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Get Rare Excerpt from Paranormal Privateers

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Get Rare Excerpt from Paranormal Privateers, my third zombie book in my Life After Life Chronicles.

“What’s so rare about them?” you may ask.

They’re so rare, I only published them once, seven years ago.

“Are they worth it?”

How do you feel about saving 80% on the book? Paranormal Privateers will be on sale from February 16th to 19th. Click here to grab your copy. But don’t wait. It goes up to $2.99 on February 19th. Then on the 23rd it goes back to the normal price of $5.99.

third zombie novel
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Zombie Turkeys audiobook cover. Click to get!

Don’t you like reading about sentient alien intelligence that is a Star Trek fan?

Most of you know my first book, Zombie Turkeys, now available in audiobook format:

Somewhat fewer of you know my second book, My Undead Mother-in-law, also available in audiobook format:

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And still fewer know about my third zombie book, Paranormal Privateers.  get your book here.

Paranormal Privateers Status, my third zombie book

I had fun researching Washington DC’s geography, the layout and distances around the National Mall, and shaped explosive charges! 

Drop by weekly, or subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll give you bi-monthly updates.

And Now Get Rare Excerpt

From Chapter 4 London, the first draft of  Paranormal Privateers, we find the paranormal privateers, George, Diane, Lulu, and Sharon, going incognito as undeclared zombies, quite against British law at the time. They’re using bloodhounds and zombie corgis to track down terrorists threatening London. Oh, and they have a truckload of zombie bulls.

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Scotland Yard met us the next morning when we docked in the port of London. We divided up into three groups to cover the area. Diane and I took everything between Grosvenor Place and Belgrave Place. Lulu and Sharon took the area from Belgrave to Basil. The Scotland Yard dog handlers Jerry Naismith and Benjamin Buxley took the wedge from Basil to Knightsbridge.

We jogged along, Diane and I. She had picked up the special two-wheel wheelchair, iBot, from Kamen industries office in London and loved tooling along at six miles per hour. Since we were in England maybe I should use the metric equivalent: ten kilometers per hour. I had no trouble keeping up with her, even as a deaf-mute. If people talked to me, I just handed them my deaf-mute card. The dogs, our two corgis, and two bloodhounds, also in service dog vests, loved it.

Then came a yell over our headsets. It was the Scotland yard crew, Jerry and Ben, both yelling.

“We’ve found them! The terrorists! They’re on the second floor of Harrods, in the tableware section!” said Jerry.

“We can’t get any closer! They’ve got tasers!” said Ben.

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“The hounds found C-4 in crockpots. When the sales clerks saw us they shot tasers at us!” Jerry continued.

“We would have been fried, but our kevlar vests stopped them,” added Ben.

“Now they’ve surrounded us in the ladies WC, taking shots at us,” Jerry interjected.

“We’re not far away!” said Lulu. “We’ll be right there!”

“George, we’re over a mile away, but we’re close to our truck, er, lorry holding the bulls and more corgis.”

I nodded. We had decided killer turkeys and the crowds of London were not a good combination. The turkeys remained on the yacht.

Diane jumped out of her wheelchair. “I’m breaking cover, you can too, George!” We ran to the truck, about two blocks away.

“Let me drive Diane,” I said.

“Of course. Left-hand drive scares me!”

Left-hand drive just required flipping all my US habits around. Look right first, then left. Keep left. I got the lorry out into traffic. We got into the traffic circle off Grosvenor.

“Look for Brampton exit,” I said.

We went all around the circle. No Brompton.

“Let’s try Chesham,” Diane suggested.

“We just passed it,” I said.

“What about Wilton?”

“You mean that last exit? We can’t go back to it now.”

“Here comes Belgrave again.”

“Let’s pull off,” I consulted the map on my cell phone. No map appeared for London. Rather, a popup said, “Directions disabled for London by order of the City of London. Please consult an official London cabbie.” I read aloud, incredulous.

Excerpt of third zombie book, part 3

The bulls bawled in the lorry. “There’s a taxi stand over there,” I pointed to Diane.

“I’m on it!” Diane leapt out of the lorry, ran across the busy traffic circle, accompanied by honking cars and talked with a cabby. She gave him some money and ran back.

“He’ll lead us to Harrods!”

I followed him out of the traffic circle. Then I heard in the headset, “Yow!”

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“Ay, caramba!” That was Lulu.

“What happened, Lulu?”

“Sharon caught a taser in the face. She’s down! It’s way more electricity than a regular taser. It can stop a zombie!”

“How are the Scotland Yard guys, Jerry and Ben?” I asked.

“We’re fine!” Jerry answered.

“After Lulu and Sharon attacked the clerks let us alone,” Ben added.

“Then we slipped down to the first floor,” Jerry said.

“That’s the second floor in US terminology,” Lulu said.

“So if the tableware is on the second floor, that’s the third?” I asked.

“Yes,” Lulu said.

“What’s your situation, Lulu?” I asked.

“I’m using a cutting board as a shield. When the taser hits it, I cut the wires with my katana.”

“Are they going to rush you? Where are you?”

“I don’t think so. One tried sneaking past me and I bowled him down by throwing a mixer at him. I’m guarding the exit to the dinnerware room. They can’t leave past me, but I can’t advance. I can’t leave Sharon anyway. How long until you get here?”

“We’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

“We’ll need about ten more minutes,” said General MacGregor, who was in charge of the backup forces.

“Good! Double backup! Lulu, hang on, we’re bringing in the heavies!” Diane said.

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Zombie Detective Book on Sale – Plus Excerpt!

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook

Zombie Detective Book on Sale – Plus Excerpt! I picked out this excerpt of my book Zombie Detective with you, my readers. Enjoy! Then grab the whole book for .99 by clicking here.

Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

Do you want to read another excerpt? Click to read Secret Blog Post – Excerpt of Zombie Detective

How about a third excerpt? Click here: Zombie Detective Excerpt 3

Do you want to listen to the audiobook? Click here for Zombie Detective Audiobook Preview. Or you can get all my audiobooks that are still free by clicking here.

P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.

Chapter 12 – Criminal

Zombie Detective New Excerpt
Criminal chapter icon

Sam walked into the office in Chicago Police Headquarters. “Superintendent Howell?”

“Yes. Please call me Gary, Sam.” A big smile creased his brown face below his glasses and bald head.

“Sure, Gary.”

“I’ve prepared a briefing for you. Here are the videos in time order.” Superintendent Howell pushed a button on his computer, and a wall-sized screen lit up, playing a black-and-white security video. A man wearing a ski mask punched a car window, opened the door, and took out a computer bag and a cell phone.

“That was the first crime. Here’s the next.” The same man knocked out a store’s plate-glass window and grabbed a television.

Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

Zombie Detective Book on Sale Excerpt 3 – Part 2

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Sam watched all twelve videos with Gary Howell. They all happened late at night, all the break-ins done by the man’s fist. In the last video, taken from a policeman’s body camera, the man was shot, and he stumbled but kept running and vaulted over a six-foot barbed-wire fence, clearing it with a foot to spare.

“Whoa! I can see why zombiism is suspect number one.”

“Yes. We never found the bullets that were shot, and our video analysis show the man was hit in the leg and the back.”

“And then did the Olympic high-jump stunt.”

“Yes. We also analyzed his speed before the jump. Thirty miles per hour.”

“So an Olympic sprinter as well as a jumper. Have you interviewed any decathletes in Chicago?”

From Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

If you like these kinds of excerpts, subscribe here, if you haven’t already. As a bonus for signing up for my newsletter, you’ll be able to get codes for free audiobooks. Get yours today!

Andy Zach

Andy Zach in repose
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3
Andy Zach in repose
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You Will Laugh at Zombie Detective Parody

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook

You Will Laugh at Zombie Detective Parody! Enjoy these excerpts as my 10th Day of Christmas gift to you!

Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

What is Zombie Detective? It’s a parody of post-zombie apocalypse books–and a parody of amateur detective books. You get two parodies with one book.

But that’s not all! Zombie Detective is on sale for .99 from January 19th to the 26th.

You can get the print book by clicking here.

Do you want to listen to the audiobook? Click here for Zombie Detective Audiobook Preview.

Finally, I will autograph and send a book if you buy it from me, not an online retailer. Get yours here >>> Clickity.

P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.

You Will Laugh at Zombie Detective – Excerpt 1

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Chapter 1 – Laid Off

From Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

“Sam, you’re fired.” Lisa’s green eyes met his brown ones.

“What? Lisa, you and I have worked together at the Midley Beacon for ten years! And we’ve known each other for fifteen!  And we’ve been married almost two months!”   

“Sorry Sam. Romance has to take a back seat to finances. Ever since the bottom dropped out of the zombie turkey news market since the first of the year, the Midley Beacon hasn’t made enough to pay your salary.”

“But that’s our salary. We share and share alike.”

“We can still live on my salary. And you can apply for unemployment, now that you’re fired.”  

“But what’ll I do all day? I can only play Fortnight for so long.”

“What did you do before I hired you, ten years ago? What did you do while I was in college?”

“Uh, mow lawns. Handyman repair. Stuff like that. But I’m a grown man now. I want more.”

“Hmm, you are a decent reporter.”

“Thanks Lisa. That’s high praise from you.”

“Well it’s the truth. You’ve grown from a crappy reporter, like 99% of all reporters, to well above average. I did lay off everyone else on the staff before you, you know.”

Free Zombie Detective Excerpt – Part 2

Your Thirteenth Literary Gift Andy Zach Newsletter Zombie Detective Audiobook
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

“Now, shoo! Don’t forget to clear out your desk.”

“Aw, you’re making me feel warm and mushy.”

“That’s part of good management, emotional manipulation.”

“Uh, you mean you don’t mean it?”

“Nah, I mean it. Emotional manipulation is much more effective if you’re sincere.  Say, why don’t you call Andy Zach and see if he has some royalties to share. We signed a contract with him to get half the royalties from his book Zombie Turkeys. We supplied more than half his source material right from the pages of the Midley Beacon.”

“I just called him yesterday. His sales haven’t paid for the cover yet, let alone the editing.”

“I told him to go with traditional publishing!”

“He’d still be trying to get an agent, let alone publishing his book. Who wants to represent a zombie turkey author?”

Zombie Detective Sam Melvin
Lisa Kambacher

“So think of something to do with your reporting and investigative skills. That’s your first job. Get out of here and work on it at home. When I come home tonight, I want a decision from you. That’s a deadline.”

“Ok, Lisa. And thanks. You know I work best under a deadline.”

“Sure dear. We’ll go out for dinner tonight to celebrate your new career, whatever it will be.”

“I’m kind of tired of McDonalds.”

“We’ll spurge. We’ll go to the big city of Peoria. Maybe to the Country Time Buffet.”

“Wow. Thanks, Lisa.”

Your Will Laught at Zombie Detective – Chapter 3 – Turkeys

Secret Blog Post
Sam Melvin, dealing with Zombie Turkeys

“Me too. Now that’s over, let’s talk business. About Maryland.”

“What’s going on, Lisa?”

“After the zombie turkey apocalypse, they kept a flock of wild zombie turkeys for hunters. Maryland’s gotten great tourist trade from that. The recent bad weather on the East Coast has kept the hunters down, and the turkeys are out of control. They’re hunting people in the suburbs of Hagerstown.”

“What can I do about that? That’s a problem for the National Guard. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”

“Yes, I know. The governor, Mary Landis, called me begging for your help. They can’t find the turkeys. I promised her that you’ve got a nose for zombie turkeys and you’ll find their hideouts in no time flat. They’re paying you two thousand per day for this, so don’t screw up. I’ve booked an evening flight to Hagerstown from the Peoria airport at six p.m. That gives you an hour to get there. Starting now.”

Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

You Will Laugh at Zombie Detective Parody! – Part 2

You Will Laugh at  Zombie Detective Parody!

The captain put up a map on the wall-sized video screen. It was dotted with little black symbols and bigger red ones. Looking closely, Sam saw they were miniature turkeys.

“The small black symbols are where we’ve found turkeys. The large red ones are where we fought them. The battles are all on the west side of Hagerstown. And so are all the turkeys we’ve found in the woods.”

Sam walked to the screen and peered closely at the symbols. “Hmmm. Look at the turkey attacks, Captain. Do you see the pattern?”

“It’s kind of a semicircular tangent to Hagerstown. What does that mean?”

“See this attack near Cearfoss Pike? Then this one on Fairview Road? Look how they follow the Conococheague Creek. All these attacks in Fairview Acres—it’s surrounded by a big loop of the creek.”

“So they’re following the creek.”

“Yes. Even zombie turkeys need water. And I’m sure there are lots of trees and brush around it.”

“So much so we haven’t bothered investigating the banks.”

“That’s where we’ll go then.”

From Zombie Detective, by Andy Zach

You Will Laugh at Zombie Detective – More gifts below!

Thirty-Three Gifts for you!

Andy Zach in repose
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3
You Will Laugh at  Zombie Detective Parody!!
Andy Zach in repose

Here are thirty gifts for the twenty-four days of Advent and the eight days of Christmas–so far!

Half of Your Gifts!

Claim your free books from me by clicking here! Which ones? Most of them!

That’s the tenth day of Christmas. I’ve got more gifts for you for the final two days of Christmas!

Questions? Comments? Let me know by clicking here or email me at [email protected]