Tag: My Undead Mother-in-law

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Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this exciting excerpt from my recent book, My Undead Mother-in-law. Middle-aged, overweight housewife Diane Newby stars as an average woman who becomes a powerful zombie with glowing red eyes, super strength, and regenerative power.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

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Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift: From My Undead Mother-in-law

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift

 

George hacked at a katana-wielding woman, who barely came to his chest, with his four-foot claymore. She neatly deflected the blow, and her counter slash cut through his body armor to his ribs.

“Crap.” He sighed as he spun away from another katana slice, spraying blood and barely deflecting the blow. These gals were much worse than the zombie gorillas. They were faster than he was!

Enraged that her husband had been injured, Diane beheaded the female zombie from behind with her glaive. Two other bodyguards, in turn, attacked her from behind. George jumped between them and her, catching both katana blades on his claymore. The force of the double blow deflected him into Diane, who tumbled backward over him and rolled into the two attackers, knocking them over.

Screaming in rage and grabbing and lifting each girl by her steel-wired bikini top, she jumped to the railing and hurled them into the sea, off the stern of the yacht. Then a naginata hit her in the back and came out her sternum, pitching her into the brine.

George roared “Diane!” and raced to help her.

Four zombie bodyguards assaulted him, and he was hard-pressed to stay alive himself, let alone help Diane.

Diane in the Drink

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift My Undead Mother-in-law back cover
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover, no blurb.

Hitting the sea, Diane reached behind her and pulled out the naginata. It was just like unbuttoning dress buttons down her back, except her chest exploded with pain, and clouds of her blood filled the water. I’d better hold on to this, she thought. She’d left her glaive on the deck when she’d grabbed her assailants.

She needed the naginata immediately. The blood in the water, from her and other zombie women, corgis, turkeys, and bulls attracted hundreds of sharks around the ship. One zoomed directly at her.

“Ah! Take that!” she shouted, filling her mouth with water as she plunged the eighteen-inch blade into the shark’s mouth. It bit down on the wooden shaft, severing it, then slowly rolled away, bleeding copiously from its mouth.

Back to the Boat

I’d better get back into the boat, she thought urgently as she spat water, blood, and air from her mouth and swam quickly to the surface. Good thing I swim like a fish—with zombie speed.

Porpoising her whole body length out of the water, Diane gasped in pain. Her chest and back wounds still sucked air. The ship’s wet dock was twenty feet away to her right, but ten feet ahead of her, closing fast, was the triangular fin of another, bigger shark. Diane had no weapon, her chest wound hindered breathing, and she was weak from the naginata blow.

She swam toward the shark, meeting it head-on. That was the only way she knew to deal with trouble. It rolled over, exposing rows of teeth in a gaping mouth seeking to swallow her whole. Diane grabbed the lower jaw in one hand and the upper jaw in the other and tore off the lower jaw. Diane was startled; it was harder than she expected. Her fingers were cut to the bone on the razor-sharp teeth.

Into the Slaughterhouse

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.

Bleeding like a slaughterhouse, the shark rolled upright and slowly swam away to be eaten by its fellows.

Painfully, Diane swam to the transom dock. She hadn’t felt this bad since before she’d become a zombie. Her chest wound was barely closed. The bone and muscle had healed, but her skin gaped open red and ugly. She’d have a doozy of a scar. Her fingers still were cut to the bone and bleeding. She didn’t know how effective she’d be battling these zombie girls. Hunger gnawed her gut as her zombie tissues transformed themselves to repair her wounds, cannibalizing her body tissues. I should have taken a bite of that shark, she thought ruefully.

She gasped for air as she hauled herself up on the transom dock, and she tasted gulf water. Salt water! Her zombie bacteria were dying! As soon as she stood up, two zombie ninjas charged her, one with a katana and one with a naginata. And she was weaponless. The lead one called to someone behind her, “Get her!” Glancing behind her, Diane saw the two woman bodyguards she’d thrown in the water coming up behind her. They didn’t have weapons, so she turned her back on the two killer women in front of her and charged the two behind her, slowly, painfully.

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift Concludes

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift

What do you think of your Twenty-Third Literary gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like My Undead Mother-in-law you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

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Your Fourteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Happy Mother's Day

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Author Andy Zach here and today you will laugh!

Why? It’s the My Undead Mother-in-law, Diane Newby, who is here helping a poor cattle farmer in West Peoria. You never knew someone with glowing red eyes could be so entertaining! Your free excerpt is below.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here.

Your Fourteenth Gift: My Undead Mother-in-law

Chapter 2 – West Peoria

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.

Richard Felix, the owner of Prairie Cattle Farm of West Peoria, surveyed the fifty head of cattle grazing on the hills of his farm in the Kickapoo River Valley on a frosty February morning. A flicker of motion caught his eye to the left.

One of his cows bawled as a long brown body leapt upon the cow’s back, ran toward the head, and savagely ripped off her ear. Dozens more of the animals attacked the cow’s udder and underbelly.

Dumbfounded, Richard stared as the bleeding cow crumpled to her knees. Were those giant weasels? Rats? He couldn’t quite place them, although they seemed familiar. He ran to the barn and grabbed his shotgun. By the time he came back, the cow had been reduced to a bloody skeleton. Its furry attackers were nowhere to be seen.

Shaking, he dialed the Zombie Turkey Hotline with difficulty. He didn’t know who else to call.

“Zombie Turkey Hotline, Sam Melvin here.”

“Help! Something attacked one of my cows and ate it alive!”

“What? Calm down. Tell me the whole story.”

“There’s not much more to tell. I was looking at my cows this morning in the field, and I saw one get attacked by dozens of furry brown somethings.”

“I’ll be right there.” West Peoria was just a half an hour from Midley.

Cow Death

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift My Undead Mother-in-law Audiobook
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 2 icon

Sam found Richard in the middle of his field, studying the cow skeleton with another man.

“Hi, I’m Sam Melvin, investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon.“

“Thanks for coming. I’m Richard Felix, the owner of Prairie Cattle Farm. This is Steve Cole, our local animal control officer.”

“Hi. What have you found out?”

“Whatever it was, was amazingly savage. It was like a pack of land piranhas,” Steve said.

“Did you get any footprints?”

“No. Between the churned mud and the frozen ground, I couldn’t find anything identifiable. They were brown furry quadrupeds with sharp teeth, weighing thirty to forty pounds,” Steve said.

“How are you going to catch them?”

“I assume they’re some kind of zombies. No natural animal acts like that. I’ll stake out another cow tonight, surround her with a ring of gasoline, and burn the crap out of them,” Richard said.

The Undead Mother-in-law to the Rescue

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift Happy Mother's Day
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.

“Say, I’ve got an idea,” Sam said.

“What’s that?”

“Mind if I bring a friend who might be able to control these animals?”

“Good luck with that! They’re killers! You see this skeleton? That cow weighed a thousand pounds, and it was reduced to that in two minutes. I wouldn’t want that to happen to your friend.”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’ll happen to her. You see, she’s a zombie, Diane Sydney. She controlled a flock of zombie turkeys last week.”

“Yeah, I think I read something about that. I want her to sign a liability release form if she wants to try anything. I can’t guarantee anyone’s safety on my farm now. You too, Sam, if you stay overnight.”

“OK. Will do.” By this time, dangerous zombie situations no longer fazed Sam.

Sam flew Diane in from Gary on the Midley Beacon’s plane. She arrived at the Peoria International Airport, private aviation, where their plane was based. Sam met her on the cold, dark tarmac. She smiled to the point of wrinkling her red eyes, showing excitement.

Can A Zombie Mother-law-law defeat an unknown zombie?

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift My Undead Mother-in-law back cover
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover, no blurb.

“Hi, Sam! Thanks for flying me in. I’ve never been in one of these single-engine planes before! I’m thrilled you called me! I’m sure I can deal with whatever these zombies are. I’d hate to see another cow lose its life.”

“You know these things stripped a cow to its bones in two minutes?”

“No problem! It’ll take me less than two minutes to assert my dominance.”

“Good luck—you’ll need it.”

“No luck—just good old zombie perseverance!”

Sam adjusted his night-vision goggles, and he, Diane, and Richard took turns watching the poor old bovine staked out in the field, near where the other cow had died, from an outbuilding. As the gray morning dawned, the furry creatures attacked the cow.

“Oh no you don’t!” Diane shouted and sprang into action. She covered the fifty yards to the cow in world-record time, especially over frozen, snowy ground. She grabbed two of the creatures and smashed their heads together with a splat, like two tomatoes bursting. Dozens of them jumped upon her.

The End of Your Fourteenth Literary Gift

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift Funny Novel
Andy Zach’s Tombstone

“Which!” Diane grabbed two more from her back, hanging on with their teeth, and hurled them so hard into the frozen ground they each made a red-lined crater.

“One!” She batted two attacking from the front into an oak tree thirty feet away, where they fell, broken.

“Is!” With her other leg, she kicked one biting her calf. It landed a hundred yards away, breaking the ice on the frozen Kickapoo Creek.

“The!” Diane clapped her hands together on one leaping for her throat. The body collapsed with a spray of blood, coating her from head to toe and spraying twenty feet away.

“Boss!” The remaining creatures cowered before her savagery. There was at least three dozen remaining. They rolled over on their backs, exposing their bellies in submission.

“Oh, aren’t you cute!” Diane exclaimed, wiping blood and gore from her face, cleaning her hands in the snow and petting the nearest animal.

“Why, they’re corgis!” Sam exclaimed. “They are cute—when they’re not eating cows. Even with red eyes.”

What Do You Think of Your Fourteenth Literary Gift?

Your Fourteenth Literary Gift Best August Videos
Zombie corgi butt, from ‘Paranormal Privateers’ now in audiobook

What do you think of your gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like My Undead Mother-in-law, you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

Psst! Audible lets you listen free to my books. Click here to find out how.

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Your Free Excerpt, SciFi Review, & Astounding Science News

Your Free Excerpt, SciFi Review, & Astounding Science News are here in this blog post. Begin with your free excerpt below.

But it’s more than just my book. There are dozens of samples from dozens of authors.

Click at this Facebook post.

Your Free Excerpt of My Book–Plus More

Enjoy these excerpts from outstanding writers! Oh, and I have an excerpt from 'My Undead Mother-in-law' as well.

Posted by Andy Zach on Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Which book do I have for you? None other than this one.

This story begins with a happy family story of zombies who start their own business sharing zombie blood. Diane Newby, My Undead Mother-in-law, is the natural leader. You can read a tiny snippet from late in the story here. (I promise: no spoilers)

Your Free Excerpt My Undead Mother-in-law back cover
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover, no blurb.

She gasped for air as she hauled herself up on the transom dock, and she tasted gulf water. Salt water! Her zombie bacteria were dying!

As soon as she stood up, two zombie ninjas charged her, one with a katana and one with a naginata. And she was weaponless.

The lead one called to someone behind her, “Get her!”

Glancing behind her, Diane saw the two woman bodyguards she’d thrown in the water were coming up behind her. They didn’t have weapons, so she turned her back on the two killer women in front of her and charged the two behind her, slowly, painfully.

From My Undead Mother-in-law

Subscribe to my newsletter if you want to read more! Tell me what you think of it, and I’ll give you another excerpt!

Get Your SciFi Review Here – and Your Free Excerpt #2

First, my review of a zombie novel, of all things!

Your Free Excerpt
Death Doll Cover

Andy Zach

from Amazon reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars

 The worst enemies are not the zombies in this thriller

Reviewed in the United States on January 18, 2021

‘The Death Doll’ by Brian White is post-zombie-apocalypse story, but oddly, the zombies aren’t the main antagonist. I’ll let you read and find out who is.

The first chapter irritated me because none of the characters seemed to be acting rationally. True, they were in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, running for their lives, but still they were over the top. Or so I thought.

I’ve learned to have patience. Over the next few chapters, the author showed me each person’s point of view and their motivations and their irrationality made sense, after a while. Mr. White has given the reader some excellent characters–good, bad, and ugly ones.

If you’re a lover of zombie books, dystopian books, and action-adventure books, this next book is for you.

I received a copy of this book to review, but that did not affect my opinion of it.

Another My Undead Mother-in-law Excerpt for You

There they all ate four huge steak filets from the fridge. They didn’t bother cooking them. For the second course, they planned a whole chicken apiece. The four chickens roasted in the oven while they gobbled the steaks.

They finished clearing out the Newbys’ commercial-sized refrigerator. They each topped off all that protein with their food of choice: George ate a whole family-sized pizza, as did Don. By the time the pizza delivery arrived, they looked quite normal, for zombies.

Diane ate an entire cheesecake. And Maggie devoured a box of sugared flakes. They had never been so ravenous—and they had never been so close to death.

From My Undead Mother-in-law

You can find the excerpt here, along with a lot of other authors’ excerpts.

The latest excerpts on SciFi, Fantasy from SciFi Roundtable. I have another bit from 'My Undead Mother-in-law'.

Posted by Andy Zach on Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Last, but not least, Astounding Science Stories

Astounding Science Fiction was a SciFi magazine during the golden age of science fiction. These stories could have come from there, but they’re all genuine science stories.

Astounding Science Fiction cover

Behold the orrery from 150 BC and be amazed!

Posted by Andy Zach on Tuesday, February 9, 2021

Okay, this is science from 150 BC but it’s astounding and it’s like an alternate history scifi where mechanical technology from the 18th century is introduced to the 2nd century BC.

Now, cue Star Trek!

Posted by Andy Zach on Monday, February 8, 2021

Finally, let’s get back to my youth, where every SciFi story had a plasma drive.

Yum! I've been reading about plasma drive since the 60s!

Posted by Andy Zach on Tuesday, February 2, 2021