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Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys Before It’s Too Late!

Free Zombie Turkeys Before It's Too Late!
Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys
Free Kindle edition of “Zombie Turkeys”. Click to download.

Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys Before It’s Too Late! It’s never too late for zombie turkeys to show up; they’re diurnal. But in three days it’ll be too late for Free Zombie Turkeys. Click the book cover below to get it now.

What is about? A comical zombie turkey apocalypse where the turkeys regenerate rather than rot.

It’s about Sam Melvin, a high school graduate pursuing a story to his possible death.

It’s about Lisa Kambacher, his editor, driving him onagainst the zombies to vault her small town newspaper into prominence.

Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys–have a look inside

Have a taste of Zombie Turkeys, read by your’s truly, Andy Zach, on my Youtube channel.

 

Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys – Listen to Reviewers

Check out some of the over one hundred glowing Amazon reviews!

Read what laughing readers have said since its publication last October 31st, 2016.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful

5.0 out of 5 stars 

This one is definitely NOT a turkey!

By Elara

5.0 out of 5 stars This one is definitely NOT a turkey!, July 18, 2017

‘He felt great, he was full of energy. He had many hens to breed with, and he was the leader of a great flock.’

Sam Melvin is a reporter with the Midley Beacon, it’s a tiny local paper – with an online presence – run by its penny-pinching editor Lisa Kambacher. When Sam sees the two turkey hunters on the slab in the local mortuary, he knows he has a story to cover and he sets out to do so with great gusto. As the zombie turkeys multiply, Sam and Lisa are the leading media team on the ground and the Midley Beacon goes international, solving their financial woes and syndicating their work across the globe. But it’s not all good news. After all, there are those people-killing zombie turkeys heading into town…

This was a book I picked up with trepidation as it seemed all too possible it would be a ‘one trick pony’ stretching a single joke to beyond breaking point across the length of an entire novel. Wrong! It is like a bowl of potpourri on the sideboard of life – lots of subtle blending examples of humour – many of them very American so I suspect there were even more than I noticed, handicapped by my British perspective. This is a book that takes ironic comedy to a whole new level – maybe ‘steelic’ comedy…? Humour is a very personal thing, but this book hit me right on the funny bone.

‘Wanted badly: .30-06 carbine. Will trade hunting dog or wife for it.’

This is a well-written book which takes a totally deadpan approach to a thoroughly – hysterically – funny sequence of events. It is dark comedy, so avoid if you are squeamish. The pace of the book rolls along in a perfect, unhurried way – screaming up into the action sequences and taking time to enjoy the more delicious moments of humour.

The story itself is a lot deeper than many real zombie books and the explanation for the zombie phenomenon is as clever as it is satirical.The characters are well portrayed, deep enough to engage with and care about, but not so deep you get distracted from what they are doing by their personalities. They are the agents through which we see the events unfolding rather than the focus of the story. But the humour is subtle, all-pervading: like the idea of the survivalist organic turkey farmer, part of a network of such, living off grid – except for ordering things from Amazon on his wife’s credit card of course…

‘The most disheartening thing was, she’d stab one through the heart. It’d drop fifteen feet to the ground with a satisfying thud. Then it’d stagger to its feet five minutes later and fly back up fifteen minutes later.’

The downside is that maybe some of the humour is lost on a non-US reader. There were a couple of moments I thought ‘Huh?’ then decided it was probably a reference to something outside my cultural parameters. The only other criticism I had was that it maybe played the theme along a tiny bit too far and perhaps had a few scenes been a bit shorter, a bit less detail on the way the plague spread, or a couple of turkey attacks left out – it might have been a sharper read. But these are very minor nit-picks against the whole.This is a book I can recommend wholeheartedly to anyone who enjoys slow-boil satire and does not mind a few gory giblets thrown in the mix. If you want a good comedy read, you should gobble this up!

Did Someone Say “Gobble”?

Watch another video of a gobbling turkey:

Next, take a gander at this one:

What Can Top Getting Free Zombie Turkeys?

Maybe some cranberry sauce? How about a sequel, My Undead Mother-in-law? You can get it on Kindle by clicking here:

Andy Zach TV Version for "My Undead Mother-in-law" Launch
Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys
New Book Coming! Get It by clicking here!
My Undead Mother-in-law, Chapter 5 Icon
Get Your Free Zombie Turkeys
My Undead Mother-in-law, Chapter 5 Icon

Or you can have a print book shipped to you by clicking on the chapter icon ==>

Or you can subscribe to my newsletter and get a free copy of Zombie Turkeys. Click here!

Finally, you can leave a comment here.

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Get Rare Excerpt from Paranormal Privateers

Science Fiction Story Fuel
Advent Day 19
Get Rare Excerpt
Chapter 9 icon of Paranormal Privateers

Get Rare Excerpt from Paranormal Privateers, my third zombie book in my Life After Life Chronicles.

“What’s so rare about them?” you may ask.

They’re so rare, I only published them once, seven years ago.

“Are they worth it?”

How do you feel about saving 80% on the book? Paranormal Privateers will be on sale from February 16th to 19th. Click here to grab your copy. But don’t wait. It goes up to $2.99 on February 19th. Then on the 23rd it goes back to the normal price of $5.99.

third zombie novel
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Zombie Turkeys audiobook cover. Click to get!

Don’t you like reading about sentient alien intelligence that is a Star Trek fan?

Most of you know my first book, Zombie Turkeys, now available in audiobook format:

Somewhat fewer of you know my second book, My Undead Mother-in-law, also available in audiobook format:

Quizzes, Questions
Try out my audiobook.

And still fewer know about my third zombie book, Paranormal Privateers.  get your book here.

Paranormal Privateers Status, my third zombie book

I had fun researching Washington DC’s geography, the layout and distances around the National Mall, and shaped explosive charges! 

Drop by weekly, or subscribe to my newsletter, and I’ll give you bi-monthly updates.

And Now Get Rare Excerpt

From Chapter 4 London, the first draft of  Paranormal Privateers, we find the paranormal privateers, George, Diane, Lulu, and Sharon, going incognito as undeclared zombies, quite against British law at the time. They’re using bloodhounds and zombie corgis to track down terrorists threatening London. Oh, and they have a truckload of zombie bulls.

Get Rare Excerpt Part 1

 

New Year New Book
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The Chapter 5 London chapter icon – what could it mean? Click and find out!

Scotland Yard met us the next morning when we docked in the port of London. We divided up into three groups to cover the area. Diane and I took everything between Grosvenor Place and Belgrave Place. Lulu and Sharon took the area from Belgrave to Basil. The Scotland Yard dog handlers Jerry Naismith and Benjamin Buxley took the wedge from Basil to Knightsbridge.

We jogged along, Diane and I. She had picked up the special two-wheel wheelchair, iBot, from Kamen industries office in London and loved tooling along at six miles per hour. Since we were in England maybe I should use the metric equivalent: ten kilometers per hour. I had no trouble keeping up with her, even as a deaf-mute. If people talked to me, I just handed them my deaf-mute card. The dogs, our two corgis, and two bloodhounds, also in service dog vests, loved it.

Then came a yell over our headsets. It was the Scotland yard crew, Jerry and Ben, both yelling.

“We’ve found them! The terrorists! They’re on the second floor of Harrods, in the tableware section!” said Jerry.

“We can’t get any closer! They’ve got tasers!” said Ben.

Get Rare Excerpt, part 2

Chapter 10 icon
Chapter 10 icon

“The hounds found C-4 in crockpots. When the sales clerks saw us they shot tasers at us!” Jerry continued.

“We would have been fried, but our kevlar vests stopped them,” added Ben.

“Now they’ve surrounded us in the ladies WC, taking shots at us,” Jerry interjected.

“We’re not far away!” said Lulu. “We’ll be right there!”

“George, we’re over a mile away, but we’re close to our truck, er, lorry holding the bulls and more corgis.”

I nodded. We had decided killer turkeys and the crowds of London were not a good combination. The turkeys remained on the yacht.

Diane jumped out of her wheelchair. “I’m breaking cover, you can too, George!” We ran to the truck, about two blocks away.

“Let me drive Diane,” I said.

“Of course. Left-hand drive scares me!”

Left-hand drive just required flipping all my US habits around. Look right first, then left. Keep left. I got the lorry out into traffic. We got into the traffic circle off Grosvenor.

“Look for Brampton exit,” I said.

We went all around the circle. No Brompton.

“Let’s try Chesham,” Diane suggested.

“We just passed it,” I said.

“What about Wilton?”

“You mean that last exit? We can’t go back to it now.”

“Here comes Belgrave again.”

“Let’s pull off,” I consulted the map on my cell phone. No map appeared for London. Rather, a popup said, “Directions disabled for London by order of the City of London. Please consult an official London cabbie.” I read aloud, incredulous.

Excerpt of third zombie book, part 3

The bulls bawled in the lorry. “There’s a taxi stand over there,” I pointed to Diane.

“I’m on it!” Diane leapt out of the lorry, ran across the busy traffic circle, accompanied by honking cars and talked with a cabby. She gave him some money and ran back.

“He’ll lead us to Harrods!”

I followed him out of the traffic circle. Then I heard in the headset, “Yow!”

Weekly World Internet News
Paranormal Privateers back cover – Click to get your preview

“Ay, caramba!” That was Lulu.

“What happened, Lulu?”

“Sharon caught a taser in the face. She’s down! It’s way more electricity than a regular taser. It can stop a zombie!”

“How are the Scotland Yard guys, Jerry and Ben?” I asked.

“We’re fine!” Jerry answered.

“After Lulu and Sharon attacked the clerks let us alone,” Ben added.

“Then we slipped down to the first floor,” Jerry said.

“That’s the second floor in US terminology,” Lulu said.

“So if the tableware is on the second floor, that’s the third?” I asked.

“Yes,” Lulu said.

“What’s your situation, Lulu?” I asked.

“I’m using a cutting board as a shield. When the taser hits it, I cut the wires with my katana.”

“Are they going to rush you? Where are you?”

“I don’t think so. One tried sneaking past me and I bowled him down by throwing a mixer at him. I’m guarding the exit to the dinnerware room. They can’t leave past me, but I can’t advance. I can’t leave Sharon anyway. How long until you get here?”

“We’ll be there in a couple of minutes.”

“We’ll need about ten more minutes,” said General MacGregor, who was in charge of the backup forces.

“Good! Double backup! Lulu, hang on, we’re bringing in the heavies!” Diane said.

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Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law

Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law - "Why?", you ask. Because this is my favorite villain from my favorite book.

Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law – “Why?”, you ask. Because this is my favorite villain from my favorite book I’ve written. Also, this book is ON SALE NOW FOR .99!

Happy Undead Mother-in-law
Another Villain Excerpt
My Undead Mother-in-law. Get it for your mother-in-law! Click here.

What’s My Undead Mother-in-law about? Remember my first book was Zombie Turkeys. How could I top that?

Move the zombie disease to humans. Then I made them the heroes of the book.

But wait–I had to have a villain who was MORE dangerous than they were. How could I do that?

You’ll learn in the excerpt below.

Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law – But First, My Heroine

Andy Zach reads from ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’.

But maybe you want to read it yourself. No problem! I’ve got a free excerpt of chapter 1 right here for my faithful blog readers. Just drop me a note and I’ll send it to you.


Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law – This is It!

Another Villain Excerpt

He jumped into his hyperloop. It led to a bathroom.

“C’mon, boys,” he said to his chipmunks.

Splattity splat-splat!. Frigging zombie turkeys!

No problem. Holding his chipmunks, he pulled the eject lever.

Whoosh! A mile up, inflatable wings and tail whooshed from the seat. An electric propeller. spun

Vik steered his ultralight aircraft toward his destination.

Humvees sped toward him. Time for his backup plan.

Securing his chipmunks, he opened the armrest, strapped on a controller, and squeezed the trigger.

The ultralight plane disintegrated.

Falling thousands of feet, he triggered the jetpack. His descent stopped. He skimmed above the fields.

It’s best to be unpredictable.

You can get your copy for $13.95 for the print version, or $.99 for the ebook version. (February 2nd to 9th 2025) Or you can get the autographed copy from me for $13.

You can also read the book for free on Kindle or Audible.

Finally, if you’re desperate, you can always do what I do when I want to read a book and not pay for it. Go to Amazon and click on the ‘Look Inside’ button and read random sections until you’ve read it all.

One more thing: here’s a My Undead Mother-in-law Review

Why is this my favorite review? It’s from a professional author who doesn’t like zombie books, yet loved My Undead Mother-in-law..

Not your standard zombie tale

Stephanie Barr

4.0 out of 5 stars

December 28, 2018

Verified Purchase

When I started to read this book, I was leery. As far as I know, I’m less interested in zombies than anyone on the planet. How could I give a reasonable review? Turns out, it wasn’t hard at all. I’ve said before and it turned out to be true here that, if you have a ridiculous premise that’s hard to swallow, run with it, normalize it, and readers /viewers will eventually accept. And it worked. The original premise of cognizant, virtually indestructible zombies was lobbed and backed until I was a believer, actively rooting for zombies. Plenty of (bloodier than average) action, some smiling, if not guffaw humor, a nice fulfilling story arc in an easy readable length made for a fun book (if bloody action doesn’t bother you) with charm that didn’t take itself to seriously but still capable of many a tender and touching moments.

I’m glad my prejudice didn’t keep me from enjoying this out-of-the-common-way story.

Another Villain Excerpt from My Undead Mother-in-law – Now What’s Next?

Another Villain Excerpt
Concept photo for Sorcerer’s Apprentice World

In March, I’ll have my cover reveal for my next novel, Sorcerer’s Apprentice World. Watch this blog or my Facebook page for the exact date. I’m waiting to get all the pieces of the book together: interior text, chapter titles, and back copy blurb.

Once it’s all together, I assemble it and schedule my publication and launch dates.

Here’s a cover tease. This is my concept photo.

You can get free audiobooks by clicking here and joining my newsletter.