But let’s begin with your gift: you can get your Free Copy of Zombie Turkeys–and some giggles. I show you how in this blog post.
Zombie Turkeys was the first book I wrote and published. I wanted to write something light and funny. I fried a turkey, brought it into the house, and said, “What if this turkey came back to life?” Someone said, “It’d be a zombie turkey.”
“That’s my book title!” So I wrote the book around the title.
I really liked this book. What initially caught my attention was the title, of course — Zombie Turkeys. Who wouldn’t be intrigued? I figured turkeys are big enough to cause a problem, but not so big as to seem invincible. And, really, how dangerous can a turkey be? At least that’s what I thought until I started reading the book. And Andy Zach has provided us with a lot of zombie turkeys — really hungry, really aggressive, really strong, bloodthirsty zombie turkeys.
Through a bacterial infection turkeys zombify, attack, and then eat their prey. Side note: apparently, people are delicious. Who knew? And the flock … gaggle … rafter (what do you call thousands of rampaging zombie turkeys?) keeps growing, adding hundreds of domesticated turkeys every time they attack a farm. By the time they hit the big city, there are hundreds of thousands of zombie turkeys murdering their way across the Chicago. But, boy, do the people do fight back!
Advent Day 12 – More Unique Reviewing – 2
Chapter 4 icon
The two main characters are Sam Melvin, a reporter for the obscure Midley Beacon, and Lisa Kambacher, editor, and Sam’s boss. They track the turkey frenzy from day one — a gruesome one-off death of two hunters by wild turkeys, or so everyone thinks. Then, as the flock gets larger and larger, the carnage explodes to encompass the entire state of Illinois as more and more domestic turkeys are infected and zombified. Sam and Lisa follow and report on the carnage, bringing together the knowledge needed to hopefully end the bloodshed. But, can they find the cure?
The story is satirical, with spoofs on the role of social media in today’s society: fame, fortune, and the ability to change the lives of those in its spotlight. It skews the “merch” culture, and how people will buy anything if it’s offered (yeah, I mean anything). There’s commentary on GMO companies, and society’s willingness to genetically alter crops without really knowing the long-term impact; on how instant wealth changes people; and on the role of militia groups and gun control in times of emergency. Zombie Turkeys is also prophetic, considering it was written before the pandemic.
Advent Day 12 – More Unique Reviewing – 3
We see the little guy saving the world, while those in the public eye, spin the situation to suit their political needs. There’s even a cameo by former President Obama and his family.
This is a fast-paced book. There’s always action during a turkey apocalypse — brutal attacks, new weaponry, an NFL football game. It’s also very funny. And ironic. And there’s even a really awkward romance. Anyone who likes satirical, funny, ironic books will like Zombie Turkeys. And anyone who likes any one of those genres will enjoy it as well. I must say, I really enjoyed this book. I came for the turkeys and stayed for the satire.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Advent Days 6 through 11 – You can sample my other series.
If you’ve been following my posts, you know I meant to publish a post every day of Advent and give you something–but I missed this week due to COVID. So I owe six gifts. Let me give them to you now.
The week that wasn’t restarts with my Secret Supers series. I could describe it, but let’s start with a brand new review instead:
Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2023
It is a captivating tale that defies conventional superhero narratives. The author, with keen insight, weaves a story around four friends who turn their disabilities into extraordinary strengths. The seamless integration of disability and superpowers challenges societal norms, making the story not just entertaining but also thought-provoking. The author skillfully balances action, emotion, and humor, creating a narrative that engages readers of all ages. The message of resilience, unity, and embracing differences resonates throughout the book.
This book is a delightful read that not only entertains but also prompts reflection on the true meaning of strength and heroism.
In this sequel to Secret Supers, Jeremy has been experimenting on his hamster. As a result, Dancer has learned how to read, and is reading everything he can to learn about the human world. When Jeremy discovers this, he gets Dancer one of his old cell phones so Dancer can text the group.
As for the superhero business, the group needs some downtime and goes on vacation to Coaster World. What they don’t realize is that the villain they defeated also loves roller coasters and wants revenge against the Secret Supers.
Will the Secret Supers be able to defeat the villain and enjoy their vacation, or are their crime-fighting days numbered?
Secret Supers in Space audiobook cover. Click to listen.
Secret Supers in Space
The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation-until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.
But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective. Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?
Andy Zach’s writing takes flight in Secret Supers in Space, propelling disabled teen superheroes Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla into a cosmic summer adventure. Narrator Khai Lannor brings the characters’ energy and determination to life, making this audiobook an intergalactic joyride for fantasy fans of all ages. Buckle up and join the Secret Supers in their gravity-defying mission – this exhilarating journey is one you won’t want to miss!
“Where’s Secret Supers?” you may ask. I’m out of free codes!
“So where’s my last gift?”
Right below!
Free Excerpt from Villain’s Vacation – Chapter 1 – Dancer
How fascinating! This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name. Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.
He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day Dancer had noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps which then formed more patterns. Then he started listening to his owners differently.
They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother and sometimes by his father.
Dancer had learned to understand Jeremy and his parents, and then he’d put the terms they said with the clumps on the paper. Each letter had a sound, and together they formed clumps his master called “words.” The idea was brilliant. No wonder they were his owners and he was only a hamster.
Excerpt Chapter 1 Part 2 – Your Last Gift Today
Dancer read each paper eagerly to the point of memorizing it, but reading started to bore him. Jeremy only changed the lining about once a week. So he’d watched Jeremy open and close his cage door. Then he copied the motion, using his paws and nose. He left to search for more words to read.
Dancer found a treasure trove. This bookshelf was one of six in the lower level of his master’s big cage. Dancer decided to explore upstairs when he finished the books down here. He wasn’t even done with this shelf yet. The books he read so far were Jeremy’s old schoolbooks, all marked up by Jeremy. Dancer could smell Jeremy’s scent on them. He’d learned about books called “fiction,” which were stories humans invented. Humans organized fiction by author, not topic, like nonfiction. Now, he’d look for these fiction books.
He scanned the shelf above the schoolbooks. Some of the hardbacks had names on the binding. Those were the authors. Wells, Yellen, Zach. That was alphabetical—maybe these were fiction books. He climbed to the second shelf and pulled the Zach one—Zombie Turkeys—out of its place.
Soon he so was engrossed, he hardly heard the front door open. Jeremy was home! Dancer had to get back in his cage. Using his paws and mouth, he jammed the Your Sixth Year Reader and Zombie Turkeys back onto the shelf and scampered across Jeremy’s lab. He shinnied up the table leg to his cage, flipped the sliding door up with his nose, and squeezed in.
Tell Me What you Think
Let me know what you think of my gifts for you by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Advent Days 4 and 5 – Oops! My Mistake. I meant to publish a post every day of Advent and give you something–but I missed yesterday. So, I’ll give you twice as much today!
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.
The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.
Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul
Advent Days 4 and 5 – Oops! Short Stories
Here are the chapter icons for Oops, with the main character’s introduction.
One queen saw the problem more clearly than anyone else. Her king and prince had both drowned only a short distance from the shore because no one saw them signing for help. The queen sat vigil all night long, and in the morning she sent heralds with large signs in every language to all the humans, elves, dwarves, fairies, leprechauns, and even a dragon. She pled with all to find something that would let creatures communicate without signs or gestures when they couldn’t see each other. She promised she would give whatever was in her power to whoever could accomplish this.
Andy Zach during his doctoral research – Your first free story A Phoenix Tale
A Phoenix Tale
I left the air-conditioned comfort of the taxi, and the sights, sounds, and smells of the old bazaar in Jeddah assailed me: a robe-clad man on camel plodded by, an adjacent fishmonger added his smell to the fresh dung in the street, and the hawkers yelled their wares.
I could only speak Arabic at a middle school level, but as I strolled through the bazaar, I heard “Fresh dates!”…”Highest quality rugs!”…”Finest gold jewelry!”… “Ancient books! The rarest in Saudi Arabia!”
My head snapped around. A bald, stumpy man in a white caftan saw me look and said, “Books? You want ancient books?”
“Yes.” I spoke carefully, knowing my poor accent. “Can you speak English?” I didn’t have much hope.
The scene was chaos! I knew immediately I was in a different country, judging by the languages I couldn’t understand. I had also determined this was no modern city—I seemed to be on the outskirts of town amid a swarming crowd. Men were shouting and women were crying; meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out how I had gotten there and where exactly I was. Several seconds later, however, that question was answered.
Brice Butterworth, genetic engineerfrom Gift #2 – In a Pickle
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. Brice was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
“Whatcha doing, Brice?” asked my boss Wilma O’Reilly after sneaking up behind me.
I jumped. As usual, I was cruising the internet, bored with my job. How awkward.
We worked at Vegan Inc., an agricultural conglomerate. I was their lead geneticist in charge of enhancing the qualities of the corporation’s vegetable products through genetic modification.
Zombie Shift Anthony Jones, warehouse worker and his wifeRaven
He woke up staring out his windshield at the green grass of the highway median. Dully, Anthony listened to the sound of his car’s engine cooling, ticking like a clock. He didn’t know why he was here or how he got here.
“Hey, are you okay in there?” came a voice from outside the car.
Turning his head toward the sound, he realized he was upside down, supported by his seat belt and his legs, which were strangely numb.
“Uh,” he croaked.
* * *
“We’re going to cast your leg,” said the nurse in the ambulance. Her name tag read Louise Tall, but she didn’t seem tall. “What’s your name?”
“Uh, Anthony. Anthony Jones.”
“Do you know your height and weight, Anthony?”
“Five-eleven. Two ten. I need to lose some weight. Ow!”
I need to tell you about my own zombie story. It’s about how my parents became zombies.
As soon as the zombie turkeys appeared in Illinois, I started cultures of their zombie turkey bacteria in petri dishes. When other animals, squirrels, rabbits, and cows began turning zombie, I added cultures of their bacteria. I sought the ultimate source of animal revivification. It was my PhD thesis and my life’s work.
I’ve always wanted to revive animals from the dead. It seemed the secret was through the special bacteria for each species. Naturally, when humans became zombies, I cultivated their bacteria too.
He was dead. At least, his business was. And without his business, his wife would leave him and take their new baby. Then he might as well be dead.
His dad had run the Elysium Fields Mortuary for thirty years and had made a killing at it. The first and only mortuary in their small town of Hillvale, everyone got buried there. He charged normal prices, he was friendly, and he helped their community. His dad said to him when he was a teen, “Irving, after you get your college degree, go to mortuary school, and when you come out, I’ll hire you and then turn the business over to you. You’ll be set for life.”
Breeding zombie corgis wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Heather Mallorn sighed as she reviewed accounts for Her Majesty’s Corgis in Hanna City, Illinois. Certainly, she made plenty on each zombie corgi she sold. Normally, corgi puppies went for $1,200. She earned double that for zombies. The zombie corgies were invincible guard dogs, and cute too, with bright-red eyes. They were no harder to train than regular corgis, just slightly more aggressive. Well, a lot more aggressive.
How fascinating! Dancer thought. This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name.
Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.
He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day he’d noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps. Then the clumps formed more patterns. He also listened to his owners differently. They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother, and sometimes by his father.
Caribbean Cruise with Diane Newby, George Newby, Lulu Gutierrez, and Sharon Wyndham, privateers
“Arrrgh! Me hearties, eat hearty!” said a short, stocky pirate with an eye patch and a captain’s hat seemingly copied from Cap’n Crunch. The pirate gestured, with a hook instead of a right hand, toward an enormous banquet table laden with food. The one visible eye gleamed red.
“Arrrgh! Where’s the skilly and duff?” said a refrigerator-sized bald pirate with an enormous mustache. His eyes also shone crimson.
“Arrrgh! That be the tacos and enchiladas,” said a small, beautiful pirate with dark hair bound by a red bandanna and smiling blood-red eyes. She pointed with her cutlass toward the Mexican section of the smorgasbord.
“Arrrgh! You be a Mexican pirate?” said a blond pirate with broad shoulders and a Cockney accent. She wore her hair in a long queue emerging from a bloody headband around her forehead. She also had glowing ruby eyes.
“That’s your problem, isn’t it? Try the local apartments. Look for rooms to rent on the internet. It’s not that hard to find a place in Ohio.”
I could tell by his grim expression he was serious this time. He’d been nagging me for nearly a year to move out and “set up housekeeping” ever since I’d graduated from the state university with my BA in video game art and my minor in computer science. I’d managed to wheedle him out of it and delay the date. Until now.
Let me know what you think of my gifts for you by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
