Get Free Tax Tips from Author Andy Zach!

Once again, I’m publishing for the FIRST TIME my newsletters. These were formerly sent ONLY to my subscribers. And you can become one and stop missing great tips like this. Click here now. Get Free Tax Tips below!

I’m using a new technique to transfer my email to my web post. Let me know how you like it in the comments.

Also, let me know if you like my free tax tips. I’ll give you a free copy of my tax spreadsheet upon request. (Click here to get the spreadsheet and Free Tax Tips.)

Free Tax Tips Below!

Volume 1, Number 16

After taking a break to celebrate Easter and Passover, I’m shipping out this newsletter just in time to give you some advice on popular tax programs.  I recently filed my Illinois state taxes and realized over my life I’ve used three tax programs: Credit Karma, Tax Act, and Turbo Tax. I thought you’d like my comparison of the three on my blog:

3 Tax Programs Compared For Tax Day – Zombie Turkeys

What Do You Have Andy, That’s Better Than Taxes?

That’s a low bar to hurdle! Here’s the best news I’ve got:

Andy Zach at Her Majesty’s Tea Room in Dunlap, Illinois – Zombie Turkeys

It’s true: you can meet me IN PERSON and get your copy of Zombie Turkeys signed by moi. If you already have your signed copy, you can still get a free copy of the sequel My Undead Mother-in-law by staying on this mailing list. My Undead Mother-in-law is scheduled to be published in July. Or, if you choose, you can get a copy of the Zombie Turkeys audiobook when it comes out.

Every month I have a drawing for a free book. You can improve your chances by getting your friends to sign up for the list at http://www.zombieturkeys.com. and sending me their email address to prove that you encouraged them.

(P.S. neethu.ohm, I haven’t heard from you on which free book you want.)

What’s New?

S’funny you asked! I have a whole blog post on it here:

Don’t Miss Your Latest Zombie Turkey News! – Zombie Turkeys

In this post, I link to yet another Zombie Turkey review. In case you haven’t reviewed it yet, go here right now or you’ll be a turkey!  Gobble! Gobble!

The Final Freebie to Go!

I always like to end my newsletter.with a free something. (Besides the Free Tax Tips above.) Here is a new excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law attached to this email. I recently rewrote the first chapter. Let me know what you think!

Your turkey,

Andy

Free My Undead Mother-in-law Excerpt – Advanced Reader Copy

• Chapter 1 – My Mother-in-law
  “We just passed Elkhart. We’re two-thirds of the way there,” said Karen.
  “Goody,” I said.
  “Are you still grumpy about going to see my mother? You’ve always liked her, ever since you met her ten years ago.”
  “It’s not your mother; it’s your mother the zombie. Who wants to see one zombie, let alone four of
  them?”
  “Now that’s not fair. Mom and Dad have adjusted to their zombiism very well. Mom still volunteers at
  church and bakes cookies and pies for the bake sales. Dad still works as an accountant at GM. There’s
  nothing to worry about!”
  “That covers Diane and George. I know them. I guess I’m ready for them. What about your brother and
  this new girlfriend of his? I don’t think Don has said two whole sentences to me since I’ve known him!”
  “He’d never get a word in edgewise, with you Ron. You said yourself; you’ve had diarrhea of the mouth.
  He and his friend Maggie will be fine.”
  “Whatever you say, Karen,” I knew when to surrender.
  “Hmmph!”

  Excerpt Part 2

  I glanced at Karen while I drove. Her arms were crossed under her breasts and she looked out the
  window, away from me. Trying to make peace, I said, “I thought we dodged a bullet when the zombie
  turkey plague just missed Gary Indiana. I never dreamt this zombie thing would hit our own family.” I
  said in a carefully neutral tone.
  “So far, it hasn’t hit us hard. Life goes on as usual.”
  Great! At least she’s talking to me. “As great as it can with glowing red eyes,” I said with a big grin.
  “I suppose. I hadn’t really thought about how hard life would be, like that.”
  “I have no clue what that’d be like.”
  “Clueless from Toledo!”
  “Clueless going to Gary.” We laughed. “Remember our rehearsal dinner?” I said.
  “Sure. That was six years ago. Hard to believe.”
• “Your Mom and I got along fine there. We dominated the conversation, as I recall. I hardly noticed the
  rest of your family. I do remember your Dad impressing me with his analytical mind. Did Don even talk?”
  “Yes, a little, to me.”
  “Well, I don’t remember anything.’ I only had eyes for you’,” I warbled.
  “Ha! Good thing I didn’t hear you sing before I said ‘I do’.”
  “I’m sure you did.”
  “I’m sure I wouldn’t notice. I was too amazed I got to marry the ‘Big Man on Campus’, college graduate
  and internet marketer, Ron Yardley.”
  “So why did a beautiful girl like you marry a guy like me?”
  “I still don’t think I’m beautiful, just average. You’re the good looking one!”
  “Thank you, but you’re wrong. You’re the good looking one. I’m just average.”
  “We’ll have to agree to disagree.”

  Excerpt Part 3

  We settled into a companionable silence for ten miles or so. Then I said, “I know why I’m so reluctant to
  meet your family.”
  “Why?”

  “I did some marketing for the Midley Beacon during the turkey apocalypse last Thanksgiving and then later

  for author Andy Zach’s book about it, Zombie Turkeys. I saw a lot of photos and videos and read too
  many gory details. I never liked the idea of pretend zombies, let alone real life ones. I was just glad we
  missed it in Toledo. Now I’m in the middle of it.”
  “Now Ron, meeting my family, even if they’re zombies, doesn’t put you in the middle of another zombie
  apocalypse.”
  “Yeah, you’re right.” That was the ultimate solution to any marital disagreement, I’ve found.

  Excerpt Part 4

  “What’s Don’s girl friend’s name again?”
  “Maggie. Maggie Unsicker. Mom said they were going to announce their engagement this weekend, for
  Valentine’s Day. That’s why we’re going. Remember?”
  “Of course. I wonder why so few people have turned zombie? First, there were zombie squirrels, then
  zombie rabbits, then zombie cows, and finally, a dozen people or so turned zombie.”
  “None of those zombies were really numerous like the turkeys were.”
  “Thank God for that! What does Maggie do, anyway? Besides play video games like Don, I mean.
• “Maggie’s a phlebotomist and a lab technician at Methodist Hospital in Gary.”
  “A what?”
  “Phlebotomist. She takes blood samples from people and then runs lab tests on them.”
  As we pull up in their drive, I’m reassured by the sheer normality of their three-bedroom suburban
  home: Green yard, partially covered with snow, evergreen bushes, two car garage. There is no sign
  zombies live there. Of course, what sign could I expect? A skull and crossbones and ‘Beware of
  Zombies’? Perhaps a biohazard sign?

  Diane greets us at the door. “Hello, my love!” She hugged Karen. Karen barely flinched as she looked into her mother’s bright, red eyes. But she grunted “Ugh!” at the force of her embrace.

  “Ease up Mom.”
  “Oh, sorry.”
  “Hello Mom,” I said, as I hugged her as hard I as could. She hugged me back twice as hard. “Ugh,” I
  grunted too. Diane still had blonde-highlighted brown hair, as she had when I first met her. She’d gained a pound or two, though.

  Excerpt Part 5

  Diane seated us on the living room sofa. “Supper’s on. I have a nice pot roast for us tonight. Donnie and
  Maggie should be here soon. George!” She called. “The kids are here!”
  A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was
  built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman, rather than an accountant.
  “Hi Karen. Hi Ron.” He spoke softly. He hugged his daughter, gently, and shook my hand, firmly, but not crushingly.His bright red eyes looked squarely in mine.
  “I’m so glad you made the trip. You can help us put to rest the ugly rumors that people with zombiism
  aren’t human. It’s just a disease. It’s not even harmful,” enthused Diane.
  “Mom, we love you. You don’t have to convince us.” I said.
  “Of course not. I know that. It’s just that we’ve had people talking behind our backs at church and the
  public health officials trying to pressure us to get the treatment to eliminate the disease.”
  “Don’t you want to get rid of it? I think the antibiotics for it are safe and effective.”
  “You‘d think so, but we actually have never felt better in our lives! I have more energy than ever, and so
  does George—right George?”
  “Yup.”
• “My arthritic aches and pains have completely disappeared and George’s old football knee injury is all
  better too.”
  Looking out the window, George said, “Don and Maggie just pulled up.”

  Excerpt Part 6

  Entering the room, Don looked like a smaller version of his Dad, with the same squat build. Maggie was
  also short and plump, and attractive in a round sort of way.
  I’m glad Karen got all the good-looking genes in the family, I thought to myself.
  We sat down to dinner. The pot roast was delicious; Diane had made it with caramelized onions and
  mushrooms, mixed with carrots and potatoes. Seeing four pairs of shining red eyes around the table
  twisted my stomach around the pot roast, but I tried not to think about it.
  For dessert, we had a New York style cheesecake, decorated with a big heart and “Be My Valentine” on
  the top.
  “We have the two old sweethearts, me and George, the recent sweethearts, Karen and Ron, and the
  new sweethearts, Don and Maggie!” Diane announced enthusiastically. She divided the cake into six
  equal sections.
  “Oh, that’s too much for me!” Karen exclaimed.
  “OK, how about half?”
  “That’s fine.”
  Everyone else ate the big portion of cake. Diane noticed me watch her eat hers and commented, “Our
  appetite has really picked up recently. We’re eating more, but not gaining weight.”
  “That alone gives us reason to stay zombie,” Don spoke for the first time. Becoming a powerful zombie
  had really brought Don out of his shell.
  “Yes, we were talking about people pressuring us to get treatment before you came.”
  “Over my dead body!” Don said fiercely and then laughed at the irony.
  “That’d actually be pretty hard to do,” Maggie said with a smile. Zombie jokes arose spontaneously
  around the Newby’s dinner table.
  “And now, you two, don’t you have an announcement?” Diane looked at them expectantly.

  Excerpt Part 7

  Maggie looked at Don, raising her eyebrows in question. Or maybe, she meant, ‘She’s your mother.’
  “What did you have in mind, Mom?” Don asked with a frown.
  “Didn’t you say you’d get engaged this weekend?”
  “Yeah, we talked about it, but we don’t see the point. We’re happy living together.”
• “You told me you’d propose to Maggie this weekend!” Diane’s outrage crept into her voice.
  “Yeah, but I changed my mind.”
  “”You promised!” Diane stood and yelled, “Don’t lie to your mother!”
  “We’re adults,” Don stood too. “We’re allowed to change our minds. And don’t yell at me like a little
  kid.” Don stood too, glaring. at his mother.
  “You’re adults, but you can’t live in adultery. If you ever want to stay in our house, you have to get
  married!”
  “We don’t have to do anything! Let’s go Maggie.” Don reached to take Maggie’s hand, but Diane rushed
  to him and grabbed his other hand.
  “No, you don’t! You won’t leave until we settle this and you agree to get married!”
  “Don’t be silly Mom. You can’t stop me.” He tried to push her away, but she clung burrlike to his arm.
  “Don’t make me angry!” she threatened.
  Finally, with a convulsive fling, he pushed her across the room. The wallboard dented where she hit.
  Don looked startled by his own action.
  George suddenly stood up, like a mountain rising from the sea. The chair shot out behind him, hitting
  another section of the dining room and cracking it.
  “Don—” he began, firm as a stone.
  “So you want to be rough, do you?” Diane’s sudden soft tone was far more chilling than her yelling.
  Every eye, red and otherwise, focused on her. George stopped, waiting.