Category: Writing

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Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this exciting excerpt from my recent book, My Undead Mother-in-law. Middle-aged, overweight housewife Diane Newby stars as an average woman who becomes a powerful zombie with glowing red eyes, super strength, and regenerative power.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

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Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift: From My Undead Mother-in-law

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift

 

George hacked at a katana-wielding woman, who barely came to his chest, with his four-foot claymore. She neatly deflected the blow, and her counter slash cut through his body armor to his ribs.

“Crap.” He sighed as he spun away from another katana slice, spraying blood and barely deflecting the blow. These gals were much worse than the zombie gorillas. They were faster than he was!

Enraged that her husband had been injured, Diane beheaded the female zombie from behind with her glaive. Two other bodyguards, in turn, attacked her from behind. George jumped between them and her, catching both katana blades on his claymore. The force of the double blow deflected him into Diane, who tumbled backward over him and rolled into the two attackers, knocking them over.

Screaming in rage and grabbing and lifting each girl by her steel-wired bikini top, she jumped to the railing and hurled them into the sea, off the stern of the yacht. Then a naginata hit her in the back and came out her sternum, pitching her into the brine.

George roared “Diane!” and raced to help her.

Four zombie bodyguards assaulted him, and he was hard-pressed to stay alive himself, let alone help Diane.

Diane in the Drink

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift My Undead Mother-in-law back cover
My Undead Mother-in-law back cover, no blurb.

Hitting the sea, Diane reached behind her and pulled out the naginata. It was just like unbuttoning dress buttons down her back, except her chest exploded with pain, and clouds of her blood filled the water. I’d better hold on to this, she thought. She’d left her glaive on the deck when she’d grabbed her assailants.

She needed the naginata immediately. The blood in the water, from her and other zombie women, corgis, turkeys, and bulls attracted hundreds of sharks around the ship. One zoomed directly at her.

“Ah! Take that!” she shouted, filling her mouth with water as she plunged the eighteen-inch blade into the shark’s mouth. It bit down on the wooden shaft, severing it, then slowly rolled away, bleeding copiously from its mouth.

Back to the Boat

I’d better get back into the boat, she thought urgently as she spat water, blood, and air from her mouth and swam quickly to the surface. Good thing I swim like a fish—with zombie speed.

Porpoising her whole body length out of the water, Diane gasped in pain. Her chest and back wounds still sucked air. The ship’s wet dock was twenty feet away to her right, but ten feet ahead of her, closing fast, was the triangular fin of another, bigger shark. Diane had no weapon, her chest wound hindered breathing, and she was weak from the naginata blow.

She swam toward the shark, meeting it head-on. That was the only way she knew to deal with trouble. It rolled over, exposing rows of teeth in a gaping mouth seeking to swallow her whole. Diane grabbed the lower jaw in one hand and the upper jaw in the other and tore off the lower jaw. Diane was startled; it was harder than she expected. Her fingers were cut to the bone on the razor-sharp teeth.

Into the Slaughterhouse

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.

Bleeding like a slaughterhouse, the shark rolled upright and slowly swam away to be eaten by its fellows.

Painfully, Diane swam to the transom dock. She hadn’t felt this bad since before she’d become a zombie. Her chest wound was barely closed. The bone and muscle had healed, but her skin gaped open red and ugly. She’d have a doozy of a scar. Her fingers still were cut to the bone and bleeding. She didn’t know how effective she’d be battling these zombie girls. Hunger gnawed her gut as her zombie tissues transformed themselves to repair her wounds, cannibalizing her body tissues. I should have taken a bite of that shark, she thought ruefully.

She gasped for air as she hauled herself up on the transom dock, and she tasted gulf water. Salt water! Her zombie bacteria were dying! As soon as she stood up, two zombie ninjas charged her, one with a katana and one with a naginata. And she was weaponless. The lead one called to someone behind her, “Get her!” Glancing behind her, Diane saw the two woman bodyguards she’d thrown in the water coming up behind her. They didn’t have weapons, so she turned her back on the two killer women in front of her and charged the two behind her, slowly, painfully.

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift Concludes

Your Twenty-Third Literary Gift

What do you think of your Twenty-Third Literary gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like My Undead Mother-in-law you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

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Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Micro-hippo

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this unique excerpt from my recent book, Zombie Detective. This is perhaps Sam Melvin’s oddest case as a zombie detective.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

If you want to keep track of all my blog posts and get free books you can subscribe to my newsletter by clicking here.

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift: From Zombie Detective

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift New Science Books
Andy Zach’s new scifi detective mystery.

 They sat in a nearby conference room. “How much do you know about Vegan Inc., Sam?”

“They’re a big ag firm that competes with Corn-All. They provide garden seeds for farmers and home gardeners. They sell a line of vegetables. That’s about it.”

“Right. I was recently tasked with a secret project to diversify into pig breeding.”

“OK. That’s a big leap.”

“Yes. It was high risk, high reward, so they threw it to me. I’m fresh from college and too dumb to know something is impossible.”

“So where do I come in?”

“Let me finish with the background. We wanted a fast-growing, healthy strain of pigs. I thought, Wouldn’t it be great if they grew as fast as zombie turkeys?”

“Uh-oh.”

“Right. I created a pig modified with zombie turkey and hippo and mouse DNA.”

“What?” Sam’s stomach clenched.

“I won’t go into all my failures with other combinations. This one worked. I get pigs that grow from piglets to full grown in four weeks.”

“But what’s the catch?”

“They look like hippos. And they grow only to about one pound.”

“Sounds more like a failure than a success.”

“They do taste like pork. And they reproduce fast enough to make up for their lack of size. But―” Bryce stopped and sighed.

“Tell me the worst.”

“They escaped my lab. They’re infesting the whole building. People keep finding them in the toilets. It’s very upsetting.”

“Are they zombies?”

The Threat

Your Twenty-second literary gift Micro-hippo
Micro-hippo

“No, I couldn’t get that to work with pigs, hippos, or mice.”

“Whew. That’s a load off my mind. Sounds like you need pest control.”

“Right. I couldn’t find any who would tackle it, so I called you.”

Sam rubbed his head. “I don’t know, Bryce.”

“You’re my last hope. If you don’t catch them all, I’m fired.”

“OK, I’ll give it a try. Just tell me one thing. Why is Vegan experimenting with pigs? Isn’t that against their image of a pure vegan, non-GMO food source?”

“Well, yes. That’s why the project was top secret. If I can get it to work, it’ll be a spin-off company, Perfect Pork.”

“All right. Let me take a look at the hippo-pigs, or whatever you call them.”

“Right now I’m calling them micro-hippos, but I’m sure the marketers will think of something more appealing.” Bryce stood. “Let’s go to the restroom.”

“You have to go?”

“No, that’s the quickest way to find them.”

They walked in. “Check every stall and toilet.”

Sam looked in the first toilet. A cute hippo looked at him and then disappeared down the drain with a swirl.

“I found one!”

“Good. Now let’s go to the cafeteria. That’s where they feed.”

“Yuck.”

“Right. That’s one more reason why we need you.”

Non-Standard Salad

Your Twenty-second Literary Gift Your Thirteenth Literary Gift

Lunch hadn’t started, so there were just a few people scattered across the large cafeteria.

“First, we’ll go to the salad bar. Ah. They’ve been here. Don’t step in the hippo droppings.”

“How do they get up to the salad bar?”

“They climb as well as mice. Their feet are the least hippo-like. They’re more like rats or mice.” Bryce stirred the salad greens, then the fruit salad. Out popped two eyes peering above the strawberries, pineapple, and melon.

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift Concludes

Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like Zombie Detective you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

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Your Twenty-First Literary Gift of 25 Gifts

Chapter 4 icon Advent Day 12

Your Twenty-First Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, I have a zombie turkey apocalypse. This excerpt is from my first book, Zombie Turkeys. This excerpt is the first news conference after the plague breaks out.

Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.

My past gifts to you are here:

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Your Twenty-First Literary Gift: From Zombie Turkeys

Your Twenty-First Literary Chapter 4 icon
Chapter 4 icon

 

At the press conference, in the city council chamber, General Bagley motioned he would begin.

“At approximately seven p.m. last night, over a hundred thousand zombie turkeys attacked Joliet. They caused widespread death and destruction. The current number of victims is twelve hundred and seventy-three, with another eight hundred missing. The Federal Emergency Management Agency is assisting with recovery, notification of the next of kin, and finding lost people.” General Bagley spoke somberly to the assembled press.

“The first question to be answered is, how did the turkeys escape our military cordon? The turkeys boarded a string of barges in Hennepin and got off south of Joliet. From there, they went to Farm Fresh Turkey Farm, the largest turkey farm in Illinois, killed the workers there, and infected the seventy thousand turkeys.

“Simultaneously with this barge movement, a parallel attack of a flock of about two thousand zombie turkeys tried to escape the cordon by Spring Bay. They were eliminated by our troops. However, this simultaneous attack probably caused us to not detect the barge moving upstream.

“In response, we are suspending all barge traffic for the duration of this crisis. This zombie outbreak will not happen again,” the general asserted firmly.

“The next questions to be answered are, where are the turkeys now, and where will they attack next? Before I address this, let me reintroduce Dr. Edwin Galloway of the Poultry Research Institute in Northwestern University. Dr. Galloway.”

The Turkey Institute

Your Twenty-First Literary

“General Bagley invited me here today to share some of our latest findings on this turkey disease, which leads to the condition popularly called ‘zombie turkeys.’

“We’ve managed to induce zombiism in several varieties of turkey. We have also cured the disease in these turkeys, using salt water in various quantities and using various techniques: injection, mist, and bath.

“We have a small flock of zombie turkeys at the Poultry Institute and have tested exactly how much damage they can sustain and still revive. As we already know, chopping a turkey in half, or in smaller pieces, will defeat the regeneration process, as will burning them. However, merely burning their skin is not sufficient. Skin and feathers will grow back within hours, and both will be much tougher than normal—enough to stop buckshot smaller than 00. The turkey must be burnt until all the bacteria in it have been sterilized.

“Likewise, chopping off their heads, legs, wings, et cetera, will only cause them to regenerate much stronger than before. Most turkey farms cut off spurs and beaks to prevent damage to the turkeys. When the Farm Fresh turkeys were infected, the beaks and spurs grew back in the hour’s journey to Joliet. Even freshly killed turkeys in stores, that have not been frozen, when infected with the bacterium will revive within an hour, growing an entire set of organs. The armed forces are already going through the dead turkeys and chopping each carcass to ensure complete death and prevent resurrection.

The Most Important Fact

Your Twenty-First Literary First Draft Complete
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters

“But the most important fact we have discovered is that after feeding, zombie turkeys go into a catatonic state for twenty-four to forty-eight hours. They burrow down in leaf mold or under bushes and twigs while they sleep off their meal. Their body temperature drops, and they are not detectable by infrared detectors. This explains the military’s difficulty in tracking them after these attacks. I now turn this conference back over to General Bagley.”

 “Let me first express my gratitude towards Dr. Galloway and his team at the Poultry Institute. These findings have given us the advantage over our turkey foes. They led directly to the victory at the battle of Spring Bay, and they have given us help in finding the turkeys after the Joliet disaster.

“We are currently tracking the turkeys to their catatonic nests using dogs. We expect to neutralize a majority of these zombie turkeys over the next forty-eight hours. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, the floor is now open to questions.”

The Press Questions

“Dr. Galloway, what are you doing to prevent future infections of turkeys, wild and domestic? I understand several organic, free-range turkey farms have become infected with zombiism, and all present were lost,” asked Jill Holcomb of ABC News.

“At present, the only means of prevention is to daily mist your turkeys with a five percent saline solution. We have not found an effective antibiotic yet. We have informed the Turkey Growers Association of Illinois of this approach,” Dr. Galloway said,

“General Bagley, at the last press conference, you said the zombie turkeys wouldn’t escape the cordon and had no strategy. Yet they did, and you said the two groups of turkeys moved in tandem, causing you to miss the larger group. Wasn’t that a strategy?” asked Ed Fitzgerald of the Wall Street Journal.

“No. We discussed the possibility of increased intelligence in the zombie turkeys with Dr. Galloway. He has tested them, and they are not smarter than normal turkeys. However, they do travel in cohesive flocks, larger than natural turkey flocks. We believe that when the turkeys got on the barges, there wasn’t enough room for them all, and the flock split. The two flocks still followed the general direction upriver toward the east. What looked like a strategy was just unfortunate happenstance.”

Your Twenty-First Literary Gift Concludes

Your Twenty-First Literary Your Best May Videos
The back of Zombie Turkeys

What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.

If you like Zombie Turkeys you can subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.

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