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What Did You Miss in August? Find Out Below

What Did You Miss in August? Lots! Like this next meme. Who knew the Greeks were family with meme from 2,500 years later?

Of course, this meme is funnier if you’re familiar with both Greek mythology and current internet memes.

And the following photo:

Who doesn’t like a nice neck rub?

Then we have this video from Disneyland:

There’s still more to come! How about a pun?

How do I have all this time to find this stuff on the internet? I’m an author! I spend half my time writing and half my time cruising the internet. Like this next item.

Here’s your chance to get a free book. Comment below or reply to me by clicking here about which of these was your favorite. Then I’ll send you a copy of Zombie Turkeys.

What Did You Miss 2021 Reviews
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

What Did You Miss In Reviews? Scroll Down, Then You’ll See

Let’s start with this one I wrote a few days ago.

The Big Show

The Big Show & Other Tales (Bolo)
by Keith Laumer
Andy Zach‘s review

Aug 30, 2021  
really liked it


This book has more military scifi short stories. Even though it’s about fifty years old, I didn’t give it five stars because it isn’t one of Keith Laumer’s more famous works.

Nonetheless, it’s a crackling good collection of military stories. I noticed some of Laumer’s characteristic impossible odds facing his antagonist, which are eventually overcome.

Recommended for any fan of military scifi, short stories, or Keith Laumer.

Andy’s review on Goodreads

I’ve got more reviews for you! Try this one on for size.

Now For a New Zombie Turkeys Review

Nikki

4.0 out of 5 stars 

An unusually unique zombie tale perfect for YAs.

Reviewed in the United States on August 25, 2021

I read this book to preview it for teen readers. I found it light and humorous considering it being a zombie tale. It’s perfect for young adults! But I wouldn’t recommend it for the hard-core adult zombie, post-apocalyptic fans.

Andy’s take is unique, fun, and refreshing. The story wraps up cleanly with minimal gore and lots of tongue-in-cheek remarks. How fun to learn you can order a flamethrower on Amazon!

By Nikki on Amazon

Have I got a deal for you! I’ll give you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys when you click here.

Your Closing Photo. Don’t Miss This Opportunity!

For a limited time, I’m offering my next book, Zombie Detective, autographed and at a discount. Oh, and you get free shipping as well. I lovingly pack each book with the same hands that typed it. Click the partial cover to get yours.

Ace zombie reporter Sam Melvin has been fired—by his wife, Lisa. Their newspaper, the Midley Beacon, is barely surviving now that the zombie turkey apocalypse is over. How will they make ends meet?

Lisa convinces Sam to try his hand at being a private investigator. Sam Melvin, zombie detective, does have a certain ring to it. All across the country people bring their zombie problems to Sam. Squirrels? Bulls? Sam’s on the case. And his rates keeps rising. But when he meets unkillable human zombie criminals, will he survive?

Sam finds out in a series of deadly adventures—and so will you in Zombie Detective. If you can keep from dying from laughter.

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Writing Tips From John Grisham and Dashiell Hammett

Zombie Detective Science Versus Science Fiction

Writing Tips From John Grisham and Dashiell Hammett. I wish I could say they personally advised me, but no. I read these tips AFTER I had finished my seventh book.

I’ll give them to you anyway, along with free books. Look out below! Keep scrolling down.

8 Writing Tips from John Grisham

For all you people who never click, here are your 8 points:


1.   Do — Write A Page Every Day

That’s about 200 words, or 1,000 words a week. Do that for two years and you’ll have a novel that’s long enough. Nothing will happen until you are producing at least one page per day.

2.   Don’t — Write The First Scene Until You Know The Last

This necessitates the use of a dreaded device commonly called an outline. Virtually all writers hate that word. I have yet to meet one
who admits to using an outline.

Plotting takes careful planning. Writers waste years pursuing stories that eventually don’t work.

3.   Do — Write Your One Page Each Day At The Same Place And Time

Early morning, lunch break, on the train, late at night — it doesn’t matter. Find the extra hour, go to the same place, shut the door. No exceptions, no excuses.

4.   Don’t — Write A Prologue

Prologues are usually gimmicks to hook the reader. Avoid them. Plan your story (see No. 2) and start with Chapter 1.

5.   Do — Use Quotation Marks With Dialogue

Please do this. It’s rather basic.

6.   Don’t — Keep A Thesaurus Within Reaching Distance

I know, I know, there’s one at your fingertips.

There are three types of words: (1) words we know; (2) words we should know; (3) words nobody knows. Forget those in the third category and use restraint with those in the second.

A common mistake by fledgling authors is using jaw-breaking vocabulary. It’s frustrating and phoney.

7.   Do — Read Each Sentence At Least Three Times In Search Of Words To Cut

Most writers use too many words, and why not? We have unlimited space and few constraints.

8.   Don’t — Introduce 20 Characters In The First Chapter

Another rookie mistake. Your readers are eager to get started. Don’t bombard them with a barrage of names from four generations of the same family. Five names are enough to get started.

Take Time Out for Your Free Book Give Away

I give away two books every month to my newsletter subscribers. Also, you will get six free audiobooks, while supplies last. Finally, I also give free samples of my short stories from Oops!, my short story collection.

Writing Tips Oops! Cover
Oops! Cover. Click to listen

To get your six free audiobooks, plus a free copy of Zombie Turkeys Kindle edition, click here.

Writing Tips From Dashielle Hammett – Your First 12

The 24 rules follow:

  1. There was an automatic revolver, the Webley-Fosbery, made in England some years ago. The ordinary automatic pistol, however, is not a revolver. A pistol, to be a revolver, must have something on it that revolves.
  2. The Colt’s .45 automatic pistol has no chambers. The cartridges are put in a magazine.
  3. A silencer may be attached to a revolver, but the effect will be altogether negligible. I have never seen a silencer used on an automatic pistol, but am told it would still make quite a bit of noise. “Silencer” is a rather optimistic name for this device which has generally fallen into disuse.
  4. When a bullet from a Colt’s .45, or any firearm of approximately the same size and power, hits you, even if not in a fatal spot, it usually knocks you over. It is quite upsetting at any reasonable range.
  5. A shot or stab wound is simply felt as a blow or push at first. It is some little time before any burning or other painful sensation begins.
  6. When you are knocked unconscious you do not feel the blow that does it.
  7. A wound made after death of the wounded is usually recognizable as such.
  8. Fingerprints of any value to the police are seldom found on anybody’s skin.
  9. The pupils of many drug addicts’ eyes are apparently normal.
  10. It is impossible to see anything by the flash of an ordinary gun, though it is easy to imagine you have seen things.
  11. Not nearly so much can be seen by moonlight as you imagine. This is especially true of colours.
  12. All Federal snoopers are not members of the Secret Service. That branch is chiefly occupied with pursuing counterfeiters and guarding Presidents and prominent visitors to our shores.

12 More Hammett Writing Tips Underneath

  1. A sheriff is a county officer who usually has no official connection with city, town or state police.
  2. Federal prisoners convicted in Washington, D.C., are usually sent to the Atlanta prison and not to Leavenworth.
  3. The California State prison at San Quentin is used for convicts serving first terms. Two-time losers are usually sent to Folsom.
  4. Ventriloquists do not actually “throw” their voices and such doubtful illusions as they manage depend on their gestures. Nothing at all could be done by a ventriloquist standing behind his audience.
  5. Even detectives who drop their final g’s should not be made to say “anythin’” an oddity that calls for vocal acrobatics.
  6. “Youse” is the plural of “you”.
  7. A trained detective shadowing a subject does not ordinarily leap from doorway to doorway and does not hide behind trees and poles. He knows no harm is done if the subject sees him now and then.
  8. The current practice in most places in the United States is to make the coroner’s inquest an empty formality in which nothing much is brought out except that somebody has died.
  9. Fingerprints are fragile affairs. Wrapping a pistol or other small object up in a handkerchief is much more likely to obliterate than to preserve any prints it may have.
  10. When an automatic pistol is fired the empty cartridge shell flies out the right-hand side. The empty cartridge case remains in a revolver until ejected by hand.
  11. A lawyer cannot impeach his own witness.
  12. The length of time a corpse has been a corpse can be approximated by an experienced physician, but only approximated, and the longer it has been a corpse, the less accurate the approximation is likely to be.

Did you know any of these Writing Tips?

Did You Know I Have a Dectective Novel Coming Out?

Oddly, next month I’ll publish my own detective novel, my first. After I wrote it, I read the Hammett suggestions.

You can get YOUR autographed copy by clicking here. I will ship my preorders to everyone with FREE SHIPPING before the book comes out on Amazon.

You can also order the book by simply writing to me. Click here.

This book fits in between my first book Zombie Turkeys and my second, My Undead Mother-in-law.

2021 Reviews
Audiobook cover – click to listen.

I keep a timeline of each of my books, so I know exactly how much time is in between Zombie Turkeys and My Undead Mother-in-law. Just enough time to place a whole detective novel.

Zombie Detective runs from January 2016 to February 2016. I pack a lot in there that six weeks time period.

Zombie Turkeys goes from November 2015 to December 31st, 2015.

And My Undead Mother-in-law?

SciFi Story Fuel My Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.

My Undead Mother-in-law runs from February 14th to October 31st, 2017.

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Kindle Publishing in 5 Easy Steps by Andy Zach

Kindle Publishing

Kindle Publishing in 6 Easy Steps by self-published author Andy Zach. Do you have your book all ready, but have no clue about publishing? Follow these 5 simple steps and see your book appear on Amazon.

Ready? Set? Go!

Life After Life Chronicles - Kindle Publishing
Enjoy all four novels in audiobook, paperback, or Kindle format!

Andy’s four books in his first series he published on Kindle, The Life After Life Chronicles.

Kindle Publishing – Your First Step to Success

Your first step is: Get a Kindle author account.

How?

  1. Here’s a helpful video. Basically, you must create a KDP author account. https://kdp.amazon.com/en_US/
  2. “That’s nice Andy, but it doesn’t help me get an account.” Right. Here’s the REAL FIRST STEP: Create an Amazon account on Amazon. Just a regular old account here: Click here. Of course, if you already have an Amazon account, just sign in.
  3. Then what? You create a Kindle Author account here. Click here.

That wasn’t so hard was it? Now you’re ready to create your book.

Kindle Publishing Secret Supers Cover

Secret Supers – the first book of my second series.

Your Second Step to Self Publishing

You need to create a book. This is done in three steps. The first is the book details, listed in the six steps below.

I’m assuming you’ve already written it and you’re looking to publish it.

  1. Log into your Kindle Author KDP account. Use your Amazon account if necessary.
  2. Go to your KDP account homepage and click on Bookshelf. I’ve circled it in red below.

3. Next, you’ll see the choice of creating the Kindle book or a paperback book. Since the paperback has longer lead time, I always create that first. You can create either or both in any order. Click on the + Paperback option. You’ll see this.

Kindle Publishing

4. You can put in your book title and subtitle here, as well as the language. You can also put in the series number and order.

For example, I’ve put in my soon-coming book Zombie Detective The world’s only detective specializing in zombies in here. I also edited the series order of my Life After Life Chronicles series so Zombie Detective is number 2.

Kindle Publishing
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective

Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective Click to get notified when it comes out. Cover reveal soon.

5. Moving on to the lower half of the book content screen we see:

Fill in the details appropriate to your book. For Zombie Detective, I have Edition 1, myself as the author, Dori Harrell as my editor, Rik Hall as my other editor, and Sean Flanagan as my illustrator. I also supply my book description.

6. Finishing off the screen we have this image:

Supply the details appropriate to your book. Note that book keywords and categories are a whole realm of alternatives that affect your sales. I won’t cover them here. Then click Save and Continue at the bottom of the page.

Your Third Step to Kindle Publishing – Upload Content

What content? Take a look at the Content page in the Kindle process below.

You’ll need an ISBN. You can buy your own for your own publishing company or you can use Kindle’s. I bought my own for Jule Inc.

Kindle Publishing

Since I’m publishing this month, June 2021, I’ll use the Kindle publication date. I also use black & white paper for the interior. If you have color pictures, you have a choice between standard and premium. My Trim Size or book size, will be 6×9 inches.

The next section of content includes Bleed/No Bleed and Matt/Glossy finish on the book. I pick No Bleed and Matt finish for my books. This is another area of printing details I won’t cover here.

Kindle Publishing

More importantly, this is where you upload your completely edited manuscript. Aside from correctly all typos and grammatical mistakes, you should also have at least a line edit done where the editor reviews all your sentences for optimum structure. If you haven’t had your manuscript professionally edited, go and hire one now. Developmental editing can also be helpful. Do your own research on this subject.

Similarly, your book cover should be professionally designed. I cannot stress this enough. Your cover is more important than your book content. If your content is bad, people may never buy another book from you. If your cover is bad, people won’t even look inside!

After your manuscript and cover are uploaded, you’re almost done. Kindle will check the content for any obvious errors. You’ll be able to review the whole book online before publication. Set aside a few hours to do that carefully.

Your Fifth Step to Kindle Publishing – Distribution and Pricing

Distribution–what does that mean? Where Amazon will distribute your book around the world.

Pricing–that seems obvious, what Amazon will charge for your book–but the book’s price determines what Amazon will pay you. Take a look at the distribution screen below.

I always choose ‘All territories’ for distribution. Why not?

Primary Marketplace for the US is Amazon.com. The other Amazon sites are listed below.

Your pricing is trickier than you think. The higher the better? Maybe. You’ll get paid more for each sale–but will high prices hurt your sales? I compared Zombie Turkeys to all the top zombie books of comparable size–and I picked the lowest price for that sized book (187 pages). I’d rather take less per book and sell more books. Do your own price research.

The other areas’ prices are based off the US price. I don’t touch them.

With your prices and distribution set, hit the publish button!

Please Stand By While Kindle Publishes Your Book

You may have to wait up to 72 hours for the book to be everywhere you need. For your own copies of print books, expect a week for the first batch to be printed and another week or more of shipping. You can always pay more for faster shipping, but I hate to do that. This is why I said you have more lead time with print copies.

What about Kindle ebooks? No problem! They’re out there when they’re approved. Enjoy!

If this isn’t clear enough, leave a nasty comment or write to me here.