Tag: My Undead Mother-in-law

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this exciting excerpt from my recent book, My Undead Mother-in-law. Middle-aged, overweight housewife Diane Newby stars as an average woman who becomes a powerful zombie with glowing red eyes, super strength, and regenerative power.

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Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift: From My Undead Mother-in-law

George hacked at a katana-wielding woman, who barely came to his chest, with his four-foot claymore. She neatly deflected the blow, and her counter slash cut through his body armor to his ribs.

“Crap.” He sighed as he spun away from another katana slice, spraying blood and barely deflecting the blow. These gals were much worse than the zombie gorillas. They were faster than he was!

Enraged that her husband had been injured, Diane beheaded the female zombie from behind with her glaive. Two other bodyguards, in turn, attacked her from behind. George jumped between them and her, catching both katana blades on his claymore. The force of the double blow deflected him into Diane, who tumbled backward over him and rolled into the two attackers, knocking them over.

Screaming in rage and grabbing and lifting each girl by her steel-wired bikini top, she jumped to the railing and hurled them into the sea, off the stern of the yacht. Then a naginata hit her in the back and came out her sternum, pitching her into the brine.

George roared “Diane!” and raced to help her.

Four zombie bodyguards assaulted him, and he was hard-pressed to stay alive himself, let alone help Diane.

Diane in the Drink

Hitting the sea, Diane reached behind her and pulled out the naginata. It was just like unbuttoning dress buttons down her back, except her chest exploded with pain, and clouds of her blood filled the water. I’d better hold on to this, she thought. She’d left her glaive on the deck when she’d grabbed her assailants.

She needed the naginata immediately. The blood in the water, from her and other zombie women, corgis, turkeys, and bulls attracted hundreds of sharks around the ship. One zoomed directly at her.

“Ah! Take that!” she shouted, filling her mouth with water as she plunged the eighteen-inch blade into the shark’s mouth. It bit down on the wooden shaft, severing it, then slowly rolled away, bleeding copiously from its mouth.

Back to the Boat

I’d better get back into the boat, she thought urgently as she spat water, blood, and air from her mouth and swam quickly to the surface. Good thing I swim like a fish—with zombie speed.

Porpoising her whole body length out of the water, Diane gasped in pain. Her chest and back wounds still sucked air. The ship’s wet dock was twenty feet away to her right, but ten feet ahead of her, closing fast, was the triangular fin of another, bigger shark. Diane had no weapon, her chest wound hindered breathing, and she was weak from the naginata blow.

She swam toward the shark, meeting it head-on. That was the only way she knew to deal with trouble. It rolled over, exposing rows of teeth in a gaping mouth seeking to swallow her whole. Diane grabbed the lower jaw in one hand and the upper jaw in the other and tore off the lower jaw. Diane was startled; it was harder than she expected. Her fingers were cut to the bone on the razor-sharp teeth.

Into the Slaughterhouse

Bleeding like a slaughterhouse, the shark rolled upright and slowly swam away to be eaten by its fellows.

Painfully, Diane swam to the transom dock. She hadn’t felt this bad since before she’d become a zombie. Her chest wound was barely closed. The bone and muscle had healed, but her skin gaped open red and ugly. She’d have a doozy of a scar. Her fingers still were cut to the bone and bleeding. She didn’t know how effective she’d be battling these zombie girls. Hunger gnawed her gut as her zombie tissues transformed themselves to repair her wounds, cannibalizing her body tissues. I should have taken a bite of that shark, she thought ruefully.

She gasped for air as she hauled herself up on the transom dock, and she tasted gulf water. Salt water! Her zombie bacteria were dying! As soon as she stood up, two zombie ninjas charged her, one with a katana and one with a naginata. And she was weaponless. The lead one called to someone behind her, “Get her!” Glancing behind her, Diane saw the two woman bodyguards she’d thrown in the water coming up behind her. They didn’t have weapons, so she turned her back on the two killer women in front of her and charged the two behind her, slowly, painfully.

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift Concludes

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