Meet My Undead Mother-in-law as Your Gift! I’m giving you everything I have about this delightful, middle-aged, zombie woman with anger management issues. This is every excerpt I have on her throughout my eight-year career as a self-published author.
Here’s an info dump on Diane Newby, the undead mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues. My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.
But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby? The world is divided into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die? You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.
Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
Get Your Free Copy of My Most Popular Book–and laughter! All of this is on the 5th day of advent. As I count down to Christmas, I’ll give you a gift every day.
What’s my most popular book? By a margin of 2:1 I sold more copies of Zombie Turkeys than any other book.
Why is Zombie Turkeys so popular? Listen to these readers:
I loved every gobbling, clucking page of this book. It’s this hilarious and insane story that wonderfully hits all the right zombie outbreak tropes I love, but done with turkeys and thanksgiving themes. SO FUNNY! I could read about heroic turkey farmers making chipper-shredder last stands for just about forever.
I absolutely enjoyed reading this. The way the author used local cities in central Illinois was terrific. The plot was well written. It was a good fast read.
I am not a zombie fan, but have been known to like turkey especially with stuffing. No seriously, this book is so imaginative and original but I wouldn’t classify it as a novelty book. It is too well written for that. Especially like the author using small towns in central Illinois as sites of the attacks as I am also from central Illinois. This read will put a smile on your face no matter where you live.
OK this was funny, I actually started with volume 2 in this series (My undead mother in law) and all the things that I was missing in the story in the one I started are explained here, its brilliant and very funny XD, one thing that I love about this series, the people reading the book (there’s more than one ^__^) they actually sound like they’re having fun, and that’s twice the fun for us that are listening to the audiobook.
Hilarious
I’ve never laughed so much listening to a zombie story before…but then again I’ve never listened to a book about zombie turkeys before either. Hilariously written and actually has some great characters too. Many cameos as well. Definitely an awesome time listening to this one. Hoping for a sequel!
Funny
What added to the Zombie Turkey situation was the author took the reader through the different towns of Illinois by a reporter working on his big story added great humor to the saga. The reader has to wonder how Mr Zach dreams up these crazy stories but they all seem to work.
Dumb…silly…juvenile…couldn’t put it down
Comfort food for that juvenile part of you that never quite outgrew your comic books. Just forget that it’s preposterous (after all, you were already warned by the title; what did you expect?), and go with the flow…
Get Your Free Copy of My Most Popular Book — Zombie Turkeys
it’s part outrageously funny, bizarre and compelling. A very good and entertaining and riveting story.
Zombie Turkeys 🦃
This was an amazing story. It was very entertaining with many LOL moments. I’m definitely hooked. Can’t wait to listen to the next one.
Deliciously silly book!
What a deliciously silly book! If you love zombies and comedy, this zombiedy story is for you. The whole premise of zombie turkeys is just so ludicrous it makes the whole tale funny, no matter how seriously the characters take their roles. Story is suitable for the whole family. Very little blood & guts, no swearing, sweet, innocent romance.
Dark Humor
This dark comedy combines action and humor set mostly against the back drop of rural Indiana. Sam and his editor Lisa run a small town newspaper,
Get Your Free Copy of My Most Popular Book–Tell Me What You Think!
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
“Sorry to leave you in the lurch, Darla, but we’ve got to go and help,” said Aubrey.
“What can you do?”
“More than you think.”
“I’ve already called my car,” said Jeremy.
“Your car? You’re not old enough to drive,” asked Darla.
“I made a flying car. I can summon it here. See, there it is.”
Darla’s, the cheerleaders’, Rich’s, and the football players’ mouths dropped open as Jeremy’s car came flying down the street, as fast as any other car. Jeremy and Dan had modified it so it had a rumble seat in the back for Kayla and two running boards with grips and safety lines like a fire truck, for Dan and Aubrey to stand.
“That is SO COOL,” screamed Darla.
The Secret Supers climbed into the car. Jeremy transferred carefully from his wheelchair to the driver’s seat, not using his telekinesis.
“We’ll come back if we can. Watch my electric wheelchair,” said Jeremy as they zoomed off.
“Wow, Jeremy! You’re really going fast,” said Aubrey over the rushing wind.
“I told you I was getting stronger. I think we’ll have to modify this again for full seats for you and Dan.”
“Hurry,” said Dan. “They’re trapped in the basement!”
“Okay, let me open her up.” The car sped up, and they began passing other cars on the road.
“Fifty-five, sixty miles an hour! That seems to be my limit, now. Hey, did someone call the fire department?”
“I did before we started,” said Dan. “Oh hurry!, The smoke is getting thick! They’re lying on the basement floor with wet clothes over their faces!”
A line of cars at a red light blocked them.
“Hold on! Kayla, shields up!”
Shields up, Captain Jeremy!
The car faded into invisibility.
“No one saw that,” said Dan, holding on for dear life as they soared over the cars and traffic lights. “Please hurry! My little sister is coughing on the smoke.”
“I guess we can dispense with the roads. My GPS says if we take a twenty-degree turn—”
“Look out for the high-tension wires,” screamed Aubrey.
Six high-voltage wires blocked their path, less than twenty feet away.
“Hold on,” yelled Jeremy.
The car dropped like an elevator with its cable cut. The Secret Supers ducked, and the wires passed where their heads had been a moment before. They could feel the hairs on their heads lift up from the intense voltage a foot away.
“Look out, a tree,” shouted Aubrey.
The car swerved around and over an oak tree blocking their path.
The Elanga’s house blazed ahead, a pillar of fire and smoke rooted in the disintegrating house.
Swooping down, Jeremy brought the car to a skidding halt in front of the house. A wall of heat burned their faces. Acrid smoke assailed their noses. In the distance, fire engine sirens blared.
A popup window appeared on my computer screen. “Loretta, do you wish to accept a video call from John Smith?” I read. I quickly clicked Accept.
As soon as a black-and-gray-haired man appeared on my computer screen, I said, “Oh, Papa Smith, I want to give up.”
“Why would you do that, Loretta? You’re one of the most successful children in our family business.”
“Bah! Four crummy kids beat me.”
“Well, yeah, but you didn’t know they were there in Maryville and they would come after your agent.”
“Sure, I knew they were there. They were all over the national news this past year.”
“But everyone just thinks they’re regular disabled kids. Heck, Andy Zach published their story as fiction. No one knew they had superpowers until we caught them on video defeating your agent.”
“The telekinesis kid, Jeremy, is really powerful, but the telepathic pair, Kayla and Dan, can’t be stopped or intercepted. That’s before you add a real super girl, Aubrey. Their disabilities gave them the perfect disguises.”
“That’s an idea. What if we publish that video and tell everyone they have superpowers? The fame would disrupt their lives and maybe distract them so we can take over Maryville.”
“Hmmm. Maybe. But that would also point back to us as the source of the video. And people might think it’s just a deep fake.”
He sighed. “You’re right. The government might also enlist them in the NSA or some other secret agency. We don’t want any attention from them. Tell you what. Take a vacation. You haven’t had a break for a long time. Maybe if you do something completely different, you’ll come up with a solution to the Secret Supers.”
“There’s a good idea, Papa. My last one was in Paris? Three years ago?”
“Yes. That was after you successfully rigged that state election and got our candidate elected.”
“What would be a complete change for me? Something outside a city, something fun—I know!”
“What?”
“I’ll go to Coaster World!”
“That’s right. You always loved coasters as a kid.”
“Ugh! I sure want to get back at them. But they’re backed up by the NSA. I’m not eager to tackle them and the US government.”
Papa stroked his hair. “The best cure for falling off a horse is to get back on. How about if I get a partner for you?”
“They’d better be awfully competent. I can’t really work with anyone who’s incompetent, or average, or merely a genius.”
“How about if you and I work together?”
I gasped. Papa Smith had raised me. He’d been very vague about what happened to my parents, so he was the only parent I’d known. I’d dreamt of working with him in the family crime business, but I hadn’t seen much of him once I went to college and began teaching, over fifty years ago. He was the one person I was pretty sure was smarter than me. Or at least he knew more.
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