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Free Zombie Turkeys Before It’s Too Late!

Free Zombie Turkeys Before It’s Too Late!

It’s never too late for zombie turkeys to show up; they’re diurnal. But in four days it’ll be too late for Free Zombie Turkeys. Click the book cover below to get it now.

Free Zombie Turkeys Before It's Too Late!
Free Kindle edition of “Zombie Turkeys”. Click to download.

Don’t Want Free Zombie Turkeys in a Poke?

Have a taste of Zombie Turkeys, read by your’s truly, Andy Zach, on my Youtube channel.

 

But Don’t Take Andy’s Word for Free Zombie Turkeys

Check out some of the eight glowing Amazon reviews laughing readers have given it since its publication last October 31st.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This one is definitely NOT a turkey!, July 18, 2017
By
This review is from: Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys (The Life After Life Chronicles Book 1) (Kindle Edition)

‘He felt great. He was full of energy, he had many hens to breed with, and he was the leader of a great flock.’

Sam Melvin is a reporter with the Midley Beacon, it’s a tiny local paper – with an online presence – run by its penny-pinching editor Lisa Kambacher. When Sam sees the two turkey hunters on the slab in the local mortuary, he knows he has a story to cover and he sets out to do so with great gusto. As the zombie turkeys multiply, Sam and Lisa are the leading media team on the ground and the Midley Beacon goes international, solving their financial woes and syndicating their work across the globe. But it’s not all good news. After all, there are those people-killing zombie turkeys heading into town…

This was a book I picked up with trepidation as it seemed all too possible it would be a ‘one trick pony’ stretching a single joke to beyond breaking point across the length of an entire novel. Wrong! It is like a bowl of potpourri on the sideboard of life – lots of subtle blending examples of humour – many of them very American so I suspect there were even more than I noticed, handicapped by my British perspective. This is a book that takes ironic comedy to a whole new level – maybe ‘steelic’ comedy…? Humour is a very personal thing, but this book hit me right on the funny bone.

‘Wanted badly: .30-06 carbine. Will trade hunting dog or wife for it.’

This is a well-written book which takes a totally deadpan approach to a thoroughly – hysterically – funny sequence of events. It is dark comedy, so avoid if you are squeamish. The pace of the book rolls along in a perfect, unhurried way – screaming up into the action sequences and taking time to enjoy the more delicious moments of humour.

The story itself is a lot deeper than many real zombie books and the explanation for the zombie phenomenon is as clever as it is satirical.The characters are well portrayed, deep enough to engage with and care about, but not so deep you get distracted from what they are doing by their personalities. They are the agents through which we see the events unfolding rather than the focus of the story. But the humour is subtle, all-pervading: like the idea of the survivalist organic turkey farmer, part of a network of such, living off grid – except for ordering things from Amazon on his wife’s credit card of course…

‘The most disheartening thing was, she’d stab one through the heart, it’d drop fifteen feet to the ground with a satisfying thud, and then it’d stagger to its feet five minutes later and fly back up fifteen minutes later.’

The downside is that maybe some of the humour is lost on a non-US reader. There were a couple of moments I thought ‘Huh?’ then decided it was probably a reference to something outside my cultural parameters. The only other criticism I had was that it maybe played the theme along a tiny bit too far and perhaps had a few scenes been a bit shorter, a bit less detail on the way the plague spread, or a couple of turkey attacks left out – it might have been a sharper read. But these are very minor nit-picks against the whole.This is a book I can recommend wholeheartedly to anyone who enjoys slow-boil satire and does not mind a few gory giblets thrown in the mix. If you want a good comedy read, you should gobble this up!

Did Someone Say “Gobble”?

Watch another video of a gobbling turkey:

Next, take a gander at this one:

What Can Top Free Zombie Turkeys?

Maybe some cranberry sauce? How about a sequel, My Undead Mother-in-law? You can get it on Kindle by clicking here:

Andy Zach TV Version for "My Undead Mother-in-law" Launch
New Book Coming! Get It by clicking here!

Or you can have a print book shipped to you by clicking on the chapter icon below:

My Undead Mother-in-law, Chapter 5 Icon
My Undead Mother-in-law, Chapter 5 Icon

 

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New Book Coming! Get It For Free! Here’s How

New Book Coming! Get It For Free–Here’s How

The New Book Coming My Undead Mother-in-law is now uploaded to Amazon. It’s not quite ready for sale–but that’s coming. You can read it right now, for free.

New Book Coming! Get It For Free! Here's How
New Book Coming! Get It For Free! Here’s How

First, let me tell you a little about My Undead Mother-in-law. It’s volume 2 of my Life After Life Chronicles. It follows the comic urban fantasy Zombie Turkeys. My advance readers all felt this novel is better than Zombie Turkeys. If you liked that, you’ll love volume 2.

What’s in the New Book Coming

Unlike Zombie Turkeys, I focus on people becoming zombies. And unlike Zombie Turkeys, the villain is not a turkey. Just read the book blurb:

My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues.

My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her own way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake.    Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread. 

 But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with  Diane Newby?

The world divides into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die?

You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.

Here’s How To Get It Free

New Book Coming
Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.

First, copy this text exactly:

“I promise to review My Undead Mother-in-law on Goodreads and/or Amazon.”

Next, click on the book cover above and go to my contact page. There you’ll paste this text in the message area.

Finally, enter your email so I can send you an electronic copy of my book.

Or, you can just email me, Andy Zach, at [email protected].

Finally, Don’t Forget This

My Amazon home page is here. Just click here to go there and enter your review.

My Goodreads homepage is here. Again, click here to go there and enter your review.

In case you don’t know by now, here’s what I look like.

New Book Coming
Andy Zach laughing at the jokes in his new novel My Undead Mother-in-law
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Are You a Winner of “My Undead Mother-in-law”? Plus Four Tips!

Are You a Book Winner?

Andy Zach held the latest drawing today. His pet phoenix picked out the latest Book Winner. Is it you? If it is, you can select the paranormal comic urban fantasy Zombie Turkeys print or ebook or graphic novel, like the first two pages below:

Book Winner? The first page of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel.

Or you can select the Zombie Turkeys audiobook. Or you can select the soon-to-be-published My Undead Mother-in-law. 

Book Winner of My Undead Mother-in-law Cover Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.

The winners for the past five months are:

Winner

2/28/2017

4/1/2017

5/9/2017

6/1/2017

7/6/2017

Name

Kathi

neethu.ohm

Brenda

Sally

Belinda

Kathi selected a new print copy of My Undead Mother-in-law. The other winners have yet to weigh in. What about you?  We have a monthly drawing here for you and all your friends who subscribe. (Click here and enter your email.) Or you can just contact me and I’ll subscribe you myself! (Click here to reach me with your email.)

Happy Independence Day!

And if that’s not wild enough, try this:

My real mother-in-law heard Horowitz perform this while she was a little girl in Buffalo NY.

Four Tips on How to Blog, Write, and Publish

For the Fourth of July I have four tips on blogging, writing, and publishing. First, consider how to become a successful blogger. Here’s the tip:

 How to Write Well and Publish Right

Here’s another useful book on Amazon, written by another fellow author. This is my second tip on writing. (Click here) 

Write Well Publish Right by [Moebius, Lucinda]

Thirdly, we have this useful article on pacing in your writing:


The fourth tip I have for you is on self-publishing:

New Fantasy Book Review

Then there’s this new review I wrote this week on fellow author Pauline Marquez’s book, “Worlds of Earth”


You can download it from Amazon here (click):
The Worlds of Earth (The Great Portal Wars Trilogy Book 1) by [Marquez, Pauline]

Finally, A Comic Turkey Dancing Video

What do you expect from a comic paranormal animal author? Here’s the last item.