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Zombie Apocalypse Recommendations v. Zombie Turkeys

Zombie Apocalypse Recommendations

The CDC has issued Zombie Apocalypse Recommendations. Zombie apocalypse is a common fictional and video game trope. Read their recommendations right here:

Andy Zach told me he'll evaulate this guide against the zombie turkey apocalypse.

Posted by Zombie Turkeys on Friday, March 12, 2021

Naturally, as the author of Zombie Turkeys, I wondered how well their recommendations would with my zombie turkey apocalypse. Let’s take a look.

Zombie Turkeys versus the CDC Zombie Apocalypse Recommendations

For those who aren’t familiar with Zombie Turkeys, here’s the blurb:

Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country.

Zombie Turkeys Blurb

So these zombies are a lot worse than regular zombies. They regenerate, they don’t decay. Good luck trying to kill them. Let’s see what the CDC says.

Here is the CDC's Zombie Apocalypse guide. I'll be publishing a commentary on it soon.

Posted by Zombie Turkeys on Sunday, March 14, 2021

Their first recommendation? Be prepared. Have these supplies:

CDC Emergency page.

Water (1 gallon per person per day)

Food (stock up on non-perishable items that you eat regularly)

Medications (this includes prescription and non-prescription meds)

Tools and Supplies (utility knife, duct tape, battery powered radio, etc.)

Sanitation and Hygiene (household bleach, soap, towels, etc.)

Clothing and Bedding (a change of clothes for each family member and blankets)

Important documents (copies of your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to name a few)

First Aid supplies (although you’re a goner if a zombie bites you, you can use these supplies to treat basic cuts and lacerations that you might get during a tornado or hurricane)

CDC’s Recommendations

So, how does this stack up to zombie turkeys? Pretty well. One of the recommendations is to stay inside your house or bomb shelter until they go away. All these supplies will help as you hunker down.

Let me know if you have any further ideas. I’ll give you a free Zombie Turkeys book!

Your Next Zombie Apocalypse Recommendation

After your emergency kit you need to have an evacuation plan.

Picture of Family by mailbox
Family members meeting by their mailbox. You should pick two meeting places, one close to your home and farther away
  1. Identify the types of emergencies that are possible in your area. Besides a zombie apocalypse, this may include floods, tornadoes, or earthquakes. If you are unsure contact your local Red Cross chapter for more information.
  2. Pick a meeting place for your family to regroup in case zombies invade your home…or your town evacuates because of a hurricane. Pick one place right outside your home for sudden emergencies and one place outside of your neighborhood in case you are unable to return home right away.
  3. Identify your emergency contacts. Make a list of local contacts like the police, fire department, and your local zombie response team. Also identify an out-of-state contact that you can call during an emergency to let the rest of your family know you are ok.
  4. Plan your evacuation route. When zombies are hungry they won’t stop until they get food (i.e., brains), which means you need to get out of town fast! Plan where you would go and multiple routes you would take ahead of time so that the flesh eaters don’t have a chance! This is also helpful when natural disasters strike and you have to take shelter fast.

How well does this plan handle zombie turkeys? Pretty well, but you need a secure building or location where zombie turkeys can’t reach you. Remember, they can fly and peck through glass. Cinder blocks and bunkers are your friends!

Plan evacuation by car, since they only fly about twenty miles per hour. Try to avoid driving into large flocks, since they can stall your car. That would be very bad.

Your Third Step to Surviving Zombie Turkeys

The CDC’s final recommendation?

If zombies did start roaming the streets, CDC would conduct an investigation much like any other disease outbreak. CDC would provide technical assistance to cities, states, or international partners dealing with a zombie infestation. This assistance might include consultation, lab testing and analysis, patient management and care, tracking of contacts, and infection control (including isolation and quarantine).

It’s likely that an investigation of this scenario would seek to accomplish several goals: determine the cause of the illness, the source of the infection/virus/toxin, learn how it is transmitted and how readily it is spread, how to break the cycle of transmission and thus prevent further cases, and how patients can best be treated. Not only would scientists be working to identify the cause and cure of the zombie outbreak, but CDC and other federal agencies would send medical teams and first responders to help those in affected areas (I will be volunteering the young nameless disease detectives for the field work).

Zombie Apocalypse Recommendations

Get The Final Authority On Zombie Turkeys Here

Getting more information is always good. Read all about it in my book Zombie Turkeys, now on sale for .99.

Finally, don’t miss further zombie apocalypse advice. Subscribe now to my newsletter and get five free audiobooks!

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Do You Want A Funny Novel @ 80% Off? Try Paranormal Privateers

Funny Novel

Do You Want A Funny Novel @ 80% Off? Try Paranormal Privateers by Andy Zach

Is Paranormal Privateers a Funny Novel? Try this sample:

A motion on the floor caught my eye as I sat on the bed. A cockroach crawled up the drain and onto the floor. Surprising. Usually, Britain kept their prisons pest free. Then another. And then a dozen more. Then hundreds.

This was not normal cockroach behavior. They do not come into the light in swarms. I sat cross-legged on the bed and watched the swarm with fascination. They each climbed the door, walked the steel perimeter, and went back down the drain, even as others went up.

Utterly curious, I nabbed one with my lightning reflexes before it descended. Examining it carefully, I saw a metal dot under its thorax and a narrow tube attached to its abdomen. A pungent, acidic smell came from the tube. I looked back to the door. A narrow trench had been eaten in the door’s perimeter, right where the cockroaches still marched. Near the ceiling light, I saw mist curl away from the door.

Modified and controlled cockroaches—that was like Vik Staskas’ cyborg controlled animals. I read his Ph.D. paper on the technology as well as the Midley Beacon’s de-classified reports on his battles with the zombies. Since Vik was dead, at the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, this could only be one of my siblings or Papa Smith trying to rescue me.

New Novel Paranormal Privateers Excerpts – Part 2

Going back through my perfect memory of the twists and turns where they led me here hooded, counting my steps, and remembering the doors, I was confident I could retrace my steps.

The last of the cockroaches marched around the door, leaving its trail of acid. The steel was etched deep, perhaps a centimeter or more. Couldn’t be much left.

I knocked on the door. Yes, it felt like a centimeter thick, and it echoed like it was almost cut through. Then someone knocked back, much harder.

“I’m here!” I called. I assumed this was my rescuer.

“Step back,” grated a curious, tinny voice, like it was coming through a small radio.

I stepped away.

CLUMP! CLUMP! Two metallic thunks hit the other side of the door. Then, SKREERK! The door tore off like the lid of a tin of meat.

I didn’t expect what I saw. A male, silverback gorilla filled the doorway and the whole hallway beyond. Thick armor covered his body. Casually, he placed the door scrap against the hall.

“Follow me,” he said.

Want more? I have another excerpt here.

Or you can go big pig and go here to Amazon or here to CreateSpace for more free reading.

But why settle for excerpts when you can get the WHOLE BOOK for .99?

Funny Novel for .99 – Here’s How

First, click here:

Funny novel
Paranormal Privateers front small Click to get your copy!

Next, click “Buy” within 34 hours of 4 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Central Time, USA. You see, the sale is up for only 40 hours and 6 have already passed. Then the price goes up.

Finally, read and enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Other fun from around the Internet

I keep finding fun items. Here are a few more.

A Silent Movie Pianist Gives a Demo

Then there’s this bit of internet animated Flash history. Please reply to me or comment if you’ve never seen this before!

How can I top that video? By one of the greatest videos by one of the greatest parody artists of all time! See if you can keep from laughing at this next video.

Finally, I must say goodbye for now!

Andy Zach’s TombstoneAndy Zach's Tombstone