Posted on 25 Comments

25 Days to Christmas – 25 Literary Gifts for You!

25 Literary Gifts for You! I’m author Andy Zach. For the next 25 days, I’ll give you 25 literary gifts of all shapes and sizes. Let’s get started!

From my book Zombie Turkeys, you get this section from the first chapter.

Bartonville

He felt different. More energetic, more alive. He bred with female after female in his flock without tiring. He stayed awake through the night. No predator scared him anymore.

Then a turkey hunter shot him.

The setting sun overlooked a crisp, clear evening in early November. South of Bartonville, Illinois, a farmer had leased his wood lot to two turkey hunters. Big and burly in their bulky camouflaged outfits, they had just bagged one.

“Good shot, Pete!”

“He’s a big ‘un!”

Pete and Bob walked up to the tom turkey, bleeding on the cold ground. The rest of the flock had scattered into the woods. He had exceptionally good plumage and weighed perhaps twenty pounds. Pete reached down and picked him up by the neck.

“He weighs at least twenty-five pounds!”

Then the turkey’s eyes opened—and gleamed red. He kicked with his spurs and pecked savagely at Pete’s arms and eyes. Dozens of his hens attacked the men from behind.

“Gobble! Gobble!”

He felt different. More energetic, more alive. He had no memory of being shot, but a certain turkey satisfaction at killing his killers. He also enjoyed pecking at their dead meat. This meat tasted better than the frogs he usually ate. He led his flock down the road, in search of more predators to eat.

The Next Scene

Literary Gifts
First Draft Complete
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters

Bill Westcot, the coroner of Midley, Illinois (population 512), had seen his share of grisly deaths, but this one took the cake. Two hunters apparently pecked to death by turkeys. How could this be? Wild turkeys were normally shy and secretive, not even as aggressive as geese. Bill looked up as a man came in—average height, maybe five nine, medium build, not fat, not skinny, roundish face, hazel eyes, and brown hair. He would be hard to remember. But Bill had known him all his life.

Sam Melvin, the reporter for Midley Beacon, dropped in for his daily chat. Sam and Bill had been friends since elementary school, and they had both stayed around Midley all their lives. Bill, a short, stocky guy with blondish hair, had gone off to school and become a coroner.

Sam had stayed in Midley after high school, doing odd jobs, until he got on with the Midley Beacon. As a reporter and blogger for a small-town weekly paper, Sam wasn’t especially busy, and he liked to socialize.

When he saw what remained of the corpses on the mortuary slabs, Sam exclaimed, “Gowlurp! Gaawka-urop!” He ran to the bathroom and puked. After washing out his mouth, he returned, eyes averted.

“Who in the hell were those poor bastards?”

“Peter James and Robert Smithville, according to their drivers’ licenses and their shooting permits.”

“They look like someone went at them with a thousand pickaxes.”

“Yup. Pretty gruesome, even for me.”

“What in the world happened?”

Suspenseful Break in Literary Gifts

Literary Gifts

“As far as I can tell, they were pecked to death by a flock of wild turkeys.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like that!”

“Yeah, that’s not really normal turkey behavior.”

“Could they be rabid?”

“Turkeys don’t get rabid, Sam.”

“They don’t attack hunters either. Is ‘death by wild turkey’ what you’ll put on their death certificates?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well, that’s what I’ll put as my story headline then. It’ll be in tomorrow’s paper.”

“Make sure when you write it up, people know that ‘wild turkey’ is a bird and not liquor.”

“How can you joke when you have these poor fellows on the slab over there?”

“It’s a job. You get used to it.”

So What Do you Think of Day 1 of Literary Gifts?

Literary Gifts 
2021 Reviews Zombie Turkeys Audible
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

Tell me and I’ll give you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys! Just click here or email me at [email protected].

Are you curious to listen to the audiobook? Click here to listen to a sample.

If you want more gifts like these, just sign up for my newsletter by clicking here. I give away free copies of my books. Each of the next 25 days will be in the newsletter.

Or you can just stay here, checking back every day until Christmas.

Posted on 1 Comment

The 12 Christmas Links – Will You Laugh?

The 12 Christmas Links – Will You Laugh? That’s what I want to know. Let’s start with the first link:

The NORAD Santa Tracker

I first learned about the NORAD Santa Tracker in 2000, 20 years ago. I was quite cracked up that a branch of the US military would put up this elaborate web site to track Santa’s sleigh around the world. Each year the site became more sophisticated and elaborate.

Here’s the live Youtube feed:

It’s been fun following NORAD through the years with my children, from their teenage years to adulthood. My daughter follows them on Alexa.

Up next is this blast from Christmas past.

1981 Merry Christmas

12 Christmas Links – 1981 Merry Christmas

I lived through Ronald Reagan’s Presidency, from 1981, when I was 25 to 1989, when I was 33 and married for three years.

Now, let’s have a little Christmas entertainment coming up.

My Favorite Christmas Jazz

You know it and love it too. Here you go!

Interestingly, the drummer is 78-years-old Jerry Granelli, who is the last surviving member of the “Vince Guaraldi Trio”. The Trio consisted of Guaraldi on piano, Fred Marshall on bass and Jerry Granelli on drums. They, of course, recorded the original soundtrack for “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.

For my fourth link, I go to a classic from Tchaicovsky, ‘The Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairies” as rendered in this next clip:

Link 4 – A Classic Movie and Music Clip

Have you seen Fantasia? How about Fantasia 2000? Let me know what you think of them.

Your Fifth Link – My Favorite Christmas Movie

Since I’ve breached the movie genre, let’s continue in that vein with this classic:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_N4CAO1Gcvw

I first saw ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’ as a young adult and I thought it was wonderful. What’s your favorite Christmas movie? Tell me, and I’ll give you a free audiobook.

12 Christmas Links – My Favorite Light Display Next

I play Wizards in Winter every year at Christmas.

Your Seventh Link – My Favorite Traditional Carol

But I’ve got more carols for you. Look to the following link.

Your Eighth Link – Non-traditional Christmas Carol

I love Carman! What sort of music do you like? Each response gets a free audiobook. Or you can join my newsletter here. Newsletter subscribers get all my audiobooks free.

You’ve got more coming up! Check out the eighth link below.

Next? The History of Christmas Carols

Do You Like Christmas Books?

A lot of writers create stories or books for Christmas. I haven’t done that yet, but this is the best I’ve on the subject. You’ll enjoy it for its own sake as a children’s book.

Let me know about your favorite book, Christmas or not. I’ll gladly give you an audiobook.

Now for a Christmas Laugh

This is the original and official video to go with this famous Christmas comedy song.

For my last link, let’s talk about the reason for the season.

12 Christmas Links – The Reason for the Season

12 Christmas Links
Why We Celebrate Christmas

Opinion: There’s never been a better Christmas . . .

And with that, let me wish you and your loved ones and very merry Christmas!

Posted on

12 Days of Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style

12 Days of Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style

What is ‘Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style’? How do Zombie Turkeys celebrate the 12 days of Christmas?

Christmas Zombie Turkeys Style
Christmas Zombie Turkeys Style

Regardless of what you’ve imagined or dreamt about celebrating Christmas with zombie turkeys, it’s far, far more. Let’s begin at the beginning.

Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style – It Starts NOW

That’s right, today. To every newsletter subscriber I’ll send out the chance to get a free book, every day, for twelve days, from December 25th to January 5th.  Here’s the start of the Wikipedia article:

The Twelve Days of Christmas, also known as Twelvetide, is a festive Christian season celebrating the Nativity of Jesus. In most Western ecclesiastical traditions, “ChristmasDay” is considered the “First Day of Christmas” and the Twelve Days are 25 December – 5 January, inclusive.[1]

“But wait, Andy!” you say, “How does it start now?”

Thanks for asking! Because YOU have to prepare to receive the gifts from me. You see, I’m offering these books to new newsletter subscribers and people who get new subscribers.

Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style – How You and Your Friends Get Free Books

Zombie Turkeys in Shedd Aquarium. Click to get audiobook Christmas Zombie Turkey Style

 

First, if you’re not yet a newsletter subscriber, subscribe here. You’ll also get a free story!

Every new newsletter subscriber gets entered into this twelve day drawing for the twelve ebooks I’ll give away. Your choice.

Christmas Zombie Turkey Style
Life After Life Chronicles available as a series! Click to get!

But that’s not all!

Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style -What’s in it for existing subscribers?

The second way to get your name in my golden turkey list of gifts is to get your friends and family to subscribe to the newsletter. After they subscribe, send me their emails and you’ll get an entry for each new subscriber. This is actually a better deal for my faithful fans, for there is no limit to the number of entries you can get.

But wait–there’s more!

 

Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style -The Third Way to Win

Let’s face it: the best gift you can give me is a book review. For any book of mine. You can write it on either Amazon or on Goodreads.

Then, afterward, just send me a note through my contact page here or email [email protected]. Tell me where you wrote the review, your email, and which ebook of mine you want: Zombie Turkeys, My Undead Mother-in-law, or Paranormal Privateers.

Zombie Turkeys Thanksgiving
My Undead Mother-in-law front cover. Click to get!

Christmas Zombie Turkey Style
Paranormal Privateers front small Click to get your copy!

All of this is in addition to my monthly drawings for two free books, one paperback or ebook, the other audiobook for subscribers.

Christmas, Zombie Turkey Style -Start Now!

Reviews, new subscribers, new subscriptions–on your mark, get set, go!