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Free Zombie Turkeys Before It’s Too Late!

Free Zombie Turkeys Before It’s Too Late!

It’s never too late for zombie turkeys to show up; they’re diurnal. But in four days it’ll be too late for Free Zombie Turkeys. Click the book cover below to get it now.

Free Zombie Turkeys Before It's Too Late!
Free Kindle edition of “Zombie Turkeys”. Click to download.

Don’t Want Free Zombie Turkeys in a Poke?

Have a taste of Zombie Turkeys, read by your’s truly, Andy Zach, on my Youtube channel.

 

But Don’t Take Andy’s Word for Free Zombie Turkeys

Check out some of the eight glowing Amazon reviews laughing readers have given it since its publication last October 31st.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This one is definitely NOT a turkey!, July 18, 2017
By
This review is from: Zombie Turkeys: How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys (The Life After Life Chronicles Book 1) (Kindle Edition)

‘He felt great. He was full of energy, he had many hens to breed with, and he was the leader of a great flock.’

Sam Melvin is a reporter with the Midley Beacon, it’s a tiny local paper – with an online presence – run by its penny-pinching editor Lisa Kambacher. When Sam sees the two turkey hunters on the slab in the local mortuary, he knows he has a story to cover and he sets out to do so with great gusto. As the zombie turkeys multiply, Sam and Lisa are the leading media team on the ground and the Midley Beacon goes international, solving their financial woes and syndicating their work across the globe. But it’s not all good news. After all, there are those people-killing zombie turkeys heading into town…

This was a book I picked up with trepidation as it seemed all too possible it would be a ‘one trick pony’ stretching a single joke to beyond breaking point across the length of an entire novel. Wrong! It is like a bowl of potpourri on the sideboard of life – lots of subtle blending examples of humour – many of them very American so I suspect there were even more than I noticed, handicapped by my British perspective. This is a book that takes ironic comedy to a whole new level – maybe ‘steelic’ comedy…? Humour is a very personal thing, but this book hit me right on the funny bone.

‘Wanted badly: .30-06 carbine. Will trade hunting dog or wife for it.’

This is a well-written book which takes a totally deadpan approach to a thoroughly – hysterically – funny sequence of events. It is dark comedy, so avoid if you are squeamish. The pace of the book rolls along in a perfect, unhurried way – screaming up into the action sequences and taking time to enjoy the more delicious moments of humour.

The story itself is a lot deeper than many real zombie books and the explanation for the zombie phenomenon is as clever as it is satirical.The characters are well portrayed, deep enough to engage with and care about, but not so deep you get distracted from what they are doing by their personalities. They are the agents through which we see the events unfolding rather than the focus of the story. But the humour is subtle, all-pervading: like the idea of the survivalist organic turkey farmer, part of a network of such, living off grid – except for ordering things from Amazon on his wife’s credit card of course…

‘The most disheartening thing was, she’d stab one through the heart, it’d drop fifteen feet to the ground with a satisfying thud, and then it’d stagger to its feet five minutes later and fly back up fifteen minutes later.’

The downside is that maybe some of the humour is lost on a non-US reader. There were a couple of moments I thought ‘Huh?’ then decided it was probably a reference to something outside my cultural parameters. The only other criticism I had was that it maybe played the theme along a tiny bit too far and perhaps had a few scenes been a bit shorter, a bit less detail on the way the plague spread, or a couple of turkey attacks left out – it might have been a sharper read. But these are very minor nit-picks against the whole.This is a book I can recommend wholeheartedly to anyone who enjoys slow-boil satire and does not mind a few gory giblets thrown in the mix. If you want a good comedy read, you should gobble this up!

Did Someone Say “Gobble”?

Watch another video of a gobbling turkey:

Next, take a gander at this one:

What Can Top Free Zombie Turkeys?

Maybe some cranberry sauce? How about a sequel, My Undead Mother-in-law? You can get it on Kindle by clicking here:

Andy Zach TV Version for "My Undead Mother-in-law" Launch
New Book Coming! Get It by clicking here!

Or you can have a print book shipped to you by clicking on the chapter icon below:

My Undead Mother-in-law, Chapter 5 Icon
My Undead Mother-in-law, Chapter 5 Icon

 

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Get Zombie Turkeys Book Free Tonight at Midnight!

Get Zombie Turkeys Book Free Tonight At Midnight!

“Get Zombie Turkeys Book Free Tonight At Midnight!” Say what???

Get Free Zombie Turkeys Book Tonight!
A crowd of zombie turkeys, on Thanksgiving at midnight!

You read that right: tonight, July 23rd, at midnight, the Zombie Turkeys book goes free on Kindle. Click on the book below to get it now:

Get Zombie Turkeys Book Free
Zombie Turkeys Print Cover. Click to get free on July 23rd

What Else Do You Have For Me, Andy? Besides “Get Zombie Turkeys Book Free”

Lots! I also have my new book My Undead Mother-in-law available for pre-sale on Amazon too:

New Book Coming! Get It For Free! Here's How
New Book Coming! Get It For Free! Click to download!

Or, if you want to get the print book, click here:

My Undead Mother-in-law Book
Get your “My Undead Mother-in-law” book by clicking here

I Hate Buying Online! How Can I Get Your Books?

No problem! First of all, go to Barnes and Noble in Peoria:

Free Author Reading
Zombie Turkeys Fly Off the Shelves at Peoria Barnes and Noble Bookstore. Click for more info.

Second, there’s also the Book Nook in Peoria, following next:

Andy Zach at the Book Nook in Peoria
Andy Zach at the Book Nook in Peoria Click for info.

Third, there’s Her Majesty’s Tea Room in Dunlap, Illinois. Go there now!

Author Appearance
Andy Zach at Her Majesty’s Tea Room. Click for info.

Fourth, there’s also Lit-On-Fire in Peoria;

New Video Book Excerpt
Andy Zach laughing as he gives away the store. Lit-on-Fire click here!

We’re not done yet! There’s a fifth location where you buy Andy Zach books and it was the first to sell them: “I Know You Like A Book”:

Resources
Andy Zach Thinking About his book at I Know You Like A Book. Click here. 

I Don’t Live in Peoria. What Can You Do For Me?

I’ve got you covered. Simply contact me here by email or send me a snail mail with a check for $12.95 and I’ll send you a copy of my book, postage paid.  Click here to Contact Me.

We’ll close with pages 5-6 of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel, never before seen online!

Zombie Turkeys graphic novel pages 5-6
Zombie Turkeys graphic novel pages 5-6

 

 

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Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book! Get It Now!

Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book! Get It Now!

“OK, Andy. You’re always giving away free stuff. That’s why I came here. Now tell me why you’re giving away your valuable, newly published book, in this Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book promotion.”

“I’m so glad you asked,” I said. “You see, I need book reviews as much as I need book sales. The more I get, the better I sell on Amazon. So a book review is nearly as good as a book sale.”

Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book
Andy Zach laughing at his jokes in his new novel My Undead Mother-in-law

“Don’t keep me on pins and needles! Let me know to get this free work before time runs out!”

Here’s How to Get the Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book

“Of course. First, if you haven’t subscribed to the email list, subscribe here. (Click here.)

“Second, if you’re already a subscriber, simply email me through the contact page. (Click here.)”

“Third, if for some reason you can’t contact me through the Contact Page, email me at [email protected].

“Once I get your email, by any means, I’ll send you the ebook version of “My Undead Mother-in-law” in .pdf or .mobi formats.  You tell me.”

Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book
“My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon now! Click here.

“I know this has a deadline, Andy. Let us in on the secret deadline.”

“It’s not so secret. Presales for My Undead Mother-in-law end on August 4th. So does the Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book offer for free copies for review.”

“Then we reviewers have to pay?”

“If you want to review, I’ll always send you a free copy.  Just email me.”

Burning Hot Zombie Turkeys Graphic Novel News!

What do we have next? The Zombie Turkeys graphic novel application is under way! I’ve shown the first two pages before:

Book Winner?
The first page of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel.

Now enjoy the next two pages!

Zombie Turkeys graphic novel pages 3-4
Zombie Turkeys graphic novel pages 3-4

Finally, Andy Will Be Interviewed on this Blog

Here it is:
Working Title Blog Spot

Working Title Blog Spot
Working Title Blog Spot

They’ll publish a never before published excerpt from Zombie Turkeys. Of course, you readers know it all.

And they interviewed me. Here it is coming up next:

Andy Zach Interview

Q1: It’s Thanksgiving. What is on your dinner table and why?
Deep fried turkey, in peanut oil, injected with jalapeno marinade–because it’s delicious and natural turkeys don’t have enough fat. It’s accompanied by sweet potatoes with butter, stuffing seasoned with sage and onion, crisp green beans stir fried with garlic, and freshly made cranberry sauce from scratch, with orange peel and cinnamon. All because they’re delicious and the more delicious the food is, the more thankful we are. That’s the point, after all. I have my favorite cabernet sauvignon as a beverage. Dessert is one pumpkin pie and one pecan pie, homemade, by my wife and daughter, respectively. Each is the mistress of her craft. These pie slices are reverently covered in fresh whipped cream (homemade, not from a can) and consumed with strong black coffee. These desserts are traditional and delightful beyond belief. If we could simply bring warring nations together for a meal like this, and agree to feed them thus daily, all war would cease.

Q2: What three items would you want with you if caught short by a zombie apocalypse and why?

First, a naginata or glaive, which is a six-foot spear suitable for stabbing or slicing. You want to kill and dismember zombies as far away as possible. Bows and guns run out of ammunition and I don’t trust my accuracy.
Second, a kukri knife. If a zombie gets past your spear, you’ll want a heavy knife to slice them up quickly and easily. I used to think a bowie knife was the best, but upon investigation, a kukri knife seems to have better mechanical advantage. See your local mechanical engineer.
Third, if all else fails, have a whole body suit made of kevlar. It’ll be hot and sweaty, but when the zombies come biting, you’ll want total protection, including a transparent helmet of mylar. You’ll thank me when you eviscerate the zombie that tried to bite you with your kukri knife.

Q3: How would you explain the difference between satire and reality?

Reality is what happens, whether anyone perceives it or not, anywhere in our space time continuum as depicted by Albert Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity, or outside of that.
Satire is a means of portraying reality by exaggerating certain features in a humorous way. For example, you can portray Congress as immobilized by competing factions for years while people are dying; wait, that’s already happening! As I said, satire is hard, because sometimes reality is difficult to exaggerate. This is where the satirist earns his or her money by portraying a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion which is lost due to political infighting. If you can’t exaggerate one insanity, add another one. For example, Jonathan Swift, in a “Modest Proposal” portrays the political infighting of the time over the ‘Irish Problem’ and gently suggests cannibalism.

A Final Note

This blog is run by my Facebook friend and author E.M. Swift-hook. Check out her Amazon page to her books.

And after that, you can check out my Amazon page, if you haven’t already!

Andy Zach
Andy: dressy casual