Privateers Now

Starting Paranormal Privateers

Zombies and Aliens–Oh My! Get Paranormal Privateers and you’ll get surprises and laughs. Grab it now at 80% off. My Undead Mother-in-law and her zombie family are hired by the US government as privateers. Their mission: go to places too dangerous or sensitive for direct US intervention.

Happy Mother's Day Zombies Versus Aliens
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.

After missions to Somalia, Sevastopol, London, and North Korea, they meet a new challenge: aliens! A flying saucer lands on the White House lawn seeking to make a deal with the US–and all the other nations in the world.

Middle-aged, overweight, and undead, Diane Newby leads the paranormal privateers against criminals and corruption. Sailing to trouble spots too sensitive for the US government, with zombie strength and regeneration they beat bullies into submission. Aided by zombie turkeys, corgis, and bulls, vicious criminal geniuses fall before them. If Diane gets overwhelmed by foes, her lovely zombie bodyguards and romantic zombie husband come to the rescue.

Zombies charge first, ask questions later.

SciFi Fuel Paranormal Privateers Zombies Versus Aliens i
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.

Out of the blue, new foes appear. Or are they friends? Or both? The frenemies neutralize zombies and orchestrate world peace. They disrupt the economy and produce fabulous wealth. Even the greatest criminals and governments can’t stop them from dominating the world.

Can humanity afford the price of peace? All must surrender freedom to a not-so-benign dictatorship. Diane and the paranormal privateers must do the unthinkable to save humanity. But is it enough?

In an explosive and unconventional ending to Andy Zach’s Life After Life Chronicles, you will learn what happens when the paranormal privateers meet the world’s greatest fear. And you will laugh all the way.

Click to get it! On sale for .99 from May 5th to 12th

Zombies and Aliens – Meet The Crew You’ll Never Forget

The following description of George Newby was written by her son-in-law, Ron Yardley.

George Newby
George Newby, wide-body zombie.

A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.

“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright-red eyes looked squarely into mine.

George and Diane are also on the back cover of Paranormal Privateers.

Buy it here for .99!

Zombies Versus Aliens
Sharon Wyndham in her pre-zombie, Crossfit days

“Sharon Windham – tall blonde bodyguard from England. “Her eyes shone bright red under a broad brow, with blonde eyelashes and a square chin. She could be a marble idol from a Greek temple. A zombie goddess”–from Paranormal Privateers

She was a former crime lord bodyguard who switched alliegiance to Diane Newby. Former Crossfit athlete, model, and competitive swimmer.. She deamt of becoming a UN translator. She speaks 11 languages: English, French, German, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Chinese, Korean, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, and Russian. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.

From my character description I created before I wrote Paranormal Privateers.

Meet Lulu Guitierrez

Zombies Versus Aliens

Darkly beautiful bodyguard from Aculpulco Mexico. 5′ 4″ Former cliff diver and rock climber. Former crime lord bodyguard, now protecting Diane Newby. Former MMA fighter and bodybuilder. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.

From my character description I created before I wrote Paranormal Privateers.

Sam and Lisa Melvin – My Original Characters from the Beginning

Zombie Detective cover
Click to get Zombie Detective

Lisa Melvin, also known as Lisa Kambacher, the creator and driving force behind the Midley Beacon, the world’s foremost zombie newspaper. She’s introduced in Zombie Turkeys and is in every book of the Life After Life Chronicles.

Sam Melvin, the ace reporter of the Midley Beacon may win the title for the most average person in the world. He too is in every book of the series.

Zombies and Aliens – Now Learn What My Readers Think

Quizzes, Questions Zombies Versus Aliens
Try out my audiobook.

5.0 out of 5 stars 

Action, humor, refreshing zombies; Yes please!

Reviewed in the United States on July 1, 2022

This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am glad I picked it up! The series continues with lots of action, characters continue to be developed, humor, and the zombies are still not mindless shells ambling around awaiting an axe to the head.

Still a refreshing take on zombies as a whole. I look forward to what Andy writes next!

Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.

Great Book! Fun Twist to Zombie Story!

Nemesis
Zombies Versus Aliens i
Chapter 3 icon
  • Overall    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story    5 out of 5 stars
  • 05-16-20

Listener received this title free

I love Andy Zach’s Audiobooks.

Again I can’t say anything but how much I have enjoyed the three books in this Series. The performance by Phil Blechman was great. I especially loved the voice of the Alien, and the Villains. Y’all just have to check out this Series, you won’t be disappointed. Thanks again Mr Andy Zach.

Walt

A virus did that?

Kindle Customer

5.0 out of 5 stars 

Reviewed in the United States on February 9, 2020

Whew! Lots of stories within stories with a wink of incredulity as we read along the pages. Tongue-in-cheek adventures, modern day villains’, and zombies; wait, are they still zombies or not? Yep, we have that zombie virus run amok with various creations to transform them back and forth. How much of a zombie body do you need to regenerate?

Gung-ho leader of the group Diane Newby, husband George, are charging on fighting crime with the discreet eye of the government as their silent partners. Somali pirates, Harrod’s London Store with real bulls in the china shop, parasitic cyborgs, virus-antivirus, bacteria, and other minute details tangle the story line into a braided rug of conspiracies and innovative solutions.

Zombies and Aliens – Click Below to Get Your Copy!

Starting Paranormal Privateers Zombies Versus Aliens i
The Paranormal Privateers back cover. Click to get it.

Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours. Don’t wait!

Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours.

Got questions? Comments? Reach me directly by clicking here.

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Pick Up More Gifts for the 12 Days of Christmas

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is Secret-Supers-Series-150x150.jpg

Welcome 2024! Pick Up More Gifts for the 12 Days of Christmas. In this post you can get book excerpts, free, and discounted books for you!

You may be familiar with the 12 days of Christmas song. The actual 12 day festival ran from December 25th to January 6th, also known as Epiphany, when Christians celebrated the appearance of the wise men or magi from the east.

This post covers days seven to twelve.

Days one through six are here: Welcome 2024! Pick Up More Gifts for the 12 Days of Christmas

Here’s the song:

12 Days of Christmas

For those who don’t read past the first heading, here’s a free book gift for you. The giveaway only lasts until January 9th, so grab it quickly! Click here.

Produce Your Audiobook Secret Supers in Space
Secret Supers in Space audiobook cover. Click to listen.

The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation-until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.

But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective. Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?

Find out in Secret Supers in Space!

Pick Up More Gifts – Seven Swans a-Swimming

Where do I have seven swans a-swimming in my books? How about seven turkeys? Or more? Check out this excerpt from Zombie Turkeys from Chapter 9 – Chicago. Note the aquarium type chapter icon.

Pick Up More Gifts

They very cautiously looked in the topmost door. The door opened onto a platform looking down on a large pool full of sea creatures–including a great white shark. A man was there at the edge of the pool, blowing a turkey call. “GOBBLE! GOBBLE!” That was the odd sound Sam had heard. The zombie turkeys responded, “Gobble! Gobble!” and advanced en masse on the man, surrounding him. They seemed mesmerized by the call, staring with red eyes, but quietly marching forward. The man wore a khaki, camouflaged hunting outfit, cammo boots, and a full, bushy beard.

Sam called to him, “Hey you!  You can escape this way!”

He looked at them, “Yeah, I know. I’ve got to kill these buggers.”

“How will you kill them with a turkey caller?”

Pick Up More Gifts – Excerpt Continues

“By getting them into the pool with me. It’s salt water. I’ve already gone through my ammo!” He jumped into the aquarium.

“Noo! ” Lisa gasped.

From the water he called, ” GOBBLE! GOBBLE!” Like lemmings, the massed turkeys moved forward, plopping into the water like feathered, twenty pound Alka Seltzers. The ones behind pressed the others forward. Soon, hundreds upon hundreds of turkeys covered the surface of the water, like a turkey patterned pool cover.

As soon as they were in the salt water, the zombie turkeys lost their red eyes. They swam as well as turkeys normally do; badly. Then the great white shark hit. Gobbling the turkeys three and four at a time, the shark was delighted to have this extra feeding. This food was so fresh and crunchy!

The shark was an automatic eating machine; bite, crunch, swallow, bite crunch, swallow.

This excerpt is gift number two of seven. (After the Secret Supers in Space) Here are three free books in exchange for a review:

Book TitlePen NameEmail IntegrationAvailableSignups
Secret SupersAndy ZachGet your review copy here
Secret Supers in SpaceAndy ZachGet your review copy here
Zombie TurkeysAndy ZachGet your review copy here
Get your free review copies here!

That’s five gifts. Two more to come! First, get a free newsletter subscription here: Clickety-click!

Next, get personal with me, Andy Zach! Talk to me! You can reach me on x.com. 

On to more days of Christmas–and gifts!

Pick Up More Gifts – Eight Maids a-Milking

Do I have eight maids a-milking in my writing? Anywhere? Not exactly. I do have eight reporters covering the zombie turkey outbreak for the Midley Beacon and milking it for all it’s worth. This excerpt from Zombie Turkeys, with the Chapter 9 Chicago icon. That’s a turkey caller in the turkey’s mouth. Why? Read and find out.

“I never thought I’d say this, Sam, but I think the story has gotten too big for the Midley Beacon. I’ve added a zombie turkey Twitter feed to our site, but this is way too big for us to be everywhere, even with the six new reporters I’ve hired. I’ve sent one to Bartonville and Peoria, one to Princeville, two to Joliet, one to Tinley Park, and one to Chicago. Chicago alone should have six reporters.”

“Well, let’s go to Chicago then. Three are better than one.”

“I’m with you on that. Lemme give Charlie a call. He’s our guy in Chicago.”  She called Charlie Gomez, one of their new reporters. “Hi Charlie, where are you?”

Pick Up More Gifts – Excerpt Part 2

“I can barely hear you. Oh, keep your head down, then. We’ll cover the loop activity then. Ok, good reporting. Stay alive!  Report daily or more often! Bye.”

“What’s up with Charlie?”

“He’s in the middle of the zombie turkey firefight in Soldiers Field. It’s quite a melee there. Let’s go to the loop.”

How about eight gifts? In addition to the excerpt above, I’ve got seven books available through free audiobook codes:

AuthorAndy Zach
1Zombie Turkeys (United Kingdom only)Andy Zach
2Secret SupersAndy Zach
3Secret Supers in SpaceAndy Zach
4Zombie DetectiveAndy Zach
5Villain’s VacationAndy Zach
6Paranormal PrivateersAndy Zach
7My Undead Mother-in-lawAndy Zach
8Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey ApocalypseAndy Zach

Pick Up More Gifts – Nine Ladies Dancing

Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters

Have I got the excerpt for you! I’ve got twenty or more ladies dancing in this scene from My Undead Mother-in-law.

Frank always got hyped up before an operation, but this one was the strangest he’d ever been on. He’d done his time in Afghanistan and Iraq—that was where he’d lost his leg to an IED. When the marine doctors offered him a chance to get it back through zombie blood, he’d leapt upon it like a duck on a bug. Now he was landing a whole platoon of marines on a superyacht of a criminal, to prepare the landing of more zombies.

Things got stranger. Looking at the helipad as he descended, he saw a crowd of hula-skirt-clad girls—good looking ones too! The crowd resolved itself into a formation: a smiley face! As he landed and brought his weapon to ready, he saw each girl carried a basket of leis.

The Dancing Begins

SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law Welcome 2024 Pick Up More Gifts
My Undead Mother-in-law cover.

“Welcome! Welcome!” they chorused in their soprano voices. They ran up to put the leis over his head. He kept them away with the bayonet on his automatic shotgun. Laughing, the nearest ones tossed leis over his gun and over his head. “Aloha Oe” blared in the background on the outdoor speakers as the attractive ladies began to sway in a hula dance en masse.

Yellow flowers decorated his head and his rifle. He felt awkward and a right fool. Already the battle plan was out the window.

“Ladies! Please gather over here!” He followed the contingency plan for if they surrendered.

Giggling, the hundred or so beauties compliantly assembled in the landing circle under the V-22, their hair and grass skirts blowing wildly in the hot rotor wash. After tearing his eyes from their shapely legs, he saw his friend Lieutenant Gerber walk up to him, festooned in leis.

“Not bad duty, eh?”

“Something about this smells.”

“Well, here come the zombie bulls. And turkeys.”

Nine gifts? How about nine discounts for autographed books? These paperbacks are discounted from the Amazon price. Get them here:

Pick Up More Gifts – Featured Items

Zombie Turkeys signed by author Pick Up More Gifts

Zombie Turkeys signed by author

$12.00

My Undead Mother-in-law - Signed by author Pick Up More Gifts

My Undead Mother-in-law – Signed by author

$12.00

Paranormal Privateers - Signed by author Pick Up More Gifts

Paranormal Privateers – Signed by author

$15.00

Zombie Detective - signed by author Pick Up More Gifts

Zombie Detective – signed by author

$12.00

Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse - signed by author Pick Up More Gifts

Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse – signed by author

$12.00

Villain's Vacation signed by author

Villain’s Vacation signed by author

$7.00

Secret Supers in Space signed by author

Secret Supers in Space signed by author

$7.00

Secret Supers Signed by author 2
The Gospel Medley - autographed copy

Secret Supers Signed by author 2

$7.00

The Gospel Medley – autographed copy

$15.00

Welcome 2024 Pick Up More Gifts – Ten Lords a-Leaping

Zombie Detective cover
Zombie Detective cover.

I don’t have ten lords a leaping (I do have several dozen drug lords, though). How about leaping hippos? What, you don’t believe me? Check out this hippo excerpt from Zombie Detective.

“Let me finish with the background. We wanted a fast-growing, healthy strain of pigs. I thought, Wouldn’t it be great if they grew as fast as zombie turkeys?”

“Uh-oh.”

“Right. I created a pig modified with zombie turkey and hippo and mouse DNA.”

“What?” Sam’s stomach clenched.

“I won’t go into all my failures with other combinations. This one worked. I get pigs that grow from piglets to full-grown in four weeks.”

“But what’s the catch?”

“They look like hippos. And they grow only to about one pound.”

Micro-hippo
Micro-hippo

“Sounds more like a failure than a success.”

“They do taste like pork. And they reproduce fast enough to make up for their lack of size. But―” Bryce stopped and sighed.

“Tell me the worst.”

“They escaped my lab. They’re infesting the whole building. People keep finding them in the toilets. It’s very upsetting.”

So, these hippos leap and scamper like rats. Aquatic rats. Here’s a drawing of one from the chapter about them.

You want eight more gifts? Get all my excerpts for each of my books!

Zombie Turkey excerpts

Zombie Detective excerpts

My Undead Mother-in-law excerpts

Paranormal Privateer excerpts

Oops! excerpts

Secret Supers Excerpts

Villain’s Vacation Excerpts

Secret Supers in Space Excerpts

Welcome 2024 Pick Up More Gifts – Eleven Pipers Piping

This’ll be a different set of gifts. I love bagpipes. I have a Youtube category of them. So I’ll share my favorite bagpipe videos with you. Eleven of them!

March of Cambreadth

Amazing Grace with more than 200 bagpipes; live in Berlin

they said she couldn’t play BLUES on BAGPIPES…

Scotland the Brave India the Bold (Bagpipes) Official Music Video – The Snake Charmer ft. Poczy

Celtic-Indian Folk Music (Bagpipes & Bhangra) – Frantic Feathers (Toss the feathers)

Through the Fire and Flames (Official Video) – Mia x Ally

Scottish tribal pipes & drums band Clanadonia playing “Ya Bassa” during St Andrew’s Day event 2019


Red Hot Chilli Pipers – Thunderstruck – Wiesbaden 8.11.16

The Badpiper Thunderstruck

Monty Python and the Holy Grail Performed on Flaming Bagpipes and Unicycle in Portland, OR

Welcome 2024 Pick Up More Gifts – Twelve Drummers Drumming

I had so much fun with those eleven bagpipe videos from my Youtube collection, here are twelve drummer videos from my percussion collection!

Harry James and Buddy Rich – Cherokee 1964

” Autumn Leaves ” Chet Baker – Paul Desmond

“The Lion Sleeps Tonight” by Dover Steel Drum Band

best drumline video ever amazing

Joy in the Whirlwind’ for garklein recorder and percussion | by Melika Fitzhugh

TUBA SKINNY Go Craig and Robin go!

Gene Krupa “Sing, Sing, Sing” on The Ed Sullivan Show

Bugle Call Rag – Benny Goodman – 1936

the craziest drum solo ever

Caravan (Ellington) – Drum-Battle Charly Antolini, Wolfram Kellner, Paul Höchstädter, Thilo Wolf

Laurindo Almeida plays One Note Samba

Czardas – Trình tấu Đàn T’Rưng Việt Nam với tác phẩm Phương Tây

Pick Up More Gifts – Don’t Forget Your Free Book–Until January 9th

First an excerpt:

Welcome 2023

We arrived at the top. “Time to ship out the Supers.” Papa Smith hauled out Aubrey and Jeremy. I unloaded Kayla and Dan. We lined them up on the floor.

“It’d be so easy to eliminate them here.”

“Yes, Loretta, but the consequences will follow us. And there’s no money in it. Think of each of them as a billion dollars.”

“Nice idea, Papa.”

There’s four more gifts with this one!

You can get your free review copy by clicking here.

Get your discounted signed copy by clicking here. Free shipping from the author.

How about a free audiobook or two? Get your Secret Supers in Space by clicking here!! You might as well pick up your free Villain’s Vacation while you’re at it.

If you have any questions or comments for me, leave them here.

Buy any of my books directly from me at my store. Click here.

Or buy them from my Square site. Click here.

Finally, you can go to Amazon and get them.