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August’s Best Content for You from Andy Zach

Best Content for you is right here. Of course, we must start with “Bears on a Plane”. The question for you is, a short story or a novel? Tell me and I’ll send you a copy. If not this short story, then another one.

By the way, I have more short stories for you below.

What can top ‘Bears on a Plane’?

I grew up in Cleveland and so did Tim Conway. We watched him on the Carol Burnette Show. He never failed to crack up his fellow comedians.

Going on, I also found this amazing video: Mars’ entire 24-hour rotation.

More Great Content from the Internet

Author E.M. Swift-Hook was kind enough to share an excerpt of my book Zombie Turkeys on her blog. Here it is:

Excerpt from Zombie Turkeys, by Andy Zach.

CHAPTER 2 – EDWARDS

He felt great, full of energy. He led his flock out of the woods. Now there was another field in front of them, with a large barnlike structure on it. Maybe it was another turkey barn!He’d go free them and gain more members for his flock. They had acquired more wild turkey flocks during their march. Now twelve thousand strong, they charged the barnlike structure.

* * *

The Caterpillar Edwards Dealer Education facility was preparing for a big customer demonstration. A large 390F backhoe was digging trenches and D-11 and D-10 tractors were filling them in—inside the voluminous demonstration building. It was only 7:30 a.m., but they had a scripted and choreographed performance to practice, showing the capabilities of the company’s huge machines. Part of script was for the 390s to dig a huge trench, have a small D-4 tractor go into it and smooth it out, and then have the big D-11s fill it back in. Then an enormous flock of turkeys entered through the open arena door. “Gobble! Gobble!”

That was not in the script.

Read more at E.M. Swift-Hook’s page here

You’re Not Done With Great Content

Good news! You’ve got another free excerpt below. It’s my short story ‘In A Pickle’ from my book Oops!

Yes, this is an eMagazine with lots of stories by lots of authors–including me. Here’s my short story icon:

The death of an egg. Always a sobering topic. He’ll be savored long after he’s gone.

How About a Hypersonic Jet for You?

The SR-71 was one of my favorite planes of all time. Top speed of around 3,000 mph (4,800 kph for you metric folks.) Here’s a possible successor which is planned to go at twice the speed, up to Mach 8.

I now take you from the sublime to the ridiculous.

Is this next video ridiculous or sublime? Or just history? Or just fun?

Bye for now! If you find any great content, let me know and I’ll send you a free book.

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What’s It Like Going to a Book Convention as an Author?

Book Convention

What’s It Like Going to a Book Convention as an Author? I just went to the Book Rack in Peoria on April 24th and I’ll tell you all about it.

Posted by Book Rack Used Books & Gifts on Saturday, April 24, 2021

My tie is a bit out of control, but that’s normal. I got it fixed before customers showed up. Now let me tell you about everything that happened before this picture.

Book Convention – Step 1 Make a List and Check It Twice

First, I make a check list. Here it is:

Life After Life Chronicles banner for Book Convention
Enjoy all four novels in audiobook, paperback, or Kindle format!
  1. Books – All six that I’ve published: Zombie Turkeys, My Undead Mother-in-law, Paranormal Privateers, Oops!, Secret Supers, and Villain’s Vacation. There are a total of 150 which I carry in a rolling suitcase.
  2. 8-foot table and a chair. Where else would I sit?
  3. Black table cloth.
  4. 6 book stands
  5. Turkey puppet and statues including one that holds candy.
  6. Electronics: laptop, two cell phones (one for wireless hotspot, one for Square reader), Square credit card reader.
  7. Newsletter signup list
  8. Business cards
  9. Bookmarks. I give one away with each book purchased
  10. Sales receipt book
  11. Daytimer for notes. I get a lot of ideas at every one of these conventions.
  12. Charging cords and power block, and extension cord. I always use all of them.
  13. Book banners/signs. I have five. I used four at this venue.
  14. Stickers which say ‘Signed by Author’. Surprisingly, people buy more books if I pre-sign them.
  15. Cash box to hold receipts and to make change.
  16. Duck tape – it’s always useful

Step Two – Pack Everything

This is where I load up my trusty van the night before. The books fill my rolling suitcase. I need another book box to hold the last twenty or so. I’m ever hopeful, so I pack them all!

I really couldn’t sleep if I didn’t pack everything in the car but my electronics and my cash box. I also take a packed lunch and the thermos of tea.

Stanley Thermos for Book Convention
Stanley Thermos

Book Convention – Arrive and Set Up

This usually takes half an hour. I needed an extra ten minutes because the zipper on my suitcase got stuck. I have an extra half hour for things to go bad, so I was ready at a quarter to ten. That’s when the picture got taken. Here are some more:

Posted by Book Rack Used Books & Gifts on Saturday, April 24, 2021
Posted by Book Rack Used Books & Gifts on Saturday, April 24, 2021

At A Book Convention – Selling Books

My main method for selling books is reading the first page of Zombie Turkeys, if they’re interested in my comical zombie series. Here I am, five years ago doing that on Youtube

Andy Zach reading Zombie Turkeys

But before you can sell books, you have to talk to people. There were no people there; it was drizzling and about fifty degrees. (That’s about 12 degrees Centigrade).

Then people showed up in the rain. And they didn’t talk to me. They actively looked away from me. That’s a clue–“I don’t want to look at you so I don’t have to talk to you.”

That’s how my time passed, from ten to twelve o’clock. Then I talked to some people. I read Zombie Turkeys. No sales.

Then a lady came by with her eleven or twelve-year-old daughter. Ideal, for me! I pitched Secret Supers to them. “This series is about four 7th-graders in a disabled, special ed class who get superpowers, and then use them to fight crime. They use their disabilities to hide their secret identities.”

Success! They bought both Secret Supers and Villain’s Vacation. Then there was no action for half an hour.

Then the bookstore owner came by, “One of my friends wants to buy all your books. If I give you her phone number, can you handle the credit card purchase?”

Can I? In a heartbeat! I called her and sold all my books to her. I left her signed books at the bookstore. She’d seen the Book Rack posts on Instagram and called her friend to get them.

Next, the lady and her daughter came by again and bought Zombie Turkeys and My Undead Mother-in-law. I was up to ten books sold, and there were still four hours left!

I ended up selling fifteen books.

Got Any Questions?

Do you have any questions? I’ll give you a free ebook, Zombie Turkeys, if you ask me one right now. Or, you can just subscribe to my funny newsletter. I give away five audiobooks (soon to be six!) and Zombie Turkeys to my subscribers.

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Secret Blog Post – Excerpt of Zombie Detective

Secret Excerpt Blog

Secret Blog Post – I’m sharing this WIP excerpt of my next book Zombie Detective only with you, my newsletter readers. Enjoy!

P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.

Secret Blog Post
Sam Melvin, dealing with Zombie Turkeys

Chapter 1 – Laid Off

“Sam, you’re fired.” Lisa’s green eyes met his brown ones.

“What? Lisa, you and I have worked together at the Midley Beacon for ten years! And we’ve known each other for fifteen!  And we’ve been married almost two months!”   

“Sorry Sam. Romance has to take a back seat to finances. Ever since the bottom dropped out of the zombie turkey news market since the first of the year, the Midley Beacon hasn’t made enough to pay your salary.”

“But that’s our salary. We share and share alike.”

“We can still live on my salary. And you can apply for unemployment, now that you’re fired.”  

“But what’ll I do all day? I can only play Fortnight for so long.”

“What did you do before I hired you, ten years ago? What did you do while I was in college?”

“Uh, mow lawns. Handyman repair. Stuff like that. But I’m a grown man now. I want more.”

“Hmm, you are a decent reporter.”

“Thanks Lisa. That’s high praise from you.”

“Well it’s the truth. You’ve grown from a crappy reporter, like 99% of all reporters, to well above average. I did lay off everyone else on the staff before you, you know.”

From unpublished novel Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

Secret Blog Post – Excerpt Part 2

“Aw, you’re making me feel warm and mushy.”

“That’s part of good management, emotional manipulation.”

“Uh, you mean you don’t mean it?”

“Nah, I mean it. Emotional manipulation is much more effective if you’re sincere.  Say, why don’t you call Andy Zach and see if he has some royalties to share. We signed a contract with him to get half the royalties from his book Zombie Turkeys. We supplied more than half his source material right from the pages of the Midley Beacon.”

“I just called him yesterday. His sales haven’t paid for the cover yet, let alone the editing.”

“I told him to go with traditional publishing!”

“He’d still be trying to get an agent, let alone publishing his book. Who wants to represent a zombie turkey author?”

“So think of something to do with your reporting and investigative skills. That’s your first job. Get out of here and work on it at home. When I come home tonight, I want a decision from you. That’s a deadline.”

“Ok, Lisa. And thanks. You know I work best under a deadline.”

“Sure dear. We’ll go out for dinner tonight to celebrate your new career, whatever it will be.”

“I’m kind of tired of McDonalds.”

“We’ll spurge. We’ll go to the big city of Peoria. Maybe to the Country Time Buffet.”

“Wow. Thanks, Lisa.”

“Now, shoo! Don’t forget to clear out your desk.”

From unpublished novel Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already.

Andy Zach

Andy Zach in repose
Andy Zach in repose