“OK, Andy. You’re always giving away free stuff. That’s why I came here. Now tell me why you’re giving away your valuable, newly published book, in this Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book promotion.”
“I’m so glad you asked,” I said. “You see, I need book reviews as much as I need book sales. The more I get, the better I sell on Amazon. So a book review is nearly as good as a book sale.”
Andy Zach laughing at his jokes in his new novel My Undead Mother-in-law
“Don’t keep me on pins and needles! Let me know to get this free work before time runs out!”
Here’s How to Get the Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book
“I know this has a deadline, Andy. Let us in on the secret deadline.”
“It’s not so secret. Presales for My Undead Mother-in-law end on August 4th. So does the Free My Undead Mother-in-law Book offer for free copies for review.”
“Then we reviewers have to pay?”
“If you want to review, I’ll always send you a free copy. Just email me.”
Burning Hot Zombie Turkeys Graphic Novel News!
What do we have next? The Zombie Turkeys graphic novel application is under way! I’ve shown the first two pages before:
The first page of the Zombie Turkeys graphic novel.
They’ll publish a never before published excerpt from Zombie Turkeys. Of course, you readers know it all.
And they interviewed me. Here it is coming up next:
Andy Zach Interview
Q1: It’s Thanksgiving. What is on your dinner table and why?
Deep fried turkey, in peanut oil, injected with jalapeno marinade–because it’s delicious and natural turkeys don’t have enough fat. It’s accompanied by sweet potatoes with butter, stuffing seasoned with sage and onion, crisp green beans stir fried with garlic, and freshly made cranberry sauce from scratch, with orange peel and cinnamon. All because they’re delicious and the more delicious the food is, the more thankful we are. That’s the point, after all. I have my favorite cabernet sauvignon as a beverage. Dessert is one pumpkin pie and one pecan pie, homemade, by my wife and daughter, respectively. Each is the mistress of her craft. These pie slices are reverently covered in fresh whipped cream (homemade, not from a can) and consumed with strong black coffee. These desserts are traditional and delightful beyond belief. If we could simply bring warring nations together for a meal like this, and agree to feed them thus daily, all war would cease.
Q2: What three items would you want with you if caught short by a zombie apocalypse and why?
First, a naginata or glaive, which is a six-foot spear suitable for stabbing or slicing. You want to kill and dismember zombies as far away as possible. Bows and guns run out of ammunition and I don’t trust my accuracy.
Second, a kukri knife. If a zombie gets past your spear, you’ll want a heavy knife to slice them up quickly and easily. I used to think a bowie knife was the best, but upon investigation, a kukri knife seems to have better mechanical advantage. See your local mechanical engineer.
Third, if all else fails, have a whole body suit made of kevlar. It’ll be hot and sweaty, but when the zombies come biting, you’ll want total protection, including a transparent helmet of mylar. You’ll thank me when you eviscerate the zombie that tried to bite you with your kukri knife.
Q3: How would you explain the difference between satire and reality?
Reality is what happens, whether anyone perceives it or not, anywhere in our space time continuum as depicted by Albert Einstein’s General Theory of Relativity, or outside of that.
Satire is a means of portraying reality by exaggerating certain features in a humorous way. For example, you can portray Congress as immobilized by competing factions for years while people are dying; wait, that’s already happening! As I said, satire is hard, because sometimes reality is difficult to exaggerate. This is where the satirist earns his or her money by portraying a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion which is lost due to political infighting. If you can’t exaggerate one insanity, add another one. For example, Jonathan Swift, in a “Modest Proposal” portrays the political infighting of the time over the ‘Irish Problem’ and gently suggests cannibalism.
A Final Note
This blog is run by my Facebook friend and author E.M. Swift-hook. Check out her Amazon page to her books.
If you’ve been a Zombie Turkeys subscriber, you would know I got Zombie Turkeys Defeated after the previous email they sent. This is my report and an announcement of a free offer for the Kindle Edition of Zombie Turkeys.
Sadly, that offer ended, but soon I’ll offer it for free again on Kindle! Watch this blog, or better yet, subscribe by clicking here. My subscribers get the first notice to all deals. Plus, there’s a brand new offer at the bottom of this post. But take advantage of it today, because it’s only valid for a short time!
Zombie Turkeys Newsletter Volume 1, Number 14
Hello faithful readers!
I’ve wrested control back from the zombie turkeys. They had me locked in my room while they had their way with my computer.
Cover of Kindle edition of “Zombie Turkeys”. Click to download.
The emergency announcement is: my book Zombie Turkeys will be FREE on Kindle for the next week!
Visit Amazon.com’s Andy Zach Page and shop for all Andy Zach books and other Andy Zach related products (DVD…
That is all!
Andy
Zombie Turkeys Defeated But Don’t Go Yet! Here’s another great offer!
Ah! You just skipped everything and scrolled down here to find out what the free offer is. That’s great! Have a free turkey video:
But the free video isn’t the offer; the offer is next.
You Can Be A Member of My Undead Mother-in-law Launch Team!
The preliminary back cover of My Undead Mother-in-law
Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.
“So what?” you say. “Why would I want to? And what’s the catch?”
Well may you ask. First, what’s in it for you:
One, a free My Undead Mother-in-law T-shirt.
Two, a free Zombie Turkeys pen.
Three, a free signed copy of My Undead Mother-in-law.
What’s The “Catch”?
First of all, you’re going to have to email me (Click here) or sign up for my newsletter. (Click here.) All my subscribers’ emails are kept confidential on my secured site.
Secondly, you’ve got to tell all your friends about My Undead Mother-in-law when it goes on sale in July. That would be all your Facebook contacts (that you think would want to read a humorous zombie parody), all your Twitter contacts, all your email contacts.
Thirdly, when Zombie Turkeys goes on sale in August, tell the same group that’s free for the taking.
Fourthly, if possible show up in person for the book launch at the Peoria Barnes and Noble store at 12 PM.
If you can’t make that, then make my virtual launch on Facebook.
But act now! The book launch team must be organized this week!
Keep watching for more news!
Oh, and here’s a video of me reading from My Undead Mother-in-law!
Andy Zach Barnes and Noble Appearance! – Zombie Turkeys
Don’t miss Andy Zach Barnes and Noble Appearance! He’ll be signing his book Zombie Turkeys at the Peoria…
Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.
Zombie Appearance, Yes, But That’s Not All!
Here’s an early version of my cover for my next novel, My Undead Mother-in-law for my newsletter readers. This is super secret, because I’ll have a reveal day when the detailed cover is done. But you deserve a treat and I trust you.
Andy Zach, foremost paranormal animal author in the comic urban fantasy genre.
Don’t Forget the Drawing for a Free Book is Next Week!
You can get entries for each new newsletter subscriber you get! Send me their email to show me caused them to join! And of course, they are entered too.
We’ll draw for a choice of Zombie Turkeys, (paper, ebook, or audio book when it comes out), or My Undead Mother-in-law, (paper or ebook, when it comes out this summer).
What Else Is Going On?
Lots and lots!
I also had free short stories posted this week. Here’s the first:
Zombie Turkeys Blog Alive and Well! – Zombie Turkeys
Get free books, free newsletters, and zombie news from Zombie Turkeys Blog Alive and Well. We’ll show you th…
Not Just Zombie Appearance, but More Freebies
As is my tradition, I give my newsletter readers free book and newsletters from other fantasy and science fiction authors. Here they are coming up next!
Physics major Dieter Lindemann is perfectly content living in a world where the Shadows he sees and hears are nothing but figments of his imagination. But when one attacks him, he’s forced to confront the fact that the Shadows are not only real, but dangerous. Though Necromancer Alistair Cudmore offers to help him, Dieter quickly realizes that what he and Alistair want are two very different things, and it’s difference that could cost him his life. Controlling and possessive, Alistair pushes him further and further into blood magic, dragging him down into a world he never wanted any part in. As the spirits and Alistair grow more and more violent, Dieter must break away from his mentor and learn to control the Shadows on his own before they destroy him. Only, Alistair isn’t about to let him go without a fight.
Notes
Free from Mar. 15-17 Available in Kindle Unlimited
Vivian Hsu has only lived in the slums of the lower Sprawl for a year as a mercenary, but ironically, the telepathic powers that forced her to flee her prior privileged life now threaten to drive her insane. Will this proud, self-reliant, and stubborn woman harness her fiery nature and survive the deadliest contract she’s ever faced? Will she navigate the tangled web of corporate espionage, kidnapping, murder and come out with her soul? Or will the darkest depths of the Sprawl claim another life?
The preliminary back cover of My Undead Mother-in-law
Preview Cover of “My Undead Mother-in-law”, on sale on Amazon in July 2017.
Don’t Miss this Zombie Appearance
Andy Zach, foremost paranormal animal author in the comic urban fantasy genre.
Hungry zombie turkey wanting more
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