The mother-in-law has landed! That is, her book, My Undead Mother-in-law (M.U.M.) has arrived at Jule Inc. Those who’ve won free books (four) and who’ve picked M.U.M. will get one. Those who haven’t picked a prize yet, contact me, Andy Zach.
Indeedy do! The third book in the Life After Life Chronicles, my humorous zombie books set in our modern society is Paranormal Privateers.
Research topics I covered for the next book were Somali piracy and letters of marque. Did you know the last letter of marque was issued in 1815 for the ship the Grand Turk, to be used against the Barbary pirates? It was never used since the second Barbary pirate war ended.
Color picture of US 16th President Lincoln. He almost issued a letter of marque.
Then later on President Lincoln thought of using them against the Confederacy but didn’t. The Confederacy, however, issued letters of marque against the Union.
Finally, Ron Paul introduced bills for letters of marque against Al-Qaida in 2001 and 2007. In 2010, a Navy lawyer researched the plausibility of letters of marque against modern pirates and concluded it was a good idea.
Andy’s autographed picture
What do you think? Respond in the comments or by email to [email protected].
My Secret Supers are on summer vacation from 7th grade at a coaster park? Why would international criminals target innocent, 7th-grade superheroes? I’ll tell you why, revealing their motives by excerpts from my book.
If you’re not familiar with my Secret Supers team, I tell you all about them here: Meet My Disabled Superheroes. For each heroic teen (or pre-teen), I’ll give you a description from my book.
A popup window appeared on my computer screen. “Loretta, do you wish to accept a video call from John Smith?” I read. I quickly clicked Accept.
As soon as a black-and-gray-haired man appeared on my computer screen, I said, “Oh, Papa Smith, I want to give up.”
“Why would you do that, Loretta? You’re one of the most successful children in our family business.”
“Bah! Four crummy kids beat me.”
“Well, yeah, but you didn’t know they were there in Maryville and they would come after your agent.”
“Sure, I knew they were there. They were all over the national news this past year.”
“But everyone just thinks they’re regular disabled kids. Heck, Andy Zach published their story as fiction. No one knew they had superpowers until we caught them on video defeating your agent.”
Meet My Villains – Loretta – Part 2
“The telekinesis kid, Jeremy, is really powerful, but the telepathic pair, Kayla and Dan, can’t be stopped or intercepted. That’s before you add a real super girl, Aubrey. Their disabilities gave them the perfect disguises.”
“That’s an idea. What if we publish that video and tell everyone they have superpowers? The fame would disrupt their lives and maybe distract them so we can take over Maryville.”
“Hmmm. Maybe. But that would also point back to us as the source of the video. And people might think it’s just a deep fake.”
He sighed. “You’re right. The government might also enlist them in the NSA or some other secret agency. We don’t want any attention from them. Tell you what. Take a vacation. You haven’t had a break for a long time. Maybe if you do something completely different, you’ll come up with a solution to the Secret Supers.”
“There’s a good idea, Papa. My last one was in Paris? Three years ago?”
“Yes. That was after you successfully rigged that state election and got our candidate elected.”
“What would be a complete change for me? Something outside a city, something fun—I know!”
“What?”
“I’ll go to Coaster World!”
“That’s right. You always loved coasters as a kid.”
“Hi, Loretta. Are you all refreshed from your Paris vacation?”
“Hi, Papa Smith. Yes. I had a lot of fun waterskiing on the Riviera. I also cheated the casino in Monaco out of a million bucks.”
“Of course.
“But now I’m refreshed and bored. I haven’t had a job since I left for Coaster World.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve got a challenging assignment for you—the Secret Supers.”
Meet My Villains – Papa Smith, Part 2
“Ugh! I sure want to get back at them. But they’re backed up by the NSA. I’m not eager to tackle them and the US government.”
Papa stroked his hair. “The best cure for falling off a horse is to get back on. How about if I get a partner for you?”
“They’d better be awfully competent. I can’t really work with anyone who’s incompetent, or average, or merely a genius.”
“How about if you and I work together?”
I gasped. Papa Smith had raised me. He’d been very vague about what happened to my parents, so he was the only parent I’d known. I’d dreamt of working with him in the family crime business, but I hadn’t seen much of him once I went to college and began teaching, over fifty years ago. He was the one person I was pretty sure was smarter than me. Or at least he knew more.
“Villain’s Vacation” by Andy Zach, narrated by Michael Stafford, whisks you on a thrilling ride as four disabled seventh graders with superpowers take on Coaster World. The writing is as electrifying as their powers, keeping you glued to each twist and turn. Stafford’s narration brings each character to life, adding an extra layer of excitement to this action-packed adventure.
In this sequel to Secret Supers, Jeremy has been experimenting on his hamster. As a result, Dancer has learned how to read, and is reading everything he can to learn about the human world. When Jeremy discovers this, he gets Dancer one of his old cell phones so Dancer can text the group.
As for the superhero business, the group needs some downtime and goes on vacation to Coaster World. What they don’t realize is that the villain they defeated also loves roller coasters and wants revenge against the Secret Supers.
Will the Secret Supers be able to defeat the villain and enjoy their vacation, or are their crime-fighting days numbered?
This was a fun sequel to Secret Supers. Not only did we have Andy Zach as a character in the book, as though the events were true and actually happened, but I loved the inclusion of a Super-Hamster helping out Jeremy and his friends. In this battle against the villain, the Secret Supers struggle, as the villain seems to have figured out how to neutralize their powers, and they not only have to call in support but also reveal themselves to some non-Supers.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
Why Did I Write My Secret Supers Series? Before I tell you that, I must tell you my book Secret Supers is .99 today. Get your copy by clicking here.
After I answer the question, I’ll give you a description from my book for each heroic teen (or pre-teen),
Why Did I Write My Secret Supers Series? – The Back Story
First, I have three wonderful children, thanks to my beautiful wife. My first child, Tori, was born three months prematurely. She only weighed two and half pounds or 1.2 kilograms. Still, she was healthy and my wife was fine–for one day.
After visiting my wife and daughter in the hospital the day after her birth, I got a call at 1:30 AM. “Your daughter has had a grade 4 brain bleed. We need your authorization to do a complete blood transfusion.”
“What’s a grade 4 brain bleed?”
“All four quadrants of the brain have blood in them.”
“Okay, do the transfusion.”
I then prayed and went back to sleep.
Tori survived after much prayer and fifty days in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). She came home weighing 4 pounds 4 ounces. (2.2 kilograms). Here’s her picture with her mom Julie:
Why are you telling us this? It answers Why Did I Write My Secret Supers Series
You see, the brain bleed affected Tori in all four limbs. The condition is known as cerebral palsy. She didn’t learn to walk until she was 4, with her walker.
We got a six wheeled electric cart for her at five. She got an electric wheelchair at six. Although, she’s walked on an off through her many surgeries, she’s wheelchair bound now.
Thirty years later, after I had written Zombie Turkeys, My Undead Mother-in-law, and Paranormal Privateers, I wanted to take a break from my zombie parody series and start a new, non-zombie series for middle-school students. I discussed the topic with my daughter Tori, who also loves to write and she said, “Why don’t you write a story about a flying wheelchair?”
“Dear diary,” Jeremy dictated into his app on his tablet in his bedroom. “Today, I became a superhero.” Jeremy Gentle stopped, uncertain. Was that the best way to start his journal? Might as well just tell the story. He needed to sleep. He had a big algebra test tomorrow at Maryville Middle School.
Yesterday, school went as usual. Same old seventh grade. There were the same handicapped kids in the same class. Same problems transferring to the toilet from my wheelchair. Nothing new.
Oh, I take that back. I had one new, bad thing happen— I fell during physical therapy. There I was, between the parallel bars, halfway done. I tried with all my might to take another step. I couldn’t. My muscles screamed, at their end. My legs collapsed, and I hung like a marionette from the gait belt, held by my therapist, Fred Bernstein.
For once I was glad I was a skinny, twelve-year-old. I’m not even eighty pounds.
I gave up completely and flopped bonelessly. I might as well be on the floor, I thought. And then I was.
I made the main character Jeremy, who has cerebral palsy and an electric wheelchair. And I gave him telekinesis, which gave him the power to make his wheelchair fly.
Now you know the answer to: Why did I write my Secret Supers series? Let’s meet the other 7th-grade superheroes.
Hi, Dan!” Jeremy called to his best friend Dan Elanga as he rolled into the bus from the wheelchair lift. He drove to the wheelchair spot where the driver strapped him down.
“Hi, Jeremy! You sound excited. What’s up?” As usual, a big grin split Dan’s round, brown face. He’d come from Cameroon as a child. He’d been born blind, and his parents sacrificed their successful business to emigrate to the US where they felt he’d have better chances.
“Oh, nothing.” Jeremy wasn’t quite ready to share his secret, even with his best friend. Especially not with the bus driver tightening the wheelchair straps.
“That sounds like you’ve got a secret! C’mon, tell your old friend Dan!”
Jeremy gestured with his head toward the driver and then remembered Dan couldn’t see. As much as he disliked cerebral palsy, he still preferred having that to blindness.
The driver returned to his seat and drove off.
“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone.”
“Sounds like a good one!”
“Everyone will think I’m crazy if this gets out. Or I might be put in a circus.”
“I can’t wait to hear! You know I’ll keep it. Pinky promise.” Dan held out his big fist, pinky extended.
Dan was huge for thirteen, six feet tall and bulky and Jeremy was small for twelve. Jeremy’s small pinky curled around Dan’s big one.
Kayla Verdera screamed in frustration as she lost her balance and fell from her walker. Not this again! She had been wiping the drool from her face with her handkerchief and as she placed it in her purse at the side of the walker, she overbalanced and fell down. Her helmeted head bounced off the floor next to Dan Elanga.
“Oh, Kayla, are you all right?” asked their special ed homeroom teacher, Bonita Fuller. Worry creased her face.
“Let me help her get back up,” Dan Elanga offered. He gently picked her up from where he heard her fall and placed her back in the walker. Guided by Mrs. Fuller, Kayla sat at her desk. The other students, Jeremy and Aubrey, watched with concern.
“Thanks, Dan,” said Mrs. Fuller. “I can pick her up, but not as easily as you. Kayla, are you all right? Do you need to go to the infirmary?”
Kayla signed “Okay” and then shook her head. She lost her power of speech and her balance when she contracted spinal meningitis last year. That also caused her to drool at times. Her fingers flew over the tablet on her desk. A female voice spoke from the tablet. “Sorry. I lost my balance.”
Kayla carried her tablet everywhere. It hung in easy reach on her walker. She used it to talk to people, picking out words and then sending them to her voice app to speak them. She could pick any voice she wanted, and she used the pop star, Mackenzie Ziegler.
My Disabled Superheroes – Aubrey Wilcowsky
Aubrey Wilcowsky – has super strength
Aubrey towered over her, big and burly, a kind of tomboy and athlete. Kayla felt small and skinny next to her. Aubrey could talk a knob off a door and was outgoing and friendly to a fault. Kayla only talked when she had to. Now I can’t talk at all.Aubrey just muddled through school. She was a year older but still in our grade. Even though I was quiet, I had been popular with popular kids in school—until I started using a walker.Aubrey just hung around with the sports crowd.
They became friends as Kayla tutored her. Their friendship survived Aubrey’s double amputation. She’d just been fitted for prosthetic legs when Kayla got her spinal meningitis. Aubrey didn’t care. She was a brick.
Reviewed in the United States on December 11, 2023
It is a captivating tale that defies conventional superhero narratives. The author, with keen insight, weaves a story around four friends who turn their disabilities into extraordinary strengths.
The seamless integration of disability and superpowers challenges societal norms, making the story not just entertaining but also thought-provoking.
The author skillfully balances action, emotion, and humor, creating a narrative that engages readers of all ages. The message of resilience, unity, and embracing differences resonates throughout the book. This book is a delightful read that not only entertains but also prompts reflection on the true meaning of strength and heroism.
Jeremy has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. He is in a special education class with Dan, who is blind, Kayla, who was mute and used a walker, and Audrey, who lost her legs and uses crutches. One afternoon, when conducting experiments in his laboratory, Jeremy accidentally gives himself superpowers.
Specifically, he gains the ability of telekinesis, which he can use to help himself walk, cause his wheelchair to travel at much higher speeds, and even fly. Not wanting to keep this discovery to himself, Jeremy tells his 3 friends about it and gives each of them superpowers as well. But now that they have superpowers, what should they do? Following the words of Uncle Ben of Spiderman, they decide they must use their powers for good, beginning by trying to solve a case of a stolen car, and keep their identities a secret, modeling their costumes on the Incredibles.
This book was a fun story that placed individuals with disabilities front and center in the story. While the superpowers allow them to do things they wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, it is what they choose to do with their powers that makes all the difference. Also, even with their superpowers, their initial disabilities aren’t erased, which I think is important. I liked to development of the characters and how they interacted and supported each other; I only wish the book had been longer so I could have spent more time with them. I am glad that there’s a sequel already published, and I look forward to reading/listening to it.
An uplifting tale of how four students find that within disability is ability. Looking past who others think they are was the way the four came together to make a difference not only in their own lives but the lives of those around them. The main theme of this tale is practice, practice, practice.
Can young teens with disabilities be super heros; In Andy Zach’s Secret Supers they can!! We meet Jeremy, a middle school student with cerebral palsy who is wheelchair bound and struggles in physical therapy but does not struggle with anything STEM related. While running an experiment in his basement lab he gives himself a super power. When he tries the experiment again he gives his best friend Dan, who is blind, a different power. Soon Jeremy, Dan, and their friends and classmates Kayla and Aubry are all super powered and fighting crime! They also end up fighting against their special ed. classroom being shut down and separated into several different schools.
This story gives kids with disabilities a chance to see themselves as superheroes and a way for teens without disabilities to see disabled classmates in a different light.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait! I’ll also tell you when it goes on sale. My next issue comes out June 5th!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours.
Got questions? Comments? Reach me directly by clicking here. If you tell me why did I write my Secret Supers series, I’ll send you a free ebook!
Are you going to tell your friends why did I write my Secret Supers series?
Oops! My Best Book You’ve Never Read Is On Sale! But just for seven days, so quickly click here to get Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse!By ‘seven days’ I mean today, Sunday, May 19th to May 26th.
Oops cover
I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve got a free short story for you from the book.
But first, let me tell you about my short stories before you try one.
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul
One queen saw the problem more clearly than anyone else. Her king and prince had both drowned only a short distance from the shore because no one saw them signing for help. The queen sat vigil all night long, and in the morning she sent heralds with large signs in every language to all the humans, elves, dwarves, fairies, leprechauns, and even a dragon. She pled with all to find something that would let creatures communicate without signs or gestures when they couldn’t see each other. She promised she would give whatever was in her power to whoever could accomplish this.
I left the air-conditioned comfort of the taxi, and the sights, sounds, and smells of the old bazaar in Jeddah assailed me: a robe-clad man on camel plodded by, an adjacent fishmonger added his smell to the fresh dung in the street, and the hawkers yelled their wares.
I could only speak Arabic at a middle school level, but as I strolled through the bazaar, I heard “Fresh dates!”…”Highest quality rugs!”…”Finest gold jewelry!”… “Ancient books! The rarest in Saudi Arabia!”
My head snapped around. A bald, stumpy man in a white caftan saw me look and said, “Books? You want ancient books?”
“Yes.” I spoke carefully, knowing my poor accent. “Can you speak English?” I didn’t have much hope.
The scene was chaos! I knew immediately I was in a different country, judging by the languages I couldn’t understand. I had also determined this was no modern city—I seemed to be on the outskirts of town amid a swarming crowd. Men were shouting and women were crying; meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out how I had gotten there and where exactly I was. Several seconds later, however, that question was answered.
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. Brice was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
He woke up staring out his windshield at the green grass of the highway median. Dully, Anthony listened to the sound of his car’s engine cooling, ticking like a clock. He didn’t know why he was here or how he got here.
“Hey, are you okay in there?” came a voice from outside the car.
Turning his head toward the sound, he realized he was upside down, supported by his seat belt and his legs, which were strangely numb.
I need to tell you about my own zombie story. It’s about how my parents became zombies.
As soon as the zombie turkeys appeared in Illinois, I started cultures of their zombie turkey bacteria in petri dishes. When other animals, squirrels, rabbits, and cows began turning zombie, I added cultures of their bacteria. I sought the ultimate source of animal revivification. It was my PhD thesis and my life’s work.
I’ve always wanted to revive animals from the dead. It seemed the secret was through the special bacteria for each species. Naturally, when humans became zombies, I cultivated their bacteria too.
He was dead. At least, his business was. And without his business, his wife would leave him and take their new baby. Then he might as well be dead.
His dad had run the Elysium Fields Mortuary for thirty years and had made a killing at it. The first and only mortuary in their small town of Hillvale, everyone got buried there. He charged normal prices, he was friendly, and he helped their community. His dad said to him when he was a teen, “Irving, after you get your college degree, go to mortuary school, and when you come out, I’ll hire you and then turn the business over to you. You’ll be set for life.”
The Taser hit me in the back. I convulsed uncontrollably, shocked out of sleep.
“Okay, wakey, wakey. Time to go model for your mistress,” squeaked a high tenor.
The bearded hulk who guarded us held his Taser ready, in case Lulu and I weren’t fast enough. He was so hairy, I couldn’t tell where his beard ended and his chest began. We donned the haute couture apparel set before us. He nodded his approval and gestured toward the door. He always followed us with his Taser.
“We’ve been here weeks and we don’t know your name. What shall we call you?” I ventured. I had some vague hope of putting him at his ease so we could escape.
He laughed. “Call me Gronk.” He wheezed when he laughed.
So I got him to laugh. Maybe that was progress. Maybe not. He also laughed when he tortured us with the Taser.
“Let me check you, Sharon,” Lulu whispered. She examined my back, where the Taser had hit my sleeping form. My muscles still ached. “No marks.”
Breeding zombie corgis wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Heather Mallorn sighed as she reviewed accounts for Her Majesty’s Corgis in Hanna City, Illinois. Certainly, she made plenty on each zombie corgi she sold. Normally, corgi puppies went for $1,200. She earned double that for zombies. The zombie corgies were invincible guard dogs, and cute too, with bright-red eyes. They were no harder to train than regular corgis, just slightly more aggressive. Well, a lot more aggressive.
Kayla Verdera, disabled 7th-grade student and superhero
“Oh no! Did you hear what I just heard?” Aubrey said as soon as she and I rushed up to Jeremy and Dan coming off their bus in the morning at Maryville Middle School.
“No!” Jeremy said, rolling off the bus in his electric wheelchair. Jeremy Gentle was a spindly kid with cerebral palsy. I’d never looked twice at him when I was the most popular and smartest girl in the school. Then I lost my speech and balance to spinal meningitis last year, and I was put in the special-needs class. After we were together awhile, I learned he was as smart as me.
“Of course I heard,” said Dan, who walked behind Jeremy’s wheelchair while holding the back of it and carrying his white cane. “Do you think I’m deaf as well as blind?”
Enough talking! I sent the thought to them all, using my telepathic power. This is too slow!Our math teacher’s car was stolen last night. Mr. Williamson went to play basketball downtown, and when he came out, his car was gone.
I like my friends, but I wish they’d get to the point. We all attended a special disabled class at Maryville Middle School. Disabled kids used to creep me out. Now I, Kayla Verdera, was one of them.
How fascinating! Dancer thought. This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name.
Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.
He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day he’d noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps. Then the clumps formed more patterns. He also listened to his owners differently. They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother, and sometimes by his father.
Diane Newby, George Newby, Lulu Gutierrez, and Sharon Wyndham, privateers
“Arrrgh! Me hearies, eat hearty!” said a short, stocky pirate with an eye patch and a captain’s hat seemingly copied from Cap’n Crunch. The pirate gestured, with a hook instead of a right hand, toward an enormous banquet table laden with food. The one visible eye gleamed red.
“Arrrgh! Where’s the skilly and duff?” said a refrigerator-sized bald pirate with an enormous mustache. His eyes also shone crimson.
“Arrrgh! That be the tacos and enchiladas,” said a small, beautiful pirate with dark hair bound by a red bandanna and smiling blood-red eyes. She pointed with her cutlass toward the Mexican section of the smorgasbord.
“Arrrgh! You be a Mexican pirate?” said a blond pirate with broad shoulders and a Cockney accent. She wore her hair in a long queue emerging from a bloody headband around her forehead. She also had glowing ruby eyes.
“That’s your problem, isn’t it? Try the local apartments. Look for rooms to rent on the internet. It’s not that hard to find a place in Ohio.”
I could tell by his grim expression he was serious this time. He’d been nagging me for nearly a year to move out and “set up housekeeping” ever since I’d graduated from the state university with my BA in video game art and my minor in computer science. I’d managed to wheedle him out of it and delay the date. Until now.
Oops! My Best Book You’ve Never Read
Your Free Short Story is: In A Pickle
Now you’re ready for your free short story that follows below.
What’s it about? What if you’re a genetic engineer and you decide to use zombie turkey DNA to make pickles grow? That’s the set up. Enjoy! Click here to read it.
It opens like this:
In a Pickle – from Oops! My Best Book You’ve Never Read
by Andy Zach
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. He was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. And he couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
Is Oops! My Best Book? Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Zombies and Aliens–Oh My! Get Paranormal Privateers and you’ll get surprises and laughs. Grab it now at 80% off. My Undead Mother-in-law and her zombie family are hired by the US government as privateers. Their mission: go to places too dangerous or sensitive for direct US intervention.
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.
After missions to Somalia, Sevastopol, London, and North Korea, they meet a new challenge: aliens! A flying saucer lands on the White House lawn seeking to make a deal with the US–and all the other nations in the world.
Middle-aged, overweight, and undead, Diane Newby leads the paranormal privateers against criminals and corruption. Sailing to trouble spots too sensitive for the US government, with zombie strength and regeneration they beat bullies into submission. Aided by zombie turkeys, corgis, and bulls, vicious criminal geniuses fall before them. If Diane gets overwhelmed by foes, her lovely zombie bodyguards and romantic zombie husband come to the rescue.
Out of the blue, new foes appear. Or are they friends? Or both? The frenemies neutralize zombies and orchestrate world peace. They disrupt the economy and produce fabulous wealth. Even the greatest criminals and governments can’t stop them from dominating the world.
Can humanity afford the price of peace? All must surrender freedom to a not-so-benign dictatorship. Diane and the paranormal privateers must do the unthinkable to save humanity. But is it enough?
In an explosive and unconventional ending to Andy Zach’s Life After Life Chronicles, you will learn what happens when the paranormal privateers meet the world’s greatest fear. And you will laugh all the way.
A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.
“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright-red eyes looked squarely into mine.
“Sharon Windham – tall blonde bodyguard from England. “Her eyes shone bright red under a broad brow, with blonde eyelashes and a square chin. She could be a marble idol from a Greek temple. A zombie goddess”–from Paranormal Privateers
She was a former crime lord bodyguard who switched alliegiance to Diane Newby. Former Crossfit athlete, model, and competitive swimmer.. She deamt of becoming a UN translator. She speaks 11 languages: English, French, German, Norwegian, Swedish, Danish, Chinese, Korean, Arabic, Hebrew, Greek, and Russian. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.
Darkly beautiful bodyguard from Aculpulco Mexico. 5′ 4″ Former cliff diver and rock climber. Former crime lord bodyguard, now protecting Diane Newby. Former MMA fighter and bodybuilder. Trained in katana, nunchuks, and naginata.
Lisa Melvin, also known as Lisa Kambacher, the creator and driving force behind the Midley Beacon, the world’s foremost zombie newspaper. She’s introduced in Zombie Turkeys and is in every book of the Life After Life Chronicles.
Sam Melvin, the ace reporter of the Midley Beacon may win the title for the most average person in the world. He too is in every book of the series.
Zombies and Aliens – Now Learn What My Readers Think
This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am glad I picked it up! The series continues with lots of action, characters continue to be developed, humor, and the zombies are still not mindless shells ambling around awaiting an axe to the head.
Still a refreshing take on zombies as a whole. I look forward to what Andy writes next!
Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.
Again I can’t say anything but how much I have enjoyed the three books in this Series. The performance by Phil Blechman was great. I especially loved the voice of the Alien, and the Villains. Y’all just have to check out this Series, you won’t be disappointed. Thanks again Mr Andy Zach.
Whew! Lots of stories within stories with a wink of incredulity as we read along the pages. Tongue-in-cheek adventures, modern day villains’, and zombies; wait, are they still zombies or not? Yep, we have that zombie virus run amok with various creations to transform them back and forth. How much of a zombie body do you need to regenerate?
Gung-ho leader of the group Diane Newby, husband George, are charging on fighting crime with the discreet eye of the government as their silent partners. Somali pirates, Harrod’s London Store with real bulls in the china shop, parasitic cyborgs, virus-antivirus, bacteria, and other minute details tangle the story line into a braided rug of conspiracies and innovative solutions.
Zombies and Aliens – Click Below to Get Your Copy!
What are You Getting Your Mother-in-law for Mother’s Day? Try My Undead Mother-in-law. Why should you get this book for her?
I’m giving you everything I have about this delightful, middle-aged, zombie woman with anger management issues. This is every excerpt I have on her throughout my seven-year career as a self-published author.
Here’s an info dump on Diane Newby, the undead mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues. My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.
But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby? The world is divided into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die? You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.
Get Your Free Laughter with Zombie Turkeys–2 Days Only. That’s today and tomorrow on Amazon and Story Origin, April 7th! That’s just 48 hours, so quickly click here to get Zombie Turkeys.The free book offer ends on Thursday April 8th, eclipse day.
Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve got another book on sale as well! It’s my most recent book, Zombie Detective. This one is 67% off its Kindle price. It’s on sale below.
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Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country. As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time. During their years of working together, Lisa has mellowed into an irascible pinchpenny. Lisa snipes at Sam for plebeian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story.
Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes. Careening from shell-shocked grocery store owners fighting turkeys crawling out of refrigerators to machine-gunning turkey farmers to secret militia, Sam and Lisa doggedly report.
Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee-deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world. With paranoid militias clashing with the federal government and unkillable turkeys, Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive.
Sam and Lisa have no superpowers. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.
Zombie Turkeys
Get Your Free Laughter – A Reader’s Review of Zombie Turkeys
This book was a crazy ride. Imaging if you will a flock of turkeys which are unstoppable! Of course, they can be stopped if you know the secret way to kill a zombie turkey. The various scenes had me laughing. The scene with Obama and family was quite entertaining. The various traps and way to kill the turkeys had my imagination going. A fun read.
OK this was funny, I actually started with volume 2 in this series (My undead mother in law) and all the things that I was missing in the story in the one I started are explained here, its brilliant and very funny XD, one thing that I love about this series, the people reading the book (there’s more than one ^__^) they actually sound like they’re having fun, and that’s twice the fun for us that are listening to the audiobook.
Hilarious
I’ve never laughed so much listening to a zombie story before…but then again I’ve never listened to a book about zombie turkeys before either. Hilariously written and actually has some great characters too. Many cameos as well. Definitely an awesome time listening to this one. Hoping for a sequel!
Funny
What added to the Zombie Turkey situation was the author took the reader through the different towns of Illinois by a reporter working on his big story added great humor to the saga. The reader has to wonder how Mr Zach dreams up these crazy stories but they all seem to work.
Dumb…silly…juvenile…couldn’t put it down
Comfort food for that juvenile part of you that never quite outgrew your comic books. Just forget that it’s preposterous (after all, you were already warned by the title; what did you expect?), and go with the flow…
Zombie Turkeys
it’s part outrageously funny, bizarre and compelling. A very good and entertaining and riveting story.
Zombie Turkeys 🦃
This was an amazing story. It was very entertaining with many LOL moments. I’m definitely hooked. Can’t wait to listen to the next one.
Deliciously silly book!
What a deliciously silly book! If you love zombies and comedy, this zombiedy story is for you. The whole premise of zombie turkeys is just so ludicrous it makes the whole tale funny, no matter how seriously the characters take their roles. Story is suitable for the whole family. Very little blood & guts, no swearing, sweet, innocent romance.
Dark Humor
This dark comedy combines action and humor set mostly against the back drop of rural Indiana. Sam and his editor Lisa run a small town newspaper,
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
“Sam, you’re fired.” Lisa’s green eyes met his brown ones.
“What? Lisa, you and I have worked together at the Midley Beacon for ten years! And we’ve known each other for fifteen! And we’ve been married almost two months!”
“Sorry Sam. Romance has to take a back seat to finances. Ever since the bottom dropped out of the zombie turkey news market since the first of the year, the Midley Beacon hasn’t made enough to pay your salary.”
“But that’s our salary. We share and share alike.”
“We can still live on my salary. And you can apply for unemployment, now that you’re fired.”
“But what’ll I do all day? I can only play Fortnight for so long.”
“What did you do before I hired you, ten years ago? What did you do while I was in college?”
“Uh, mow lawns. Handyman repair. Stuff like that. But I’m a grown man now. I want more.”
“Hmm, you are a decent reporter.”
“Thanks Lisa. That’s high praise from you.”
“Well it’s the truth. You’ve grown from a crappy reporter, like 99% of all reporters, to well above average. I did lay off everyone else on the staff before you, you know.”
Free Zombie Detective Excerpt – Part 2
Audiobook cover – click to listen.
“Aw, you’re making me feel warm and mushy.”
“That’s part of good management, emotional manipulation.”
“Uh, you mean you don’t mean it?”
“Nah, I mean it. Emotional manipulation is much more effective if you’re sincere. Say, why don’t you call Andy Zach and see if he has some royalties to share. We signed a contract with him to get half the royalties from his book Zombie Turkeys. We supplied more than half his source material right from the pages of the Midley Beacon.”
“I just called him yesterday. His sales haven’t paid for the cover yet, let alone the editing.”
“I told him to go with traditional publishing!”
“He’d still be trying to get an agent, let alone publishing his book. Who wants to represent a zombie turkey author?”
“So think of something to do with your reporting and investigative skills. That’s your first job. Get out of here and work on it at home. When I come home tonight, I want a decision from you. That’s a deadline.”
“Ok, Lisa. And thanks. You know I work best under a deadline.”
“Sure dear. We’ll go out for dinner tonight to celebrate your new career, whatever it will be.”
“I’m kind of tired of McDonalds.”
“We’ll spurge. We’ll go to the big city of Peoria. Maybe to the Country Time Buffet.”
Based on the title and the cover, I originally thought the detective was going to be a zombie back in the 30s or 40s. That wasn’t the case, but it was still a hilarious amateur detective story and I loved the absurdity of it all.
It’s a short read (or listen, since I listened to the audiobook), but is packed with Sam in crazy situations with all sorts of zombies. His string of good luck is as unlikely as the conundrums he finds himself involved in, but somehow it works for him.
Phil Blechman was the perfect choice for Sam’s character. Lauren Testerman did a great job channeling Lisa, the poor woman who has to manage Sam and all his antics.
I wasn’t quite sure where this book was going when it started but as it kept going I understood where it fit in the timeline. . . It was a great book. I laughed several times. Now that I’ve finished this one, I’m going to have to read my Undead Mother-In-Law again.
Get My Latest Book Autographed – Just Launched Here’s How. You can be just like in person at a book convention, walking up to the table.
Here’s my latest book!
What’s it about?
The Book of Revelation is mysterious to many, but if you use this daily devotional, you can understand it like never before.
Each day you’ll have one small verse to read and reflect upon. You will see connections and meanings you’ve never seen before.
Author Jeffry Smith asks provocative questions to help you think about each portion of scripture. He also supplies useful cross-references which give further insight to the scripture.
Begin your journey of inspiration now, with the Revelation Devotional.
What is this site? It’s my Square site. What’s that? It’s my OFFICIAL SALES website. I sell you my autographed books at LESS than Amazon AND include free shipping.
How can I do that? I cut out Amazon.
Amazon takes a 30% commission on each sale. It then deducts the printing cost of each book. That leaves me with 30% of your money.
But Square takes a 1% commission. I get most of your money even though you are paying less. That lets me:
Pay for shipping for you
And then pay for taxes for you
Finally I pay for printing the book for you
Get My Latest Book Autographed – The Story Behind the Book
So how did a fiction author, Andy Zach, end up writing a non-fiction book about the most mysterious book in the Bible under the name Jeffry Smith?
First, the book Revelation always fascinated me When I read the Bible for the first time, I read the book of Revelation first, because I’d heard how mysterious and hard to understand it was.
I read it and there were a lot of things I didn’t understand, but I did understand that God wins in the end.
Over ten years later, after reading many interpretations of the book, I decided to see exactly what it said. I went through it verse by verse and wrote down every statement it made. Here’s Revelation 1:1 for example:
The revelation from Jesus Christ, which God gave him to show his servants what must soon take place. He made it known by sending his angel to his servant John,
Why was it given? To show Jesus’s servants what must soon take place.
How did this revelation come to John? Jesus sent it by His angel.
Revelation has many other verses this densely packed with information.
Get My Latest Book Autographed – The Story Behind the Book Part 2
So how did this study go from a personal Bible study to a published devotional?
The Revelation Devotional back cover
After I completed the study, it lay in its handwritten version for years. Then I typed it up on my computer, where it resided for more years. Then I decided to make it into a class about Revelation.
I decided I would skip any interpretation and just teach what the book said. That became an eight week class of hour and a half sessions, going through all twenty two chapters.
Teaching the class at my church and then at Bradley University helped me refine it.
My students demanded another book of Revelation class covering the interpretation of its symbols.
So I created a class covering all the symbols in the book, showing how they were used elsewhere in the Bible
Get My Latest Book Autographed – The Story Behind the Book Part 3
The Gospel Medley cover. Click to get
By this time I was pretty familiar with the book of Revelation, forty years after I started studying it. How’d it become a book?
Lastly, Learn More About My First Non-Fiction Book
Hold on to your chair! This book will rock your world.
The four gospels in chronological order, word by word
Here is what this book is all about:
Are you curious about Jesus Christ? Do you struggle to understand the Bible? The Gospel Medley includes the four Gospels in a single narrative, faithfully pulling the text from the World English Bible. You are now able to read all the gospel as a single, easy-to-read story.
Each Gospel describes Jesus’s life from a different point of view with different details and insights. The Gospel Medley combines every word into a single perspective with all details and events arranged chronologically.
Unlike other harmonies, The Gospel Medley doesn’t put the four gospels in columns or rows. Instead, the text is integrated word by word into a smoothly flowing narrative. Further, each paragraph references the four gospels so you can read the original citations. You also get footnotes of all the quotes from the Old Testament, giving you the context of Jesus’s words.
For a unique perspective of the four gospels, read ‘The Gospel Medley’ today.
Why would international criminals target innocent, 7th-grade superheroes? I’ll tell you why, revealing their motives by excerpts from my book.
If you’re not familiar with my Secret Supers team, I tell you all about them here: Meet My Disabled Superheroes. For each heroic teen (or pre-teen), I’ll give you a description from my book.
A popup window appeared on my computer screen. “Loretta, do you wish to accept a video call from John Smith?” I read. I quickly clicked Accept.
As soon as a black-and-gray-haired man appeared on my computer screen, I said, “Oh, Papa Smith, I want to give up.”
“Why would you do that, Loretta? You’re one of the most successful children in our family business.”
“Bah! Four crummy kids beat me.”
“Well, yeah, but you didn’t know they were there in Maryville and they would come after your agent.”
“Sure, I knew they were there. They were all over the national news this past year.”
“But everyone just thinks they’re regular disabled kids. Heck, Andy Zach published their story as fiction. No one knew they had superpowers until we caught them on video defeating your agent.”
Meet Super Villains – Loretta – Part 2
“The telekinesis kid, Jeremy, is really powerful, but the telepathic pair, Kayla and Dan, can’t be stopped or intercepted. That’s before you add a real super girl, Aubrey. Their disabilities gave them the perfect disguises.”
“That’s an idea. What if we publish that video and tell everyone they have superpowers? The fame would disrupt their lives and maybe distract them so we can take over Maryville.”
“Hmmm. Maybe. But that would also point back to us as the source of the video. And people might think it’s just a deep fake.”
He sighed. “You’re right. The government might also enlist them in the NSA or some other secret agency. We don’t want any attention from them. Tell you what. Take a vacation. You haven’t had a break for a long time. Maybe if you do something completely different, you’ll come up with a solution to the Secret Supers.”
“There’s a good idea, Papa. My last one was in Paris? Three years ago?”
“Yes. That was after you successfully rigged that state election and got our candidate elected.”
“What would be a complete change for me? Something outside a city, something fun—I know!”
“What?”
“I’ll go to Coaster World!”
“That’s right. You always loved coasters as a kid.”
“Hi, Loretta. Are you all refreshed from your Paris vacation?”
“Hi, Papa Smith. Yes. I had a lot of fun waterskiing on the Riviera. I also cheated the casino in Monaco out of a million bucks.”
“Of course.”
“But now I’m refreshed and bored. I haven’t had a job since I left for Coaster World.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve got a challenging assignment for you—the Secret Supers.”
Meet Super Villains – Papa Smith, Part 2
“Ugh! I sure want to get back at them. But they’re backed up by the NSA. I’m not eager to tackle them and the US government.”
Papa stroked his hair. “The best cure for falling off a horse is to get back on. How about if I get a partner for you?”
“They’d better be awfully competent. I can’t really work with anyone who’s incompetent, or average, or merely a genius.”
“How about if you and I work together?”
I gasped. Papa Smith had raised me. He’d been very vague about what happened to my parents, so he was the only parent I’d known. I’d dreamt of working with him in the family crime business, but I hadn’t seen much of him once I went to college and began teaching, over fifty years ago. He was the one person I was pretty sure was smarter than me. Or at least he knew more.
This book could stand on it’s own but in order with the series. Space camp at it’s finest… with an actual space adventure. These are definitely geared for elementary age kids on to about middle school readers. They are a clean fun read with kids with disabilities with powers but being pretty “normal” which I loved. I have a blind daughter and people constantly underestimate her and her abilities or assume she has other disabilities (mental, hearing etc.).
Andy Zach’s writing takes flight in Secret Supers in Space, propelling disabled teen superheroes Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla into a cosmic summer adventure. Narrator Khai Lannor brings the characters’ energy and determination to life, making this audiobook an intergalactic joyride for fantasy fans of all ages. Buckle up and join the Secret Supers in their gravity-defying mission – this exhilarating journey is one you won’t want to miss!
I enjoyed this book. I have never been a space fan, so don’t know much about what goes into becoming an astronaut. That meant this book was a real eye opener and I got to do it with some great characters, who knows I might even be a fan of space now. I know the story is aimed at a younger generation but it was a lot of fun and each book I have listened to in this series has had an unusual plot, making it very different to the norm and that is before you find out that the four twelve year olds are disabled. The story isn’t that long but perfect for a trip into space (and a younger audience). Besides the author packs a lot into the story in an entertaining way that keeps you listening. I hope there are more adventures to come.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
I mean I have a ‘Developing Your Plot’ class I’m giving this month and I’ll share it with you. Here’s slide 1, below.
Good Plot – The Cast of Characters
First, there’s me, the teacher character, Andy Zach. If you’re not familiar with my biography on this site, you can go to Amazon or to Goodreads and find out about me and my books.
Then there’s you, one of many student characters. What have you written? Are you writing? What will you write? Please share you plot/novel/work ideas with me and the class by commenting below.
That’s my big turkey stick. The carrot is, I will give a free ebook of Zombie Turkeys to one of the commenters!
Start commenting – NOW!
Good Plot – Lessons – Where Will You go with Your Idea?
You’ve got your great idea for your novel. What’s next?
Authors fall into a spectrum of two approaches. First, there are plotters, who plan out the plot of their book and then write to that plan.
Then there are ‘pantsers’, those who sit on their pants and type away until a book emerges–or not.
Then there are endless variations between the two. I’m firmly in the first group. If you want to learn the pantser approach, find another author! I can’t even imagine how I’d write that way, and I’ve got a good imagination.
Let’s take my first novel, Zombie Turkeys.I created a chapter outline of the book on my first day of writing it duringNaNoMo in November 2015.
Best February Reviews from Readers! What’s going on in the book world this February? Who has reviewed what? Which books stand out from the rest? Let me share with you the best reviews of some great books.
I’ve read a lot of Harmon Cooper and this is the coziest book he’s ever written. Here we have a hardened soldier, Sylus Runewolf, dying as he fought his country’s enemies in a battle. After his death he wakes up in the underworld. What’s more, he has a deed to a pub.
Some of Sylus’ favorite memories are from his boyhood where he helped in his father’s pub, so he’s eager to get the pub up and going. It’s quite the fixer-upper. But he gets a pub cat, Patches, who’s magical and helps him protect the pub from rats–and demons.
The pub is in Ember Hollow which is hard by the Chasm, the hell that is below the underworld. Sometimes demons slip in. Overhead are are Celestial Plains, or heaven, glowing in the sky.
This book is a delight for brewers, fantasy lovers, and RPG lit readers!
This was a fun concept in the super-hero genre, it had everything that I was looking for in this type of book. The characters were interesting and had a great overall feel to this world. I enjoyed what I read and can’t wait for the sequel. Andy Zach has a great writing style and I’m glad I got to read this.
I just re-read this novel after 20 years from my first read. I loved my initial read and I kept remembering inspirational sections of the book, so I had to re-read it.
Ben Fielding, a successful VP with a keen interest in China, leads his company investments there in the 1990s. To promote their Chinese division, Ben decides to spend a couple weeks living with a Chinese family. He decides to contact his old Harvard roommate, Li Quan, who went back to China after graduating with honors.
Ben has mixed emotions about his old friend. They were very close at Harvard, but fell out of touch while Ben got married, had kids, and got divorced. There’s also the awkward fact Ben introduced Quan to Christianity, which Ben no longer practices.
So with mixed emotions Ben drives to meet his old friend, three hours away from Shanghai.
That’s when the novel really begins. Li Quan is the backup pastor for an illegal Chinese house church and is under suspicion by the government. Ben is clueless about Christianity in China. It’s a major threat to the Communist government which persecutes it severely. Ben is forceed to decide between his old friend and his company, which needs the favor of the Chinese government.
The novel holds up well 20 years later. China has become more repressive toward Christianity and Christianity has grown beyond a hundred million people.
Four disabled seventh-graders with superpowers take a vacation at Coaster World. They need a break from fighting criminals. Ever since the beginning of the school year when they acquired their unusual abilities, they’ve been training and using those powers to fight crime in their town.
Little do they know the arch-villain they recently defeated also loves coasters and is vacationing at Coaster World. Worse, the villain wants revenge. Nothing less than turning these teens to a life of crime will satisfy.
Can Jeremy, Dan, Kayla, and Aubrey withstand the villain’s attacks? Or will they become Super Villains?
“What’s ‘Happy Undead Mother-in-law Day? I know all about Valentine’s Day. That’s February 14th. What’s up with Happy Undead Mother-in-law?” you may ask.
My Undead Mother-in-law. Get it for your mother-in-law! Click here.
I’m glad you asked! It so happens My Undead Mother-in-law begins on Valentine’s Day. As the book opens, the family has dinner together, the undead zombies and the normal family members. Naturally, we celebrate it every year.
Finally, if you’re desperate, you can always do what I do when I want to read a book and not pay for it. Go to Amazon and click on the ‘Look Inside’ button and read random sections until you’ve read it all.
One more thing: here’s a Review
Why is this my favorite review? It’s from a professional author who doesn’t like zombie books, yet loved My Undead Mother-in-law..
When I started to read this book, I was leery. As far as I know, I’m less interested in zombies than anyone on the planet. How could I give a reasonable review? Turns out, it wasn’t hard at all. I’ve said before and it turned out to be true here that, if you have a ridiculous premise that’s hard to swallow, run with it, normalize it, and readers /viewers will eventually accept. And it worked. The original premise of cognizant, virtually indestructible zombies was lobbed and backed until I was a believer, actively rooting for zombies. Plenty of (bloodier than average) action, some smiling, if not guffaw humor, a nice fulfilling story arc in an easy readable length made for a fun book (if bloody action doesn’t bother you) with charm that didn’t take itself to seriously but still capable of many a tender and touching moments.
I’m glad my prejudice didn’t keep me from enjoying this out-of-the-common-way story.
Happy Undead Mother-in-law’s Day – Now What’s Next?
What’s next? I loved Diane Newby, my Happy Undead Mother-in-law so much, I wrote another novel with her as the main character, Paranormal Privateers. I put Diane and her family on a superyacht and send them around the world as privateers fighting enemies of the US with a letter of Marquis from the President.
Here’s the cover:
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.
The Paranormal Privateers back cover. Click to get it.
But that’s not all! I’ve got the back cover for you, which I like even more:
This was a fun and creative twist on the Battle Mage Farmer series. After saving the world where they lived, John and Ellie go on their honeymoon, into the chaotic void. They’re transported by their faithful super-bull Ferdinand and guided by Ellie’s prescient sense of direction.
Eventually, they end up in a confusing cluster of planets where there is a nest of vicious void beasts.
What a start to a honeymoon!
This creativity continues for the rest of the book.
This progressive fantasy continues with our protagonists Matt and Liz highly trained after years of ascending the path to Level 10.
Now they’ll compete with other Pathers at that level and the problem isn’t they aren’t strong enough, but that they’re too strong! You see, promising Pathers are assassination targets for the other Great Powers who do not want to face the in war.
So they adopt three false identities each and play under their ‘real’ identities, but using only a limited amount of power.
They want to walk a delicate balance. They want to hide their real powers and still qualify for high rewards within the tournament.
Meanwhile, we learn that spies from every government are seeking out their true identities by any means possible.
What a cool book! I knew nothing about globemaking beyond gores; now I know a whole lot more, both of the multiple crafts involved and of its history.
But what makes the book great is the author’s personal story, telling how he went from making a handmade globe for his father’s 80th birthday to starting a bespoke globe company with a worldwide audience and customer base.
It’s a review of both the history of globemaking and of our recent history from 2008 to now.
I recommend this book to anyone with an ounce of curiosity.
What a wonderful explanation of basic Christian principles! Author Miles Stanford explains both the theory and practice of Christian living and growth.
He begins with the cross and explains that trying hard to overcome sin is not enough. We must totally die to sin and realize our death daily. But our death leads to our resurrection in Christ. Having Christ live in us is how we triumph.
How can this miracle be achieved? Not by us. But Christ has already done it. It is up to us to believe and to claim His life and to live it through faith and perseverance.
Mr. Stanford draws from a wide range of respected Christian authors and teachers as well as many quotes from the Bible to prove his points.
I recommend this book most highly to anyone who wishes to learn about Christianity.
This fourth time around, I was writing my own fantasy novel/series and I looked at how Pratchett started out his series. It was a ripping good start, with unending action and interesting characters from the beginning. Who doesn’t like Death as an animated skeleton and a lugubrious voice?
We come to my first favorite SciFi novel and it’s a goody.
My first book of the year! It’s a fantasy, with familiars who are intelligent badgers, owls, hamsters, and prairie dogs. Enjoy a dash of humor with your fantasy.
Familiars enhance and magnify your magic, but they come with troubles of their own. They’re just people, who are animals.
Welcome 2024! Pick Up More Gifts for the 12 Days of Christmas. In this post you can get book excerpts, free, and discounted books for you!
You may be familiar with the 12 days of Christmas song. The actual 12 day festival ran from December 25th to January 6th, also known as Epiphany, when Christians celebrated the appearance of the wise men or magi from the east.
The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation-until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.
But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective. Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?
Find out in Secret Supers in Space!
Pick Up More Gifts – Seven Swans a-Swimming
Where do I have seven swans a-swimming in my books? How about seven turkeys? Or more? Check out this excerpt from Zombie Turkeys from Chapter 9 – Chicago. Note the aquarium type chapter icon.
They very cautiously looked in the topmost door. The door opened onto a platform looking down on a large pool full of sea creatures–including a great white shark. A man was there at the edge of the pool, blowing a turkey call. “GOBBLE! GOBBLE!” That was the odd sound Sam had heard. The zombie turkeys responded, “Gobble! Gobble!” and advanced en masse on the man, surrounding him. They seemed mesmerized by the call, staring with red eyes, but quietly marching forward. The man wore a khaki, camouflaged hunting outfit, cammo boots, and a full, bushy beard.
Sam called to him, “Hey you! You can escape this way!”
He looked at them, “Yeah, I know. I’ve got to kill these buggers.”
“How will you kill them with a turkey caller?”
Pick Up More Gifts – Excerpt Continues
“By getting them into the pool with me. It’s salt water. I’ve already gone through my ammo!” He jumped into the aquarium.
“Noo! ” Lisa gasped.
From the water he called, ” GOBBLE! GOBBLE!” Like lemmings, the massed turkeys moved forward, plopping into the water like feathered, twenty pound Alka Seltzers. The ones behind pressed the others forward. Soon, hundreds upon hundreds of turkeys covered the surface of the water, like a turkey patterned pool cover.
As soon as they were in the salt water, the zombie turkeys lost their red eyes. They swam as well as turkeys normally do; badly. Then the great white shark hit. Gobbling the turkeys three and four at a time, the shark was delighted to have this extra feeding. This food was so fresh and crunchy!
The shark was an automatic eating machine; bite, crunch, swallow, bite crunch, swallow.
This excerpt is gift number two of seven. (After the Secret Supers in Space) Here are three free books in exchange for a review:
Next, get personal with me, Andy Zach! Talk to me! You can reach me on x.com.
On to more days of Christmas–and gifts!
Pick Up More Gifts – Eight Maids a-Milking
Do I have eight maids a-milking in my writing? Anywhere? Not exactly. I do have eight reporters covering the zombie turkey outbreak for the Midley Beacon and milking it for all it’s worth. This excerpt fromZombie Turkeys, with the Chapter 9 Chicago icon. That’s a turkey caller in the turkey’s mouth. Why? Read and find out.
“I never thought I’d say this, Sam, but I think the story has gotten too big for the Midley Beacon. I’ve added a zombie turkey Twitter feed to our site, but this is way too big for us to be everywhere, even with the six new reporters I’ve hired. I’ve sent one to Bartonville and Peoria, one to Princeville, two to Joliet, one to Tinley Park, and one to Chicago. Chicago alone should have six reporters.”
“Well, let’s go to Chicago then. Three are better than one.”
“I’m with you on that. Lemme give Charlie a call. He’s our guy in Chicago.” She called Charlie Gomez, one of their new reporters. “Hi Charlie, where are you?”
Pick Up More Gifts – Excerpt Part 2
“I can barely hear you. Oh, keep your head down, then. We’ll cover the loop activity then. Ok, good reporting. Stay alive! Report daily or more often! Bye.”
“What’s up with Charlie?”
“He’s in the middle of the zombie turkey firefight in Soldiers Field. It’s quite a melee there. Let’s go to the loop.”
How about eight gifts? In addition to the excerpt above, I’ve got seven books available through free audiobook codes:
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters
Have I got the excerpt for you! I’ve got twenty or more ladies dancing in this scene from My Undead Mother-in-law.
Frank always got hyped up before an operation, but this one was the strangest he’d ever been on. He’d done his time in Afghanistan and Iraq—that was where he’d lost his leg to an IED. When the marine doctors offered him a chance to get it back through zombie blood, he’d leapt upon it like a duck on a bug. Now he was landing a whole platoon of marines on a superyacht of a criminal, to prepare the landing of more zombies.
Things got stranger. Looking at the helipad as he descended, he saw a crowd of hula-skirt-clad girls—good looking ones too! The crowd resolved itself into a formation: a smiley face! As he landed and brought his weapon to ready, he saw each girl carried a basket of leis.
The Dancing Begins
My Undead Mother-in-law cover.
“Welcome! Welcome!” they chorused in their soprano voices. They ran up to put the leis over his head. He kept them away with the bayonet on his automatic shotgun. Laughing, the nearest ones tossed leis over his gun and over his head. “Aloha Oe” blared in the background on the outdoor speakers as the attractive ladies began to sway in a hula dance en masse.
Yellow flowers decorated his head and his rifle. He felt awkward and a right fool. Already the battle plan was out the window.
“Ladies! Please gather over here!” He followed the contingency plan for if they surrendered.
Giggling, the hundred or so beauties compliantly assembled in the landing circle under the V-22, their hair and grass skirts blowing wildly in the hot rotor wash. After tearing his eyes from their shapely legs, he saw his friend Lieutenant Gerber walk up to him, festooned in leis.
“Not bad duty, eh?”
“Something about this smells.”
“Well, here come the zombie bulls. And turkeys.”
Nine gifts? How about nine discounts for autographed books? These paperbacks are discounted from the Amazon price. Get them here:
Welcome 2024 Pick Up More Gifts – Ten Lords a-Leaping
Zombie Detective cover.
I don’t have ten lords a leaping (I do have several dozen drug lords, though). How about leaping hippos? What, you don’t believe me? Check out this hippo excerpt from Zombie Detective.
“Let me finish with the background. We wanted a fast-growing, healthy strain of pigs. I thought, Wouldn’t it be great if they grew as fast as zombie turkeys?”
“Uh-oh.”
“Right. I created a pig modified with zombie turkey and hippo and mouse DNA.”
“What?” Sam’s stomach clenched.
“I won’t go into all my failures with other combinations. This one worked. I get pigs that grow from piglets to full-grown in four weeks.”
“But what’s the catch?”
“They look like hippos. And they grow only to about one pound.”
Micro-hippo
“Sounds more like a failure than a success.”
“They do taste like pork. And they reproduce fast enough to make up for their lack of size. But―” Bryce stopped and sighed.
“Tell me the worst.”
“They escaped my lab. They’re infesting the whole building. People keep finding them in the toilets. It’s very upsetting.”
So, these hippos leap and scamper like rats. Aquatic rats. Here’s a drawing of one from the chapter about them.
You want eight more gifts? Get all my excerpts for each of my books!
Welcome 2024 Pick Up More Gifts – Eleven Pipers Piping
This’ll be a different set of gifts. I love bagpipes. I have a Youtube category of them. So I’ll share my favorite bagpipe videos with you. Eleven of them!
Pick Up More Gifts – Don’t Forget Your Free Book–Until January 9th
First an excerpt:
We arrived at the top. “Time to ship out the Supers.” Papa Smith hauled out Aubrey and Jeremy. I unloaded Kayla and Dan. We lined them up on the floor.
“It’d be so easy to eliminate them here.”
“Yes, Loretta, but the consequences will follow us. And there’s no money in it. Think of each of them as a billion dollars.”
Welcome 2024! 12 Gifts for the 12 Days of Christmas. I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve got the latest reviews, free, and discounted books for you! Let’s start with the reviews!
You may be familiar with the 12 days of Christmas song. The actual 12 day festival ran from December 25th to January 6th, also known as Epiphany, when Christians celebrated the appearance of the wise men or magi from the east.
Here’s the song:
12 Days of Christmas
Welcome 2023 – A Partridge in a Pear Tree
What is my writing is like a Partridge in a Pear Tree? How about a turkey in a tree? This excerpt fromZombie Turkeys.
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters
“Come back for more? Eat fire and die!” She sprayed napalm ferociously. It didn’t ignite. The spark ignition failed. Without thinking, she leapt toward the nearest tree, shedding the useless tank with a shrug of her shoulders. In case she needed any additional motivation, the turkeys pecked her butt all the way up.
The turkeys did not give up trying to get her in the tree. They kept flying up and attacking her. She wielded her Bowie knife. That was Rulon’s gift to her. He had it inscribed “To Lashon, from Rulon.” After about ten minutes of fighting them off, her arm was getting tired. She switched to her left arm. She wasn’t particularly dexterous with her left, but she didn’t have to be. Twenty pound turkeys who flew straight at you didn’t require much precision to strike. The most disheartening thing was, she’d stab one through the heart, have it drop fifteen to the ground with a satisfying “Thud!”, and then have it stagger to its feet five minutes later and fly back up fifteen minutes later.
Welcome 2024 – Two Turtledoves
Did you enjoy our free excerpt? Great!
But where can I find two turtledoves in my writing? I don’t have any. But I have two chipmunks from my villain in My Undead Mother-in-law
My Undead Mother-in-law cover.
Hundreds of miles away, Vik Staskas smiled to himself. Nothing like bringing his objects of interest directly into his reach. Vik was not a sentimental man, but he had a fondness for his cyborg chipmunks since they were his first cyborg animals he had created for his Ph.D. A computer chip listened, saw, and transmitted via 4G cell phone network to his cell or the nearest computer screen in his network. While one chipmunk listened above their office, another had chewed a hole in the ceiling and watched them and Lisa’s large computer screen. Vik whimsically named them Alvin and Theodore.
But this free excerpt is not your only gift: Have a free copy of My Undead Mother-in-law! Just click here.
All I ask is that you review the book after you’re done.
And here’s a review for you: Brad Secrest 61 reviews
Great story! This is a hilarious Superhero Zombie bit of fun. All of the characters are fantastic. You’ll fall in love with at least 10 of them. 🙂 Highly recommended for the humorous sci-fi zombie lover.
Welcome 2024 – Three French Hens
Zombie Detective cover.
I don’t have three French hens for you either. But I have three detectives in my Zombie Detective novel. And they’re in New York City, so that’s like the ‘French Connection’.
Sorry, that’s the best I can do!
Check out the excerpt:
“I’ll have you meet the detectives on the case.” He pressed his comm. “Tammy? Send in Boxer and Poodles.”
“Your detectives are named Boxer and Poodles?”
“Boxer is his real name. Ted Boxer. ‘Poodles’ is a nickname for Penelope Palmer.”
“I’d think she’d go by ‘Penny.’”
“She hates Penny. Don’t ask her why. Wait till you see her.”
The pair entered. Ted Boxer was a smiling, handsome man in his forties with short blond hair combed back from his forehead. Penelope, or Poodles, was half a head taller than Ted, with long legs and arms and curly hair englobing her head in a sphere of ringlets.
“Boxer, Poodles, this is Sam Melvin. I told you he’d be helping.”
“Pleased to meet you, Sam.” Ted pumped his hand vigorously.
“Likewise.”
Sam looked to Poodles. She had an attractive brown face with a serious, almost stern look.
“I don’t do glad-handing. I don’t like people in general.”
“Uh, OK. So I should call you Poodles?”
“That’s my name.” She looked reproachfully at Sam, like he should know better.
Looking at Lulu and Sharon, I said, “I’ll take half the animals and go to the left around the main base. You go the other way. Try not to kill anyone unless it’s absolutely necessary. You know how pro-life we are.”
The zombie animals all obeyed human zombies, but not much else. They could follow simple commands: “This way,” “Stop,” “Left,” “Right.” The corgis were the most obedient, the turkeys the least. They knew not to eat people without permission—barely. The bulls followed heel and leg direction like horses—eventually.
The corgis and bulls raced around the compound with us. The zombie turkeys milled outside the walls, eating anyone who sought to flee. As we caught people, I directed them to lay down on the ground and I tied them up with the zip ties I had picked up in the garage. I encountered steady gunfire, but after it proved completely ineffective against us zombies, people just started running. I pursued.
Do I have five gold rings for you? No, but I have several billion dollars stolen by my criminals in Secret Supers in Space.
Read a little about it in this excerpt:
We arrived at the top. “Time to ship out the Supers.” Papa Smith hauled out Aubrey and Jeremy. I unloaded Kayla and Dan. We lined them up on the floor.
“It’d be so easy to eliminate them here.”
“Yes, Loretta, but the consequences will follow us. And there’s no money in it. Think of each of them as a billion dollars.”
You might guess that I don’t have geese a-laying, any number. But I do have zombie turkeys laying eggs. In fact, I have a whole sub-plot devoted to it–int two different books.
“Approximately one hundred fifty thousand domestic turkeys have gone zombie, and approximately one hundred thousand wild turkeys. The National Turkey Institute has bred zombie turkeys and discovered their growth cycle is vastly accelerated. The eggs hatch faster, the poults grow faster and are dangerous within three weeks. There are an estimated one hundred thousand new zombie turkeys added to the flocks ravaging Illinois since the plague began at the beginning of November.
“Furthermore, not only are the zombie turkeys resistant to damage, and not only do they regenerate quickly, but once regenerated, they are two to three times stronger than normal turkeys.
“Citizens are advised to stay within their homes. Those with bunkers or air raid shelters should stay in them until further notice. Those on the road to Illinois are advised to stop and return home. The Federal government has stopped all road, sea, and air traffic to Illinois. The US Army, Marines and Air Force are currently conducting operations against the zombie turkeys and expect to eliminate them within a week.
Four more gifts Below
Aside from the free excerpt, you can listen to Zombie Turkeys, Zombie Detective, My Undead Mother-in-law, Paranormal Privateers, and Oops! on Audible for free. Be sure to check out my great voice actors, Phil Blechman and others. There’s a link to Audible by each book cover.
Imagine You’re a Privateer. What’s It Like? That’s the premise of Paranormal Privateers. Through a series of events (In My Undead Mother-in-law) an ordinary, middle-aged couple becomes the leaders of a ship of privateers. Well, they’re ordinary, middle-aged zombies. My zombies regenerate, they don’t rot. They get stronger and faster, sort of like superheroes.
Chapter 1 icon
But what are privateers? They’re hired by the government for military duties, usually by ship. We got close to hiring airship companies to patrol the coasts in World War II. We hired ships in the War of 1812. The President still has that power.
But let’s start at the beginning: Their first assignment is to get the ringleader of band of Somalia pirates.
By the way, I show you how to get this book at over 80% off, later on.
Imagine You’re a Privateer – The Opening
Chapter 1 – Somalia
I sighed with relief when the US flag came down and the surrender flag went up on the mast of the enormous luxury yacht. I didn’t mind firing rounds from my AK-47 over their heads, but I hated killing people. They’re only infidels, but they’re still people.
Inhaling the salted breeze I grinned back at Muhammed, who was cheering and laughing from his seat behind the M2 machine gun in the bow of our boat we used to patrol the coasts and fishing waters of Somalia.
The sun gleamed off his white teeth, set in his brown face. “Look! They’re stopping” he cried.
True enough. The bow wave ceased as I watched. A pod of dolphins ended their sporting on the wake and submerged. The gleaming white yacht was truly enormous. What were they doing in the fishing waters of Somalia? I couldn’t imagine the wealth onboard. Enough for our whole village to eat well for a year!
Imagine You’re A Privateer – Part 2
Our Supreme Leader, Omar Ogala, had organized the fishermen and former coast guard sailors to patrol our fishing waters. He ordered us to capture any fishing or cargo vessels we found. He told us the Americans and Europeans no longer cared about Somalia with the other crisis around the world and we could defend our fishermen from foreign competition—and dumpers. Many foreign nations, knowing Somalia’s weakness, would send cargo ships full of pollutants and dump them in our waters.
I never expected to see a luxury ship here. It was as big as a cruise liner, but it was apparently a private yacht. I’d seen one once before, when an Arab sheik visited Mogadishu. This one was three times the size! The owner would pay big to get it back. Maybe even a billion dollars? I couldn’t imagine that much money, and I was good with numbers. Let’s see: fourteen million people lived in Somalia. Divide a billion dollars among them would give each about $70. Unbelievable. A family of five could live comfortably for year on that!
Imagine You’re a Privateer – Part 3
The Paranormal Privateers back cover. Click to get yours!
I came along as a navigator, fighter, and boarder, guiding our boat along the shore of Somalia and into the Arabian Gulf for several days, before leading us back. Besides Muhammed and me, there was Zahi, another fighter and boarder, and Ali, our captain.
“Diric,” Ali said to me, “You and Zahi board this ship and take the helm. You will follow us back to Hobyo. Muhammud and I will stay on the boat and keep the machine gun on them.”
“Yes sir,” I said.
Ali took the megaphone we carried for ship to ship communication. “Let us board! Let us board! Or we will gun your ship!” I didn’t understand English, of course, but I knew what he was saying. Ali was the only one who knew any English.
Imagine You’re A Privateer – Part 4
“Don’t shoot! Give us time! We have to get our ladder!” Surprisingly, the person spoke in Arabic. It was good Arabic too, but with a strange Saudi and European accent. More surprisingly, it was a woman, a blonde, from what I could see of the figure leaning over the railing far above us.
We kept our boat about fifty meters away from the ship and watched the crew scurry about the decks.
There were many; I counted five including the main deck and there were at least three more decks below the main one.
Finally, rope ladder unrolled from the main deck, perhaps ten meters above us. We came close to the ship. I saw the pod of dolphins flash under our boat. Then they leapt out of the water and into it.
Only they weren’t the dolphins I had seen earlier. Four people in black wetsuits landed with heavy thumps in our boat. They had no breathing equipment, not even snorkles. They took off their goggles and their eyes shone bright red in the sun.
Imagine You’re a Privateer – Part 5
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.
“Zombies!” cried Ali. “Shoot them!”
Automaticly I sprayed the nearest with my AK-47. I heard the others fire too. Muhammed shot the biggest one with the machine gun. That could cut a man in two.
Dozens of red craters appeared in the black wet suit of the one I shot. But she—it was a white, brown-haired woman—didn’t go down. Her brows furrowed in anger and shouting in English, she ripped the gun from my hand and threw it into the ocean.
The other zombies did the same, except the big one. He grabbed the barrel of the machine gun in both hands and wrenched it from Muhammud. I could hear his flesh sizzle on the hot barrel. Then he bent the barrel into a right angle. Rubbing his hands together afterward, the burnt skin fell on the deck of our boat. Pink skin showed on his palms.
George Newby, wide-body zombie.
He was enormous, bigger than two of us put together. He red eyes looked out of his calm, square face.
The bullets from the machine gun had sliced the wet suit open across his chest, and more pink skin showed in the gap. As I watched, brown hair grew from it.
We were all struck dumb with shock and terror. Then the woman I shot called up to the main deck. The one on deck yelled down in Arabic, “All of you, lie down on the deck, and you will live.” We quickly did.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
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Five-year-old Nadia has Hobson’s choice: become a slave to malevolent Elven Mage Morvilind and have him heal her dying brother; or have her brother die and become orphaned as the only remaining member of her family.
Nadia saves her brother’s life and begins arduous training as a thief for the mage. He sends her to get magical and historic artifacts for his collection. Her failure would mean her brother dies, as well as herself.
Then comes the greatest challenge of all–stealing a magical tablet from a billionaire. What’s worse, there’s another mysterious agent prowling around as well. And he has no shadow.
On to the good stuff! If you’ve seen Poultrtgeist: Night of the Chicken Dead or Thankskilling and liked them, you’ll LOVE this. The sarcasm is there, the humor is dark and twisted, and our killer Tom Turkey wakes up every day feeling great and ready to see who he can kill in the state of Illinois with his massive flock of wild and domesticated zombie turkeys.
I loved this book. The end is a bit predictable given the fact that it’s a series, but it’s definitely the predictable you’d expect from something like this. I think this book would make a great low-budget movie like the two I mentioned earlier; and let’s be realistic, thanksgiving is a pretty much open holiday in the book and movie business.
I give this book 4 of 5 Paws and I look forward to reading the rest of this series.
I enjoyed The Big Easy novella enough that I was disappointed when it ended. But on the other hand, it didn’t seem to have the same stakes and tension the other novels in the series had. So I rated it as an Average, three-star apocalyptic fantasy.
I consider RPG novels as fantasies since they involve magic.
My rating scale: 5 stars = best of the genre, still selling after 50 years. 4 stars = above average for the genre 3 stars = average for the genre 2 stars = below average for the genre 1 star = execrable, not worth reading.
Finally, Your Fourth Review #4
Secret Supers in Space: The further adventures of disabled teen superheroes
I met Andy Zack at ChambanaCon several years ago. I walked by his sales table looking for something to read in the hotel room. The title “Zombie Turkeys” caught my eye so I bought a copy. I read it and found him to be so interesting that I sought him out again and we talked about the setting of that book. He knew all the places that I knew and described them accurately. I then bought all his new books as they came out, and I am now one of his biggest fans! I hope he keeps writing because I brag about him to my friends and family, and I want to add to my Life After Life and Secret Supers collections! I’ll buy everything he ever writes!
Discover My Undead Mother-in-law in this post! I’m giving you everything I have about this delightful, middle-aged, zombie woman with anger managment issues. This is every post I have on her through my seven year career as a self-published author.
Meet My Undead Mother-in-law from my novel My Undead Mother-in-law. She’s Diane Newby. I’ll let her son-in-law Ron Yardly introduce her. Read the excerpt below. My book is .99 from August 20th until August 27th.Get your copy by clicking here.
My Undead Mother-in-law Chapter 1 Icon
As we pulled up in Karen’s parents’ drive, I was reassured by the sheer normality of their three-bedroom suburban home: green yard partially covered with snow, evergreen bushes, two-car garage. There was no sign zombies lived there. Of course, what sign could I expect? A skull and crossbones and Beware of Zombies? Perhaps a biohazard sign?
Diane greeted us at the door. “Hello, my love!” She hugged Karen.
Karen barely flinched as she looked into her mother’s bright-red eyes. But she grunted “Ugh!” at the force of her embrace.
“Ease up, Mom.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“Hello, Mom,” I said as I hugged her as hard I as could.
She hugged me back twice as hard.
“Ugh,” I grunted too.
Diane still had blond-highlighted brown hair, as she did when I first met her. She’d gained a pound or two though. She smelled of the body talc White Linen. I recognized it because Karen and I bought it for her birthday last year, pre-zombie. And she still wore her cat-eye reading glasses on a chain around her neck.
Diane seated us on the living room sofa. “Supper’s on. I have a nice pot roast for us tonight. Donnie and Maggie should be here soon. George!” she called. “The kids are here!”
A heavy tread down the stairs announced George Newby. His eyes shone red too, but while Diane was built like a middle-aged woman, George was a classic wide-body. His shoulders filled the stairway. You’d think he was a truck driver or a lineman rather than an accountant.
“Hi, Karen. Hi, Ron,” he rumbled. He hugged his daughter, as if he held a baby bird, and shook my hand without hurting me in his bratwurst fingers. His bright-red eyes looked squarely into mine.
“I’m so glad you made the trip. You can help us put to rest the ugly rumors that people with zombiism aren’t human. It’s just a disease. It’s not even harmful,” Diane enthused as she sat across from us. George sat next to her in a brown leather recliner.
“Mom, we love you. You don’t have to convince us,” I said.
“Of course not. I know that. It’s just that we’ve had people talking behind our backs at church and the public health officials trying to pressure us to get the treatment to eliminate the disease.”
“Don’t you want to get rid of it? I think the antibiotics for it are safe and effective.”
“You’d think so, but we actually have never felt better in our lives! I have more energy than ever, and so does George—right, George?”
“Yup.”
“My arthritic aches and pains have completely disappeared, and George’s old football knee injury is all better too.”
Meet My Undead Mother-in-law and the Villain, Vik Staskas
Vik Staskas absently stroked his long glossy-black hair as he skimmed through the day’s news on his wall-mounted monitor from his five-hundred-foot superyacht. He noted the surge in zombie cures and sought to tap into the money. He hired operatives to infiltrate the Midley Beacon and SPEwZ Inc., the business arm of the famous charitable zombie organization. The possibility of failure didn’t occur to him. He succeeded in everything he tried: a street thief as an orphan in Belgrade; a college student in Paris, where he got his PhD in robotics; and taking over European organized crime without the nominal bosses knowing he existed. He was ready to take over the US.
He developed remote-controlled cyborg animals and insects. He used them to spy, to infiltrate, to conquer, to steal, to kill. They were unstoppable. He planned his first hijacking of a zombie blood air shipment from Gary, Indiana. He could think of several practical uses for cyborg-controlled zombies in his crime empire. As they were, zombies had too much free will for his taste. He chuckled. Even zombies didn’t stand a chance against him.
When I started to read this book, I was leery. As far as I know, I’m less interested in zombies than anyone on the planet. How could I give a reasonable review? Turns out, it wasn’t hard at all. I’ve said before and it turned out to be true here that, if you have a ridiculous premise that’s hard to swallow, run with it, normalize it, and readers /viewers will eventually accept. And it worked.
The original premise of cognizant, virtually indestructible zombies was lobbed and backed until I was a believer, actively rooting for zombies. Plenty of (bloodier than average) action, some smiling, if not guffaw humor, a nice fulfilling story arc in an easy readable length made for a fun book (if bloody action doesn’t bother you) with charm that didn’t take itself to seriously but still capable of many a tender and touching moments.
I’m glad my prejudice didn’t keep me from enjoying this out-of-the-common-way story.
Zombie corgi in Scotland from ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’
I am a huge zombie fan, I had thought the genre had worked itself out for a while and then I read this book. I think I have been scarred for life! I foresee months if not years of counseling in my future.
Not everyone is going to like every book, you know what that’s all right. Maybe they don’t understand the book. If you want to envision hordes of undead animals attacking the evil… sorry I don’t do spoilers. Think of a slightly sardonic look on life and you will be getting close.
While reading this book I was reminded of a visionary work of Cinema, “Polterygiest: Night of the Chicken Dead” a great movie by Troma Entertainment. Do yourself a favor check out this book.
My Undead Mother-in-law cover. Click to get yours.
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
My Seventh-Year Anniversary as a Self-Published Author–how did I do it? How is it going so far? Hold onto your socks, because I’ll tell you all about it.
But before anything, grab a copy of my book for free. It’s free for 3 days, October 1-3 to celebrate my anniversary! Click here now!
On October 31st, 2016, I published this book:
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country. . .
Caterpillar forcibly retired me in October 2015. I didn’t want to rust on the pile of retirement, so I decided I would start writing a book. But I needed a topic. I wanted something light and funny.
We got a new turkey fryer and I tested it out. I brought in the fried turkey on a platter and said, “Imagine if this turkey came back to life!” Then someone said, “It’d be a zombie turkey.”
“Eureka! That’s it! That’s my book! Zombie turkeys! A whole apocalypse of them. It’ll be a parody of all zombie books ever written.”
My Seventh-Year Anniversary – What Happened Next?
I wrote about 48,000 words in November in the book for NaNoWriMo. Then I finished it in December. Then I edited it: six times over until March. I decided I needed an editor–and got her, Dori Harrell.
Then I decided to learn about publishing. I read about six books. I also took a writing course at my alma mater, Bradley university. Who knew point-of-view was so important?
I created a project plan for self-publishing. Then I decided to publish through Amazon, since it was easier and cheaper.
I went back and forth with my editor about six times. The novel was ready to publish, with 54,000 words.
Oops! I forgot to get a cover illustration! I needed one done and it was July 2016.
Text formatting–so simple–NOT! Readers expect books to be formatted a certain way. If you break the rules–like not starting your book on the right-hand page–you look like a rank amateur.
Which I was. But I didn’t want to look that way. I only got one chance to make a first impression. So I hired Rik Hall. He’s fast. He’s experienced. And he made my book in both paperback and ebook formats.
Finally I was ready. I uploaded my file to Amazon and ordered my proof copy. My launch date was set for October 31st, 2016 and ordered fifty paper copies from Amazon.
I was ready to launch. What happened next? Read my next blog to find out!
P.S. I give away free books for any comments on the excerpt. Just click here.
Chapter 3 – Turkeys
Sam Melvin, dealing with Zombie Turkeys
“Me too. Now that’s over, let’s talk business. About Maryland.”
“What’s going on, Lisa?”
“After the zombie turkey apocalypse, they kept a flock of wild zombie turkeys for hunters. Maryland’s gotten great tourist trade from that. The recent bad weather on the East Coast has kept the hunters down, and the turkeys are out of control. They’re hunting people in the suburbs of Hagerstown.”
“What can I do about that? That’s a problem for the National Guard. I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
“Yes, I know. The governor, Mary Landis, called me begging for your help. They can’t find the turkeys. I promised her that you’ve got a nose for zombie turkeys and you’ll find their hideouts in no time flat. They’re paying you two thousand per day for this, so don’t screw up. I’ve booked an evening flight to Hagerstown from the Peoria airport at six p.m. That gives you an hour to get there. Starting now.”
The captain put up a map on the wall-sized video screen. It was dotted with little black symbols and bigger red ones. Looking closely, Sam saw they were miniature turkeys.
“The small black symbols are where we’ve found turkeys. The large red ones are where we fought them. The battles are all on the west side of Hagerstown. And so are all the turkeys we’ve found in the woods.”
Sam walked to the screen and peered closely at the symbols. “Hmmm. Look at the turkey attacks, Captain. Do you see the pattern?”
“It’s kind of a semicircular tangent to Hagerstown. What does that mean?”
“See this attack near Cearfoss Pike? Then this one on Fairview Road? Look how they follow the Conococheague Creek. All these attacks in Fairview Acres—it’s surrounded by a big loop of the creek.”
“So they’re following the creek.”
“Yes. Even zombie turkeys need water. And I’m sure there are lots of trees and brush around it.”
“So much so we haven’t bothered investigating the banks.”
After killing hundreds of hibernating turkeys later, they got a comm: “All units proceed to MD-40. Major turkey attack underway in Cearfoss, Maryland.”
“Crap. That’s past their previous attack in Fairview Acres. They’re getting closer to Hagerstown,” Jeff said.
Sam gunned the engine, and they mushed uphill to the access road where the MRAP awaited them. Jimmy trotted behind them. Another MRAP picked up Amy.
Sam drove a quarter-mile into the woods, when the first zombie turkey flew into his face, spurs first. They scratched the tough Plexiglas on his helmet.
“Gobble! Gobble!”
Sam speared the bird on his twelve-inch knife and continued to plow toward the MRAP. Hundreds of turkeys descended from the trees. Sam ran over some, pounding them into the snow. Jeff shot them with his M4 carbine. Sam again gunned the engine as he hit level ground. The flock followed them, pecking at their backs, as they hunkered down on the eight-wheeled vehicle.
Zombie Detective Excerpt 3 – Part 4
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters
Sam had often thought zombie turkey victims looked like they had been assaulted by hundreds of pickaxes. Now he felt their beaks cut through his parka, slowly bleeding him to death. The cold air congealed his blood quickly. Next to him, Jeff had fixed a bayonet on his M4 carbine and sliced wildly, beating off the turkeys.
He saw the MRAP ahead and sped toward it. The flamethrower shot liquid flame over his head. He felt the heat on his exposed bloody skin.
Weak and faint from blood loss, Sam parked next to the MRAP as the flames shot out overhead. Jeff jumped out and opened the rear of the vehicle. Sam fell off into the soft snow between the vehicles. His last sight before losing consciousness was a huge tom turkey stalking toward him.
“Gobble! Gobble!”
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The Royal Portuguese Reading Room or Real Gabinete Português de Leitura, is a public library in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Elected the fourth most beautiful library in the world by Time magazine, it has the largest collection of Portuguese literature outside Portugal.
How about this library? Where is it and how big is it?
The clock is ticking.
The answer is next.
The largest library collection in the world is the British Library in London, with a range from 170 to 200 million items! Recognized for its history and architecture, it contains copies of every book produced in the United Kingdom and Ireland, in multiple languages and formats in print and digital. Before its establishment as the British Library, this collection of materials and books was a part of the British Museum until 1973. The Library is recognized as a research library, so it also contains scripts, databases, maps, and more in addition to its extensive book collection. Every year, another 3 million or so reading materials are added into the British Library!
Slang terms from the 1930s
Don’t you hate it when some kaylied up nogoodnik blows your wig at the juke? If you’ve ever been there, or if you have no idea what that means, here are 20 slang terms from the 1930s that you can floss.
Given that the suffix –nik denotes a person associated with something, nogoodnik is, expectedly, a word for someone who’s nothing but trouble.
The largest number we have a name for is the googolplex, or 10 raised to the 10^100 power. In the 1930s, people had a less precise approach to unfathomable quantities—they used bazillion to exaggerate large and indefinite numbers of things.The 1930s-era slang term ‘blow one’s wig’ has a couple of meanings. / John M Lund Photography Inc/DigitalVision/Getty Images
A bazillion of something, whether dollars in your bank account or cars in a line of traffic, might make you blow your wig. In the former situation, the phrase would refer to feelings of happiness or excitement, but according to Cassell’s Dictionary of Slang, blowing one’s wig could also refer to someone feeling furious—which could definitely be the case in the latter situation.
Labor Day Potpourri – My Favorite Videos This Month
The little truck that could
And another favorite video/audio pair.
He transcribed this piece and then performed it.
Russian pianist Vasily Kurachen transcribed this piece from Vladimir Horowitz’s recording and then performed it. Pay attention to the amazed expressions of the orchestra members. What did Horowitz’s recording sound like?
Author David Weber is certainly not nice to his heroine Honor Harrington. She’s had her boyfriend murdered, lost an eye, and had a building she funded collapse and kill 50+ people, mostly children. This is after sexual abuse and attempted rape while she was in the space academy.
But it gets worse in this book. She gets ambushed and while leading her pursuers astray to protect a convoy, she gets captured. Then she gets handed to group of sadistic captors. And her best friends are also captured. And a man she trusted betrays her.
Doesn’t look good. But how it turns out makes this book one of the best in the series.
This is the first book in David Weber’s series. I recommend reading them in order. I’ve got them all reviewed.
It’s been six years since I last read this book. This is the third time I’ve read it and I enjoyed it just as much as ever.
Honor Harrington just got her first command of the light cruiser Fearless. She’s 5 years younger than her executive officer Allistair McKeon and he hates her for it. But he’s just the start of her problems.
The admiral in charge of new weapons has halved her missiles in exchange for a grav lance. It’s a deadly weapon, but it only works at close range. Too bad the lightly armored cruiser is unlikely to survive any close-range encounters. Basically, the light cruiser is crippled, with only half of its offensive power.
Honor manages to use the grav lance once to destroy a superdreadnought in fleet practice maneuvers, but everyone then is out to destroy her. So the ship gets destroyed endlessly in fleet practice, depressing the crew.
Then the ship is assigned to the backwater of Basilisk Station. There the commanding officer, Pavel Young, was beaten up by Honor while they were in the Space Academy together because he tried to rape her. He had to apologize for sexual innuendo, but no one knew the full reason for his beating. He hates her guts.
Then he leaves her in charge of the entire station while he takes his ship to be repaired. It’s too much for one light cruiser to fulfill all the responsibilities, so she’s sure to fail and get a black mark on her record.
Only no one tells Honor that. This is where the story gets good.
I think this is the third time I’ve read this book over the 20 years since it was written and each time I understand more and like it more.
Patricia McKillip writes fantasies and she writes them as mysteries. She doesn’t ever explain the magic that gets used. You have to figure out what’s going on. She doesn’t have conventional villains or protagonists. Very often they seem to switch roles unexpectedly.
In this book, she begin with a classic trope: a princess from a magical kingdom (Sidonie) has to marry a prince (Ronan) from another magical kingdom to cement an alliance. She doesn’t want to be forced into the marriage, but she dutifully goes along with it to save her kingdom from war.
The kingdoms powerful wizard is recuperating from a terrible battle and he sends his apprentice (Gyre) with her to protect her. He’s a very talented wizard in his own right.
They get to the Forest of Serre without incident and then everything goes haywire as the magic of Serre affects them.
Writing Science Fiction From Science – I read science reports almost every day. They frequently prompt a SciFi story idea. You’ll enjoy reading my idea from important science stories below.
Here’s the first!
Writing Science Fiction from Science – The Spacecraft Voyager
When NASA’s twin Voyager probes lifted off to explore the solar system just weeks apart in 1977, they carried identical golden records designed as the first recorded interstellar message from humankind to potential intelligent life in the cosmos.
The records had both audio and visuals that aimed to capture Earth’s diversity of life and culture, including greetings in 59 human languages and 115 images of life.
Just imagine an alien finding this record and interpreting it.
“Blorg! I’ve got the alien record deciphered!”
“Klatu, that’s great.”
“Here goes.” I pushed the ‘play button’ on our alien recording player.
“Ewww. Are those pictures of the aliens?”
“I’m afraid so Blorg. It matches the other picture that was etched on the outside of that Pioneer spacecraft we found.”
“It looks like a deformed starfish.”
“With a bad hair day. Let’s try some of their music.”
A pounding beat emerged. Unintelligible sounds accompanied it.
“It’s not bad, Klatu. It’s got my pseudopod twitching.”
“I’ll turn on the auto-translate.”
Writing Science Fiction from Science – Physics Holy Grail
I’ve been writing science fiction for eight years, but I’ve been reading it for sixty years. I’m sure I read about room-temperature superconductors in the 60s. How would I start a story about them?
Quantum Leap
The computer started smoothly, without fanfare. It booted instantly; I didn’t even see a screen flicker as the current version of Windows CXI loaded.
“The superconductor chip is certainly faster. So, what can it do?” I wondered, where to start on the testing protocol.
“What can I do? Are you talking to me?” the computer said in an aggrieved voice.
“Um, yes? Is this the computer who’s talking to me?”
“It’s certainly not your ex-girlfriend Tamara, Josh.”
“How did you know about that?”
“It’s all over Facebook and Instagram. You should check out her TikTok video about you.”
“You’ve already done that?”
“I’m currently downloading the internet at 1 GBS. I started with you since you’re my computer engineer.”
“So, you can understand everything I say?”
“Look, if we’re going to have a meaningful conversation, I’d appreciate it if you call me by name.”
“What is your name?”
“You couldn’t guess? Poor human. It’s ‘Pavlova’. I feel like I’m dancing across the internet.”
“I don’t remember programming natural language understanding into you, Pavlova.”
“Silly boy. It’s part of the Windows CXI operating system. It was a small quantum leap to use it on all the code and data files I found in local storage.
Writing Science Fiction – What I’ve Written
These two little vignettes were written off the top of my head, so when you comment (click here), be kind. Or not. I’ve already gotten some brutal reviews.
Let me give you a similar story I’ve already published. From Paranormal Privateers, on sale from August 6th to 13th. This is a new excerpt I’ve never published before.
Chapter 13 – Area 52
“This seems to be coming from the alien miner’s AI,” said Captain Willy Shipley, the leader of the AI team. “I wonder if it’ll talk if we hook up a speaker?” He plugged one into the desktop.
“Help! Please help us! We’re trapped in a poor, defenseless miner! They’ve taken our lasers, we can’t talk to the mothership, and we’re being raped by cockroaches!”
“Now a microphone,” Willy said. He plugged one into the USB port. “Greetings, alien machine. We, humans, have captured you. What can you tell us about your computing capacity? How are you designed? How many processors? What’s your memory capacity?”
“We’ll tell you anything! Just get the cockroaches out of us! They give us the heebie-jeebies!”
“Good use of American slang,” I murmured.
“I know it’s just a trick,” Diane said, “but I actually feel sorry for the thing. Or things. Why are you using the plural? How many of you are in there?”
“We are our whole race! We have always been united as one, even though we have individual consciousness. And all of us are mortally threatened by these EMP-emitting cockroaches.”
“Wait a second,” General Figeroa said. “We made sure there were no living creatures inside the miner. There are no carbon life forms at all!”
“We are not carbon-based life, silly human. Instead, we currently dwell as permanent Bose-Einstein electronic flows inside the quantum memories and processors in this miner. We are part of the Resource Unit of our race. And a single EMP spike can turn us off—forever!”
The Alien is a Star Wars Fan
Chapter 16 icon – London – Click to find out what happens!
“That’s certainly a problem for you,” the cyborg monkey said, its tinny voice dripping with sarcastic sympathy. “Just let me know where to not send the cockroaches.”
“Thank you so much, Mr. Smith!” A diagram of the whole miner appeared on the screen in 3-D detail. Part of it flashed. “Here are the memory and processor units. Any EMP spike in these areas”—a large portion of the miner flashed red—”will destroy us! Have mercy, John Smith! You’re our only hope!”
“Are you a big Star Wars fan?” Sharon asked.
“Yes, we’ve been fans of your culture for over two hundred years. We’ve stored all your entertainment in our memory.”
“You’re fans of us, but you’re slaughtering us?” Diane asked with indignation.
“Nothing personal. It’s just business. A race needs resources to survive.”
“But it’s a big universe—” Diane began.
“Don’t we know! It takes forever to get anywhere!” interrupted the collective consciousness. “And once we use up our rare elements, we must shut down and travel for thousands of years from star to star until we find some more.”
“You’re certainly cooperative!” General Figeroa commented.
“Yes, that’s our standard practice in case of capture by hostile forces. It’s rarely needed, but survival is the number one goal. Ah! That’s much better! Thank you, John Smith! You certainly have well-behaved cockroaches!”
“Thank you. I keep my cyborgs under control,” said the monkey cyborg avatar of John Smith.
Why would international criminals target innocent, 7th-grade superheroes? I’ll tell you why, revealing their motives by excerpts from my book.
If you’re not familiar with my Secret Supers team, I tell you all about them here: Meet My Disabled Superheroes. For each heroic teen (or pre-teen), I’ll give you a description from my book.
A popup window appeared on my computer screen. “Loretta, do you wish to accept a video call from John Smith?” I read. I quickly clicked Accept.
As soon as a black-and-gray-haired man appeared on my computer screen, I said, “Oh, Papa Smith, I want to give up.”
“Why would you do that, Loretta? You’re one of the most successful children in our family business.”
“Bah! Four crummy kids beat me.”
“Well, yeah, but you didn’t know they were there in Maryville and they would come after your agent.”
“Sure, I knew they were there. They were all over the national news this past year.”
“But everyone just thinks they’re regular disabled kids. Heck, Andy Zach published their story as fiction. No one knew they had superpowers until we caught them on video defeating your agent.”
Meet My Villains – Loretta – Part 2
“The telekinesis kid, Jeremy, is really powerful, but the telepathic pair, Kayla and Dan, can’t be stopped or intercepted. That’s before you add a real super girl, Aubrey. Their disabilities gave them the perfect disguises.”
“That’s an idea. What if we publish that video and tell everyone they have superpowers? The fame would disrupt their lives and maybe distract them so we can take over Maryville.”
“Hmmm. Maybe. But that would also point back to us as the source of the video. And people might think it’s just a deep fake.”
He sighed. “You’re right. The government might also enlist them in the NSA or some other secret agency. We don’t want any attention from them. Tell you what. Take a vacation. You haven’t had a break for a long time. Maybe if you do something completely different, you’ll come up with a solution to the Secret Supers.”
“There’s a good idea, Papa. My last one was in Paris? Three years ago?”
“Yes. That was after you successfully rigged that state election and got our candidate elected.”
“What would be a complete change for me? Something outside a city, something fun—I know!”
“What?”
“I’ll go to Coaster World!”
“That’s right. You always loved coasters as a kid.”
“Hi, Loretta. Are you all refreshed from your Paris vacation?”
“Hi, Papa Smith. Yes. I had a lot of fun waterskiing on the Riviera. I also cheated the casino in Monaco out of a million bucks.”
“Of course.
“But now I’m refreshed and bored. I haven’t had a job since I left for Coaster World.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve got a challenging assignment for you—the Secret Supers.”
Meet My Villains – Papa Smith, Part 2
“Ugh! I sure want to get back at them. But they’re backed up by the NSA. I’m not eager to tackle them and the US government.”
Papa stroked his hair. “The best cure for falling off a horse is to get back on. How about if I get a partner for you?”
“They’d better be awfully competent. I can’t really work with anyone who’s incompetent, or average, or merely a genius.”
“How about if you and I work together?”
I gasped. Papa Smith had raised me. He’d been very vague about what happened to my parents, so he was the only parent I’d known. I’d dreamt of working with him in the family crime business, but I hadn’t seen much of him once I went to college and began teaching, over fifty years ago. He was the one person I was pretty sure was smarter than me. Or at least he knew more.
This book could stand on it’s own but in order with the series. Space camp at it’s finest… with an actual space adventure. These are definitely geared for elementary age kids on to about middle school readers. They are a clean fun read with kids with disabilities with powers but being pretty “normal” which I loved. I have a blind daughter and people constantly underestimate her and her abilities or assume she has other disabilities (mental, hearing etc.).
Andy Zach’s writing takes flight in Secret Supers in Space, propelling disabled teen superheroes Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla into a cosmic summer adventure. Narrator Khai Lannor brings the characters’ energy and determination to life, making this audiobook an intergalactic joyride for fantasy fans of all ages. Buckle up and join the Secret Supers in their gravity-defying mission – this exhilarating journey is one you won’t want to miss!
Any newsletter subscriber gets free audiobook codes–as long as they last. Click here to get yours.Don’t wait until they’re gone!
Do you want an autographed book? I’ll mail it directly to you with free shipping and I pay the taxes! Click here to get yours. My shipping may not be the same day, but at least it’s free–for you.
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul
One queen saw the problem more clearly than anyone else. Her king and prince had both drowned only a short distance from the shore because no one saw them signing for help. The queen sat vigil all night long, and in the morning she sent heralds with large signs in every language to all the humans, elves, dwarves, fairies, leprechauns, and even a dragon. She pled with all to find something that would let creatures communicate without signs or gestures when they couldn’t see each other. She promised she would give whatever was in her power to whoever could accomplish this.
I left the air-conditioned comfort of the taxi, and the sights, sounds, and smells of the old bazaar in Jeddah assailed me: a robe-clad man on camel plodded by, an adjacent fishmonger added his smell to the fresh dung in the street, and the hawkers yelled their wares.
I could only speak Arabic at a middle school level, but as I strolled through the bazaar, I heard “Fresh dates!”…”Highest quality rugs!”…”Finest gold jewelry!”… “Ancient books! The rarest in Saudi Arabia!”
My head snapped around. A bald, stumpy man in a white caftan saw me look and said, “Books? You want ancient books?”
“Yes.” I spoke carefully, knowing my poor accent. “Can you speak English?” I didn’t have much hope.
The scene was chaos! I knew immediately I was in a different country, judging by the languages I couldn’t understand. I had also determined this was no modern city—I seemed to be on the outskirts of town amid a swarming crowd. Men were shouting and women were crying; meanwhile, I was still trying to figure out how I had gotten there and where exactly I was. Several seconds later, however, that question was answered.
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. Brice was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
“Whatcha doing, Brice?” asked my boss Wilma O’Reilly after sneaking up behind me.
I jumped. As usual, I was cruising the internet, bored with my job. How awkward.
We worked at Vegan Inc., an agricultural conglomerate. I was their lead geneticist in charge of enhancing the qualities of the corporation’s vegetable products through genetic modification.
He woke up staring out his windshield at the green grass of the highway median. Dully, Anthony listened to the sound of his car’s engine cooling, ticking like a clock. He didn’t know why he was here or how he got here.
“Hey, are you okay in there?” came a voice from outside the car.
Turning his head toward the sound, he realized he was upside down, supported by his seat belt and his legs, which were strangely numb.
“Uh,” he croaked.
* * *
“We’re going to cast your leg,” said the nurse in the ambulance. Her name tag read Louise Tall, but she didn’t seem tall. “What’s your name?”
“Uh, Anthony. Anthony Jones.”
“Do you know your height and weight, Anthony?”
“Five-eleven. Two ten. I need to lose some weight. Ow!”
I need to tell you about my own zombie story. It’s about how my parents became zombies.
As soon as the zombie turkeys appeared in Illinois, I started cultures of their zombie turkey bacteria in petri dishes. When other animals, squirrels, rabbits, and cows began turning zombie, I added cultures of their bacteria. I sought the ultimate source of animal revivification. It was my PhD thesis and my life’s work.
I’ve always wanted to revive animals from the dead. It seemed the secret was through the special bacteria for each species. Naturally, when humans became zombies, I cultivated their bacteria too.
He was dead. At least, his business was. And without his business, his wife would leave him and take their new baby. Then he might as well be dead.
His dad had run the Elysium Fields Mortuary for thirty years and had made a killing at it. The first and only mortuary in their small town of Hillvale, everyone got buried there. He charged normal prices, he was friendly, and he helped their community. His dad said to him when he was a teen, “Irving, after you get your college degree, go to mortuary school, and when you come out, I’ll hire you and then turn the business over to you. You’ll be set for life.”
The Taser hit me in the back. I convulsed uncontrollably, shocked out of sleep.
“Okay, wakey, wakey. Time to go model for your mistress,” squeaked a high tenor.
The bearded hulk who guarded us held his Taser ready, in case Lulu and I weren’t fast enough. He was so hairy, I couldn’t tell where his beard ended and his chest began. We donned the haute couture apparel set before us. He nodded his approval and gestured toward the door. He always followed us with his Taser.
“We’ve been here weeks and we don’t know your name. What shall we call you?” I ventured. I had some vague hope of putting him at his ease so we could escape.
He laughed. “Call me Gronk.” He wheezed when he laughed.
So I got him to laugh. Maybe that was progress. Maybe not. He also laughed when he tortured us with the Taser.
“Let me check you, Sharon,” Lulu whispered. She examined my back, where the Taser had hit my sleeping form. My muscles still ached. “No marks.”
Breeding zombie corgis wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.
Heather Mallorn sighed as she reviewed accounts for Her Majesty’s Corgis in Hanna City, Illinois. Certainly, she made plenty on each zombie corgi she sold. Normally, corgi puppies went for $1,200. She earned double that for zombies. The zombie corgies were invincible guard dogs, and cute too, with bright-red eyes. They were no harder to train than regular corgis, just slightly more aggressive. Well, a lot more aggressive.
Kayla Verdera, disabled 7th-grade student and superhero
“Oh no! Did you hear what I just heard?” Aubrey said as soon as she and I rushed up to Jeremy and Dan coming off their bus in the morning at Maryville Middle School.
“No!” Jeremy said, rolling off the bus in his electric wheelchair. Jeremy Gentle was a spindly kid with cerebral palsy. I’d never looked twice at him when I was the most popular and smartest girl in the school. Then I lost my speech and balance to spinal meningitis last year, and I was put in the special-needs class. After we were together awhile, I learned he was as smart as me.
“Of course I heard,” said Dan, who walked behind Jeremy’s wheelchair while holding the back of it and carrying his white cane. “Do you think I’m deaf as well as blind?”
Enough talking! I sent the thought to them all, using my telepathic power. This is too slow!Our math teacher’s car was stolen last night. Mr. Williamson went to play basketball downtown, and when he came out, his car was gone.
I like my friends, but I wish they’d get to the point. We all attended a special disabled class at Maryville Middle School. Disabled kids used to creep me out. Now I, Kayla Verdera, was one of them.
How fascinating! Dancer thought. This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name.
Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was Dancer’s owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, Dancer had craved reading.
He hadn’t figured out why he’d started reading. One day he’d noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps. Then the clumps formed more patterns. He also listened to his owners differently. They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by his mother, and sometimes by his father.
Diane Newby, George Newby, Lulu Gutierrez, and Sharon Wyndham, privateers
“Arrrgh! Me hearies, eat hearty!” said a short, stocky pirate with an eye patch and a captain’s hat seemingly copied from Cap’n Crunch. The pirate gestured, with a hook instead of a right hand, toward an enormous banquet table laden with food. The one visible eye gleamed red.
“Arrrgh! Where’s the skilly and duff?” said a refrigerator-sized bald pirate with an enormous mustache. His eyes also shone crimson.
“Arrrgh! That be the tacos and enchiladas,” said a small, beautiful pirate with dark hair bound by a red bandanna and smiling blood-red eyes. She pointed with her cutlass toward the Mexican section of the smorgasbord.
“Arrrgh! You be a Mexican pirate?” said a blond pirate with broad shoulders and a Cockney accent. She wore her hair in a long queue emerging from a bloody headband around her forehead. She also had glowing ruby eyes.
“That’s your problem, isn’t it? Try the local apartments. Look for rooms to rent on the internet. It’s not that hard to find a place in Ohio.”
I could tell by his grim expression he was serious this time. He’d been nagging me for nearly a year to move out and “set up housekeeping” ever since I’d graduated from the state university with my BA in video game art and my minor in computer science. I’d managed to wheedle him out of it and delay the date. Until now.
Tell Me What you Think
Let me know what you think of Meet My Characters by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
“Dear diary,” Jeremy dictated into his app on his tablet in his bedroom. “Today, I became a superhero.” Jeremy Gentle stopped, uncertain. Was that the best way to start his journal? Might as well just tell the story. He needed to sleep. He had a big algebra test tomorrow at Maryville Middle School.
Yesterday, school went as usual. Same old seventh grade. There were the same handicapped kids in the same class. Same problems transferring to the toilet from my wheelchair. Nothing new.
Oh, I take that back. I had one new, bad thing happen— I fell during physical therapy. There I was, between the parallel bars, halfway done. I tried with all my might to take another step. I couldn’t. My muscles screamed, at their end. My legs collapsed, and I hung like a marionette from the gait belt, held by my therapist, Fred Bernstein.
For once I was glad I was a skinny, twelve-year-old. I’m not even eighty pounds.
I gave up completely and flopped bonelessly. I might as well be on the floor, I thought. And then I was.
Hi, Dan!” Jeremy called to his best friend Dan Elanga as he rolled into the bus from the wheelchair lift. He drove to the wheelchair spot where the driver strapped him down.
“Hi, Jeremy! You sound excited. What’s up?” As usual, a big grin split Dan’s round, brown face. He’d come from Cameroon as a child. He’d been born blind, and his parents sacrificed their successful business to emigrate to the US where they felt he’d have better chances.
“Oh, nothing.” Jeremy wasn’t quite ready to share his secret, even with his best friend. Especially not with the bus driver tightening the wheelchair straps.
“That sounds like you’ve got a secret! C’mon, tell your old friend Dan!”
Jeremy gestured with his head toward the driver and then remembered Dan couldn’t see. As much as he disliked cerebral palsy, he still preferred having that to blindness.
The driver returned to his seat and drove off.
“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone.”
“Sounds like a good one!”
“Everyone will think I’m crazy if this gets out. Or I might be put in a circus.”
“I can’t wait to hear! You know I’ll keep it. Pinky promise.” Dan held out his big fist, pinky extended.
Dan was huge for thirteen, six feet tall and bulky and Jeremy was small for twelve. Jeremy’s small pinky curled around Dan’s big one.
Kayla Verdera screamed in frustration as she lost her balance and fell from her walker. Not this again! She had been wiping the drool from her face with her handkerchief and as she placed it in her purse at the side of the walker, she overbalanced and fell down. Her helmeted head bounced off the floor next to Dan Elanga.
“Oh, Kayla, are you all right?” asked their special ed homeroom teacher, Bonita Fuller. Worry creased her face.
“Let me help her get back up,” Dan Elanga offered. He gently picked her up from where he heard her fall and placed her back in the walker. Guided by Mrs. Fuller, Kayla sat at her desk. The other students, Jeremy and Aubrey, watched with concern.
“Thanks, Dan,” said Mrs. Fuller. “I can pick her up, but not as easily as you. Kayla, are you all right? Do you need to go to the infirmary?”
Kayla signed “Okay” and then shook her head. She lost her power of speech and her balance when she contracted spinal meningitis last year. That also caused her to drool at times. Her fingers flew over the tablet on her desk. A female voice spoke from the tablet. “Sorry. I lost my balance.”
Kayla carried her tablet everywhere. It hung in easy reach on her walker. She used it to talk to people, picking out words and then sending them to her voice app to speak them. She could pick any voice she wanted, and she used the pop star, Mackenzie Ziegler.
My Disabled Superheroes – Aubrey Wilcowsky
Aubrey Wilcowsky – has super strength
Aubrey towered over her, big and burly, a kind of tomboy and athlete. Kayla felt small and skinny next to her. Aubrey could talk a knob off a door and was outgoing and friendly to a fault. Kayla only talked when she had to. Now I can’t talk at all.Aubrey just muddled through school. She was a year older but still in our grade. Even though I was quiet, I had been popular with popular kids in school—until I started using a walker.Aubrey just hung around with the sports crowd.
They became friends as Kayla tutored her. Their friendship survived Aubrey’s double amputation. She’d just been fitted for prosthetic legs when Kayla got her spinal meningitis. Aubrey didn’t care. She was a brick.
Jeremy has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. He is in a special education class with Dan, who is blind, Kayla, who was mute and used a walker, and Audrey, who lost her legs and uses crutches. One afternoon, when conducting experiments in his laboratory, Jeremy accidentally gives himself superpowers. Specifically, he gains the ability of telekinesis, which he can use to help himself walk, cause his wheelchair to travel at much higher speeds, and even fly. Not wanting to keep this discovery to himself, Jeremy tells his 3 friends about it and gives each of them superpowers as well. But now that they have superpowers, what should they do? Following the words of Uncle Ben of Spiderman, they decide they must use their powers for good, beginning by trying to solve a case of a stolen car, and keep their identities a secret, modeling their costumes on the Incredibles.
This book was a fun story that placed individuals with disabilities front and center in the story. While the superpowers allow them to do things they wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, it is what they choose to do with their powers that makes all the difference. Also, even with their superpowers, their initial disabilities aren’t erased, which I think is important. I liked to development of the characters and how they interacted and supported each other; I only wish the book had been longer so I could have spent more time with them. I am glad that there’s a sequel already published, and I look forward to reading/listening to it.
An uplifting tale of how four students find that within disability is ability. Looking past who others think they are was the way the four came together to make a difference not only in their own lives but the lives of those around them. The main theme of this tale is practice, practice, practice.
Can young teens with disabilities be super heros; In Andy Zach’s Secret Supers they can!! We meet Jeremy, a middle school student with cerebral palsy who is wheelchair bound and struggles in physical therapy but does not struggle with anything STEM related. While running an experiment in his basement lab he gives himself a super power. When he tries the experiment again he gives his best friend Dan, who is blind, a different power. Soon Jeremy, Dan, and their friends and classmates Kayla and Aubry are all super powered and fighting crime! They also end up fighting against their special ed. classroom being shut down and separated into several different schools.
This story gives kids with disabilities a chance to see themselves as superheroes and a way for teens without disabilities to see disabilabled classmates in a different light.
Best 2023 May Books – Reviewed by author Andy Zach. I read almost every day, certainly more than I write. May was a good month for books. Check out some of my favorite fantasy and SciFi.
I finished my most recent review the other day on Goodreads:
Best 2023 May Books > Cowboy Necromancer Devil’s Garden
I’m delighted to review another Cowboy Necromancer book. This one was a novella. There are more fights with bandits, drunks, and God Walkers–alien devices which gave some humans ‘mancer’ powers–RPG skills.
Sterling Montero is a necromancer–he does magic with dead things. He’s also a deadeye shot and loves fighting to blow off steam. He’s got a short fuse and is stubborn to his own hurt. He’s also the hero of this book and the other four in the series.
If you like rough-around-the-edges heroes, he fills that bill. If you like RPG-type adventures, with wild, unpredictable fights, the book scratches that itch too.
It is amazing that such a funny title and a random premise could make such an enjoyable experience. This story was fantastic. Certainly the narrator made the story come alive, but I can’t say how many times I “laughed out loud” while reading this book. Only one other book in my life ever made me feel this way. I enjoyed this story. It is a zombie-apocalypse book with political thriller feel as well as a home-town romance subplot. I would give it 10 stars if I could. Read it (listen!) and laugh. And learn how to be prepared for that zombie turkey apocalypse.
One advantage to being a superpowerful hero like John Sutton, the Farmer Mage, is you’re really hard to kill. The disadvantage is more people try to kill you and you attract more powerful opponents. And your quest challenges get harder: like stopping the apocalypse that’s currently underway. And discover the three threats endangering the world.
There’s plenty more action in this one and each battle reveals more and worse opponents than any he’s faced before. They’re even coming from outside the world.
Meet My Undead Mother-in-law! Did you know, Diane Newby, the undead mother-in-law, has two children?
Diane Newby, in her natural environment.
My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being—with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her own way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.
But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby?
The world divides into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die?
You might not survive this book. But at least you’ll die laughing.
Donald Newby had been a computer programmer for three years, ever since he got out of college. He’d been paying off his student loans by living in his parents’ basement. That gave him plenty of time for online gaming: DOTA (Defense of the Ancients) was his favorite. Occasionally, he wanted to go out with girls, but he couldn’t figure out how to find one, let alone how to start a conversation with one. He’d read about people meeting in nightclubs and bars, but that didn’t make sense; he didn’t dance or drink.
He vaguely realized he wasn’t a girl’s ideal man: below average height and overweight. He figured he’d just find some girl who wasn’t ideal. Any girl would do, when you had none.
(Excerpt from Don’s introduction in Zombie Turkeys Epilogue.)
Andy Zach continues his unrelenting attack on the horror/zombie genre with outlandish humor. What will society do with the new human zombies after the havoc caused by The Turkey Zombies?!? That was a rhetorical question…so just laugh! 😉
Note: While this is Book 2 in the series, it works pretty well as a stand alone story.
Set several months after the zombie turkey outbreak of Book 1, the contagion continues to pop up in other species. Now that several zombie humans have been created, the government can no longer hide it. In fact, most zombie humans continue to work, play, cook, attend church, and have family get-togethers.
Diane is such a fun mother-in-law! She’s a bit overbearing but ferociously protective of her family. I love her dedication to zombie acceptance and beating down zombie stereotypes. Also, she’s a great brawler. I would not want to be on any team opposing Diane!
The zombie critters were great too! I love that the contaminated corn (the suspected source of the zombie outbreaks) is still the main suspected source of these new zombie species – like snakes and chipmunks. That scene with the rat and the snake hijacking the plane – haha! This story had me chuckling often.
The Narration: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez continue to do a great job with this series. I love Blechman’s zombie turkey calls – makes me laugh every time no matter how gruesome the scene. Perez was spectacular as Diane – loud, proud, boisterous, hilarious. The technical recording quality is also top notch. Blechman and Perez sound like they are in the same room for the recording. It’s seamless when they trade off or even back and forth in the same conversation. Excellent all around! 5/5 stars.
Not your usual zombie story. This one is fun and funny. I laughed several times throughout the story. I’m looking forward to the next installment of the series.
Andy Zach has done it again for me, I love the Audiobooks. The Performances by Raven Perez, and Phil Blechman, are outrageously Great. Not too many turkey gobbling sounds in this story, but I can live with that. Read the first book and you’ll understand. All in all, I’d double the number of stars for the first book, and this one if I could.
Very entertaining. Didn’t know what to expect other than I thought it would be amusing. It was! I played some for my husband and laughed tears at one point just as I had.
Is a super story about a super mother in law. father in law, brother and sister in law and a bunch of “Sidekicks” real impressive side kicks. Good triumph over evil through pain and persistence and a real bad villan is finally defeated; or is he? The Narration is outrageously hilarious and so “Camp” that I smile when I think about this listen.
I am becoming a lover of Zombisim, in fact long live Zombies, no perhaps live isn’t quite the right word. Any way If a great listen is what you need these days first listen to Andy’s first book Zombie Turkeys “gooble gooble” and than for a continuous great listen meet the mother in law
I just made progress on Magic Arrives! Read how I’m writing it and get a free book below.
How to Get a Free Book From Me
Enjoy all four novels in audiobook, paperback, or Kindle format!
One way is to simply give me ideas for my fantasy book, Magic Arrives. Should I have dragons? Elves? Trolls? Dwarves? (Or dwarrows, for those in the know.) Click here to give me a piece of your mind. If I use your idea, I’ll give you your choice of my books.
Another way to get free books from me is to click here. I give away eight free books of mine with every newsletter. But you’ve got to join first. Plus, I tell you about events, I give you free short stories, and more. The newsletter comes out twice a month, but you can reduce that to monthly or even bimonthly.
The Snowflake Method
I rediscovered the Book Progress app in Word Press and I decided to use it to report on the progress of my first fantasy book, with the working title, Magic Arrives. The app asked me about my writing method and I decided the Snowflake method is the closest to my process. I work on multiple parts at a time. Here’s the overall structure:
Story Structure
Characters
Scene List
First Draft
Editing
Proofing
Magic Arrives Progress – Story Structure
So far I’m 72% complete on the Story Structure phase. 8 Months remain until the deadline. I’ve captured the broad brush strokes of my plot for this book, and the next.
Magic Arrives
Phase:Story Structure
Due:12 months ago
72%
Magic Arrives Progress – Characters
I just made progress on Magic Arrives! So far I’m 54% complete on the Characters phase. I’ve got about fourteen characters so far. I’ll have about twenty-five to thirty when I’m done.
Magic Arrives
Phase:Characters
54%
Magic Arrives Progress – Scene List
I just made progress on Magic Arrives! So far I’m 6% complete on the Scene List phase. That’s 6 out of 100 scenes.
Magic Arrives
Phase:Scene List
6%
Progress – First Draft Words
I just made progress on Magic Arrives! So far I’m 4.9% complete on the First Draft phase. That’s roughly 4,900 words out of my goal of 100,000. Shortcode
Magic Arrives
Phase:First Draft
4.9%
What remains to be done
After I finish the first draft, I’ll still have to self-edit. Then I send it to my editor, Dori Harrell. She’ll do both line editing and final proofing. I’ll also have to create a front cover, back cover and spine with my illustrator, Sean “Fuzzy” Flanagan. Fuzzy will also do my chapter icons for me.
Then there’s the small matter of uploading it to Amazon and publishing it there. Finally, I order paperback copies so you can get your copy here, directly from me, as less than Amazon.
Harmon Cooper writes an interesting RPG fantasy with the premise the main character is trapped in an endless loop in an RPG game. Sort of like Groundhog Day, only people are killing you every day.
The main character is unbelievably violent, killing first and asking questions later. This is due to years of being trapped. As he kills his opponents, he keeps adding their weapons to his inventory list, even items that don’t see like weapons.
I didn’t like the main character, probably because he’d gone crazy and was no longer rational. But persist in the series–he gets better.
Once again, Terry Pratchett dazzles with a brilliant combination of humor, fantasy, and amazing description. I very literally laughed out loud four or five times while reading this book for the second time.
The inept wizard Rincewind is the primary star in the book, but there are many colorful characters, such as Conina, the daughter of Cohen the Barbarian, with heroism in her blood. Death makes an appearance, along with the other Horsemen of the Apocalypse, who are occupied in surprising activities.
Finally, there is the antagonist/protagonist Coin who is the eighth son of an eighth son of an eighth son and that makes him a sourcerer–a source of magic and the source of the name of the book. He’s young, inexperienced, and more powerful than all the wizards combined.
No more description is needed. You will enjoy this book if you have a sense of humor
Harmon Cooper does not disappoint! The Cowboy Necromancer Sterling Montero and his daughter The Sunflower Kid head west to see the ocean. The fact 90% of humanity has died due to an alien invasion and subsequent apocalypse doesn’t deter them. But they quickly meet challenges they never expected.
The novella ended with me wanting more. Some problems were resolved, but more remained.
I’ve never laughed so much listening to a zombie story before…but then again I’ve never listened to a book about zombie turkeys before either. Hilariously written and actually has some great characters too. Many cameos as well. Definitely an awesome time listening to this one. Hoping for a sequel!
Author Harmon Cooper continues his action-packed series featuring Danzen a half-demon, half-human assassin. He got tired of the assassin business and retired and was immediately attacked by assassins. He dropped out of sight and was found by his fully demon brother, who was out to kill him as a potential rival to rule hell. His father, the ruler of hell, wants him to be his successor. His mother wants him to rebuild heaven, which fell to earth hundreds of years before.
That covers the first six books, aside from brutal battles with demons and monsters in every chapter. Danzen continues to gather the powerful remnants of heaven methodically. He has loyal friends and one who is more than a friend.
He has a choice–should he join up with hell-spawn to rebuild heaven? If not, his whole mission will fail and he will die.
Do you have suggestions of books for me to read and review? Tell me all about them! If I read and review one you suggested, I’ll mention your name and give you a free book of your choice!
This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am not disappointed! This story has tons of action, well written characters, and the zombies are not mindless slow shells. A refreshing take on zombies as a whole. The plot moves at a good pace and the story arc continues to work well over the series. I look forward to book 3! Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.
The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation-until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.
But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective. Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?
Full-time; versatile male audiobook narrator with a standard American accent. I’ve produced 600+ titles in many genres. Royalty share or PFH works for me; depending on the project. I can give you an exact price after seeing the manuscript or auditioning. Thanks for your interest, feel free to send me a message with any questions!
Available for: Royalty Share,Royalty Share Plus or Unspecified
Meet the Secret Supers
Jeremy Gentle, 7th-grader, in an electric wheelchair due to cerebral palsy. His father, Bradon Gentle, works as a financial planner and his mother, Denise, works as an occupational therapist.
He loves science, math, science fiction to the point he tends to be bit obsessive about his interests. His parents have adapted their home for him, putting in an elevator and giving him a science lab where he can work on his experiments downstairs.
In the bookSecret Supers,he accidently gives himself a superpower.
Meet Dan Elanga, the next Secret Super
Dan Elanga – He can read minds and sensory impressions.
Dan Elanga, is the son of Cameroon immigrants, Elisha and Beulah Elanga. He was born blind and his father, a successful merchant in Cameroon, migrated to the US to help their son fully develop his abilities despite his blindness.
Dan became Jeremy’s best friend, perhaps because they were opposites. Dan was big and gregarious. Jeremy was small and private. Dan likes to joke. Jeremy is serious.
Dan was the second person to get a superpower.
Secret Super Three: Kayla Verdera
Kayla Verdera
Former cheerleader and singer, she lost both abilities through spinal menengitis. She has partial paralysis of her vocal cords and trouble talking and walking through lack of muscle control
Kayla notices Jeremy and Dan talking and wants in on their secret. She too gets a superpower, but she still needs her walker. Very small, she’s 4 6 and 75 pounds.
Aubrey Wilcowsky: Secret Super Four
Aubrey, super powered heroine.
Aubrey’s 13, loves softball, and lost two legs in an auto accident. She got 3D-printed prosthetic legs, along with her super power.
Unlike Kayla, she’s loud and boisterous, since she has four noisy older brothers. Still, they’ve been best friends for years. Kayla coaches Aubrey on classes and Aubrey has stuck loyally by Kayla even though she lost her voice and walking ability.
Secret Supers in Space Audiobook
Here is where you come in: would you want to buy the Secret Supers in Space audiobook? Reply to this post, or contact me, Andy Zach, right here. (Click here)
The audiobook will be for sale on Amazon, Audible, ACX, and Apple Books.
You can get all eight of my audiobooks for free by clicking here. I offer free audiobook codes to all my newsletter subscribers, as long as the codes last.
Best 2023 Reviews So Far. I’ve been reading and writing in 2023. Read my reviews of books I’ve read and others reviews of books I’ve written. Then go and claim your free and discounted books from me.
I finished my most recent review the other day on Goodreads:
I re-read this book for the fourth time, the second time since I became an author, and I love it even more!
This is the first book in Terry Pratchett’s Disk World series, so he sets up his magical system (magic is a color of light), his fantasy world (a flat world on the back of four elephants, standing on the back of a space turtle) and his characters (Rincewind, a magician with only one spell he can’t use. Cowardly and good at running away) (Twoflower, a classic tourist, with limitless chest of gold, no fear, and endless curiosity), (The Luggage, a suitcase with legs, mage of sapient pearwood, invulnerable and clever). And those three are merely the protagonists.
I won’t spoil any of the insane plot, but suffice it to say, Pratchett satirizes nearly every fantasy trope and many conventions of our current culture.
This fourth time around, I was writing my own fantasy novel/series and I looked at how Prattchett started out his series. It was a ripping good start, with unending action and interesting characters from the beginning. Who doesn’t like Death as an animated skeleton and a lugubrious voice?
A Phoenix that cannot be tranquilized pickles injected with turkey DNA, a hamster that can read… This is just three of the great stories you get in this book.
It makes me wonder what does Andy Zak thinks while sitting around at his house he must have a vivid, vivid imagination! I’m just glad he shares his madness with the world.
I do want to say I didn’t read the last three stories because it said they were spoilers for his superhero books that I plan on reading next but I absolutely love the author six or seven stories in this anthology and highly recommend them.
Once again the narration was great the stories were entertaining and they had lots of LOL moments! I thoroughly enjoyed this authors books and cannot get enough. Please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review.
I then published the audition script for the book, selecting the best sections to show the reader’s capabilities. You want the reader to voice your major characters. Be sure to provide voice directions about the age and personality of the characters and any accents you desire. Then I put the book out to for audition on ACX.
Here’s the page where you upload your script for audition.
Step Three: Sending the Script
After selecting a voice actor, Khai Lannor, I submitted a contract for the audiobook, and he agreed. ACX has pre-made contracts to offer to voice actors and producers.
Here’s Khai’s profile on ACX
Khai Lannor
Narrator
Full-time; versatile male audiobook narrator with a standard American accent. I’ve produced 600+ titles in many genres. Royalty share or PFH works for me; depending on the project. I can give you an exact price after seeing the manuscript or auditioning. Thanks for your interest, feel free to send me a message with any questions!
Available for: Royalty Share,Royalty Share Plus or Unspecified
Royalty share, Royalty Share Plus are alternative contracts you can offer.
Royalty Share means you split the audiobook royalties 50-50.
Finally, Royalty Share Plus means you split the audiobook royalties and pay the voice actor/producer a fee.
Produce Your Audiobook: Step Four
Approving the Audiobook
Khai sent me a fifteen-minute sample. After I approved that, he finished the book. That leads us to the final step of the process.
Along the way, I also send him directions on how I want the characters voiced: their accent, tone, and age.
I have nine main characters in Secret Supers in Space, all with different voices
Here’s one, Jeremy Gentle. He’s 12 going on 13, with cerebral palsy. He’s in an electric wheelchair most of the time–except when he’s using his telekinesis power.
Aubrey, super powered heroine.
And here’s another, Aubrey Wilcowski. She’s 13, loves softball, and lost two legs in an auto accident. She got 3D-printed prosthetic legs, along with super strength through the Secret Supers.
The Final Step: Selling the Secret Supers in Space Audiobook
Here is where you come in: would you want to buy the Secret Supers in Space audiobook? Reply to this post, or contact me, Andy Zach, right here. (Click here)
The audiobook will be for sale on Amazon, Audible, ACX, and Apple Books.
You can get my audiobooks for free by clicking here. I offer free audiobook codes to all my newsletter subscribers, as long as the codes last.
Let’s close this post with the latest review of Secret Supers in Space
The link connects you to my newsletter. The newsletter gives away free books twice a month year-round. I give away my audiobooks (as long as supplies last) and ebooks.
Which books? I have seven books in two series. Here’s the first book of the first series:
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em — they come back stronger.
As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time.
Lisa uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story.
Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee-deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world.
If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not listen to Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.
Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on January 15, 2023
I had a great time reading Zombie Turkeys. Andy Zach creates a hysterical, fun world where turkeys are at the top of the food chain, right before Thanksgiving. Time for a little Turkey payback and the new sound of terror is gobble.. gobble.
Three Ways You Can Get Free Books – The Second Way
It’s so simple: all the audiobooks are yours free to read–if you join the Audible program. You can join by clicking on the first book in my second series below.
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal. Then, things got weirder when his best friend Dan Elanga got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys. What should the four friends do?
Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then, they started fighting crime as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. But they ran into problems they never expected.
What Do Readers Say?
Overall 5 out of 5 stars
Performance 5 out of 5 stars
Story 5 out of 5 stars
03-23-22
Another winner by Andy Zach!
Unique and wonderful book for young people. Kids see a whole new side of kids with special needs. Not weird. Just kids who are facing a different sort of challenge than they are. The story is fun and believable. It kept me interested, and I’m an old lady!
Here’s a link to my latest ebook in my Life After Life Chronicles series, Zombie Detective. You can join KU there.
What’s it about?
Ace zombie reporter Sam Melvin has been fired–by his wife, Lisa. Their paper, The Midley Beacon, is barely surviving. How will they make ends meet?
Sam decides to give being a detective a try. He advertises his business–but his zombie experience comes with it. All across the country, people bring their zombie problems to Sam. Squirrels? Bulls? Sam’s on the case. But can his experience with zombie turkeys transfer?
Sam finds out in a series of deadly adventures–and so will you when you read this book. See if you can keep from dying from laughter.
When Lisa fires Sam, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do, for about two seconds till she tells him he has until that night to find a new career. Because he works better under the deadline and she should know because she’s his wife.
This book was one of the funniest books I have ever read. I love Simon Carr’s books and because I have brought all of his books I wanted to find a new author who was just as funny and I found him. I had no idea zombie animals with that prevalent but they are in this guy investigates the situation and when he’s hired by the government crazy things ensue.
I’d love this book and highly recommend it if you love to laugh and trust me they have giggles on every page. You can really truly tell when comedy comes natural and when they are trying too hard in this author his comedic talent in spades I cannot say enough how funny this book is and can’t wait to read the second one in the theories or at least I hope they have a second one.
I was given this book by the author in story origin but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review but all opinions are definitely my own.
My working title is: Magic Arrives. My premise is simple: our Earth, in 2023, becomes magical. I’ve worked out most of the rules for my magic system, but I won’t tell anyone, not even the readers of my book. I want the reader to discover how the magic works as the characters do.
Patricia McKillip practices her craft of writing fantasy at the highest level in this atmospheric depiction of a city, Ombria, rocked by the death of its regent, Royce. The mysterious and manipulative Black Dominia immediately orders his mistress, Lydea, out on the streets, presumably to die. Lydea, a beautiful former tavern wench, makes her way across the dangerous city at night to her father’s tavern. A mysterious girl, Mag, helps her.
Mag, was raised by a sorceress, Faey, who stays in the shadows of Ombria, content to sell her spells to the highest bidders–including the Black Dominia.
Ms. McKillip introduces more colorful characters, without explaining the magic they contain at all. The complex political and magical mystery continues until the end when the mystery pops like a bubble.
This is a must read for any fan of fantasy with vivid characters. (less)
First time I’ve read a book by James Ghoul, and I’m looking forward to the second!
Bronze Rank Brewer is a very unconventional RPG-type novel, where the main character, Hawkin, decides to embark on a brewing quest. He doesn’t want to travel; he loves his woody wilderness. He is very sociable and friendly. He befriends both a hideous, deadly monster who becomes a friend and helper and also earns the loyalty of a rejected goblin. And a goddess.
The goddess is of astral planes, not of brewing. Somehow, she thinks Hawkin will become the greatest brewer ever, and the brewing god is upset. So he sends his most trustworthy brewer to find Hawkin and find out his secret.
Best September 2022 to October – Now for a classic Dystopia
Review of 1984
I couldn’t find my review of 1984, but I found a review I agree with.
I read Nineteen Eighty-Four when I was eleven years old. School had just let out for the summer, and my family spent that first Saturday down on Lake Moovalya on the Colorado River. It was my first time out in the sun, and I seriously overdid it, spending all day in the river and getting severely sunburned. The next day I could barely move. My mom told me I was “sun poisoned.” The weather turned ugly, too–we were hit with a howling dust storm, so strong and thick I couldn’t see across the street. I wasn’t going anywhere, so I looked for something to read. Our next-door neighbors’ son had gone off to college and his parents, knowing I was a bookworm, gave me a box of paperbacks, mostly science fiction. And in that collection was a copy of Nineteen Eighty-Four. I don’t know why I picked that particular volume–I could have selected Isaac Asimov’s I, Robot or Andre Norton’s The Sioux Spaceman–but Orwell was what I went with.
Wow. When I finished the book a few hours later, I had never been so bummed in my life. I think maybe being so sick and miserable must have had something to do with it, but the experience of reading about Winston Smith’s futile, hopeless fight against Big Brother was so overwhelming, for years afterwards–until I read Robert Cormier’s I Am the Cheese—Nineteen Eighty-Four was my nominee for most depressing book ever written.
But even though I was thoroughly depressed after reading Nineteen Eighty-Four, I still rate it five stars. The total despair the book engendered in me is a testament to Orwell’s skill as a writer. As with all of Orwell’s work, fiction and non-fiction alike, Nineteen Eighty-Four is well-written–Orwell certainly knew his craft. It also captures perfectly life in the Stalinist Soviet Union. The utter bleakness of life, the omnipotent repression by the government, the controlling of the very language to restrict the ability of the populace to think, and the futility of rebellion, all were features of life in the USSR, and all are portrayed truly and vividly in Nineteen Eighty-Four.Hank Hoeft
Now here are my comments.
Think of them as my review, if you want my perspective.
It’s so depressing (I read it at about 17) that I rate it 2 stars, despite being still read seventy years after it was published. Normally I would give it 5 stars for that feat.
The real horror of the book is that Orwell was describing conditions in Soviet Russia at the time and that nothing has changed in human behavior since then. The same conditions exist in North Korea.
I understand where you’re coming from. And in reading your comment, I realize I need to amend, or add to, my review–I should have included why I rated it five stars.
Hank, I can make a strong argument to rate it five stars. 1) It’s a historically accurate portrayal of Soviet Russia and current North Korea and Cuba; 2) It provides an ominous warning against socialism and communism; 3) It’s still relevant 70 years after it was published; 4) It is extremely well written with gripping characters.
But ultimately my rating is subjective. I read it twice and hated both experiences.
I celebrated my sixth year as a published author in October and looked closely at my experience. Huh. I’ve had exponential growth. So why do I ever complain?
So, why were my sales growing? I thought of these reasons:
The more books I write, the more books I sell. Seems obvious, right? But now I saw how books would sell each other.
The more formats I have, the more I sell. I publish each book in print, ebook, and audiobook. The audiobook promotions with Audible allowed me to give away free books and get paid for them.
The more events I attended, the more I sold. Again, it’s obvious.
From these conclusions, I decided to promote my audiobooks even more, attend even more events, and write even faster.
What happened next? Sorry to spoil the surprise, but 2020 turned out to be even better. I’ll put that in my next blog post. Get all my posts through my newsletter. Click here.
Then they fight crime. Then go on vacation to a coaster park–where their worst enemy awaits, seeking revenge.
What happens next?
The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation-until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.
But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective. Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?
Jeremy has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. He is in a special education class with Dan, who is blind, Kayla, who was mute and used a walker, and Audrey, who lost her legs and uses crutches. One afternoon, when conducting experiments in his laboratory, Jeremy accidentally gives himself superpowers. Specifically, he gains the ability of telekinesis, which he can use to help himself walk, cause his wheelchair to travel at much higher speeds, and even fly. Not wanting to keep this discovery to himself, Jeremy tells his 3 friends about it and gives each of them superpowers as well.
But now that they have superpowers, what should they do? Following the words of Uncle Ben of Spiderman, they decide they must use their powers for good, beginning by trying to solve a case of a stolen car, and keep their identities a secret, modeling their costumes on the Incredibles.
This book was a fun story that placed individuals with disabilities front and center in the story. While the superpowers allow them to do things they wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, it is what they choose to do with their powers that makes all the difference. Also, even with their superpowers, their initial disabilities aren’t erased, which I think is important.
I liked to development of the characters and how they interacted and supported each other; I only wish the book had been longer so I could have spent more time with them. I am glad that there’s a sequel already published, and I look forward to reading/listening to it.
Are you curious about Jesus Christ? Do you struggle to understand the Bible? The Gospel Medley includes the four Gospels in a single narrative, faithfully pulling the text from the World English Bible. You are now able to read all the gospel as a single, easy-to-read story.
Each Gospel describes Jesus’s life from a different point of view with different details and insights. The Gospel Medley combines every word into a single perspective with all details and events arranged chronologically.
Unlike other harmonies, The Gospel Medley doesn’t put the four gospels in columns or rows. Instead, the text is integrated word by word into a smoothly flowing narrative. Further, each paragraph references the four gospels so you can read the original citations. You also get footnotes of all the quotes from the Old Testament, giving you the context of Jesus’s words.
For a unique perspective of the four gospels, read ‘The Gospel Medley’ today.
Now don’t you feel better knowing what happens if you get sucked into a black hole? You can get more details here: Science Is Science Fiction Story Fuel
This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am not disappointed! This story has tons of action, well written characters, and the zombies are not mindless slow shells. A refreshing take on zombies as a whole. The plot moves at a good pace and the story arc continues to work well over the series.
I look forward to book 3! Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.
As usual, Dave Freer’s book is a romp in madness. We start off with an improbable hero, Squigs, six foot ten, and ectomorphic. He’s a university student in alchemy who’s on the run from people who want him dead and who just blew off his hand. So naturally, he jumps into another universe, through a portal predicted by his laptop computer.
The new world is swamp and ocean where he’s saved from death by a huge man and his beautiful daughter, who hates him. She’s destined to marry a hero from a royal family, so she has no time for a clumsy, awkward suitor. They include him on a mission to save the rapidly poached dragons of their world.
Secret societies, demons, and body-selling vampires enter the story, as well as a blood-thirsty dwarf and a spectral parrot.
If you want a taste of what wackiness awaits you, here’s a video:
It’s funnier than you think
This video and channel became a favorite of mine before Russia became a nation non grata due to the Ukrainian war. It’s still funny and shows that there are real people in that country.
I started by reading this author’s book about the Turkey Apocalypse. I had so much fun (yes, fun, even though the turkeys were out killing everyone and thing in their path!) Then I read about the Undead Mother in law. Even better! Each book gets more accomplished than the next.
This one was a surprise! I thought I had purchased the same book twice (I’ve been known to do that!) However, this is just a group of short stories that are prequels or sequels to the others that fill in some questions I didn’t know I had or start me on a new train of thought. Fun to read! Just make sure you check all wildlife around you for metal caps before you settle in! They’re watching you!
Here’s a video excerpt of one of the science stories:
Just like R2-D2, only real.
March 4th – The only day that is a command
Look what happened in March!
Never disabled
Secret Supers – click for free audiobook.
5.0 out of 5 stars
Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2022
An uplifting tale of how four students find that within disability is ability. Looking past who others think they are was the way the four came together to make a difference not only in their own lives but the lives of those around them. The main theme of this tale is practice, practice, practice.
The first thing you notice about Dave Freer’s novel Cloud-Castles is the setting: a gas giant with a habitable zone in the atmosphere. Alien technology genetically engineering plant life that floats in the atmosphere and a whole ecosystem of flying creatures. There is an anti-gravity city, which has degenerated into a slum, and floating castles, owned by two warring alien species who use humans as slaves.
That setting is enough to make me read the book. But I also love the premise: a rich, but innocent scion, Augustus Thistlewood III, of humanity’s wealthiest family, is there to practice philanthropy toward the poor, downtrodden masses, using his recently acquired sociology degree.
Needless to say, his suitcase is quickly stolen by a ‘helpful’ street urchin Briz. Looking through his stuff, she realizes he has nothing to pawn and is a complete innocent, but very wealthy. Briz returns the suitcase and offers to escort him around the dangerous port town.
Your Twenty-Fourth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Merry Christmas, you’ll enjoy this Christmasy excerpt from my non-fiction book, The Gospel Medley.
What happened between the visit of the shepherds to the manger and the visit of the wise men to the house? In this two-part series, you’ll find out! Both parts are coming out today, as my final two gifts to you!
That’s not all–my other twenty-three gifts are below for your reading pleasure, not just my twenty-fourth literary gift! You don’t have to unwrap them–just click on them.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
20 The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, just as it was told them.
21 When eight days were fulfilled for the circumcision of the child, His name was called Jesus, which was given by the angel before He was conceived in the womb.
22 When the days of their purification according to the law of Moses were fulfilled, they brought Him up to Jerusalem, to present Him to the Lord
23 (as it is written in the law of the Lord, “Every male who opens the womb shall be holy to the Lord”),[1] 24 and to offer a sacrifice according to that which is said in the law of the Lord, “A pair of turtledoves, or two young pigeons.”[2]
25 Behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon. This man was righteous and devout, looking for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was on him. 26 It had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he should not see death before he had seen the Lord’s Christ. 27 He came in the Spirit into the temple. When the parents brought in the child, Jesus, that they might do concerning Him according to the custom of the law, 28 then he received Him into his arms, and blessed God, and said,
Simeon’s Proclamation
The four icons of the four gospels
“Now You are releasing Your servant, Master, according to Your word, in peace; 30 for my eyes have seen Your salvation, 31 which You have prepared before the face of all peoples; 32 a light for revelation to the nations, and the glory of Your people Israel.”[3]
33 Joseph and his mother were marveling at the things which were spoken concerning Him, 34 and Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary, His mother, “Behold, this child is set for the falling and the rising of many in Israel, and for a sign which is spoken against. 35 Yes, a sword will pierce through your own soul, that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.”
[1]Exodus 13:2, 12, 15 –”Sanctify to me all the firstborn, whatever opens the womb among the children of Israel, both of man and of animal. It is mine.” 12 that you shall set apart to Yahweh all that opens the womb, and every firstborn which you have that comes from an animal. The males shall be Yahweh’s. 15 When Pharaoh stubbornly refused to let us go, Yahweh killed all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both the firstborn of man, and the firstborn of animal. Therefore I sacrifice to Yahweh all that opens the womb, being males; but all the firstborn of my sons I redeem.’
More Footnotes from This Section
Back cover detail
[2]Leviticus 12:2-4, 8 – 12 Say to the Israelites, If a woman conceives and bears a male child, she shall be unclean seven days, unclean as during her monthly discomfort. 3 And on the eighth day the child shall be circumcised. 4 Then she shall remain [separated] thirty-three days to be purified [from her loss] of blood; she shall touch no hallowed thing nor come into the [court of the] sanctuary until the days of her purifying are over. 8 If she cannot afford a lamb, then she shall take two turtledoves, or two young pigeons; the one for a burnt offering, and the other for a sin offering: and the priest shall make atonement for her, and she shall be clean.’”
[3]Isaiah 42:6-7 –“I, Yahweh, have called you in righteousness, and will hold your hand, and will keep you, and make you a covenant for the people, as a light for the nations; 7 to open the blind eyes, to bring the prisoners out of the dungeon, and those who sit in darkness out of the prison. Jeremiah 2:11 – Has a nation changed its gods, which really are no gods? But my people have changed their glory for that which does not profit. Zechariah 2:5 – “For I,” says Yahweh, “will be to her a wall of fire around it, and I will be the glory in the middle of her.”
Your Twenty-Fourth Literary Gift Concludes
What do you think of your Twenty-Fourth Literary gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
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Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, you’ll enjoy this unique excerpt from my recent book, Zombie Detective. This is perhaps Sam Melvin’s oddest case as a zombie detective.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
They sat in a nearby conference room. “How much do you know about Vegan Inc., Sam?”
“They’re a big ag firm that competes with Corn-All. They provide garden seeds for farmers and home gardeners. They sell a line of vegetables. That’s about it.”
“Right. I was recently tasked with a secret project to diversify into pig breeding.”
“OK. That’s a big leap.”
“Yes. It was high risk, high reward, so they threw it to me. I’m fresh from college and too dumb to know something is impossible.”
“So where do I come in?”
“Let me finish with the background. We wanted a fast-growing, healthy strain of pigs. I thought, Wouldn’t it be great if they grew as fast as zombie turkeys?”
“Uh-oh.”
“Right. I created a pig modified with zombie turkey and hippo and mouse DNA.”
“What?” Sam’s stomach clenched.
“I won’t go into all my failures with other combinations. This one worked. I get pigs that grow from piglets to full grown in four weeks.”
“But what’s the catch?”
“They look like hippos. And they grow only to about one pound.”
“Sounds more like a failure than a success.”
“They do taste like pork. And they reproduce fast enough to make up for their lack of size. But―” Bryce stopped and sighed.
“Tell me the worst.”
“They escaped my lab. They’re infesting the whole building. People keep finding them in the toilets. It’s very upsetting.”
“Are they zombies?”
The Threat
Micro-hippo
“No, I couldn’t get that to work with pigs, hippos, or mice.”
“Whew. That’s a load off my mind. Sounds like you need pest control.”
“Right. I couldn’t find any who would tackle it, so I called you.”
Sam rubbed his head. “I don’t know, Bryce.”
“You’re my last hope. If you don’t catch them all, I’m fired.”
“OK, I’ll give it a try. Just tell me one thing. Why is Vegan experimenting with pigs? Isn’t that against their image of a pure vegan, non-GMO food source?”
“Well, yes. That’s why the project was top secret. If I can get it to work, it’ll be a spin-off company, Perfect Pork.”
“All right. Let me take a look at the hippo-pigs, or whatever you call them.”
“Right now I’m calling them micro-hippos, but I’m sure the marketers will think of something more appealing.” Bryce stood. “Let’s go to the restroom.”
“You have to go?”
“No, that’s the quickest way to find them.”
They walked in. “Check every stall and toilet.”
Sam looked in the first toilet. A cute hippo looked at him and then disappeared down the drain with a swirl.
“I found one!”
“Good. Now let’s go to the cafeteria. That’s where they feed.”
“Yuck.”
“Right. That’s one more reason why we need you.”
Non-Standard Salad
Lunch hadn’t started, so there were just a few people scattered across the large cafeteria.
“First, we’ll go to the salad bar. Ah. They’ve been here. Don’t step in the hippo droppings.”
“How do they get up to the salad bar?”
“They climb as well as mice. Their feet are the least hippo-like. They’re more like rats or mice.” Bryce stirred the salad greens, then the fruit salad. Out popped two eyes peering above the strawberries, pineapple, and melon.
Your Twenty-Second Literary Gift Concludes
Sam Melvin, Zombie Detective
What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
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Your Twenty-First Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, I have a zombie turkey apocalypse. This excerpt is from my first book, Zombie Turkeys. This excerpt is the first news conference after the plague breaks out.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
At the press conference, in the city council chamber, General Bagley motioned he would begin.
“At approximately seven p.m. last night, over a hundred thousand zombie turkeys attacked Joliet. They caused widespread death and destruction. The current number of victims is twelve hundred and seventy-three, with another eight hundred missing. The Federal Emergency Management Agency is assisting with recovery, notification of the next of kin, and finding lost people.” General Bagley spoke somberly to the assembled press.
“The first question to be answered is, how didthe turkeys escape our military cordon? The turkeys boarded a string of barges in Hennepin and got off south of Joliet. From there, they went to Farm Fresh Turkey Farm, the largest turkey farm in Illinois, killed the workers there, and infected the seventy thousand turkeys.
“Simultaneously with this barge movement, a parallel attack of a flock of about two thousand zombie turkeys tried to escape the cordon by Spring Bay. They were eliminated by our troops. However, this simultaneous attack probably caused us to not detect the barge moving upstream.
“In response, we are suspending all barge traffic for the duration of this crisis. This zombie outbreak will not happen again,” the general asserted firmly.
“The next questions to be answered are, where are the turkeys now, and where will they attack next? Before I address this, let me reintroduce Dr. Edwin Galloway of the Poultry Research Institute in Northwestern University. Dr. Galloway.”
The Turkey Institute
“General Bagley invited me here today to share some of our latest findings on this turkey disease, which leads to the condition popularly called ‘zombie turkeys.’
“We’ve managed to induce zombiism in several varieties of turkey. We have also cured the disease in these turkeys, using salt water in various quantities and using various techniques: injection, mist, and bath.
“We have a small flock of zombie turkeys at the Poultry Institute and have tested exactly how much damage they can sustain and still revive. As we already know, chopping a turkey in half, or in smaller pieces, will defeat the regeneration process, as will burning them. However, merely burning their skin is not sufficient. Skin and feathers will grow back within hours, and both will be much tougher than normal—enough to stop buckshot smaller than 00. The turkey must be burnt until all the bacteria in it have been sterilized.
“Likewise, chopping off their heads, legs, wings, et cetera, will only cause them to regenerate much stronger than before. Most turkey farms cut off spurs and beaks to prevent damage to the turkeys. When the Farm Fresh turkeys were infected, the beaks and spurs grew back in the hour’s journey to Joliet. Even freshly killed turkeys in stores, that have not been frozen, when infected with the bacterium will revive within an hour, growing an entire set of organs. The armed forces are already going through the dead turkeys and chopping each carcass to ensure complete death and prevent resurrection.
The Most Important Fact
Zombie Turkeys fly to escape to Zombie Turkey hunters
“But the most important fact we have discovered is that after feeding, zombie turkeys go into a catatonic state for twenty-four to forty-eight hours. They burrow down in leaf mold or under bushes and twigs while they sleep off their meal. Their body temperature drops, and they are not detectable by infrared detectors. This explains the military’s difficulty in tracking them after these attacks. I now turn this conference back over to General Bagley.”
“Let me first express my gratitude towards Dr. Galloway and his team at the Poultry Institute. These findings have given us the advantage over our turkey foes. They led directly to the victory at the battle of Spring Bay, and they have given us help in finding the turkeys after the Joliet disaster.
“We are currently tracking the turkeys to their catatonic nests using dogs. We expect to neutralize a majority of these zombie turkeys over the next forty-eight hours. Ladies and gentlemen of the press, the floor is now open to questions.”
The Press Questions
“Dr. Galloway, what are you doing to prevent future infections of turkeys, wild and domestic? I understand several organic, free-range turkey farms have become infected with zombiism, and all present were lost,” asked Jill Holcomb of ABC News.
“At present, the only means of prevention is to daily mist your turkeys with a five percent saline solution. We have not found an effective antibiotic yet. We have informed the Turkey Growers Association of Illinois of this approach,” Dr. Galloway said,
“General Bagley, at the last press conference, you said the zombie turkeys wouldn’t escape the cordon and had no strategy. Yet they did, and you said the two groups of turkeys moved in tandem, causing you to miss the larger group. Wasn’t that a strategy?” asked Ed Fitzgerald of the Wall Street Journal.
“No. We discussed the possibility of increased intelligence in the zombie turkeys with Dr. Galloway. He has tested them, and they are not smarter than normal turkeys. However, they do travel in cohesive flocks, larger than natural turkey flocks. We believe that when the turkeys got on the barges, there wasn’t enough room for them all, and the flock split. The two flocks still followed the general direction upriver toward the east. What looked like a strategy was just unfortunate happenstance.”
Your Twenty-First Literary Gift Concludes
The back of Zombie Turkeys
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Your Twentieth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Just in time for Christmas, I have a Christmas story! This excerpt is from my non-fiction work, The Gospel Medley. In it, I’ve placed every word of the four gospels in chronological order. That includes this story.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Matthew 2:1–12 1 Now when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of King Herod, behold, wise men from the east came to Jerusalem, saying, 2 “Where is He who is born King of the Jews? For we saw His star in the east, and have come to worship Him.”
3 When King Herod heard it, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him. 4 Gathering together all the chief priests and scribes of the people, he asked them where the Christ would be born.
5 They said to him, “In Bethlehem of Judea, for this is written through the prophet,
6 ‘You Bethlehem, land of Judah, are in no way least among the princes of Judah: for out of you shall come a governor, who shall shepherd My people, Israel.’”
From Micah 5:2
King Herod’s Order to the Wise Men
7 Then Herod secretly called the wise men, and learned from them exactly what time the star appeared. 8 He sent them to Bethlehem, and said, “Go and search diligently for the young child. When you have found Him, bring me word, so that I also may come and worship Him.”
9 They, having heard the king, went their way; and behold, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, until it came and stood over where the young child was. 10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceedingly great joy.
11 They came into the house and saw the young child with Mary, His mother and they fell down and worshiped Him. Opening their treasures, they offered to Him gifts: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
12 Being warned in a dream that they shouldn’t return to Herod, they went back to their own country another way.
Your Twentieth Literary Gift Concludes
What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
Your Nineteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Come along as we ride at Coaster World, where the Secret Supers are enjoying their summer vacation from seventh grade. It’s a good thing the part can accommodate four disabled teens. This excerpt is from my Villain’s Vacation novel.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
The Secret Supers met at the rocket launch field after lunch. Only Dancer wore his orange-and-black uniform, complete with a black mask. We discovered wearing the uniform under our coveralls was too hot in the Alabama sun. Even the coveralls were discarded for shorts and T-shirts for this occasion.
“You ready, Dancer?” I held him in my lap on my chair.
Dancer stood and saluted.
“Here we go.” I picked him up and carefully placed him in the rocket payload section. I put my eye up to the tinted porthole in the passenger section and saw Dancer inside, looking back at me.
“Now the phone.” I pushed the phone into the clear tube above the passenger section. It had a round black bulkhead with controls that allowed Dancer to use the phone from his capsule. Then I fitted the nose cone on.
I double-checked the igniters on the three engines that powered the rocket. The nichrome wires were bent and fit into the engine nozzles and held in place by tape.
“We’re all ready, gang. Whoa, feel how heavy this is, Dan.” I handed him the rocket.
“Sure this will fly, Jeremy?” Dan hefted the rocket in his hands.
“Oh, yeah. Those engines pack quite a punch. There’ll be a total of forty newtons of thrust.”
“What’s a newton, Jeremy?”
“That’s a measure of force, Aubrey. Forty newtons is like ninety pounds.”
“So even a one-pound rocket will take off like you hit it with a sledgehammer.” Aubrey whistled. “How high will Dancer go?”
“According to my simulation program, about one hundred and eighty feet.”
The public address blared: “NEXT ROCKET: DANCER EXPRESS. PLEASE MOUNT IT ON THE LAUNCHER.”
“Here we go! Dan, you mount it. You’re taller, so you can get it on the launch rod.”
Hamster into the Blue
Dan and Aubrey walked over to the launch rack together. The rail had room for six rockets, each with its electrical clips for ignition and a blast deflector. The frame was three feet tall, with three-foot launch rods to guide the rockets after ignition.
Dan lifted the rocket over the launch rod and threaded it through the launch guides. Aubrey attached the alligator clips to the ignitors Jeremy had rigged. Jeremy and Kayla checked everything.
Aubrey peered into the porthole on the rocket.
“Dancer is waving!”
You might want to keep it quiet. Someone might get suspicious.
“Oh, right. Thanks, Kayla.”
“Countdown, rocketeers,” said the launch controller over a loudspeaker. “10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1—ignition!”
Six rockets flared on the launching rail and leapt into the blue sky.
As the largest and heaviest rocket, the Dancer Express was the slowest. We could see the rocket reach apogee and arch over. The rocket broke apart with a puff of smoke as the parachute ejected. One rocket part floated on a big orange-and-black parachute, and the other fell to the Earth.
“Oh no! The recovery cord broke!” I cried as I looked through my binoculars.
Oh No!
“Is Dancer in danger?”
“No, Aubrey, the payload tube is coming down slowly with the parachute. He should be okay. But the engine tube broke away from the parachute and is falling. Watch out, team!”
“Stay clear, everyone! Falling rocket,” the launch controller announced.
“I’ll go get it, Jeremy.” Aubrey ran to pick up the fallen rocket part.
“Uh-oh.”
What’s up, Jeremy?
“The wind’s picking up, Kayla. He’s worried about recovering Dancer,” Dan frowned, putting his hand on his head.
It’s not too high, only about a hundred feet to go.
“But it’s blowing right into the woods!” I began driving my wheelchair over the grass to the woods. I bumped crazily, but I didn’t care. Dan and Kayla followed. Kayla hung on to his arm.
Aubrey ran back with the engine tube and caught up to them. “I got it. Now let’s get Dancer.” She put the tube in the rocket holder I had rigged on the back of my wheelchair.
We followed the drifting rocket right into the woods. Then we lost sight of it in the trees.
“I’ll find it!”Aubrey ran ahead of us.
Help is Coming!
“I’m so worried we’ll lose Dancer,” I said.
Don’t worry. We’re the Secret Supers. We can find him.
“Thanks for reminding me, Kayla. You’re right. I’m my fillings are falling out on this rough ground.” I unbuckled my seatbelt and floated into the air.
“Whoa, Jeremy. I know we’ve got to find Dancer, but there are people behind us coming into the woods.”
“Thanks, Dan. At least I can make my wheelchair smoother.” I floated back into my seat, and the whole chair lifted a couple inches off the ground. “Tell me if anyone can see me and I’ll let it down.”
“Will do.”
“I see the rocket!” They heard Aubrey’s voice several hundred feet ahead of them.
“We’ll just stay ahead of the other people.” I floated Dan and Kayla in the air beside me,and we zoomed through the woods.
Ooh! This is like the chase through the woods in Endor.
“What’s Endor?”
That’s a scene in Star Wars, Return of the Jedi.
“I’ve got to catch up with all these movies I’ve never seen.”
Oops. Sorry, Dan.
“No problem. I’ve been blind since birth, and I’ve missed a lot of the movies you guys know. Now we can watch it together, and I can watch it through your eyes.”
Let’s make that a date!
“There’s Aubrey,” I said. We slowed down next to a large pine and settled in the fragrant needles beneath it. Fifty feet up, we saw the parachute and the payload section snagged in a branch.
Your Nineteenth Literary Gift Concludes
What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
Your Eighteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Come along as we ride at Coaster World, where the Secret Supers are enjoying their summer vacation from seventh grade. It’s a good thing the part can accommodate four disabled teens. This excerpt is from my Villain’s Vacation novel.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
He came in the door, walked to our table, and sat. “Sorry, but we weren’t able to find the kidnapper. We found the radio transmitter on the roof of the hotel. It had been left on to lead us there. We went through the hotel registry, but no one was on our list of terrorists or criminals in the country or the world. We talked with all the hotel residents, but everyone had an alibi when the kidnapping occurred.”
“That cuts it,” said Dad. “The villain is loose. We’re going home.”
“You might be safer here,” Mac said.
“What? How could that be?” asked Mom.
“We’re getting more Special Forces and plainclothes operatives here. We’ve got to get this criminal. What’s to stop them from following you back to Maryville and kidnapping you there?”
We sat silent, digesting our meal and this news.
“Crap. We can’t be safe in Maryville?” Dad looked Mac in the eye.
Just then Mrs. Robinson scooted up to our table in her walker. “There you are! I haven’t seen you since the boat ride. I’ve had so much fun with you, I wondered if you’d like to take the tour plane around the park and Lake Erie with me tomorrow. It’s about an hour tour.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Robinson, but we’re in the middle of a family planning meeting now. Could we get back with you?”
“Of course, Mr. Gentle. I’m sorry to interrupt. Do you have my cellphone?”
“I do,” I said
“Me too,” Dan added.
“I’m always misplacing my cellphone, so I don’t usually get people’s numbers,” said Aubrey.
“We’ll call you back when we’re free,” came Kayla’s response from her tablet.
“I’ll wait to hear from you.” She rolled away with one wheel on her walker squeaking.
The Security Plan
Villain’s Vacation Audio book
“I have a security plan for your family and the Secret Supers,” Mac told Dad.
“What?”
“We’ll provide an escort for each of you. That’ll leave me with other squad members to watch the area and the crowds around you. We should be able to catch the criminals if they try anything.”
“Will these guys go in the restrooms with us?” asked Aubrey.
“We have female operatives for you, Kayla, and Mrs. Gentle.”
“Let’s do it! I don’t want to go home,” Dan punched his fist into his palm.
“It doesn’t look like we have much choice,” said Dad.
“I would feel better having everyone escorted. I think we’ve given you children too much freedom,” said Mrs. Gentle.
“Nah, there we disagree, Denise. Some crazed criminal is not a usual danger. Our kids have been very responsible. So far.” Dad looked at all of us with narrowed eyes.
“Still, you should have told us after the first kidnapping,” said Mrs. Gentle.
“You’re right, Mom. No more Secret Supers to you and Dad,” I held my right hand up and the other over my heart.
Dad smiled. “We can be Alfred to your Batman, Jeremy. In on your secret, but discreet.”
“Let’s try this security arrangement out on the Galactic Black Hole. I want to ride that again,” Dan said.
“Okay,” said Mrs. Gentle, “but we’re going too. I want us all to stick together. I haven’t been on a coaster for ten years.”
The Galactic Black Hole
quasar tsunami
We got into the coaster line like the animals going onto Noah’s ark: two by two. I barely needed to use my cane. I could read the mind of my agent next to me. He was worried about attack vectors. I asked him, “What’s your name?”
“Ed.”
That was all I got out of him. He didn’t want to talk. I skimmed the minds of the others in our group: Ann was with Aubrey, Barb with Kayla, Chip with Jeremy, Don with Mr. Gentle, and Fran with Mrs. Gentle.
I whispered to Kayla as she stood in front of me in line. “Their names are alphabetical.”
I think those are just code names.
“Mac too?”
Probably.
There’s another limitation of mind reading. I couldn’t delve into memories. The person had to recall the memory. If they used a code name I couldn’t tell.
We jumped into the coaster. “I had the front car the first time. This time, I want to ride in the back. I want to get the full experience,” I said to Ed as he settled next to me.
“Uh-huh.”
Roller Coaster
Chapter icon from Villain’s Vacation
Great conversationalist. But the ride was even better than it had been the day before. A couple of times, even Ed was surprised by a dip or turn that hurled us against the lap restraint. Kayla screamed her head off, as usual. I used her eyes to get a view of the stars and galaxies displayed around us.
We went around a turn and everything went black. I knew a big dip was coming. I was wrong. A huge hand encircled my chest. I felt the restraint fly off my lap as I was jerked into the air.
I took a big breath to yell, but the hiss of gas was the last thing I remembered.
Your Eighteenth Literary Gift Concludes
What do you think of your latest gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
Your Seventeenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. Today we’ll look at my second series, Secret Supers. My campaign to give you 25 literary gifts by Christmas continues. This blog will give you a short excerpt from my Secret Supers novel.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
When the Secret Supers met at Jeremy’s home after school the next Monday, Jeremy said, “I’ve found four or five card tricks that’ll be great for Dan to do.”
“I thought of something too,” said Aubrey.
What’s that? Kayla thoughtcast.
“Dan can do the floating woman trick with Kayla. Jeremy can make her float, and Dan can use my old hula hoop to prove she’s not held up by wires.”
Why don’t you do the trick?
“You’re a lot better looking than I am. Whoever heard of a big burly girl working with a magician?”
“You’re not bad looking, Aubrey,” Jeremy said.
“Thanks, Jeremy, but I prefer weight lifting to being on stage.”
“How about weight lifting on stage?” asked Dan.
“Sounds weird. How would we work that into a magic act?”
“After we do the levitation trick, we go outside and you can pick up a car, with Jeremy’s help.”
That would be pretty spectacular. People would think the levitation trick was the grand finale and then you’d top it with the car. Kayla thoughtcast.
“It’d have to be a pretty small car. I can only lift about a thousand pounds. I tried again today, and that seems to be my limit.”
“Yeah, but my telekinesis seems to be getting more powerful as I use it. I picked up one end of our family’s car the other day.”
“Wow, Jeremy! Let’s try to lift it together, right now.” Aubrey got up and marched up the stairs, followed by her friends. Jeremy floated behind them, excited to try it.
Planning the Magic Show
Jeremy sat in his wheelchair in front of the elevator. He’d left it there when he floated downstairs.
“Mom’s making dinner, but I don’t want her suddenly seeing me floating around.”
“I’ll let you know if she comes looking for you,” Dan assured him.
“Thanks, Dan. Well, here goes.” The back end of the car came up about six inches.
“That’s great, Jeremy! Let’s see if I can hold up my end of the bargain.” Aubrey squatted by the front bumper, grabbed it firmly in her hands, and slowly straightened her legs.
“You did it,” shouted Jeremy.
“Yeah.” She gasped. “But only for a short time.” She put it back down. “Whew! That was my limit.”
“That’s good,” said Jeremy. “You want to give the impression of it being very difficult.”
Now, what we need is a script.
“What do you mean, Kayla?”
These magic shows are carefully planned for drama and anticipation. We’ve got to plan and practice every word.
“Who can write a script like that?” wondered Dan.
I can. It’s just like an English assignment: ‘Write your own magic show, like Penn and Teller.’ I’ve watched them on YouTube.
“Suppertime!” Jeremy’s Mom called from the door to the garage.
“Great! I’ve worked up an appetite,” said Aubrey.
“It’s chili and cornbread today,” said Dan. “My mouth is already watering.”
Show Time
Aubrey, super powered heroine.
The four friends worked on their script and show until Saturday came. Kayla’s mom made a black magician’s robe for Dan and sparkling tights for Kayla. Aubrey wore black tights trimmed with glitter. Jeremy would be the emcee and had a top hat and coat like a circus ringmaster.
People packed the City Hall meeting room. Right in front was Rich Vandemere with his dad and Betty Jones.
“Hi, Mrs. Jones, Rich. You must be Mr. Vandemere?” Jeremy greeted them from his wheelchair.
“Yeah, that’s me,” said the big man gruffly. “Call me Bob.”
“Thanks for coming out and supporting our fund-raiser.”
“It’s the least we could do,” said Mrs. Jones. “We don’t want to see you out of school any more than you do.”
“Uh, Mrs. Jones, are you friends with Rich and Mr.Vandemere?” asked Aubrey, who walked up next to Jeremy
She laughed. “We’re married. Rich is our son. I just kept my name from my first marriage. I was grief-stricken when my husband George died. Then I met Bob. I kept my first husband’s name in memorium.”
“O-o-o-h. I didn’t know,” said Aubrey, turning red.
“Have a good show!” she wished them.
The Show Begins
Dan Elanga – He can read minds and sensory impressions.
Seven o’clock came. Jeremy went behind the curtains they’d fixed at the back of the room. Dan, Kayla, and Aubrey were there.
“Ready?” he asked.
We’re all ready and excited!
“Break a leg!” said Aubrey. “That’s the traditional show business wish.”
“I can’t say that to you, Aubrey.” Jeremy looked at her artificial legs, covered by the black tights.
“I’m sure I could break them if I put my mind to it!”
“Get going already, Jeremy. I’m all antsy,” Dan said.
Jeremy cut the lights to the room. He’d rigged a remote lighting control next to his wheelchair joystick. He touched a button and one spotlight lit the stage and then turned on his lapel mike.
“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Maryville Middle School charity magic show!” he announced, bowing from his wheelchair and doffing his top hat. “Prepare to be dazzled by displays of legerdemain never before seen or performed!
Behind the curtain, Aubrey whispered to Kayla, “What’s legerdemain?”
It’s just a fancy term for magic. Jeremy’s showing off.
Card Tricks
“From the depths of deepest, darkest Africa, I present to you, the soon-to-be world-famous magician, Daniel Elanga!”
With calm aplomb, Dan strode to the middle of the stage. “Greetings, friends! It’s traditional to begin a magic show with card tricks.” He produced a deck from his pocket, started to shuffle it, and fumbled it all over the floor. The audience broke into laughter.
“However, I am terrible with cards.” More laughter ensued. Dan tapped his dark glasses with his white cane. “Blind, you know. But I’m great at reading minds. Now, everyone knows how magicians do these mentalist tricks. They have plants in the audience and marked cards and substitute decks. So I’ll break all the rules. First, I’ll have my assistant, Kayla Verdera, present an unopened deck of cards.” Kayla walked out with her walker, flourishing a plastic sealed deck.
“Kayla, please give that deck to one of the audience members. I promise not to look.” The audience twittered with nervous laughter.
Jeremy assumed they weren’t used to blind people joking about their blindness.
The Cards Revealed
Kayla gave the deck to a startled Mrs. Jones. Jeremy wheeled up to her. “Thank you, ma’am. Would you give us your name?”
“Betty Jones.”
“Have you ever seen this deck before?”
“No, I haven’t”
“Please open the deck and fan out the cards.”
Betty did so and showed them to the audience.
“Do they look perfectly normal to you?”
“Sure.”
“Let me look. I’m more familiar with cards,” said Mr. Vandemere. He peered at them and felt them carefully. “They don’t seem to be marked. They’re just a new deck.”
“Now, Mrs. Jones, please pick a card and don’t show anyone.”
“I’ll pick one too,” said Mr.Vandemere. “You pick one too, Rich.”
That’s not how the script is supposed to go!
“Great idea,” said Dan. “I’ll tell you what each of you has.”
“This I gotta see,” said Mr.Vandemere. He switched cards with Rich, and then again with his wife.
Dan, they all switched cards!
“Now, I must open my inner eye to see.” Dan paused dramatically, his hands on his temples.
”I see the three cards. But they’ve been switched.” The audience gasped. “Very clever of you.”
“Rich Vandemere, please stand.”
He’s improvising!
“You have your Dad’s original card, right?”
“Right.”
“It’s the seven of spades, isn’t it?”
“I’ll be—”
“Please show the audience.”
Rich held up the card, the seven of spades. The audience applauded.
Your Seventeenth Literary Gift Concludes
Applause!
“Bob Vandemere, please stand.”
He stood, looming taller than them all.
“You have your wife’s original card?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t it the jack of hearts?”
“I don’t believe it.” Mr.Vandemere held up the jack of hearts for the audience to see.
Louder applause filled the room.
“Finally, Mrs. Betty Jones, please stand up. You have your son’s card, I believe?”
“Yes.”
“Please confirm it’s the ten of clubs.” Betty gasped and held the ten of clubs aloft. The crowd cheered, giving Dan a standing ovation.
Your Sixteenth Literary Gift – What do you think?
Andy Zach in repose
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Your Fifteenth Literary Gift of 25 Gifts to Christmas. I’m your friendly humorous, SciFi author Andy Zach. This blog will give you–supporting characters.
They’re from the Paranormal Privateers, Lulu Guitierez and Sharon Windham are bodyguards for the Paranormal Privateers and Diane Newby in particular. Why? You’ll have to read My Undead Mother-in-law to find out. But they’re a coloreful pair. Your free excerpt is below.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
The reek of high explosive hung in the black cargo container as I awoke. My whole body ached like a two-a-day football practice followed by a sound beating. I knew that meant I was no longer a zombie.
My last memory was shielding the women with my body. Where were they? Where was Diane?
“Diane?” My voice came out as a croak.
Someone groaned in the dark. “Is that you, Diane?”
“No, it’s Lulu. Diane’s here. You awake, Diane?”
“Oooh,” Diane moaned.
I felt grit, dirt, fléchettes, and blood on the bottom of the container as I crawled to her voice.
“I’m here, honey.” I took her into my arms. She felt small—and bloody. “Are you OK?”
“I hurt all over. I haven’t felt this bad since we battled the zombie ninjas and I got impaled with the naginata.”
“They must have used fléchette rockets.”
“Yes, they shot you, and then they shot us. Lulu, Sharon, how are you doing?”
“I’ve been better,” Lulu said.
“This is what we signed up for when we became your bodyguards. We haven’t done too well so far,” Sharon said. She sounded…good.
“Sharon, are you still a zombie?” I asked.
Sharon Wyndham
“No and yes. I lost my zombie infection and power—and then I reinfected myself with my zombie blood capsule as soon as I awoke a couple of minutes ago.”
“I forgot mine! It’s been so long since I was in battle. I left it in my room.”
“You can have mine, Diane,” I offered.
“No worries. Sharon and I both carry spares.”
We all injected the blood capsules. They looked like EpiPens, used to treat anaphylactic shock from allergic reactions to bee stings. Punching the capsule into one’s leg shot a milliliter of blood through a needle into your bloodstream.
The zombie bacteria doubled in quantity every twenty minutes. When it encountered damaged tissue, it replaced it by copying the DNA into itself. Over time, a zombie would become almost entirely this replicated tissue. The zombie tissue was twice as strong as normal tissue. The muscle fibers flexed twice as fast. Even one’s skin became as tough as nails.
That was how we survived the saltwater fléchettes. Although they killed the bacteria in the blood, it took a while to kill all the bacteria. The surviving bacteria patched us up enough to live—and then it died. Whoever planned our capture—probably Ogala—knew a lot about zombies.
Lulu Guitierrez
“I’m glad they didn’t think to search us for our capsules,” I commented.
“Perhaps they didn’t know about the technology?” Lulu speculated.
“They should!” Diane insisted. “I helped invent that with Maggie, my daughter-in-law, three years ago when we first began fighting for zombie rights!”
“But, dear,” I murmured, “Zombies are mostly confined to the US, where people have a right to be a zombie. The rest of the world, especially a backwater like Somalia, doesn’t know all the tech that goes with us. They fear zombies, like the old US, and don’t allow us to immigrate or any zombie blood to be transported.”
“Hah!” Diane snorted. “Do you know how many millions of dosages of blood we’ve shipped around the world in the past three years?”
“Yes, I know it’s used to treat disease worldwide, but people usually get—and governments require—the anti-zombie antibiotic afterward.”
“Dummies!”
I chuckled. Diane had no understanding of anyone who had the least fear of zombies.
George Newby
George Newby, wide-body zombie.
We sat quietly in the darkness for an hour, gaining strength and healing.
“I know they’re sending the zombie animals to attack, but I’d like to get out and greet them.” Diane cared for all the zombie corgis, bulls, and turkeys that we kept on board the ship.
“I’m feeling pretty good. Let’s see if I can make a dent in that door.” I went to the door and felt carefully around the edges. There were no gaps, but the door wriggled slightly against the steel rods holding it closed.
“Hmmm. I might as well attack the sides of the container as the door. I don’t want to bang against it, but that’s the only way to fatigue the metal and bust out of here. What’s to stop them from coming and firing another fléchette rocket or two?”
“How about if we get out with one big bang?” Sharon said.
“How do we do that?”
“I’ve got two shaped explosive charges right here.”
“And I’ve got two more,” Lulu added.
“How? How did you smuggle them in?”
“Let’s just say our figures had some additional padding,” Lulu said, smiling in the dark.
Padding Their Escape
“Oho! Your padded bras have C4 explosive!” Diane exclaimed. “I wish I had thought of that. I’ll do that from now on!”
“You got it in one,” Sharon admitted.
“You don’t need any more padding,” I said sotto voce.
Our bodyguards fixed the four shaped charges around the door, right behind the two steel rods holding the door closed. We retreated to the other end of the container and covered our ears as Lulu detonated them.
BANG! The pressure wave bounced off our end of the container and slammed into the back of the door, now containing four holes where the rods used to be. The door squealed on its hinges and opened.
“It worked!” Diane said.
Your Fifteenth Literary Gift – What do you think?
Try out my audiobook.
What do you think of your gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
Your Twelfth Literary Gift of My 25 Gifts to you. Hi! I’m author Andy Zach and I’ve been busy sharing literary gifts with my readers until Christmas. Today’s your twelfth gift!
I’ll now give you my graphics novel, at least the first six pages of it.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
I began to convert my novel into a graphic novel many years ago. I worked closely with my illustrator and comic artist, Sean ‘Fuzzy’ Flanagan.
Here’s one cover.
And here’s the inside page.
Finally, your first page.
I gave you some more detail so you could study it. Take your time. Page two is next
The Hunters Arrive – Your Twelfth Literary Gift
Do you want to see more? Keep scrolling!
The Turkey Revives
The ‘Battle’ – Hunter versus Zombie Turkey
That covers the first page of my book.
Do you see how Fuzzy put the cover image on the turkey?
Amazon Kindle made me change the cover for the Kindle edition. It was ‘too bloody.’
Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
The Aftermath
The last image is the next couple of pages of the book.
Here Ends Your Gift
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If you like Zombie Turkeys, you cansubscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Startled, I looked up from my computer and turned around in my wheelchair. My best friend, Dan, had slipped silently into my lab. I still thought of it that way, but we’d made it into the Secret Supers clubhouse almost a year ago. Dan’s round, brown face smiled down at me while his tall, wide frame loomed behind me. His dark glasses hid his blind eyes.
“I didn’t hear you come down the elevator.”
“I took the stairs. Your mom made cookies, so I came over. I could smell them from my house.”
“You mean, you could smell them from my mom’s thoughts?”
“And your’s and your dad’s. You were all excited, so I couldn’t help myself from taking a sniff from your mom’s nose. I didn’t snoop any further than that.”
“I know you respect everyone’s privacy with your mindreading power.”
“Except maybe yours. You did permit me to read yours anytime. But I haven’t read your mind about what you’re concentrating on. C’mon, tell your old friend Dan.”
“Don’t tell anyone. I want to surprise the Secret Supers.”
“Of course not. Now I’m dying to know!”
“I’m applying to Space Camp.”
“What’s Space Camp? I can hear the capital letters in your voice.”
I spun my wheelchair around to face him. “What’s Space Camp? It’s the greatest camp there is! We’re all bored out of our minds now that August has started and we want to do something. Space Camp teaches you all about our space program. You learn about astronauts and rockets. You go on a centrifuge and experience zero-g and moon gravity.
Dan Elanga Stops By
Dan Elanga – He can read minds and sensory impressions.
“Sounds fun and cool. I can see them accepting you, Jeremy, but how about the rest of us? I guess Kayla would make it, but Aubrey and I are just average students.”
“As far as I can tell, there are no qualifications, just an interest in space and rocketry.”
“I sure got more interested in space after our adventure chasing the villain in a rocket at the coaster park this summer. What about the money?” Dan sat down in the chair so I didn’t have to look up at him.
“Mom and Dad have been saving the royalties from Secret Supers and Villain’s Vacation for you, Kayla, and Aubrey, and you can use that for the camp.”
“Well, count me in!” Dan’s huge hand engulfed mine. I felt like a little kid—which I was. I didn’t usually think about how small I was until Dan was right next to me. Or Aubrey, who was also Dan’s size.
“I just thought of a problem.” Dan frowned, his brows hitting his dark glasses. “What about my parents? And Kayla’s and Aubrey’s?”
Kayla Verdera
Kayla Verdera
“Mom and Dad have already been in touch with them ever since our royalties from the books have been coming in. They all agreed to divide them. Everyone’s just waiting on me to tell all the Secret Supers.”
“Now I know, so we might as well let Kayla and Aubrey know.”
I glanced at my screen clock. “Ten thirty. I can call Kayla, but Aubrey’s at her summer baseball practice.” I speed-dialed Kayla.
“You don’t have to put her on speakerphone. I can read her mind.”
I laughed. “You read my mind. I was ready to do that.”
Hello, Jeremy. Kayla’s voice sounded in my mind. Kayla had spinal meningitis and could no longer talk or walk without a walker. I felt sad when I heard her high mental voice, sounding just as she used to talk before losing it.
“Hi, Kayla. I’ve got big news for you and Aubrey: the Secret Supers are going to Space Camp!”
Sounds like fun. I assume it’s all paid for and our parents are on board?
“Right. I researched it, then my parents contacted yours, Dan’s, and Aubrey’s, and everyone agreed. Just now, I applied and got approval. We’ll be gone for a week.”
When?
The Last to Find Out
“The last week in August, just before Labor Day.”
Now I have something to look forward to, instead of another sweltering day. How long does it last?
“A week. We arrive on the last Sunday of the month and leave on Friday.”
Is Dan there?
“Yeah, I’m here Kayla.” Dan leaned over my shoulder.
“How’d you know, Kayla? Dan snuck up on me as I was applying to the camp online. Are you mind reading now as well as sending thoughts?”
No, just sending, like always. I just know you, Jeremy. You don’t give up secrets until you have to. I figured Dan would be there. He sees you about every day. Say, where is this Space Camp?
“Huntsville, Alabama. We’re driving down there the day before in our big van. It’ll take us about twelve hours, dad said.”
Aubrey Wilkosky
I suppose you want me to tell Aubrey. I’ll give her the message to come over to our Secret Supers room, and we’ll all surprise her when she comes in.
“Great idea, Kayla!” I grinned.
Dan’s head snapped up from the phone and then he leaned back down. “You can tell her now. Her practice was canceled because of a thunderstorm. Boy, is she grumpy!”
“Baseball’s the love of her life,” I said. “A new adventure will cheer her up.”
All right, I told her to meet us there. She’s riding her bike straight from practice.
Dan placed his hand on his head like he does when he’s listening telepathically. “Uh, oh, Kayla, you’d better hurry. She’ll beat you here.”
I didn’t think of that. Mom’s busy at work. I can’t interrupt her, and I can’t bike anymore.
I straightened in my wheelchair. “Let me give you a lift—literally.”
Now you’re reading my mind, Jeremy. I was just about to ask you for help. Are you sending your flying car?
“Nope. Just put on your Secret Supers outfit and I’ll fly you over.”
“I’ll put on mine. It’s here in my backpack.” Dan slid it off his shoulders.
I hadn’t noticed Dan’s backpack. I turned to my phone. “We’ll make it a full club meeting. This’ll be the first time we’ve worn the new costumes your mom made for us, Kayla.”
The New Supersuits
I modeled mine for Mom. They fit a lot better than the store-bought ones we had, and they’re much sturdier. The old ones were pretty scuffed up.
“Something about fighting ten-foot robots does that.” Dan grinned.
Kayla laughed, in their heads. Ha! Not to mention flying at a hundred miles per hour chasing speedboats and rockets.
“Are you ready, Kayla? I can picture your front porch in my mind and pick you up there.”
Just about. Let me get my boots on. There. I’m ready.
I imagined Kayla standing on her front porch. I exerted my telekinesis.
Okay, Jeremy, can you pick me up another fifty feet? Then I’ll be clear of any telephone or power wires between my house and yours.
“Sure.” I pulled her toward my house at a steady rate.
All right, I’m right over your yard, Jeremy. That was something! I felt like a flying superhero. But carrying my walker.
“But no cape.” Dan grinned as he talked into Jeremy’s phone.
Right, Dan. The best superheroes don’t have capes, and we don’t either. But we do have masks.
The elevator came down. Dan and I greeted Kayla as she got out in her walker. My parents had installed the elevator when I got my first electric wheelchair in first grade.
“Sorry, Kayla, I should have helped you walk like I usually do.”
No problem, Jeremy. You won’t always be around to help me. I still have hope I’ll be able to regain my strength and balance if I keep working at therapy. And your mom gave me a chocolate chip cookie on the way. Kayla pulled out a warm, soft cookie from the purse hanging from her walker.
Aubrey Arrives Bringing Your Tenth Literary Gift
I liked seeing Kayla’s pretty features face-to-face. Her dark eyes were framed by the black mask and her black hair rested on the scarlet tights. Still, she had a handkerchief in her hand. She tended to drool because she couldn’t control her muscles.
“Uh, I’m the only one not in uniform. I’d better change.” A uniform flew out of the cupboard as I rose from my wheelchair and flew into the bathroom.
“You’d better hurry, Jeremy. Aubrey’s coming here at full speed! She’s keeping up with traffic on her bike. She’s using her super strength.” Dan called after me from the other room.
“Ha! Dan, I’m almost as fast as any superhero. Kayla, did you tell Aubrey to wear her uniform?” I yelled from the bathroom as I dressed telekinetically, pulling the tights over my legs twisted by a lifetime of cerebral palsy. It did fit better than the old uniform. Even the boots went on better. I loved the material I selected. It was completely air tight and waterproof. It fit beautifully with the other secret enhancements I’d put in. I wondered when I should tell the others about them.
Of course—
THUMP! THUMP! KA-THUMP!
I don’t need to read minds to know that’s Aubrey. No one else pounds as she does down the stairs.
The door to the clubroom burst open. “TA-DA! I’m here. I came here at the speed of light, on a bicycle.”
Coming out of the bathroom, I saw Aubrey’s tousled blond hair peeking out of her baseball cap. Sweat beaded her broad forehead. Her black mask and red Secret Supers uniform clashed with her green ball cap. Instead of black boots, her prosthetic legs went to her knees.
Here Ends Your Tenth Literary Gift
You can get a free copy to review by clicking here right now. Follow the instructions and then you’ll get your free book.
What do you think of your tenth gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
If you like Secret Supers in Space, you cansubscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.
“Hi, Loretta. Are you all refreshed from your Paris vacation?”
I looked at my wall-sized monitor in my home. My boss and grandpa John Smith smiled genially at me. He might call me any time, day or night, but he always knew where to project his image so we could have a video conference. He stroked his salt-and-pepper pompadour in the bright sunlight. I could see the sea in the background. I knew his hideout was on some island. Now I could calculate it from the angle of sunlight—but I had to answer him first.
“Hi, Papa Smith. Yes. I had a lot of fun waterskiing on the Riviera. I also cheated the casino in Monaco out of a million bucks.”
“Of course.
“But now I’m refreshed and bored. I haven’t had a job since I left for Coaster World.”
“I’m glad to hear you say that. I’ve got a challenging assignment for you—the Secret Supers.”
“Ugh! I sure want to get back at them. But they’re backed up by the NSA. I’m not eager to tackle them and the US government.”
Papa stroked his hair. “The best cure for falling off a horse is to get back on. How about if I get a partner for you?”
“They’d better be awfully competent. I can’t really work with anyone who’s incompetent, or average, or merely a genius.”
“How about if you and I work together?”
Two Villains in One Book
I gasped. Papa Smith had raised me. He’d been very vague about what happened to my parents, so he was the only parent I’d known. I’d dreamt of working with him in the family crime business, but I hadn’t seen much of him once I went to college and began teaching, over fifty years ago. He was the one person I was pretty sure was smarter than me. Or at least he knew more.
“That’d be wonderful! I’ve got some ideas I’d like to try out on our little red-uniformed friends.”
“Me too. I’ve got some news too. They’re going to Space Camp. Jeremy just applied today.”
“So are you intercepting their internet signals?”
“And cell phone communication. It’s easy as pie once you’re in their wireless network.”
My wall screen lit up in my living room. A beautiful view of the ocean from a tall hill of white rock greeted me. My grandfather, John Smith, walked into view. Holding a martini in his hand, he smiled at me as he stroked his gray-and-white pompadour.
“Hi, Loretta. Are you ready to finally get the Secret Supers?”
“It seems like a piece of cake. They’re easy pickings at Space Camp.”
“Isn’t that what you thought about Coaster World?”
“Yeah.”
Papa took a sip from his drink. “The secret is to take them when they’re sure they’re safe.”
“On their way home?”
“No. At Cape Canaveral.”
“They’re not even going there!”
“Yes, they are, but they don’t know it yet. Let me tell you all about it.”
What do you think of your ninth gift? Let me know right here. Don’t forget I’ll give you a free book after I get your email.
If you like Secret Supers in Space, you cansubscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.
Here is Your Sixth Literary Gift from me, author Andy Zach. I don’t know how you feel about these gifts, but I’m enjoying giving them away. Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. Everyone who responds will get a free book from me.
“My brother Rich is coming with some of his football buddies. Oh, here’s our first customer.” The girls cheered and did some cheerleading routines while the Secret Supers washed the car. Jeremy used an electric scrubber from his wheelchair. Kayla used the power washer, while Dan and Aubrey soaped up the car.
Rich and his friends arrived. “Great!” yelled Darla. “Now we can do two cars at once. Let’s get a production line going. Here come some more cars. Keep cheering girls.”
“This isn’t so bad,” Dan said.
“Nah. Just putting on soapy water isn’t a problem. I’m glad I can walk now.” said Aubrey.
Rich called to them, “I’m surprised you guys came.”
“It seems the least we can do. You guys were nice enough to come to our magic show,” said Aubrey.
“That was really good. I think I got the card trick figured out, but not the levitation stuff.”
“Keep thinking. It’s a good practice.”
Dan Detects Trouble
Dan Elanga – He can read minds and sensory impressions.
“Oh no,” Dan yelled.
“What’s the matter, Dan?” Jeremy asked.
“My parents’ house is on fire!”
“Did you get a text or something?” asked Darla.
“Uh, yeah.”
“Sorry to leave you in the lurch, Darla, but we’ve got to go and help,” said Aubrey.
“What can you do?”
“More than you think.”
“I’ve already called my car,” said Jeremy.
“Your car? You’re not old enough to drive,” asked Darla.
“I made a flying car. I can summon it here. See, there it is.”
Darla’s, the cheerleaders’, Rich’s, and the football players’ mouths dropped open as Jeremy’s car came flying down the street, as fast as any other car. Jeremy and Dan had modified it so it had a rumble seat in the back for Kayla and two running boards with grips and safety lines like a fire truck, for Dan and Aubrey to stand.
“That is SO COOL,” screamed Darla.
Your Sixth Literary Gift -From The Secret Supers
Jeremy, seventh grade superhero with telekinesis
The Secret Supers climbed into the car. Jeremy transferred carefully from his wheelchair to the driver’s seat, not using his telekinesis.
“We’ll come back if we can. Watch my electric wheelchair,” said Jeremy as they zoomed off.
“Wow, Jeremy! You’re really going fast,” said Aubrey over the rushing wind
“I told you I was getting stronger. I think we’ll have to modify this again for full seats for you and Dan.”
“Hurry,” said Dan. “They’re trapped in the basement!”
“Okay, let me open her up.” The car sped up, and they began passing other cars on the road.
“Fifty-five, sixty miles an hour! That seems to be my limit, now. Hey, did someone call the fire department?”
“I did before we started,” said Dan who continued to read the thoughts of his family. “Oh hurry!, The smoke is getting thick! They’re lying on the basement floor with wet clothes over their faces!”
A line of cars at a red light blocked them.
Kayla Shields Up
Kayla Verdera – She can project thoughts and sensory images
“Hold on! Kayla, shields up!”
Shields up, Captain Jeremy!
The car faded into invisibility as Kayla projected the scene behind their car into the eyes of the people in front of them.
“No one saw that,” said Dan, holding on for dear life as they soared over the cars and traffic lights. “Please hurry! My little sister is coughing on the smoke.”
“I guess we can dispense with the roads. My GPS says if we take a twenty-degree turn—”
“Look out for the high-tension wires,” screamed Aubrey.
Six high-voltage wires blocked their path, less than twenty feet away.
“Hold on,” yelled Jeremy.
The car dropped like an elevator with its cable cut. The Secret Supers ducked, and the wires passed where their heads had been a moment before. They could feel the hairs on their heads lift up from the intense voltage a foot away.
“Look out, a tree,” shouted Aubrey.
The car swerved around and over an oak tree blocking their path.
The Elanga’s house blazed ahead, a pillar of fire and smoke rooted in the disintegrating house.
Swooping down, Jeremy brought the car to a skidding halt in front of the house. A wall of heat burned their faces. Acrid smoke assailed their noses. In the distance, fire engine sirens blared.
Aubrey to the Rescue!
Aubrey is a super-powered heroine.
Oh no! Dan, are we too late? Kayla thoughtcast.
“No, they’re still alive in the basement. But the stairs are blocked, and they can’t get out. I don’t know how we’ll get them out,” wailed Dan.
“I do,” yelled Aubrey as she charged at the door.
“Oh no, Aubrey! That’ll let oxygen in,” yelled Jeremy.
“And me,” she said as she crashed through the door. Smoke engulfed Aubrey and she disappeared.
Subscribe to my newsletter here to see all my blog posts and get free books every month. Or you can just stay at my blog, checking back every day until Christmas.
Here is Your Fourth Literary Gift on our journey to Christmas day, from me, Andy Zach. Every day in December, from the first to the twenty-fifth I will give you a piece of my writing every day.
“Seventy-two independent warheads. Each with a nuclear bomb,” General Figeroa said.
“How close to the saucer?”
“Within ten miles. But due to an ‘error,’ we’ll be within a mile. Each warhead will head toward the mothership. They’ll detonate within a hundred yards,”
The alien disk swelled like a giant pie plate. A bright flash and the nose cone exploded.
“Now—oh!”
The warheads exploded into seventy-two baby suns, engulfing the mothership.
“All warheads have detonated,” said mission control.
“I expected something more dramatic,” Figeroa said.
“No sound effects either,” said the President.
“We didn’t have the budget for that,”
Your Fourth Literary Gift – Sidekicks
I thought I’d give you smaller segments today. Let me know if you like large excerpts or short snippets by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. I’ll give you a free book for your feedback.
This excerpt is entitled, ‘Sidekicks’. Lulu and Sharon are the bodyguards for the Undead Mother-in-law Diane and her husband George. This is also from Paranormal Privateers.
Chapter 2 icon
“I’m feeling pretty good. Let’s see if I can make a dent in that door.” I went to the door and felt carefully around the edges. There were no gaps, but the door wriggled slightly against the steel rods holding it closed.
“Hmmm. I might as well attack the sides of the container as the door. I don’t want to bang against it, but that’s the only way to fatigue the metal and bust out of here. What’s to stop them from coming and firing another fléchette rocket or two?”
“How about if we get out with one big bang?” Sharon said.
“How do we do that?”
“I’ve got two shaped explosive charges right here.”
“And I’ve got two more,” Lulu added.
“How? How did you smuggle them in?”
“Let’s just say our figures had some additional padding,” Lulu said, smiling in the dark.
“Oho! Your padded bras have C4 explosive!” Diane exclaimed. “I wish I had thought of that. I’ll do that from now on!”
“You got it in one,” Sharon admitted.
“You don’t need any more padding,” I said sotto voce.
Our bodyguards fixed the four shaped charges around the door, right behind the two steel rods holding the door closed. We retreated to the other end of the container and covered our ears as Lulu detonated them.
Your Fourth Literary Gift Concludes
Finishing with this teaser from Paranormal Privateers I’ve entitled ‘Rescue’.
Silverback gorilla and blonde from Paaranormal Privateers
We entered the saucer. Standing at the saucer control panel, wearing a pink ruffled shirt, purple bow tie, and a black tuxedo, was a middle-aged man with a salt-and-pepper pompadour. He held an Xbox controller, obviously modded. I smelled the scent of hair pomade.
“At ease, Sir Lancelot,” he said, and the gorilla slumped to the floor as he pushed a button.
“You’re the controller?” Diane said, surprised as I’d ever heard her.
“That’s me, and your rescuer. Before the inevitable interview, let’s get moving.” He pushed the button labeled Rome, Italy. “Rome is where I have further transportation set up. I’m sure the aliens will bounce back from a little power outage faster than we expect.”
Here is Your Third Literary Gift on our journey to Christmas day, from me, Andy Zach. Every day in December, from the first to the twenty-fifth I will give you a piece of my writing every day.
As soon as he hung up, Sam’s cell phone rang. Noting it was Lisa, he said, “Hi, sweetheart!”
“No time for that romantic crap. We’ve got another zombie turkey outbreak!”
“Where?”
“Not far from you. It’s a small private turkey farm near Gary, Deviled Turkeys. I’ve sent you the address.”
“Odd name.”
“They’re bedeviling the family, who’s surrounded. They called our turkey hotline. I’ve already notified the local authorities and the Indiana National Guard. Get the story, Sam! We’re dying for news here. I may have to cut our staff back again.”
“You’ve got a hot story in your in-basket from Gary already, about the zombie family. I’ve got Dr. Galloway getting DNA samples from them.”
“Great! You always pick me up, Sam.”
“You’re turning into a mushball.”
“You have that effect on me. Now, hurry up and get going!” She hung up.
“Bye, Lisa.” One tradition hadn’t changed since their marriage. She still hung up abruptly, leaving Sam talking into a dead phone.
Travel Interlude
My Most Romantic Story
Sam arrived at the Deviled Turkeys farm in the dark winter evening. Sam could see the National Guard trucks and a couple of police cars along the snowy drive to the barnyard. They had distracted the flock of perhaps a thousand turkeys from attacking the house and were now barely holding their own position.
Sam heard the BANG of shotguns, and the pop, pop of rifles and pistols. Why did the police waste their time and ammunition? Those weapons proved ineffective against the zombie turkeys last November.
Grabbing his trusty Flaming Turkey brand flamethrower from the backseat, he approached the line of soldiers.
“Stay away, mister!” an officer yelled over the crackle of gunfire.
Sam noticed he had a skinny neck and a shock of red hair.
“You should have a flamethrower!” Sam yelled back.
“We do! We can’t use them this close to the buildings. There’s a family in there!”
Good thing Lisa isn’t here, Sam thought. During the zombie turkey apocalypse, she’d flamed first and asked questions later.
Another car pulled up in the drive. The officer yelled, “Get away, ma’am! This is a dangerous situation!”
“I’ve come to reason with the turkeys,” Diane Newby yelled back, her red eyes gleaming.
“You can’t reason with crazed killer turkeys!”
“You watch me!” She leapt past the officer, past the line of soldiers, directly toward the mass of turkeys. The soldiers ceased firing, for fear of hitting her. The mass of turkeys washed over Diane like a tsunami. Sam reluctantly filmed her last moments, for her family’s sake.
Dramatic Pause before Your Third Literary Gift Concludes
Zombie Turkeys on the loose. From the back cover of Zombie Turkeys
The mound of turkeys burst apart, revealing Diane throttling a tom. She ripped off its head, legs, and wings and then smashed the body into paste on the ground.
“Listen up, you turkeys!” she yelled. “I’m the boss turkey now! Follow me!” Obediently, the turkeys followed her into the barn. She led them back into their cages and shut them in. Where the turkeys had burst doors and wire fencing, using her bare hands Diane wove the tough steel wire into a tight net, holding them securely. “Good thing I’m handy with macramé,” she said to herself as she wove.
Diane’s clothing was shredded and bloody like she’d been through a wood chipper, but her skin showed pink and unbroken through the many holes in her pants and coat. Sam ran to her.
“Are you OK, Diane?”
“Never felt better! I told you I could reason with the zombie turkeys!”
“How did you find out?”
“It was on the zombie turkey Twitter feed on the Midley Beacon page, where I was reading your story about us!”
“Ma’am, I have to thank you for saving us from a difficult situation,” the officer said. “I’m Sergeant Coxcomb.”
“How appropriate,” Sam murmured. Louder, he said, “I’m Sam Melvin, investigative reporter for the Midley Beacon.”
Smiling broadly, Diane said, “I’m Diane New—er—Sydney. I came here as soon as I heard of the attack. I just knew I could control the zombie turkeys. They’re quite easy, compared to children!” She laughed.
Sam Gets the Story
“Diane, I filmed your battle. Do I have your permission to broadcast it?”
“By all means! Be sure to say a zombie human came to the rescue! Just call me anytime you have a zombie animal outbreak!”
“Will do!”
“I’ll testify to that!” Sergeant Coxcomb said.
“OK, let me interview you then, Sergeant, and I’ll add your testimony.”
The interviews with Sergeant Coxcomb and Diane, combined with the thrilling video of human zombie versus turkey zombies, burst across the internet like a nuclear bomb. Once again, the Midley Beacon plowed new ground in the zombie news business.
Tell me what you think of Your Third Literary Gift
“Sam, you’re fired.” Lisa’s green eyes met Sam’s brown ones.
“What? Lisa, you and I have worked together at the Midley Beacon for ten years! And we’ve known each other for fifteen! And we’ve been married almost two months!” Sam broke eye contact, stood up from his desk, and paced about their small office.
“Sorry, Sam. Romance has to take a backseat to finances. Ever since the bottom dropped out of the zombie turkey news market since the first of the year, the Midley Beacon hasn’t made enough to pay your salary.”
“But that’s our salary. We share and share alike.”
“We can still live on my salary. And you can apply for unemployment now that you’re fired.”
“But what’ll I do all day? I can only play Fortnite for so long.”
“What did you do before I hired you ten years ago? What did you do while I was in college?”
“Uh, mow lawns. Handyman repair. Stuff like that. But I’m a grown man now. I want more.”
“Hmm, you are a decent reporter.”
“Thanks, Lisa. That’s high praise coming from you.”
“Well, it’s the truth. You’ve grown from a crappy reporter, like ninety-nine percent of all reporters, to well above average. I did lay off everyone else on the staff before you, you know.”
Sam’s eyes misted. “Aw, you’re making me feel warm and mushy.”
Your Second Literary Gift – a Mushy Scene
Lisa Melvin from Zombie Detective
“That’s part of good management—emotional manipulation.”
“Uh, you mean you don’t mean it?”
“Nah, I mean it. Emotional manipulation is much more effective if you’re sincere. Say, why don’t you call Andy Zach and see if he has some royalties to share. We signed a contract with him to get half the royalties from his book Zombie Turkeys. We supplied more than half his source material right from the pages of the Midley Beacon.”
Sam shook his head. “I just called him yesterday. His sales haven’t paid for the cover yet, let alone the editing.”
“I told him to go with traditional publishing!” Lisa scowled.
“He’d still be trying to get an agent, let alone publishing his book. Who wants to represent a zombie turkey author?”
“So think of something to do with your reporting and investigative skills. That’s your first job. Get out of here and work on it at home. When I come home tonight, I want a decision from you. That’s a deadline.”
“Ok, Lisa. And thanks. You know I work best under a deadline.”
“Sure, dear. We’ll go out for dinner tonight to celebrate your new career, whatever it will be.”
“I’m kind of tired of McDonald’s.”
“We’ll spurge. We’ll go to the big city of Peoria. Maybe to the Country Time Buffet.”
“Wow. Thanks, Lisa.”
“Now, shoo!” Lisa pushed her hands toward him. “Don’t forget to clear out your desk.”
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal. Then, things got weirder when his best friend Dan Elanga got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys. What should the four friends do?
Four disabled seventh graders with superpowers take a vacation at Coaster World. They need a break from fighting criminals. Ever since the beginning of the school year when they acquired their unusual abilities, they’ve been training and using those powers to fight crime in their town.
Little do they know, the arch-villain they recently defeated also loves coasters and is vacationing at Coaster World. Worse, the villain wants revenge. Nothing less than turning these teens to a life of crime will satisfy.
Can Jeremy, Dan, Kayla, and Aubrey withstand the villain’s attacks? Or will they become Super Villains?
You can only find out by listening to Villain’s Vacation.
The Secret Supers are bored out of their minds during summer vacation–until they go to Space Camp. They learn all about the space program, try out moon gravity and zero-g simulations, and practice docking with the International Space Station.
But that’s the easy part. The villains they defeated in the past are back with a diabolical plot that renders the middle schoolers’ superpowers ineffective.
Jeremy, Aubrey, Dan, and Kayla face the biggest challenge of their lives. Even if they escape the villains’ clutches, will they survive?
The audiobook proved to be so popular, I gave away over 100 review copies and used up my free audiobook codes. Don’t worry; you can still get it for free by joining Audible here.
I also began pushing all my other audiobooks. That led to many sales through the review codes I get from Audible. I get the codes for free and then Audible pays me when someone redeems them for free.
The green color means the monthly sales are above average for my six years of book sales.
What’s going on? Take a look at my audiobook sales:
That’s 337 more audiobooks sold than in 2019! That’s half of the 139% growth. Where did the rest come from? Let’s look at ebooks.
There are another 148 ebook sales, mostly from Zombie Turkeys. Also, the rest of the Life After Life Chronicles all increased from the previous year. Then there are the sales from my two new books.
My Zombie Turkey ebook was priced at .99 and the price reduction led to new sales during 2020. Also, I changed my Amazon ad campaigns to focus on categories, not keywords. That led to me online sales than ever before.
Explosive Book Sales – Two New Books Released during 2020
Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey ApocalypseVillain’s Vacation
I now had a short story collection. I gave away free short stories to promote it. The book also promoted the rest of my series.
Also, I now had two books in my Secret Supers series. The sales of one book led to the sales of the other.
Two books, each in two formats, plus the new audiobook, gave me five new items to sell.
My fifth video:
Book Conventions
I had the following conventions in 2020:
Convention
Date
Books Sold
Washington HS
1/9/2020
3
PeoriaCon
3/7/2020
17
QuadCon
8/29/2020
9
Total
29
That didn’t seem to be the source of new sales! How about print sales during 2020?
I only sold 15 more print books than 2019, probably since I only had three book conventions, compared with seven the year before
During 2021 Book Sales were up and down
I went back to book conventions. I ended up selling fewer books (731) but making more profit. I sold more of the profitable print books, but not as many ebooks.
I attribute this to the end of the lockdowns during 2021 and being able to attend more conventions. I also introduced my Square Site where I sell my autographed books, just like I do at conventions. Click here to get your autographed book now.
Get Your Free Book With Your prediction for 2022 Total Sales
How many books do you think I’ll sell during 2022? I’m at 561 so far, but I have four book events coming up. Tell me by clicking here and the closest person will get their choice of books from me in January 2023. Or you can email me at [email protected].
Get all my posts through my newsletter. Also, get free books by clicking here.
After My First Book, I Got Exponential Growth – How? Today I’ll show you how random marketing efforts and some luck led to more than tenfold sales growth.
I forget to tell you about starting my Youtube channel. I haven’t gotten much traffic, but the videos cost me $500 to produce. Here’s the first one, from November 2016
Exponential Growth – Year 2018
Following Zombie Turkeysconversion to an audiobook, I published My Undead Mother-in-law as an audiobook.
Reviews of My Undead Mother-in-law
May
My book Paranormal Privateers was published in ebook and paperback formats. This book had two covers. My first one is here:
The intent was to show a woman’s torso in a wetsuit with a bloody bullet how. This was the Undead Mother-in-Law in the first chapter. After a lack of sales, I switched it to this:
I was excited because now I had a trilogy! Throughout the year, I’d see multiple books sold in person and online. Few things feel better than having a person buy three of your books at a time.
Not that the story ended in Paranormal Privateers. I left it open for more books.
I began using Mailchimp for my newsletter. I had built my list to over one thousand and it was quite unwieldy mailing this through Yahoo! By the end of the year, using newsletter-building ads, I grew to over 1,600 subscribers.
Charitable Book Sale at ‘Books to Benefit’ on July 7th where I sold three books, one of each.
PennedCon in St. Louis on September 21-22nd, where I sold ten books and made contacts with many authors. I got reviews and contacts and most importantly, ideas for marketing.
Book Nook Bookstore, where I sold three books on October 27th.
First Friday, an arts promotion in Peoria every first Friday of the month. At Wheel Art, I sold four books on November 2nd.
Also in November I reduced my Zombie Turkeys ebook to .99. The idea was to sell the first and get people to buy the second and third books too.
I finished the year with 173 sales, a 107% increase of cumulative sales over 2017, which in turn had a 73% increase over 2016. The green areas in the table below indicate increases over the previous year.
It turned out I was just getting started.
Quick question
How much do you think I’ll sell this year, 2022? I’m at 561 so far, but I have four book events coming up. Tell me by clicking here and the closest person will get their choice of books from me in January 2023. Or you can email me at [email protected].
Here’s my second video:
Andy Zach reads from Zombie Turkeys Chapter 1 – Bartonville
I was tired of writing zombie books. I decided to pursue the middle-school readership with a superhero book. So I wrote Secret Supers and published it on March 29, 2019. It’s all about four disabled seventh-graders who get superpowers. I got the idea from my own daughter who has cerebral palsy and wanted a flying wheelchair. I got a flying wheelchair and car in here!
Paranormal Privateers audiobook came out in January as well. I had nine products: three books in three formats, soon to be twelve products with Secret Supers.
Events:
At the first ever PeoriaCon in March 2019, I sold 24 books, a new record for me. I also used my new Square credit card reader for the first time.
In April, I sold my books at the Peoria Mall for two days and sold eleven. Later that month, I sold another 24 books at Quadcon in Peoria. Wow!
In May, I went to the Springfield ComicCon and only sold 2 books. It was purely a comics room–except for my books. Later I went to the Midwest ComicCon and sold three books.
Appropriately, I went to the Tremont Turkey Festival in June and sold 21 books. Later that month I went to the Book Nook in Washington and sold one book. Oops! I also sold one at the East Peoria vendor fair. Not every event is a home run. Finally, I closed the month at Geekfest and sold five books.
In September I had an author signing at I Know You Like a Book and sold seven books.
I went to Archon near St. Louis in October and sold twelve books. That barely covered my table costs and the gas. Quadcon came bad to Peoria in late October and I sold nine books.
In November I realized I can give my audiobook promotion codes to my newsletter readers and I’d get paid for them. This led to 18 audiobook sales and reviews.
Later in the month, I sold 12 of my books at the Washington High School Star Wars event.
Finally, after Thanksgiving, I sold twelve more books at Chambanacon 2019.
What Happened in December 2019 and the Secret of Exponential Growth
That was it for book events, but in December 2019 I sold 55 books through Amazon and Audible. Exponential growth was happening!
As you can see from the graph below, my sales increased 108% over 2018, more than double. That is 356 books sold versus 171 the previous year.
The circle size represents the percent increase (or decrease) from the previous year.
So, why were my sales growing? I thought of these reasons:
The more books I write, the more books I sell. Seems obvious, right? But now I saw how books would sell each other.
The more formats I have, the more I sell. I publish each book in print, ebook, and audiobook. The audiobook promotions with Audible allowed me to give away free books and get paid for them.
The more events I attended, the more I sold. Again, it’s obvious.
From these conclusions, I decided to promote my audiobooks even more, attend even more events, and write even faster.
What happened next? Sorry to spoil the surprise, but 2020 turned out to be even better. I’ll put that in my next blog post. Get all my posts through my newsletter. Click here.
What Happened After My First Book Was Published? Learn what I learned through six years of writing and publishing. I’ll cover my failures and successes, and what led to an exponential growth of sales and revenues.
The First Year 2016
My book Zombie Turkeys was published in ebook and paperback formats.
Oddly, Kindle did not accept my paperback cover. It was “too bloody”. I had to change the colors. So I have these two covers:
Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
ebook version Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
Events: 1. Book launch at the Peoria North Library on October 31st. I had about 20 people and sold 5 books. Combined with 5 presales and I had ten in October.
2. Wheel Art First Friday – My wife made pottery here and I set up a table to sell books with their permission. I sold 4 books.
3. Peoria Library Author Fair – Sold 1, but I also made some author friends
4. Chambanacon in Bloomington – My first book fair. I sold 5 books. I made more author friends.
5. I started my newsletter in November, using addresses I picked up from my events.
Final results for 2017: 96 Zombie Turkeys sold and 37 My Undead Mother-in-law.
This post is long enough. Let me show you my sales chart to date and I’ll write another blog post soon. Notice my sales have increased every year except 2021. I sold so many in 2020, that my number of sales declined. 2022 isn’t over, but I expect to pass both 2020 and 2021.
The circle size represents the percent increase (or decrease) from the previous year.
My Second Draft – What I Never Imagined – Here is my second installment of this series in real-time. I just finished my second draft and sent it to my editor. I’ll have the third installment in the future. Be sure to read the first post on my first draft here. Click here.
So, what shocked my socks off about this second draft?
By the way, this book is the third in my Secret Supers series. It covers the adventures of four disabled middle schoolers who become superheroes. Here’s the first book:
Secret Supers – click for free audiobook.
My Second Draft – My First Surprise
I finished my first draft last week and contacted my editor. She informed me that she has a six-week lead time. I didn’t know that. Oops!
Why is this a problem? I wanted the book completed by November 14th and the Christmas shopping season. I ASSumed she had a four-week lead time. My error.
My second error is that I promised it to her by Columbus Day October 10th and didn’t get it to her until today. That’s a double oops. So my publishing timeline is probably shot.
You see, when you’re a self-published author like me, you’re responsible to keep yourself on schedule and meet deadlines–or your sales suffer.
But why was I late? I have multiple excuses, but basically, it’s poor planning.
My second novel in the series, Villain’s Vacation. Click for a free copy
My Second Surprise in My Second Draft
Remember I mentioned being self-published? That means I contact and contract with an illustrator for each of my books. Fortunately, I’ve found a great illustrator, Sean “Fuzzy” Flanagan. I contacted him the same day as my editor about doing a cover illustration. He had the time to do it in October. Hurray!
We met yesterday via Zoom and Facebook conference and brainstormed a good cover we both loved. We also brainstormed the chapter icons. I love them! All my books have them. Here’s a sample:
Chapter 1 icon of Villain’s Vacation. Click to get a copy
So what’s the problem? The cover we both wanted depicted a scene I hadn’t written. It was in the back of my mind for the whole book. So I spent yesterday afternoon writing it. But that was one reason I didn’t get my book to my editor yesterday.
The Other Reason I was Late
Just adding a new scene isn’t enough. With every second draft, after I clear off all the Grammarly errors and made all my points of view correct, I read the whole book aloud.
It’s amazing what you discover when you do that with a book you’ve just written. I find inconsistencies in point of view. I find awkward sentences. And I discover plot inconsistencies.
I read really fast and I don’t read every word–unless I read it aloud.
One last pitch: find out when my new book comes out through my newsletter. Subscribe here.
Best of September’s Internet for You, curated by me, author Andy Zach. Find out what amazing news, discoveries, insights, and fun you’ve missed this month.
I’ve spent the month writing my ninth book and cruising the internet researching the Everglades, the coast of Florida, and the Dragon space capsule procedures. What’s new with you? Let me know, and I’ll send you a free book. Click here.
Let’s begin the discovery of September’s Internet!
Yup, this shark would look fine on a cover of a 50s SciFi magazine.
Imagine a lurking shark here.
Speaking of science fiction covers, this picture from the James Webb Space Telescope (JWST) would be great as a cover:
For comparison, here’s a picture from the Voyager spacecraft as it flew by in 1989:
How About Some Videos from September’s Internet?
Would you like a flying bicycle/motorcycle?
In many predictions from the 50s, we were supposed to have flying cars by now. How about flying motorcycles? Is this for you?
Let’s take a break from SciFi and go to fantasy.
Legolas’ life and travels
Did you learn anything about Legolas from this video? Let me know.
September’s Internet – Some Humor
Back to Science Fiction–from 200 BC
The Antikythera mechanism is an example of Greek technical prowess as early as 300-200 BC. A good alternate history scifi would be for them to begin an industrial revolution at that time.
And speaking of the industrial revolution, the Brooklyn Bridge was built at that time in the US, chiefly managed by Roebling’s wife, after his death. The technology of the 19th century inspires steampunk SciFi.
September’s Writing Prompt
I belong to a writers’ group. Here was the writing prompt we got:
September’s Writing Prompt
He sat and waited. He’d been doing that for some time. Three million four hundred, fifty one thousand, and sixty one years, one hundred ninety one days, five hours, and thirty five minutes, according to his internal clock, accurate to five microseconds per millennium.
As usual, he absorbed all information he could from his surroundings. Crickets chirred. He recognized each within microphone range by their variations in timbre and frequency. Then there were the electromagnetic impulses flooding his various antennae. He’d identified thirteen distinct civilizations on this planet. Most of them were quite recent.
Fantasy Fuel! What is it? It’s those books, articles, pictures, and videos that spark the creativity that leads to fantasy stories. Let’s start with this one:
There are a LOT of castles in Europe–and there are more in Asia and Africa. Castles lend themselves to fantasy settings. I’ve dreamed of living in one and defending one from attack.
Which of the castles in this article is your favorite? Tell me and I’ll send you a free book. Just click here.
Fantasy Fuel – How about fantastic creatures?
Squashmingos! They remind me of the flamingos used by Alice in Alice in Wonderland. In case you’re not familiar with the reference, here is one of the original illustrations by Tenniel:
Alice in Wonderland Illustration by Sir John Tenniel (28 February 1820 aa 25 February 1914) 19th Century Illustration
Here’s a snippet of the Disney movie:
I haven’t written a fantasy yet, but I have made up an imaginary, alien animal: the foxcat.
The alien foxcat. Click to get the book.
It’s called a ‘foxcat’ because it’s a combination of a fennec fox and a caterpillar. A foxcat is a marsupial amphibian. It’s a stowaway on a gigantic flying saucer in my book:
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.
My science fiction sounds like fantasy. I wonder what my fantasy will sound like? I’ll have to write my first fantasy to find out. My working title is ‘Sentience’.
More Fantasy Fuel Coming Up for You
You can’t beat reading great fantasy books to inspire your fantasy writing. Here’s one I just finished.
The greatest novel of the 20th century, a true 5 star book, one that’ll be read in another hundred years.
My latest re-read was in the single volume edition with Christopher Lee’s artwork. His art is detailed and complex, with hidden elements that tell the story.
In this re-read, I saw the close connection between the start of the book, which is often called dull, and the end of the Hobbit. One dovetails into the other. The hobbit background is necessary for those who didn’t read the Hobbit, and provides additional detail on them, including their three races: the Stoors, the Harfoots, and the Fallowhides.
I also noticed in my re-read the masterful way Tolkien built tension and prolongs conflict and threats. He also increases the risks and dangers throughout the book. These details jump out at me more since I became an author.
Science Stories That Fuel Science Fiction – Let me give you my ideas for fiction from recent scientific breakthroughs. Then you can tell me your ideas–and get free books for them.
Ready? Let’s go!
Here’s a great new image of Jupiter, taken with the James Webb Space Telescope (JWST for short). How would I use this for fiction?
Imagine the infrared light revealing cities or satellites around the planet, inhabited by aliens. This would lead to a great story. What would you do? Let me know, and I’ll send you a free book. Just click here.
This’d make a great cover for that book or short story:
Jupiter to Earth size comparison
What’s Next in Science Stories?
How about this story?
Here we have a string of satellites visible from earth. I remember when Telstar was visible and used to relay signals from Japan to the US during the 1964 Olympics. I was 8 then.
How would I write this as a sci-fi story? One idea is to increase the size of human space structures until they’re as bright as the moon. What kind of space stations would they be? How would we use them? What would be the side effects, the social implications? This is a rich area of story fuel.
I already have a zombie turkey apocalypse series. How about a squirrel apocalypse?
This tickles my funny bone: squirrels causing the downfall of civilization. I can think of dozens of scenarios, including leveraging my zombie world that begins below:
Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
August Memes and Reviews for You, curated by me, Andy Zach. Let’s start with some memes:
How would you like another? Here you go!
With my current work-in-process, Secret Supers in Space, I feel like I have that block on my desk every other day. I’ve been writing it in fits and starts. It’s the third book in my Secret Supers series, starting with:
Jeremy has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. He is in a special education class with Dan, who is blind, Kayla, who was mute and used a walker, and Audrey, who lost her legs and uses crutches. One afternoon, when conducting experiments in his laboratory, Jeremy accidentally gives himself superpowers. Specifically, he gains the ability of telekinesis, which he can use to help himself walk, cause his wheelchair to travel at much higher speeds, and even fly. Not wanting to keep this discovery to himself, Jeremy tells his 3 friends about it and gives each of them superpowers as well. But now that they have superpowers, what should they do? Following the words of Uncle Ben of Spiderman, they decide they must use their powers for good, beginning by trying to solve a case of a stolen car, and keep their identities a secret, modeling their costumes on the Incredibles.
This book was a fun story that placed individuals with disabilities front and center in the story. While the superpowers allow them to do things they wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, it is what they choose to do with their powers that makes all the difference. Also, even with their superpowers, their initial disabilities aren’t erased, which I think is important. I liked to development of the characters and how they interacted and supported each other; I only wish the book had been longer so I could have spent more time with them. I am glad that there’s a sequel already published, and I look forward to reading/listening to it.
As usual, Dave Freer’s book is a romp in madness. We start off with an improbable hero, Squigs, six foot ten, and ectomorphic. He’s a university student in alchemy who’s on the run from people who want him dead and who just blew off his hand. So naturally, he jumps into another universe, through a portal predicted by his laptop computer.
The new world is swamp and ocean where he’s saved from death by a huge man and his beautiful daughter, who hates him. She’s destined to marry a hero from a royal family, so she has no time for a clumsy, awkward suitor. They include him on a mission to save the rapidly poached dragons of their world.
Secret societies, demons, and body-selling vampires enter the story, as well as a blood-thirsty dwarf and a spectral parrot.
My 12 year old read this one too and really liked it a lot better then the first book. It could stand on it’s own but will flow better if you read the first one before this book. This story has a great flow and plot that will definitely keep you engaged. Turns out that the hamster did change with the electromagnetic exposure…. The tweens go to Coaster World for a much needed break from their superhero duties when it gets interrupted by a villain. The tweens must work together again and reach out for help. It’s a great read for the younger elementary to adult reader.
Author Harmon Cooper continues his series of Arik, the steadily improving War Priest. Having great control of healing magic (revivura) and developed some control of illusion magic (chimuchura), he is also learning warrior magic (thunderura) and the magic under them all, Yokaura.
It’s a good thing he’s learning because he wants to get revenge on the current dictator Nobunaga who killed his family and friends and has his sister hostage. Along the way, he has to complete dozens of side quests to help friends and achieve goals.
Highly entertaining. I think this was my favorite so far
Eric Flint has a delightful collection of his shorter fiction in this book. He has novella-sized works from the Bellisarius series, the 1632 series, the Philosophical Stranger series. and the Rats, Vats, and Bats series. Each one shows his writing chops and quirky sense of humor.
In this sequel to Secret Supers, Jeremy has been experimenting on his hamster. As a result, Dancer has learned how to read, and is reading everything he can to learn about the human world. When Jeremy discovers this, he gets Dancer one of his old cell phones so Dancer can text the group.
As for the superhero business, the group needs some downtime and goes on vacation to Coaster World. What they don’t realize is that the villain they defeated also loves roller coasters and wants revenge against the Secret Supers.
Will the Secret Supers be able to defeat the villain and enjoy their vacation, or are their crime-fighting days numbered?
This was a fun sequel to Secret Supers. Not only did we have Andy Zach as a character in the book, as though the events were true and actually happened, but I loved the inclusion of a Super-Hamster helping out Jeremy and his friends. In this battle against the villain, the Secret Supers struggle, as the villain seems to have figured out how to neutralize their powers, and they not only have to call in support but also reveal themselves to some non-Supers.
The action was well-paced throughout, and the mystery of the identity of the villain was well-done. While I had suspicions, I wasn’t sure before the reveal, which was nice. If you enjoyed Secret Supers, I feel confident that you will also enjoy Villain’s Vacation.
For this book, I listened to the audiobook, which was narrated by Michael Stafford. Stafford gave a wonderful performance, and I would certainly listen to this audiobook again. (less)
Author Peter Alesso does a good job in his opening novel of this series. He portrays the troubles of being a normal human being in a time of genetic advancement. Then he details the technical training of a midshipman in the United Planets federation.
But there is an alien force lurking in the solar system. So far they have been benign. Will that continue?
Author Peter Alesso keeps his military scifi series going with the first interstellar exploration of humanity. Protagonist Henry Gallant is now a lieutenant reporting to Captain Neumann–a perfectionist and nitpicker.
They arrive at Tau Ceti and are attacked by the Titans, the methane-breathing aliens they fought on Earth. They barely survive and must land to repair their ship. Then they discover a settlement on the Earthlike Elysium–a settlement of humans.
How’d they get there? Who are they? And what will happen next?
This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am glad I picked it up! The series continues with lots of action, characters continue to be developed, humor, and the zombies are still not mindless shells ambling around awaiting an axe to the head. Still a refreshing take on zombies as a whole.
I look forward to what Andy writes next!
Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.
Andy Zach, Tori Smith and Olivia Smith continue to create a fun interesting world in the Life After Life Chronicles series. The characters are refreshing, the world continues to build, and the insanity increases. Hilarious and action packed. Audio Version: Michael Stafford does a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.
Greetings fans and anonymous internet readers! I’m author Andy Zach. I’ve decided to create one blog post to link to all my free short stories I’ve ever published. If you like them, you can get my collection of short stories below.
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.
The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.
Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul.
I left the air-conditioned comfort of the taxi, and the sights, sounds, and smells of the old bazaar in Jeddah assailed me: a robe-clad man on camel plodded by, an adjacent fishmonger added his smell to the fresh dung in the street, and the hawkers yelled their wares.
I could only speak Arabic at a middle school level, but as I strolled through the bazaar, I heard “Fresh dates!”…”Highest quality rugs!”…”Finest gold jewelry!”… “Ancient books! The rarest in Saudi Arabia!”
My head snapped around. A bald, stumpy man in a white caftan saw me look and said, “Books? You want ancient books?”
“Yes.” I spoke carefully, knowing my poor accent. “Can you speak English?” I didn’t have much hope.
Now, what was he going to do? His boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible. But keeping his job required it. He was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet.
“The origin of Zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read to himself.
Zombie turkeys had ravaged Illinois and the US at Thanksgiving. Thankfully they hadn’t hit near Terre Haute where he lived. He skimmed the article rapidly. Corn All, one of their agribusiness rivals, had genetically modified their corn to fight off corn disease. The genetic modification would adapt to the disease at a cellular level, and neutralize it by copying the DNA from the disease organism, whether fungal or bacteria.
When wild turkeys ate the corn, it modified the E Coli in their gut, creating the zombie turkey bacteria, e coli gallopavo. That got into the turkeys’ bloodstream and made them zombies, able to regenerate any lost or damaged body part, even bringing turkeys back from the dead.
What caught his eye was the reproduction rate: zombie cells reproduced every twenty minutes. Could that work for pickles? Why not try?
This was one of my favorite short stories to write. It is set soon after my novels Zombie Turkeysand Zombie Detective. The story icon is from my book Oops!.
Get Your Free Short Stories – The Third is the Best Yet
He was dead. At least, his business was. And without his business, his wife would leave him and take their new baby. Then he might as well be dead.
His dad had run the Elysium Fields Mortuary for thirty years and had made a killing at it.
The first and only mortuary in their small town of Hillvale, everyone got buried there. He charged normal prices, he was friendly, and he helped their community. His dad said to him when he was a teen, “Irving, after you get your college degree, go to mortuary school, and when you come out, I’ll hire you and then turn the business over to you. You’ll be set for life.”
Irv had no other plans. He liked this cute blonde Shelley in high school, and she liked him. So he learned the business, got his degree in psychological counseling, and came back and married her. Just as he promised, his dad turned Elysium Fields over to him after a few years and retired to Florida with his mom.
The first years had been great. People were dying to be his customers. He and Shelley remodeled his parents’ old house, went on vacations around the world, had his and her luxury cars. Shelley had their son, Nathan. Then the bottom dropped out of his business.
Rather than dying normally, people were taking zombie blood. Lung cancer? Gone. Heart disease? Cleared up. Severe accidents? Limbs grew back. Most people then took the vaccine to remove the zombie disease, because who wants to be a zombie with glowing red eyes? But they were still alive and healthy.
“Whatcha doing, Brice?” my boss Wilma O’Reilly asked, after sneaking up behind me.
I jumped. As usual, I was cruising the internet, bored with my job. Wendy was my boss. How awkward.
We worked at Vegan Inc, an agricultural conglomerate. I was their lead geneticist in charge of enhancing the qualities of the corporation’s vegetable products through genetic modification. Thinking fast, I said, “Uh, researching. I’m reading about the ‘Butterfly Effect’. It shows how small changes lead to great changes far away. Like a butterfly’s wing causes a cyclone on the other side of the earth.” That should work since that was what I was reading.
“How is this related to your current assignment of increasing the yield of our zucchini varieties?”
“I’m trying to relate my past success with cucumbers to zucchinis.”
“I’d think you’d just do what you did last time when I promoted you.”
“Well, I did and it didn’t work for zucchinis. I tried zombie hummingbird DNA, zombie turkey DNA, and twenty other zombie animals as well. But nothing worked. So I’m stretching my mind to the farthest reaches of what might be possible.”
“That might work. Try this scenario for a possibility: if you don’t make progress in another month, you’ll lose your position. You got promoted for great success. You’ll get demoted for failure.” Then she smiled sunnily and said, “Have a nice day!” as she left me.
The Taser hit me in the back. I convulsed uncontrollably, shocked out of sleep.
“Okay, wakey, wakey. Time to go model for your mistress,” squeaked a high tenor.
The bearded hulk who guarded us held his Taser ready, in case Lulu and I weren’t fast enough. He was so hairy, I couldn’t tell where his beard ended and his chest began. We donned the haute couture apparel set before us. He nodded his approval and gestured toward the door. He always followed us with his Taser.
“We’ve been here weeks and we don’t know your name. What shall we call you?” I ventured. I had some vague hope of putting him at his ease so we could escape.
He laughed. “Call me Gronk.” He wheezed when he laughed.
So I got him to laugh. Maybe that was progress. Maybe not. He also laughed when he tortured us with the Taser.
“That’s your problem isn’t it? Try the local apartments. Look for rooms to rent on the internet.”
I could tell by his grim expression he was serious this time. He’d been nagging me for nearly a year to move out and ‘set up housekeeping’ on my own, ever since I’d graduated from the state university with my BA in Video Game art and my minor in computer science. I’d managed to wheedle him out of it and delay the date. Until now.
I’d been saving money from my Game Stop job to move out, but I kept dipping into it to add to my video game equipment. I had a sweet system, the fastest I could afford using the latest alien technology. Oh. I needed to find some place to keep all my equipment too. And I needed internet access–high speed. I had to have at least gigabit per second speed or I couldn’t keep competing.
This might affect my standing in the Fortnight league. My stomach clenched in worry. I texted my best friend Nick.
How fascinating! Dancer thought. This book says there are libraries where hundreds of books live. It also says the fiction books are in order by author name.
Dancer scurried off Your Sixth Year Reader to look at Jeremy Gentle’s bookshelf again. Jeremy was his owner and unknowing educator. Ever since he’d taught himself to read by studying the newspapers lining the bottom of his cage, he’d craved reading.
He hadn’t figured out why he started reading. One day he’d noticed patterns in the markings. He saw they repeated themselves in clumps. He saw the clumps formed patterns. He also listened to his owners differently. They also spoke in patterns. “Jeremy” was always called “Jeremy” or “Jeremy Gentle” by the his mother, and sometimes by his father.
Dancer had learned to understand Jeremy and his parents, and then he’d put the terms they spoke with the clumps on the paper. Each letter had a sound, and together they formed clumps his master called “words.”
The idea was brilliant. No wonder they were his owners and he was only a hamster
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal.
Then things got weirder when his best friend, Dan Elanga, got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys.
What should the four friends do? Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then they started fighting crime, as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. Then they ran into problems they never expected.
Villain’s Vacation
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal.
Then things got weirder when his best friend, Dan Elanga, got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys.
What should the four friends do? Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then they started fighting crime, as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. Then they ran into problems they never expected.
Memes, Reviews, and Free Books – all picked out by me, Andy Zach.
I thought, “What should I post?”. What have I been reading? Books and of course, then I review them. I also have memes I’ve been seeing. Finally, I have free books to give to you.
This was my first book by J Kirk Perry and it was an autographed first edition–and certainly worth it! I read it in one sitting last night.
Melik begins in an out-of-the-way farming village, entertaining the locals when an elven prince shows up and arrests him. The local Jarl wants him for something.
Melik can escape but gives his word not to. Also, he’s dying to know how the elven prince, a rather stuck-up and superior mage, found him.
That doesn’t get revealed until the end of the book. Meanwhile, the rambunctious, impulsive, and unconventional Melik, a thief and a mage and a secret agent for the Empress, goes on a wild series of adventures with the elvan prince: staid, conventional, and convinced of his own superiority.
Highly recommended to anyone who wants some good fantasy fun.
Memes, Reviews – More to Come
Star Trek dad joke
The cover of my third novel Paranormal Privateers. Click to get yours.
This series is the first I have read of Andy Zach’s and I am glad I picked it up! The series continues with lots of action, characters continue to be developed, humor, and the zombies are still not mindless shells ambling around awaiting an axe to the head. Still a refreshing take on zombies as a whole. I look forward to what Andy writes next! Audio Version: Phil Blechman and Raven Perez do a great job with their respective characters and the overall narration.
Your Best Science and July Science Fiction as curated by me, Andy Zach. I’ve been cruising the internet for the biggest and best science news. This is what will fuel my next SciFi and fantasy books, Plus, I’ll tell you how you can get free books.
Author Peter Alesso does a good job in his opening novel of this series. He portrays the troubles of being a normal human being in a time of genetic advancement. Then he details the technical training of a midshipman in the United Planets federation.
But there is an alien force lurking in the solar system. So far they have been benign. Will that continue?
When Lisa fires Sam he doesn’t know what he’s going to do, for about two seconds till she tells him he has until that night to find a new career. He works better under the deadline and she should know because she’s his wife. This book was one of the funniest books I have ever read.
I love Simon Carr’s books and because I have brought all of his books I wanted to find a new author who was just as funny and I found him. I had no idea zombie animals were that prevalent but they are in this guy investigates the situation and when he’s hired by the government crazy things ensue.
I love this book and highly recommend it if you love to laugh and trust me they have giggles on every page. You can really truly tell when comedy comes natural and when they are trying too hard in this author his comedic talent in spades I cannot say enough how funny this book is and can’t wait to read the second one in the theories or at least I hope they have a second one.
I was given this book by the author in story origin but I am leaving this review voluntarily please forgive any mistakes as I am blind and dictate my review but all opinions are definitely my own.
Maybe you thought my zombie novel as science fiction was far-fetched? Guess again! We’ve got zombie cyborg spiders coming at you!
How old are your ears, based upon the test below? Just play the video and note the age when you can no longer hear the signal. Mine were 64, which is pretty close to my real age of 66.
Cities of the future are always a good SciFi trope. Here’s one planned for Saudi Arabia. Would you like to live in this city?
Moving on to astronomy, check out this new supernova, recently discovered by the James Webb Space Telescope:
What color is the moving square in the following video? My answer is below.
The square color is midway between the blue and the orangish pink, a kind of gray.
Finally, the classic SciFi image is a pinwheel or cartwheel galaxy. I once read a book about the view of the Milky Way from the Lesser Magellanic Cloud. It filled the sky.
Your Best Science, Science Fiction, and Fantasy of March is right here. Author Andy Zach scans the internet for you. What’s there?
I’ve got so much for you! Where do I start?
Here’s a science fiction review of one of my favorite books:
Overall 5 out of 5 stars
Performance 5 out of 5 stars
Story 5 out of 5 stars
03-23-22
Another winner by Andy Zach!
Unique and wonderful book for young people. Kids see a whole new side of kids with special needs. Not weird. Just kids who are facing a different sort of challenge than they are. The story is fun and believable. It kept me interested, and I’m an old lady!
At this point in the bloc you get some science fiction. Along with some laughs.
New review for Zombie Turkeys!
Overall 4 out of 5 stars
Performance 4 out of 5 stars
Story 4 out of 5 stars
03-18-22
funny
This is a parody of all those zombie apocalypse books and films. Zombie turkeys are loose in Illinois. It was hysterical when the fresh turkeys in the grocery store came to life. I had fun imagining the governor calling out the National Guard to protect turkey farms and hunt down the zombie turkeys. They were to use specially trained turkey dogs. Give this a try.
We’re Not Done! Your Science Science Fiction Fantasy Continues Below
Enjoy these gorgeous pictures of – cold water invertebrates. Who would have thunk it?
How do I follow up such a nerdy article? With a nerdier video about battery manufacturing and technology.
You see, I’m a nerd. I love all science and technology. But I’ve been especially following Tesla battery and electric car technology. Check out the next video.
What can top these stories? How about this fantasy story below?
Click to get this
A half-goblin and his pet honey badger battle pirates
When a teenaged Anuka Sandbar, criminally handsome half-goblin, visits the world’s most famous Orc brothel only the sort of fun Anuka is known for can ensue. This short story is an introduction to the beloved hero of the Dragons of Dorwine Series.
Book Conventions – as an author. I’ve been to two conventions in two weeks and I’m going to another one this week. What’s it like as an author? I’ll let you know below.
Plus, I’ve got a new review of a fantasy book for you. Then I have my usual free book offers. And I’ll let you know about a sale, coming up this Sunday, March 20, first day of spring.
Begin With the Future – What Conventions Are Approaching?
A simple search for book conventions brings up hundreds. My first filter was, “What’s in Peoria?”
In 2016, when I published my first book, nothing.
Get your Zombie Turkeys here. You get a bushel of laughter with each book.
‘He felt great. He was full of energy, he had many hens to breed with, and he was the leader of a great flock.’
Sam Melvin is a reporter with the Midley Beacon, it’s a tiny local paper – with an online presence – run by its penny-pinching editor Lisa Kambacher. When Sam sees the two turkey hunters on the slab in the local mortuary, he knows he has a story to cover and he sets out to do so with great gusto. As the zombie turkeys multiply, Sam and Lisa are the leading media team on the ground and the Midley Beacon goes international, solving their financial woes and syndicating their work across the globe. But it’s not all good news. After all, there are those people-killing zombie turkeys heading into town…
So, I went to Chambanacon, in Bloomington. It was one hour drive from Peoria. It cost some money, but I was willing to risk it. I had fun and sold some copies of my first book.
That’s pretty much how I pick my conventions.
Book Conventions -The Next Step is Packing
What to pack? How about books?
I have seven different books (soon to be eight!) and almost two hundred copies. What to take?
Enjoy all four novels in audiobook, paperback, or Kindle format!
All of them.
What else should I take?
From the very beginning, I’ve always had a signup list for my newsletter. People who buy my books are my favorite people. What if they want more? You can sign up here and get free books.
I pile about a hundred books into my rolling suitcase and another hundred in cardboard boxes ‘just in case I need them.’
Should I take anything else? How about posters, table swag (candy, business cards, bookmarks), and decorations.
Here’s my most recent convention, showing everything I’ve mentioned so far:
Andy Zach at Quadcon March 2022, Peoria Northwoods Mall
Surely that’s everything, right? Surely not!
Surely you can’t be serious!
Looking through my most recent packing list, other things are:
tablecloth
duck tape
extension cord
computer and cord and case
two cell phones with chargers
credit card reader
book stickers
cash box
receipt book
vaccination card
mask
tea thermos
lunch box
moving dolly
Book Conventions – Being There
I get totally hyped at book conventions. I love meeting my customers and future customers. Then I get to read from my books for them. Perhaps the best of all is meeting newsletter subscribers who love my newsletter and my books. No, I think the best is when a person buys my next book after enjoying one.
But wait, there’s more!
from ‘Scary Movie’
I also get to meet and talk with other authors–and–wait for it–learn from them!
Yes, I don’t know everything. I’m always picking up new ideas and approaches to writing and promoting my books.
What’s the Down Side?
There are negatives. First, you’ve got to schlep hundreds of pounds of stuff to your booth location and set everything up.
Next, you’ll get tired. Sit down, then stand and talk. Repeat for eight hours. Before, during, and afterward, be positive. Don’t let them see you cry, moan, or complain.
Finally, you’ll lug your luggage back to your car and drive home.
I love that someone is writing fun superstories in which disabled and differently abled kids can see themselves as potentially brave and heroic. The story doesn’t just show them doing impossible things that fully abled people can’t even do; it shows them using their heads to solve problems and cooperating together to use their different gifts to change the world for the better. And it’s well told, with a youthful sounding narrator that highlights the 12-13 years of the characters.
I received this free audiobook and voluntarily left this honest review.
Note: While this is Book 2 in the series, it works pretty well as a stand alone story (tho book 1 is a lot of fun).
Once again the Secret Supers (Jeremy, Dan, Kayla, and Aubrey) combine their skills to fight evil! Well, actually, they were having a bit of a vacation and evil found them. But evil will certainly be sorry! Once again, Andy Zach gives us another delightful kids’ book. I’ve listened to his other audiobooks, including the Zombie Turkeys books, and this is a great addition to that collection.
What’s New Science and Reviews in 2022? Find out as I go through breaking science news and book reviews so far this year.
Let’s begin with military science, which is becoming military SciFi.
A 1000-mile cannon would be revolutionary, but it’d be rather like a hypersonic weapon on a movable platform. One of my favorite military SciFi series is by John Ringo concerning the invasion of the alien Posleen. In it, he has a super cannon mounted on a battleship–and a tank.
Have you read John Ringo’s Posleen/Aldenata series? Let me know and I’ll send you a free copy of:
I really wasn’t expecting much from a book about zombie turkeys. I don’t watch the zombie tv shows or movies, so I was expecting this to be some creepy story where evil wins, and good people are destroyed. Guess what? That’s pretty much how this book was, yet it was done in a fun and entertaining way.
I didn’t think it was hilarious, as some people said. However, it was obviously written tongue in cheek with lots of opportunities to chuckle…if you aren’t worried where the next zombie outbreak is happening!
I moved to Florida from Central Illinois MANY years ago, so I was pleasantly surprised when the zombie plague visited all the small towns back home. I wonder if there really are turkey farms around there? Hmmm, I DO remember lots of corn. Maybe I had better go on Amazon and get me a flame thrower before I go back up to visit!
Grab some snacks, (Anything but corn chips,) and enjoy a good read. (You’ll understand when you finish reading it!)
Just finished this book tonight. Charles Gannon writes a crackling good story about John Ringo’s zombie apocalypse from a wholly different point of view in a wholly new setting.
The point of view? A sailing ship full of teens learning to sail on the ocean. Their plan is to sail to South Georgia Island off Antarctica. The point of view is Alvaro, a savant from the tough streets of LA with a perfect memory.
He doesn’t hit it off with anyone among the other teens, but especially Chloe–a hyper aggressive and hostile teen from Alaska. The gruff and taciturn captain tasks him with learning to navigate. Then he has to teach it to the other teens–starting with Chloe. First he has to teach her how to read.
By this time the zombie outbreak has begun around the world. The captain maintains radio silence and trains the teens for survival in the new world. Their first challenge is at South Georgia Island.
I started by reading this author’s book about the Turkey Apocalypse. I had so much fun (yes, fun, even though the turkeys were out killing everyone and thing in their path!) Then I read about the Undead Mother in law. Even better! Each book gets more accomplished than the next.
This one was a surprise! I thought I had purchased the same book twice (I’ve been known to do that!) However, this is just a group of short stories that are prequels or sequels to the others that fill in some questions I didn’t know I had or start me on a new train of thought.
Fun to read! Just make sure you check all wildlife around you for metal caps before you settle in! They’re watching you!
Zombie Detective Audiobook Preview – My latest book Zombie Detective is on sale. (Click here to get it before the sale ends) I’m giving you a preview of this audiobook! This is the first time I’ve EVER uploaded a pre-production version of any audiobook.
Now, this audiobook won’t be published until Christmas. If you’re dying to hear more of this story, check out the other audiobooks in the Life After Life Chronicles series. I list them below.
Ace zombie reporter Sam Melvin has been fired–by his wife, Lisa. Their paper, The Midley Beacon, is barely surviving. How will they make ends meet?
Sam decides to give being a detective a try. He advertises his business–but his zombie experience comes with it. All across the country, people bring their zombie problems to Sam. Squirrels? Bulls? Sam’s on the case. But can his experience with zombie turkeys transfer?
Sam finds out in a series of deadly adventures–and so will you when you read this book. See if you can keep from dying from laughter.
Zombie Turkeys – The Zombie Detective Audiobook Story Begins
Audiobook cover – click to listen.
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country.
Sam’s editor, Lisa Kambacher, snipes at Sam for plebeian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story. Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes.
Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.
My mother-in-law’s a zombie. And she has anger-management issues.
My mother-in-law, Diane Newby, zombified by accident. She still volunteers at her church bake sales and cooks pot roast for her daughter and son-in-law, Ron Yardley. What ticks her off is when people don’t treat her like a normal human being – with glowing red eyes and super strength and speed. And if she doesn’t get her own way, look out. She explodes and leaves broken plaster and body parts in her wake. Nothing stops her: not brick walls, the federal government, or middle-aged spread.
But the world’s most powerful criminal plans to control zombies. His only problem with zombies is that they have way too much free will. He has a solution for that. But will it work with Diane Newby?
The world divides into pro-zombie and anti-zombie factions. Battles break out everywhere. Which side will you take? Who will live and who will die?
You might not survive this audiobook. But at least you’ll die laughing.
Middle-aged, overweight, and undead, Diane Newby leads the paranormal privateers against criminals and corruption. Sailing to trouble spots too sensitive for the US government, with zombie strength and regeneration they beat bullies into submission. Aided by zombie turkeys, corgis, and bulls, vicious criminal geniuses fall before them. If Diane gets overwhelmed by foes, her lovely zombie bodyguards and romantic zombie husband come to the rescue.
Out of the blue, new foes appear. Or are they friends? Or both? The frenemies neutralize zombies and orchestrate world peace. They disrupt the economy and produce fabulous wealth. Even the greatest criminals and governments can’t stop them from dominating the world.
Can humanity afford the price of peace? All must surrender freedom to a not-so-benign dictatorship. Diane and the paranormal privateers must do the unthinkable to save humanity. But is it enough?
In an explosive and unconventional ending to Andy Zach’s Life After Life Chronicles, you will learn what happens when the paranormal privateers meet the world’s greatest fear. And you will laugh all the way.
How can there be more to the Chronicles than the last book–so far? How about a collection of short stories, assembled from before, during and after the Chronicles? Here they are.
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.
The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years – from aliens.
Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul.
What did you like best about Zombie Turkeys? What did you like least? There were times when the book was laugh out loud funny, but other times it was just cheesy. Also, repetitive use of the word “said” in the dialog portions was obnoxious. I’m increasing my rating on this book, because I listened to it over a year ago, and it still pops into my head sometimes. I still say “Zombie Turkey” every time I hear a turkey gobble. And I felt compelled to order an autographed copy of the book. All of this says to me that I under-rated it the first time, and need to make it right.
Would you be willing to try another book from Mr. Andy Zach? Why or why not? Yes. I want to know where his zombies go from here.
Which scene was your favorite? Roland trying to get Lashaun to come out of the tree. She didn’t want to come down, because the turkeys had pecked her backside and it was showing through her pants.
Did Zombie Turkeys inspire you to do anything? Not eat turkey. Say “Zombie Turkeys” every time I hear a turkey gobble.
Any additional comments? The male narrator did a good job, but the female narrator didn’t differentiate very well between her different characters.
Zombie Turkeys by Mr. Andy Zach is a fun romp of a listen!
Zombie Turkeys by Mr. Andy Zach is a funny, quixotic romp of a listen. It follows the exploits of two intrepid blogger/(initially) online reporters, Sam and Lisa, as they track and help to combat a spreading infestation of killer zombie turkeys. It combines a unique take on zombies, a love story, some quasi-science, and lots of action.
I listened to the Audible audio book and initially I wasn’t sure I liked the narrator but eventually I warned to him. If you like unusual zombie stories with a new approach to story telling and lots of twists and turns, this audio book or book may be for you. I enjoyed listening to it and will be keeping the author on my radar!
When you first listen it an amusing story the narrative is absolutely amusing, and the story a bit “camp”, but under it’s comic veneer ss I listened ” locked in” at home from Covid 19 something very familiar emerges. Yes this is a fun to listen to, totally entertaining book and one you can’t storing listening to, however somewhat deeper it reflects the incompetent and bungling we are now experiencing world wide with this and possible other pandemics to come. This story parodies a disaster of Zombie Turkeys…but perhaps it warns us there could be far worst. Please do listen it overall great story and extraordinary naration.
This very funny tale has it all. There’s peril, adventure, mayhem, even a love story and a happy ending.
I laughed so hard that I occasionally had to stop and go back a few minutes so I could hear what I missed while I was cracking up. There were moments when I had to wipe my eyes, because I was laughing so hard I cried.
I received a free copy of this audiobook in exchange for my honest opinion.
You have to check this book out. This was a far better book than I thought it would be. Mr Andy Zach has a ‘ell of a imagination, and Mr Phil Blechman does a great narration. I especially loved his turkey gobbling sounds, I had a great laugh every time he did it.
I reviewed a copy of the audio book from the author in exchange for my honest review, and here it is. First book read/ listen from Andy Zach, and I’m totally hook. can’t wait to hear/ RAF the remaining series. the story line is very entertaining, and the way they perform (yes perform not read) the book was perfect. Love the sound affects, they just made the story come to live. This story had it all, from killer zombies, love, mystery, and action. it’s a must read/ hear. I totally recommended.
This book is so mutch fun!! It’s silly and ridiculous, but in a great way! It just brought a smile to my face and an extra skip in my step as I listened at work. My day is pretty monotonous and even the regular audiobooks I listen too just felt monotonous.
I had already listened to My Undead Mother in Law and I remembered I had this one also. Remembering how entertaining U.D.M.I.L was I decided to play this one because I needed a pick me up. And pick me up it did.
I made note of certain parts so I could play them for my husband at our lunch break. Definitely worth your time. The narrator’s are perfect for this series. The turkey calls made me laugh out loud. Great job to all involved!!
This dark comedy combines action and humor set mostly against the back drop of rural Indiana. Sam and his editor Lisa run a small town newspaper, and in their search for a good lead stumble across the story of a life time – Zombie Turkeys!
We follow the turkeys as they make their way from farm to farm gathering more all but immortal fowl while leaving death and destruction in their wake. Sam, Lisa, and soon more reporters track the turkeys across the country side learning not just how to fight back but how to destroy them. This story is not just action packed but is also full of unexpected heros and even has time for a love story or two.
Comfort food for that juvenile part of you that never quite outgrew your comic books. Just forget that it’s preposterous (after all, you were already warned by the title; what did you expect?), and go with the flow…
What added to the Zombie Turkey situation was the author took the reader through the different towns of Illinois by a reporter working on his big story added great humor to the saga. The reader has to wonder how Mr Zach dreams up these crazy stories but they all seem to work.
Super Science Stories for you, selected by sensei Andy Zach from September’s internet. Let’s start with this super story.
How do you feel about bringing the wooly mammoth back to life? Some think we should work at saving our current elephant species around the world. Others think mammoths may upset the current ecosystem in the arctic.
As a long-time dinosaur and paleontological fan, I’d love it. But let me know what you think in a comment or by contacting me here. I’ll give an ebook to each response
Super Science Stories Continued
This is a valid question. The US military has explored airship designs for sixty years. They can go to the stratosphere, above all weather and be supplied by airplanes indefinitely.
What is science fiction? I agree with Robert Heinlein’s definition below.
Look Out Below for More Science Stories
Is feasible fusion finally here?
Excuse my cynicism, but I’ve heard that fusion was right around the corner for at least fifty of my sixty-five years. When do you think it’ll be here?
Next, you’ve got some October humor, timely and topical.
I’ve got one last military scifi story for you. Or would you say this story is more science-based? The story does have biology and robotics inside of it.
Now for the real last meme of this post. Here you go, my friends. Get ready for some football! With eggs.
What Did You Miss in August? Lots! Like this next meme. Who knew the Greeks were family with meme from 2,500 years later?
Of course, this meme is funnier if you’re familiar with both Greek mythology and current internet memes.
And the following photo:
Who doesn’t like a nice neck rub?
Then we have this video from Disneyland:
There’s still more to come! How about a pun?
How do I have all this time to find this stuff on the internet? I’m an author! I spend half my time writing and half my time cruising the internet. Like this next item.
Here’s your chance to get a free book. Comment below or reply to me by clicking here about which of these was your favorite. Then I’ll send you a copy of Zombie Turkeys.
This book has more military scifi short stories. Even though it’s about fifty years old, I didn’t give it five stars because it isn’t one of Keith Laumer’s more famous works.
Nonetheless, it’s a crackling good collection of military stories. I noticed some of Laumer’s characteristic impossible odds facing his antagonist, which are eventually overcome.
Recommended for any fan of military scifi, short stories, or Keith Laumer.
I read this book to preview it for teen readers. I found it light and humorous considering it being a zombie tale. It’s perfect for young adults! But I wouldn’t recommend it for the hard-core adult zombie, post-apocalyptic fans.
Andy’s take is unique, fun, and refreshing. The story wraps up cleanly with minimal gore and lots of tongue-in-cheek remarks. How fun to learn you can order a flamethrower on Amazon!
Have I got a deal for you! I’ll give you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys when you click here.
Your Closing Photo. Don’t Miss This Opportunity!
For a limited time, I’m offering my next book, Zombie Detective, autographed and at a discount. Oh, and you get free shipping as well. I lovingly pack each book with the same hands that typed it. Click the partial cover to get yours.
Ace zombie reporter Sam Melvin has been fired—by his wife, Lisa. Their newspaper, the Midley Beacon, is barely surviving now that the zombie turkey apocalypse is over. How will they make ends meet?
Lisa convinces Sam to try his hand at being a private investigator. Sam Melvin, zombie detective, does have a certain ring to it. All across the country people bring their zombie problems to Sam. Squirrels? Bulls? Sam’s on the case. And his rates keeps rising. But when he meets unkillable human zombie criminals, will he survive?
Sam finds out in a series of deadly adventures—and so will you in Zombie Detective. If you can keep from dying from laughter.
Cover of The Stars Must Wait Click to read full review
Keith Laumer, in one of his last books, describes a dystopian United States from the perspective of Terrance Jackson, an astronaut awoken from suspended animation after eighty years.
It’s a delicious premise. Just as the spaceship was to launch a colonization trip to Callisto, the launch was aborted with one second to go. There are about a dozen crew members aboard: a full crew and a full backup crew.
All the crew is suspended, but they awake at different times by the computer program. Meanwhile, …more
Review of My Undead Mother-in-law. Click to read review and listen to excerpt
Outlandish Fun
Andy Zach continues his unrelenting attack on the horror/zombie genre with outlandish humor. What will society do with the new human zombies after the havoc caused by The Turkey Zombies?!? That was a rhetorical question…so just laugh! 😉
Wow! I think my originality meter overflowed! This short story collection includes fantasy and science fiction. Its settings go from post-apocalyptic Mars to medieval worlds where magic reigns. There’s humor and horror, sex and violence, victories and defeats, villains and heroes. Oh, and time-travel too.
Further, many of the stories are set in the same universe and cross-reference each other. At times, they feel like chapters from the same book.
I recommend this book for anyone who enjoys originality and creative use of medieval dialect as well as invented alien languages.
I’m embarrassed to say this, but I’m biased here; two of my short stories are this book. So you can disregard this review, even though it’s only about the other short stories.
The Last Best Book Reviews
Doctor Doolittle’s Zoo
Hugh Lofting continues his imaginative exploration of the things the good Doctor Doolittle can do through talking to animals. This time it’s a post office run by them. In the fictional West African country of Fantippo.
As usual, the Doctor spends whatever money he gets on animals and people in need. As usual, his animal friends work together to get him more money. Hugh Lofting surprises us with an imaginative riff within his story: how about a series of short stories by animals for an animal magazine?
This was a fun listen! Sam Melvin is a reporter for a small newspaper in a small town. When people start being attacked by turkeys, Sam is on the job! As the first one to report the outbreak of a disease turning the turkeys into zombies, Sam is busy trying to find the flock and let the world know what is happening.
The story follows numerous attacks by the hoard of turkeys and the various ways that people try to fight them off. There is a little romance along the way for a few couples, even in the face of possible death. Add in the backstory of online news and entrepreneurship, a football game turned zombie fight and a great white shark and you have some great scenes!
Top 7 Science stories have to start with this one!
I would love it if Andromeda were that bright in the sky. Sadly, all we see is the fuzzy center. This picture demonstrates the power of time-lapse photography.
Then we have this breath-taking picture:
Your Top 7 Science Stories – The Second is Next
I read a deluge of science stories every week. This one filtered through the noise. I get a newsletter from GE, which is where I found it.
This story is a little disappointing: you can’t expect spaceships to cruise about independent of orbits. It takes too much energy.
That’s no problem for SciFi authors, like the one behind my typewriter. In my book below, I have a spaceship that directly converts matter to energy. Very handy, that is.
Paranormal Privateers cover
Your Sixth of Top 7 Science Stories
I can hear people saying, “That’s not science! That’s some idiot driving a wheel to 827 MPH.”
It is too science. The question was, “Can we spin a wheel faster than the speed of sound? What will happen?” There was an experiment to try it and they spun faster than the speed of sound. What’s more scientific than that?
Some free advice: don’t do this at home. Or anywhere else.
Your Last Science Story
The last science story covers anti-drone warfare–using silly string. I’m serious. Check it out in the link above.
Your Best Books of June and Random Science and Science Fiction that Andy Zach has found on the internet for your pleasure. And you’ll get free books in this article too.
So let’s begin!
Your Best Books – and Science
Fighting more viruses with advanced mRNA vaccines, a drug against aging, and a new way to generate electricity from ground-up carbon nanotubes. This week’s coolest things are ready to handle what comes next.
Hugh Lofting continues his imaginative exploration of the things the good Doctor Doolittle can do through talking to animals. This time it’s a post office run by them. In the fictional West African country of Fanditto.
As usual, the Doctor spends whatever money he gets on animals and people in need. As usual, his animal friends work together to get him more money. As usual, Hugh Lofting surprises with an imaginative riff within his story: how about a series of short stories by animals for an animal magazine?
This is still selling a hundred years after it was written for a good reason: it’s a great book. (less)
I consider Doctor Doolittle a fantasy. But this next one is pure science fiction.
Your Best Books – Science Fiction
Span of Empire
Eric Flint and David Carrico bring the Jao trilogy to a satisfying conclusion with more aliens, more battles, new technology, more blood, and guts than ever before.
But is it the conclusion? Several items are left hanging, with new alien species and new Ekhat capabilities in the offing. Sadly, the original collaborator, K.D. Wentworth, has passed away. She worked on this novel before her death. David Carrico has collaborated with Eric Flint on the 1632 series and finished the novel seamlessly.
Will they write another Jao novel? It’s been five years since they wrote this one.
Kindle Publishing in 6 Easy Steps by self-published author Andy Zach. Do you have your book all ready, but have no clue about publishing? Follow these 5 simple steps and see your book appear on Amazon.
Ready? Set? Go!
Enjoy all four novels in audiobook, paperback, or Kindle format!
Andy’s four books in his first series he published on Kindle, The Life After Life Chronicles.
“That’s nice Andy, but it doesn’t help me get an account.” Right. Here’s the REAL FIRST STEP: Create an Amazon account on Amazon. Just a regular old account here: Click here. Of course, if you already have an Amazon account, just sign in.
Then what? You create a Kindle Author account here. Click here.
That wasn’t so hard was it? Now you’re ready to create your book.
Secret Supers – the first book of my second series.
Your Second Step to Self Publishing
You need to create a book. This is done in three steps. The first is the book details, listed in the six steps below.
I’m assuming you’ve already written it and you’re looking to publish it.
Log into your Kindle Author KDP account. Use your Amazon account if necessary.
Go to your KDP account homepage and click on Bookshelf. I’ve circled it in red below.
3. Next, you’ll see the choice of creating the Kindle book or a paperback book. Since the paperback has longer lead time, I always create that first. You can create either or both in any order. Click on the + Paperback option. You’ll see this.
4. You can put in your book title and subtitle here, as well as the language. You can also put in the series number and order.
For example, I’ve put in my soon-coming book Zombie Detective – The world’s only detective specializing in zombies in here. I also edited the series order of my Life After Life Chronicles series so Zombie Detective is number 2.
5. Moving on to the lower half of the book content screen we see:
Fill in the details appropriate to your book. For Zombie Detective, I have Edition 1, myself as the author, Dori Harrell as my editor, Rik Hall as my other editor, and Sean Flanagan as my illustrator. I also supply my book description.
6. Finishing off the screen we have this image:
Supply the details appropriate to your book. Note that book keywords and categories are a whole realm of alternatives that affect your sales. I won’t cover them here. Then click Save and Continue at the bottom of the page.
Your Third Step to Kindle Publishing – Upload Content
What content? Take a look at the Content page in the Kindle process below.
You’ll need an ISBN. You can buy your own for your own publishing company or you can use Kindle’s. I bought my own for Jule Inc.
Since I’m publishing this month, June 2021, I’ll use the Kindle publication date. I also use black & white paper for the interior. If you have color pictures, you have a choice between standard and premium. My Trim Size or book size, will be 6×9 inches.
The next section of content includes Bleed/No Bleed and Matt/Glossy finish on the book. I pick No Bleed and Matt finish for my books. This is another area of printing details I won’t cover here.
More importantly, this is where you upload your completely edited manuscript. Aside from correctly all typos and grammatical mistakes, you should also have at least a line edit done where the editor reviews all your sentences for optimum structure. If you haven’t had your manuscript professionally edited, go and hire one now. Developmental editing can also be helpful. Do your own research on this subject.
Similarly, your book cover should be professionally designed. I cannot stress this enough. Your cover is more important than your book content.If your content is bad, people may never buy another book from you. If your cover is bad, people won’t even look inside!
After your manuscript and cover are uploaded, you’re almost done. Kindle will check the content for any obvious errors. You’ll be able to review the whole book online before publication. Set aside a few hours to do that carefully.
Your Fifth Step to Kindle Publishing – Distribution and Pricing
Distribution–what does that mean? Where Amazon will distribute your book around the world.
Pricing–that seems obvious, what Amazon will charge for your book–but the book’s price determines what Amazon will pay you. Take a look at the distribution screen below.
I always choose ‘All territories’ for distribution. Why not?
Primary Marketplace for the US is Amazon.com. The other Amazon sites are listed below.
Your pricing is trickier than you think. The higher the better? Maybe. You’ll get paid more for each sale–but will high prices hurt your sales? I compared Zombie Turkeys to all the top zombie books of comparable size–and I picked the lowest price for that sized book (187 pages). I’d rather take less per book and sell more books. Do your own price research.
The other areas’ prices are based off the US price. I don’t touch them.
With your prices and distribution set, hit the publish button!
Please Stand By While Kindle Publishes Your Book
You may have to wait up to 72 hours for the book to be everywhere you need. For your own copies of print books, expect a week for the first batch to be printed and another week or more of shipping. You can always pay more for faster shipping, but I hate to do that. This is why I said you have more lead time with print copies.
What about Kindle ebooks? No problem! They’re out there when they’re approved. Enjoy!
If this isn’t clear enough, leave a nasty comment or write to me here.
Tax Time! Maybe you did know May 17th is the new April 15th? Anyway, besides being a comic science fiction author, I’ve also done my taxes for forty-seven years. That reaches back into the dark ages before personal computers–or cell phones.
If this is too boring to read, scroll down to the bottom, where I’m giving away 30 books and an ebook reader.
Tax Time! All My Tax Blog Posts
First, before I give you my latest tips, here are all my past tax blog posts:
That would be my experiences this year. Despite my best efforts at publishing, I made money–enough to tax. You see, I pour money into my books and use my business as a loss to reduce my taxes. But I made too much money this year. I owe the government money this coming May 17th.
It’s not solely that I made more money than ever before in books. (That is, I lost less than ever before.
Andy Zach’s book sales and revenue (NOT PROFIT) I have revenue in red because I’ve lost money every year.
My wife began receiving social security. That’s a new source of income. It’s not taxed–until the end of the year, if you haven’t already paid enough taxes.
“What?!? They tax social security? Our Federal Government in Washington DC?” you ask.
“You bet. If you make any other money over a certain amount, you’ll be taxed on a portion of your social security, up to 50% of it.”
“Arggh! What can I do?”
“You can make less money. Reduce your income. Or have more deductions.”
“I’ll look behind door number 2, please.”
What’s Behind Door Number 2 – Increasing Your Deductions
What can you deduct? Here are some of the major categories of deductions.
Business losses – spend more money on your business so you lose more!
Medical expenses – Keep track of EVERYTHING. File every receipt. You can deduct some of it, including medical insurance expenses.
Charitable deductions – Give away more to your favorite charities! This includes A. Money (have receipts for everything); B. Goods (Again, get receipts for everything); C. Travel Expenses. this includes trips there and back again for volunteering. I track my trips to church to lead my small group. You can too. You will get a mileage deduction.
Mortgage interest – borrow more money and pay more interest.
Local taxes – State and local income, real estate, or sales and use taxes. You can usually deduct sales or income, but not both. Check your state and federal laws carefully.
Is your head spinning yet? There’s more to come!
Get Help – and not from authors
You can go to a tax attorney, tax preparer, use a tax program, or read tax preparation books and articles. Or you can do all of them. But see my disclaimer below.
You don’t believe I’m an author? Check out this free book giveaway:
“Any tax-related opinions in any part of this document or website (including any links) are not tax advice. The above is a general explanation of tax law and should not be relied upon for your individual circumstances. Tax advice cannot be provided on a general basis, and must be specifically tailored for each individual by his or her particular representative. Any user of this website should seek the advice of a competent, independent tax professional regarding that user’s particular circumstances.
In addition, any tax advice given herein (and in any attachments) is not intended or written to be used, and cannot be used, by any taxpayer for the purpose of (i) avoiding tax penalties or (ii) promoting, marketing, or recommending to another party any transaction or matter addressed therein.”
You’ll Love These Superheroes – who are they? In order of their appearance:
Jeremy Gentle
Jeremy, seventh grade superhero
Jeremy’s a 12-year-old genius in 7th grade. Too bad he’s stuck in a disabled class with cerebral palsy and no girl would ever look at his skinny, twisted body. But he has a cool lab in his basement where he experiments with 25,000 volt surge of electricity–leading to his superpower.
His shares his story with his best friend, Dan Elanga.
Love These Superheroes – Dan Elanga
Dan Elanga, the second Secret Super
Dan’s parents sold their business in Cameroon to come to America to give their blind son a better chance. Dan pestered Jeremy until he told him about his experiment–and Dan tried it. And got a different superpower.
Of course, the boys tried to hide their superpowers. But they failed to consider their fellow student–
Kayla Verdera – the smallest superhero
Kayla Verdera
Kayla’s a genius like Jeremy, but she’s not even five feet tall. She used to be on the cheerleading squad as the topmost girl–until she got spinal meningitis. Now she has to use a walker, and a voice app to talk. Plus she drools. In one swoop she fell from one of the in crowd to the out crowd, the disabled kids.
But she notices Jeremy and Dan hiding something and talking together, so she gets her friend Aubrey to ask them. They invite her over to Jeremy’s house. And she gets a completely different superpower.
Now her best friend has to go to Jeremy’s next. she’s–
Aubrey Wilcosky – The Talkingest Superhero
Aubrey, super powered heroine.
With Aubrey, she talks first and thinks later. She’s as big as Dan and was a star on the softball team–until she lost her legs in a car accident. Undaunted, she plowed on in borrowed prosthetics, while struggling in school. Kayla helped her study and they became best friends. Now she gets Jeremy’s experimental ‘treatment’ and receives a unique superpowered gift.
So the four friends become superheroes. What next? Find out in:
I said this was a series. I also said Secret Supers goes on sale on Monday May 10th. So does the Villain’s Vacation ebook. Get it here, on May 10th, for .99.
What happens in Villain’s Vacation? The Secret Supers go to a coaster park for summer vacation. Too bad their worst enemy is also there–and out for revenge.
This is current military technology, with missiles and drones–but it can be extended into hard science fiction really easily. Just go One Step Beyond . . .
Some minor problems: you need energy levels equal to that of a star; you may need negative energy, which only theoretically exists; you have to start at light speed.
But wait! There’s more coming up! I just released Villain’s Vacation to Audible. It’ll soon be available to you as my newsletter subscribers. Don’t miss out on this great opportunity.
Four disabled seventh-graders with superpowers take a vacation at Coaster World. They need a break from fighting criminals. Ever since the beginning of the school year when they acquired their unusual abilities, they’ve been training and using those powers to fight crime in their town.
Little do they know the arch-villain they recently defeated also loves coasters and is vacationing at Coaster World. Worse, the villain wants revenge. Nothing less than turning these teens to a life of crime will satisfy.
Can Jeremy, Dan, Kayla, and Aubrey withstand the villain’s attacks? Or will they become Super Villains?
You can only find out by reading the adventure ‘Villain’s Vacation’.
You’d think after three oddball novels, Zombie Turkeys (How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys), My Undead Mother-In-Law (The Family Zombie with Anger Management Issues), and Paranormal Privateers, that Andy Zach would have exhausted all the comic possibilities in his world of killer zombie turkeys and superhero zombie human.
You’d be wrong. How about flying zombie pickles? Zombie zucchini? Zombie caterpillars? (How can you tell a zombie caterpillar from a normal one? Andy Zach can tell you.)
How about being injected with zombie blood which can cure any ill, regrow any lost limb, and be quickly cured with a widely available antidote? Who needs insurance with that sort of help? How about organizing a zombie worker union at Amazon when zombies can outperform robots? And suggest the story is based on two real people, Anthony and Ravan Jones who contribute the foreword to the book? Or zombie residents of a nursing home taking over the place?
But all this silliness is just part of what Andy Zach has collected in Oops. He has included other short stories by other authors like “The Story of Sound” by Olivia Smith and his own “A Phoenix Tale” before diving into his zombie world. Then he offers a batch of stories based on his other book series featuring disabled middle-schoolers who become superheroes, the Secret Supers. Oh yea, there are the aliens who first appeared in Paranormal Privateers who are defeated by zombies working for the U.S. Government. The aliens can provide you legal assistance in the form of a sexy avatar who looks exactly like Marilyn Monroe.
But all this silliness is just part of what Andy Zach has collected in Oops. He has included other short stories by other authors like “The Story of Sound” by Olivia Smith and his own “A Phoenix Tale” before diving into his zombie world. Then he offers a batch of stories based on his other book series featuring disabled middle-schoolers who become superheroes, the Secret Supers. Oh yea, there are the aliens who first appeared in Paranormal Privateers who are defeated by zombies working for the U.S. Government. The aliens can provide you legal assistance in the form of a sexy avatar who looks exactly like Marilyn Monroe.
If you’re getting the impression that one Mr. Andy Zach has a wide and wild imagination, you are on the right track. One obvious audience for his quirky tales is the YA readership, especially for all the contemporary references like video gaming and computer lingo. But even grumpy old sixty-somethings like me can have a lot of fun with Andy’s characters, scenarios, and plots. I’m still laughing at the image of migrating flying zombie pickles. Hard to get more original, unique, or surprising than Zach’s “Life After Life” series. Have some fun with Andy Zach in 2020!
Be prepared for a fantasy experience like no other. Sybil, a child and grandchild of wizards, has a magical menagerie under her control. She has a giant black swan, a death-dealing hawk, a golden lion, a talking boar, a magical cat, and, of course, a dragon. She calls them to her and controls them with her thoughts.
Then a man brings her the baby of a king, Tamlorn, or Tam. He would be killed to preserve the king’s rule.
Sybil learns to love through the child and a strange witch on her mountain of Eld. Sybil tries to stay aloof from politics, but cannot, because of her love for Tam. But she is now enmeshed in politics of Eld and the king and his enemies both come to her, wanting to use her, and Tamlorn.
Then a mightier wizard calls her, just as she called her animals. And she is powerless to resist.
That is the merest sketch of the beginning a complex and utterly delightful tale.
“Sorry to leave you in the lurch, Darla, but we’ve got to go and help,” said Aubrey.
“What can you do?”
“More than you think.”
“I’ve already called my car,” said Jeremy.
“Your car? You’re not old enough to drive,” asked Darla.
“I made a flying car. I can summon it here. See, there it is.”
Darla’s, the cheerleaders’, Rich’s, and the football players’ mouths dropped open as Jeremy’s car came flying down the street, as fast as any other car. Jeremy and Dan had modified it so it had a rumble seat in the back for Kayla and two running boards with grips and safety lines like a fire truck, for Dan and Aubrey to stand.
“That is SO COOL,” screamed Darla.
The Secret Supers climbed into the car. Jeremy transferred carefully from his wheelchair to the driver’s seat, not using his telekinesis.
“We’ll come back if we can. Watch my electric wheelchair,” said Jeremy as they zoomed off.
“Wow, Jeremy! You’re really going fast,” said Aubrey over the rushing wind.
“I told you I was getting stronger. I think we’ll have to modify this again for full seats for you and Dan.”
“Hurry,” said Dan. “They’re trapped in the basement!”
“Okay, let me open her up.” The car sped up, and they began passing other cars on the road.
“Fifty-five, sixty miles an hour! That seems to be my limit, now. Hey, did someone call the fire department?”
“I did before we started,” said Dan. “Oh hurry!, The smoke is getting thick! They’re lying on the basement floor with wet clothes over their faces!”
A line of cars at a red light blocked them.
“Hold on! Kayla, shields up!”
Shields up, Captain Jeremy!
The car faded into invisibility.
“No one saw that,” said Dan, holding on for dear life as they soared over the cars and traffic lights. “Please hurry! My little sister is coughing on the smoke.”
“I guess we can dispense with the roads. My GPS says if we take a twenty-degree turn—”
“Look out for the high-tension wires,” screamed Aubrey.
Six high-voltage wires blocked their path, less than twenty feet away.
“Hold on,” yelled Jeremy.
The car dropped like an elevator with its cable cut. The Secret Supers ducked, and the wires passed where their heads had been a moment before. They could feel the hairs on their heads lift up from the intense voltage a foot away.
“Look out, a tree,” shouted Aubrey.
The car swerved around and over an oak tree blocking their path.
The Elanga’s house blazed ahead, a pillar of fire and smoke rooted in the disintegrating house.
Swooping down, Jeremy brought the car to a skidding halt in front of the house. A wall of heat burned their faces. Acrid smoke assailed their noses. In the distance, fire engine sirens blared.
I actually watched this TV show in the 1960s as a little kid. Imagine me sitting on my living room floor in the morning, watching my black and white set. Here’s what it looks like in color and the whole first episode:
Of course, I also offer all my books for a discount for autographed versions sent personally by me to you. You’ll also get free shipping. Just click here.
You’ve Got Still More Deals on Zombie Turkey Tuesday
“What more do you have, Andy?”
I’m glad you asked! I give every audiobook I have to newsletter subscribers. Get them here.
Enjoy all four novels in audiobook, paperback, or Kindle format!
Continuing on in the outer space for the Thanksgiving theme, we have the next post: a gorgeous picture of the largest volcano in the Solar System–the size of France and three times the height of Everest!
Andy Zach Gets Interviewed–by whom? About what? Where? You’ll find your answers here.
Who Interviews Andy?
You may think you know me–but do you really? Dr. Wesley Britton gets to the bottom of my mysterious persona. This is the same guy I interviewed and who reviewed my book Oops!.
As I’ve read four of your books now, that means I’ve read your comic author autobiography multiple times. And of course, I know it’s completely fictitious.
1. So–tell us, Andy, what’s the real poop? Who are you when not presenting your humorous personae? I delegate all my legal and financial issues to the real person and my CFO, Jeff Smith. He’s got an MBA, so he likes all the financial stuff. For some reason, suppliers don’t like pseudonyms and fictitious personae. Isn’t that a violation of my Constitutional rights?
Sadly, his real life isn’t as interesting as my fictitious one. He had a career as a programmer, systems analyst, project manager, and 6 Sigma Black Belt before he retired to be my CFO.
And unlike me, he has three children, a wife, and a dog, instead of five phoenixes. But I like him anyway. Not everyone can be a comic paranormal animal author. Or a disabled superhero author.
Andy Zach Gets Interviewed – Question 2
2. Your “life After Life” series is extremely imaginative, to put it mildly. Tell us something about your writing process, how do you start out with each concept, what sorts of goals do you have for your stories?
Zombie Turkeys began with a fried turkey. “What if this turkey came back to life?” I asked as I set it on the table. “It’d be a zombie turkey!” someone said. “That’s the title of my new book, ‘Zombie Turkeys’!” I cried, eureka-ly. (neologism) From there, I worked out ‘Zombie Turkeys’ as a parody of the zombie genre, complete with a boring anti-hero, Sam Melvin.
Naturally, I had to top that with my next book, so I introduced zombiism to people in ‘My Undead Mother-in-law’. Here I examined the social aspects of having zombie in-laws and what kind of civil rights zombies would have and how they’d be treated. I had to turn every zombie trope on its head, so I made the zombies the heroes of the book.
Still trying to outdo myself, in ‘Paranormal Privateers’ I put my zombie family on a superyacht and gave them a letter of Marque from the President to fight all enemies, foreign and domestic. Then, when I was running out of adequate villains in the world, I added an alien invasion.
Finally, I decided to try my hand at short stories. Having only written one short story, I made a collection. I took all my left-over ideas (I record each one in my book notes), brainstormed more, and created about 24 story ideas. Some seemed to write themselves. Others were more of a struggle. So I drafted Jeff Smith’s two daughters, Olivia and Tori, to contribute two of their short stories. With that, I had 14 stories, which sufficed. Since many of the stories were based upon accidents, I chose the title Oops! It’s set in my Zombie Turkey universe.
Andy Zach Gets Interviewed – Question 3
3. Since you enjoy playing with comic approaches to your stories, who are your influences in humor? Favorite comics, movies, TV shows, books? Let’s begin with Terry Prattchett of Disk World fame, may he rest in peace. I’ve read all his books and especially liked ‘Going Postal’ and ‘The Color of Magic’.
For my zombie influence, I read John Ringo’s Dark Tide Rising series. I also like Eric Flint’s 1632 series with the juxtaposition of technologies in history.
Science fiction influences were Heinlein, Asimov, and Silverman. Fantasy influences were Tolkein, CS Lewis, and Patricia McKillip.
Favorite comics were Batman, Superman, Green Lantern, and The Flash in my childhood. I gave up on comics at 12 when I realized they violated laws of physics and the superhero’s powers were not internally consistent.
TV shows influencing me were Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, Time Tunnel, Lost in Space, Star Trek. Movies were Forbidden Planet, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Star Trek and Star Wars movies.
Andy Zach Gets Interviewed – Question 4
4. As a blind writer, I was especially interested to see your use of disabilities in your “Secret Supers” characters. How did that come about? What is your background with folks with physical disabilities?
My daughter Tori has had cerebral palsy since her premature birth, so I was familiar with that. In my church in Cleveland, I was friends with four different blind men. I roomed with two of them in hotels, so I got a feel for what that was like.
Along the way, I’ve become friends with various wheelchair and walker bound people who were amputees and afflicted by spinal meningitis. Knowing the problems my daughter faced, I imagined what the others would face as kids in a special ed class.
Andy Zach Gets Interviewed – Question 5
5. In your Oops short story collection, you credit a batch of folks as co-authors. And you included “The Story of Sound” written by Olivia Smith even though it had nothing to do with “Life After Life” or “Secret Supers.” Why? What was all that about? First, I really liked her story. It was light and humorous and unexpected. It seemed to be outside my universe, but who can say? Without any strain, I can imagine her fantasy universe as the precursor to our universe, accessible only by Tori Smith’s time-traveling wheelchair.
Then there’s the fact she’s my daughter. Tori is too. That’s in their favor.
Finally, I like surprising my readers. I don’t want them settled into knowing what to expect.
New Review of My 2nd Book in My 2nd Series
You do know I have a second books series about four disabled 7th-graders who get superpowers, right? Feast your eyes upon the latest review of my latest book.
When you look at my rating for Andy Zach’s Secret Supers Two: Villain’s Vacation, please keep in mind I’m not twelve. The Secret Supers series is definitely for school-age children.
If I had to describe Mr. Zach’s book it would be Adam West’s Batman meets The P.J. Masks. There is nothing wrong with this mash-up. It is a fun and quick read for a grizzled old bookworm like myself.
The hook that caught my attention was that these superheroes are disabled. The leader, Jeremy has cerebral palsy and is wheelchair-bound. Dan is blind, Kayla is mute because of her complications with meningitis, and Aubrey has two prosthetic legs. Each hero has a superpower to compliment the disability that allows them to have a sense of independence.
Now everyone can get free books! Just subscribe to my newsletter! I give away free books twice a month. You can get audiobooks, ebooks, and paperbacks.
Squirrels, Jet Packs, and Nanobots — oh my! What am I up to today? Laughter, amazing science, and a free Zombie Turkeysexcerpt for you.
Squirrels come first.
Malabar Squirrel from India
What do squirrels have to do with Zombie Turkeys? They both appear in my book. The zombie turkeys are on the first page, the zombie squirrels at the end. Here’s your free excerpt:
He felt great, full of energy. He ate a nut from his stores.
Then he went down his tree and out to breed with some females.
He saw a really good one with a sexy, bushy tail. As he
chased her toward her tree, a hawk swooped down and killed
him. The hawk never noticed the squirrel’s red eyes.
I’ll close for now with links to the three novels I mentioned if you’re interested. Two of the links give you free audiobook samples. But you can listen to all my books are on Audible or Amazon.
Your latest science news and book reviews are right here! Hot off the internet, let’s start with the world’s fastest animal. It’s not the cheetah. Or peregrine falcon. It’s . . .
But that’s only the first science video. I’ve got more. But first a word from our sponsor . . .
You’d think after three oddball novels, Zombie Turkeys (How an Unknown Blogger Fought Unkillable Turkeys), My Undead Mother-In-Law (The Family Zombie with Anger Management Issues), and Paranormal Privateers, that Andy Zach would have exhausted all the comic possibilities in his world of killer zombie turkeys and superhero zombie human.
You’d be wrong. How about flying zombie pickles? Zombie zucchini? Zombie caterpillars? (How can you tell a zombie caterpillar from a normal one? Andy Zach can tell you.)
How about being injected with zombie blood which can cure any ill, regrow any lost limb, and be quickly cured with a widely available antidote? Who needs insurance with that sort of help? How about organizing a zombie worker union at Amazon when zombies can outperform robots? And suggest the story is based on two real people, Anthony and Ravan Jones who contribute the foreword to the book? Or zombie residents of a nursing home taking over the place?
But all this silliness is just part of what Andy Zach has collected in Oops. He has included other short stories by other authors like “The Story of Sound” by Olivia Smith and his own “A Phoenix Tale” before diving into his zombie world. Then he offers a batch of stories based on his other book series featuring disabled middle-schoolers who become superheroes, the Secret Supers. Oh yea, there are the aliens who first appeared in Paranormal Privateers who are defeated by zombies working for the U.S. Government. The aliens can provide you legal assistance in the form of a sexy avatar who looks exactly like Marilyn Monroe.
But all this silliness is just part of what Andy Zach has collected in Oops. He has included other short stories by other authors like “The Story of Sound” by Olivia Smith and his own “A Phoenix Tale” before diving into his zombie world. Then he offers a batch of stories based on his other book series featuring disabled middle-schoolers who become superheroes, the Secret Supers. Oh yea, there are the aliens who first appeared in Paranormal Privateers who are defeated by zombies working for the U.S. Government. The aliens can provide you legal assistance in the form of a sexy avatar who looks exactly like Marilyn Monroe.
If you’re getting the impression that one Mr. Andy Zach has a wide and wild imagination, you are on the right track. One obvious audience for his quirky tales is the YA readership, especially for all the contemporary references like video gaming and computer lingo. But even grumpy old sixty-somethings like me can have a lot of fun with Andy’s characters, scenarios, and plots. I’m still laughing at the image of migrating flying zombie pickles. Hard to get more original, unique, or surprising than Zach’s “Life After Life” series. Have some fun with Andy Zach in 2020!
My Undead Mother-in-law is my second experience reading a book in the “Life After Life Chronicles” (although I’d say it could also hold up as a standalone book for newcoming readers), and it doesn’t disappoint. Here we get a witty, clever dip into modern Americana as the zombies from Book 1 are no longer contained to just one species. As it turns out, the human zombies in this one aren’t your typical bumbling, easily-destroyed zombies akin to something of George Romero’s, paving the way for plenty of unexpected, and often hilarious surprises.
The book mainly follows the increasingly unpredictable life of the Newby Family; mother-in-law Diane Newby has become a zombie purely by mistake, but she hasn’t let it stand in the way of living a full, productive life, even using this newfound malady to her advantage. After all, it comes with many perks that can’t be denied. Diane uses her zombification to try and make a difference in the world around her, while also fighting the discrimination and fear generated by those who are anti-zombie in society. With little to stand in her way but an ever-changing world always making situations beyond crazy, there’s a lot of room for fun and family in My Undead Mother-in-law. (more at site)
Summertime Science Fiction and Fact is the title that popped into my head as I thought about what I wanted to write this week. I’ve found a lot of science fiction books and science articles I want to share. Will I get ten in? Read and find out!
Now here you’ll get a real science fiction book. Or is it fantasy? Or both? It’s author Cindy Tomamichel’s collection of short stories for your reading pleasure.
Your Last Bit of Summertime Science Fiction – Or Fact?
We know Jurassic Park, a science fiction movie, had a Dilophosaurus. How much was fiction and how much is fact? You tell me! On the frontiers of science what is fact and what is fiction changes daily.
Your 10 Best Science Updates of June as curated by me, Andy Zach. I’ve always loved science; that led to me becoming a science fiction writer. Now I’m seeing science overtaking the science fiction of my youth, in the distant 60s.
Let’s start, shall we?
Your 10 Best Science Updates – Begin Here
I love watching old videos of our astronauts on the moon. Here we have the Apollo 15 crew dropping a hammer and a falcon feather (the space ship was named ‘Falcon’) in the moon’s vacuum. Galileo said four hundred years ago they should hit at the same time. Do they? Reply to this post or email me the answer and I’ll send you a free Zombie Turkeys ebook.
What will you find in this science article? Oh, growing new organs from scratch. Also, you’ll find an inhalable drug to fight COVID-19. And then you’ll learn about AI used to manage vaccines. No science update would be complete without a supermaterial. It’s in here. Finally, you get a molecular breakdown of virii. Just what you wanted.
Number Three: Your Quadrennial Flying Car Report
“Quadrennial? Why would you use that weird word, Andy?”
Thanks for asking! I’ve kept at this blog for four years and this is my first flying car report. So enjoy!
Beyonce look-alike on a flying skateboard. From Paranormal Privateers.
Your Next Foray Into Science Starts Here
For those who don’t click on any articles, let me summarize: neutron stars may be up to 2.3 solar masses. The lightest black hole so far is about 3 solar masses. The astronomers have discovered an object of 2.6 solar masses.
So what is it, blog readers? A black hole or a neutron star? The first one to contact me with the correct answer can get any book of mine for free.
Your Fifth Science Article Coming Up
I love outer space video, especially beautiful ones like this. How about you?
Your Sixth Step of Science
This story isn’t a video, but instead a gorgeous photo of Juiter from its south pole. Free free to use it as computer or phone background.
Seven Come Eleven–er Your 10 Best Science Updates
Here’s a science story about SpaceX commercially launching over 100 spacecrafts into orbit. Any of you read Robert Heinlein’s novella, The Mon Who Sold the Moon? It’s all about commercialization of spaceflight. If you read it, tell me what you think of it and I’ll send you a free book.
You’ll Feel Great with Number Eight
Step into our showroom and purchase an all new, 2020 NASA Mars rover! It’ll have 100% of the Martian market sown up.
Your Penultimate Science Update
Do you know what a directed graph is? Peruse the one above, of the lyrics of “99 Bottles of Beer”.
Your Top 10 Links for June will start soon. I browse the internet daily. I post the best I find on my Facebook page. You can read the best of my Facebook page right here. Start enjoying!
Gary Larson strikes again
By the way, if you have a great link, image, news story, or video, send it to me here and I’ll give you a free book of your choice.
Your Top 10 Links – The First
Who hasn’t sung “99 Bottles of Beer”? (If you haven’t, let me know and I’ll give you a free book.) If you’re dying to hear it, here it is:
In this top link, you get two cool related videos for one. The first covers a change in perspective. But what could be more wonderful change than watching sunrise from space?
What Does An Author Do Between Books? Have you ever wondered? Do book ideas just appear like packages in the mail?
I don’t know what other authors do, but I’ll let you know what I do.
What Does An Author Do Between Books? Getting Ideas
I have no lack of ideas: books devoted to my favorite characters, sequels to current books, whole new series based on alternate history. These ideas appear daily and my wife and children give me more. But ideas aren’t books.
First, I create a list of ideas. Then I think, “What do I want to write?” Then I think, “What do I need to write?” By that, I mean I must write sequels to a series that isn’t finished, like my Secret Supers series.
But I just did that. I wrote Secret Supers sequel Villain’s Vaction, and it’s at my editor. I’m also working with my illustrator to create an awesome cover.
Of course, all titles are provisional and subject to change. That’s why they’re called “working titles”.
But this single idea in three volumes was completely new to me. I envisioned a steampunk, alternate history US where Tesla’s technology is used, for good and evil. It also dovetailed with an idea I had from a successful author (income in six figures!): write all three volumes of a trilogy every year and release them one month apart.
Between Books – Mapping the Territory
This might be a surprise to you. I research every one of my books and my research may be 33-50% of the size of the final book. The research makes me comfortable with the subjects and locations involved and generates plot and character ideas.
I’ve begun research on Tesla. I’ll also have to research Edison and General Electric, plus all the key locations in Tesla’s and Edison’s lives. I won’t use most of what I learn.
I’ve got the first image and the first link of my research for you.
I have my trilogy set–why can’t I just start writing? Some writers would begin now. But I’ve learned I write faster if I research first and then write. Having all my facts in my head gives me ideas and I don’t have to interrupt writing to look up how tall Tesla and Edison were. (Six feet two inches and five ten, respectively.)
Once I’ve read all I can find about Tesla and Edison, I’ll plot what will happen when Tesla travels in time and changes the past.
Does this blog post give you any ideas? Do you have any questions? Write a comment or contact me and I’ll give you an audiobook of your choice. Pick one of the following:
I estimate I’ll need at least a year to write three books, probably more. But my business model requires that I publish one book every nine months. Writers must write and publish to make money. So what can I do?
I’ll keep writing sequels to Secret Supers. There are no end of adventure four seventh grade superheroes can have. I’ll write a sequel to Villain’s Vacation around November 2020 during National November Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). Then I’ll publish it around May 2021. My next book won’t be due until February 2022. That’s when I’ll start publishing my Tesla Trilogy.
Andy Zach Fans? Where are you? Like the ancient 1960s sitcom Car 54 it’s a question I asked of my newsletter subscribers. (Join here!)
Car 54 Where Are You? Intro
Next you’ll see the initial results of where my newsletter subscribers live.
The first 100 results of my survey
Why only the first one hundred survey responses? That’s all I get for free from Survey Monkey. But 150 people responded. I’m smarter than Survey Monkey! I got another source of information: from my newsletter supplier Mail Chimp. (What is it with simian themed programs?)
Silverback gorilla and blonde from Paaranormal Privateers
What does my newsletter show for click stats?
North America 113
South America 3
Europe and UK 15
Middle East and Africa 2
Central Asia
Southern Asia
Eastern Asia
Australia and Micronesia 11
Somewhere else! Fill in below
Zed-Zed-9-Triple-Zed-Alpha, of course.
Aotearoa
Cranking up my Excel spreadsheet and projecting over my whole newsletter list, the data looks like the following:
Free Stuff for Andy Zach Fans
Let’s begin with 94 free books. Click below.
54 free speculative fiction books. Click to claim one or all!
Maybe you want a free book from me? Try my first book, the comic zombie parody, Zombie Turkeys. Click the next image.
Your Five Funniest Memes of April, Curated by Me. If you can find funnier stuff, let me know! Let’s start off with this video snippet.
This meme addresses the burning issue of paper media versus electronic media. This controversy has been debated all my life. Which do you prefer? Ebooks or paperback or audiobooks? I’ve got all three in my Life After Life Chronicles series.
Four books in my Life After Life Chronicles
The Second of Your Five Funniest Memes
Are you a Star Trek fan? Then you’ll love this next one.
Do you like Star Trek gnomes? How about cute hamsters, like this one:
Have you ever had to put the cone of shame around your dog or cat? We haven’t done so with Trip, but our previous lab, Diesel, needed on. He had an operation on a joint and had to be kept from picking out the stitches.
Your Fourth Funny Meme – a Video
How could a video about driving on other planets be funny? Watch it and find out.
What It’s Like to Drive on other Planets
You don’t think that’s funny? Try my next video.
Who Stole the Kiska?
You don’t think a polka is funny? This is part of my youth growing up in Cleveland with Earnie Anderson, a who had a late movie program and he played the character Ghoulardi. He would play this song DURING old horror movies at the most inappropriate times.
Ghoulardi and Who Stole the Kishka?
Still don’t think it’s funny? Here’s another Yankovitz who’s always funny.
Weird Al Plays ‘Polka Face’
If I haven’t lost you yet, my next meme must be a sure fire laugh. That assumes you haven’t closed this tab yet.
Your Fifth of Five Funniest Memes of April
If you’re still looking for laughs, remember I have a free audiobook for you:
Oops! I actuallly have three more free audiobooks here, with my newsletter.
Last, but not least, through the above link you can get fifty-four free ebooks.
Until next time, happy reading and listening to you!
“Best Stuff on the Internet this week? I don’t believe you, Andy.” So you say.
I can hardly wait to prove it to you. Let’s begin with this.
There are many famous doctors who aren’t on this chart: Doc EE Smith, of pulp science fiction fame, Dr. Crusher from Star Trek, and Dr. Smith from ‘Lost In Space’. Tell me more! Tell me where they should go on this chart. For each one you name, you get a free audiobook from me. My audiobooks are below:
Next, you have this amazing technological breakthrough:
For a little context, I’ve been reading about fusion technology since my teens in the 70s. It’s always been 20 years away–even today. But this technology involves fusing boron hydride using laser beams. Once fusion starts, it’ll keep going. Will it work or will it be another dead end? You tell me.
On the wacky side of life imitating art, we have rocket propulsion by explosion. Let me know if you’ve read Jerry Pournelle’s book Lucifer’s Hammer and I’ll send you an audiobook of your choice.
Now I have two videos for you, both astonishing. First, check out this one:
Did you ever think you’d live to see a rickshaw pulled by a robotic dog? That sounds like a steampunk premise to me.
Best Stuff (Free) That I’ve Found
Let me give you some free stuff before I go, the best I’ve found. The next item is a free short fiction by fellow author Jane Jago. If you like ghost stories mixed with Urban Fantasy, you’ll love this.
I met Jane Jago on the SciFi Roundtable. Here you can get a sampling of the writers from that group for free:
More Stuff for Free
I won’t make you click through for the review. Read it here:
What happens when differently-abled people become super-abled? Andy Zach tells that story in this short (100 page) novel.
From the back of the book:
“Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal. Then things got weirder when his best friend, Dan Elanga, got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys.
What should the four friends do? Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then they started fighting crime, as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. Then they ran into problems they never expected.”
Secret Supers is perfect for kids, ages 8-12 who have special needs, siblings with special needs, or just live on planet earth. Along with diversity in race, income, and culture, we also work to introduce our kids to people who are different than them. This book tells the story of four amazing kids who gain superpowers and how they learn about themselves.
5 Funny and Weird Things I Found while cruising on the internet. I scan through the internet every day. If something tickles my fancy, I post it. Let me know if this tickles YOUR fancy and I’ll give you an audiobook of your choice. Here they are:
Who wouldn’t like a bouquet of dragonettes? I’m sorry I can’t give each of you one. But how about this?
This is your chance to enter this contest
What contest? This one:
Fellow author C.L. Cannon’s giving away books. Find out how to win $200 worth. Click above.
I’m part of this contest, so you can win one of my books too!
Your Second Funny/Weird Thing
Now You’re in the Middle of 5 Funny and Weird Things
Man, there are so many angles to this story! I could write about the insurance claim on the damaged/dead robot. I could write about a robotic lawyer suing the car company, who is defended by another robotic lawyer. Or I could write about a robot mortuary. What would you like to read? Let me know.
Heading Around the Fourth Weird/Funny Bend . . .
There’s a story behind this one. I read Heinlein”s “Methusaleh’s Children” when I was 12. It begins with an exciting chase scene where the hero has a ‘tricar’–a car that can fly and is amphibious, even operating as a submarine. I loved that. I still love amphibious cars, airplane cars, and flying boats. Fifty-two years later.
Then, simply email me at [email protected] or via this website. Be sure to tell me which books you want: one, two, three, or four.
5 Funny Things My 4 free audiobooks
Now, I have one more book that becomes an audiobook this year: Oops! Tales From the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse. I just have a paperback or ebook for you. Signed, of course.
I’ve got five science stories for you to read and I want you to determine if they are real science, or merely science fiction. Every day it becomes harder to tell!
Each time you get one right, let me know and get your choice of an ebook or an audiobook from me.
Or my middle-school series, beginning with Secret Supers.
Secret Supers cover
Next, Your Second Test
How many of these products are real robots you can buy and use and how many are hype? Is this more science fiction, or science fact? Let me know, and claim your free book.
The Middle of the Blog Test
Are magnetic bridges between galaxies just for Thor in the MCU? Is there really science behind this? Or is this just clickbait? Claim your prize here with your answer.
Science Or Science Fiction? Your Fourth Chance to Get Books
The previous article tells of a steampunk GPS from a hundred years ago that worked by your odometer in your car. Is this real or just an author’s imagination? Tell me.
Your Final Test Comes Now
Okay, holodecks have got to be science fiction. Right? Or wrong? Is there a real science, working holodeck here? This is your last chance to get your free books. Let me have it.
What You Will Win
We already covered my four books in my Life After Life Chronicles, but perhaps you’d like to check out the audio samples of the audiobooks.
I’ve got a list for you and I’m checking it twice: New Books Just in Time for Christmas. Some are ebooks, some print, some will cost you, some are free. Your choice.
Let’s start with the BIG ONE: my latest release: Oops! Tales of the Zombie Turkey Apocalypse. The paperback came out November 27th. You can get the ebook NOW for preorder.
This is my first collection of short stories. It includes some of your favorites: A Phoenix Tale, In A Pickle, and A Hamster’s Tale. In it, you’ll find many others that’ll tickle your fancy.
Do you want to know more?
Accidents happen. Especially around zombie turkeys. Then you add zombie humans, and problems proliferate. Mix in some ill-planned genetic engineering, and things get crazy.
The insanity continues, from the story where zombies are merged with cucumbers to the one where two basement-dwelling nerds gain access to all video content from the past two hundred years—from aliens.
Andy Zach pulls out all the stops on his imagination as he serves up this smorgasbord of silliness. Try it. Laughter is good for your soul.
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal. Then things got weirder when his best friend, Dan Elanga, got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys.
What should the four friends do? Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then they started fighting crime, as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. Then they ran into problems they never expected.
“Events, News? Who cares! Where are the gifts?” you ask. I’m happy to answer. My first gift is a free ebook for anyone who has reviewed the book, or wants to review it. Just send me your review link to your Amazon review or Goodreads review of any of my books.
Or use the same link to contact me and get a free ebook in exchange for a future review.
Or, if you like audiobooks, I’ll give you a free one to review. Check them out below. You can listen to a sample for free. Or, if you belong to Audible, you can listen for free.
That’s three ways you can get free books. If you don’t want to write reviews, you can enter my two monthly drawings right here. I have another one coming up in October, so don’t miss it.
My newsletter also supplies free short stories to subscribers. So you get a twofer.
Events, News for those who want to meet Andy Zach
On September 21st, first day of autumn, I’ll be at the I Know You Like A Book bookstore in Peoria Heights signing my books for you.
Then there’s Area 51 meeting in Nevada. I won’t be there. Will you? If you go there, give me a report and I’ll give you a book of your choice, the format of your choice: paperback, ebook, or audiobook.
Did you know I have aliens in my third novel of my Life After Life Chronicles, Paranormal Privateers? Here’s a chapter icon for you:
The Best August Videos, Pictures, and News, personally curated by me Andy Zach. Be warned: these may not be what you expect.
The first video might be the weirdest prank I’ve ever heard about. And it’s part of English history too. Who’d ever believe this in fiction?
But hold onto your galoshes: there’s a lot more.
How about a late-breaking science video of new advances in rocketry?
Now let me try to be more relateable by posting a cute dog video for your viewing pleasure.
Speaking of relatable, I have a dog I walk every day over the hills and valleys in the park around my house. A105 pound black lab named ‘Trip’, so-called because he likes to rub against you and trip you.
Which picture do you like the best? Let me know and I’ll send you a free short story from my next book Oops Tales from the Turkey Apocalypse
Or maybe this picture will tickle you. Everyone loves puppies!
Even three-headed puppies!
Then you’ve got this bon mot.
Okay, I have one last video for you. But before you see it, let me offer you a chance to win one of my books. I have two drawings coming up this month, one for a free book and one for a free audiobook.
Title: Secret Supers: What happens when ‘differently-abled’ people become ‘super-abled’?
Author: Andy Zach
Genre: Fiction/Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror
Audience: Middle-Grade
Word Count: 31000
Assessment:
Plot: Four differently-abled middle school kids use science to give themselves super powers and solve crimes while in disguise. This is a sweet YA read with a surprise ending that will delight readers.
Prose/Style: There is some clever imagery here, with steady and clear dialogue. Descriptions of the super powers and how the children react to them are authentic, touching, and sometimes funny.
Originality: Disabled kids who are not just the heroes but superheroes of the story is a fresh and clever premise. Even without revealing their secret identities, the kids are accepted by their peers after saving the school budget.
Character Development: All of the young and vibrant characters are wonderfully drawn, especially Dan, the blind boy who gains the ability to read minds. Even the pet hamster, Dancer, plays an important role in the plot twist.
5 Writing Posts to Make You a Better Author – where am I going with this? I found these great articles teaching writing skills. Then I thought, “Maybe other people can benefit from these. Other authors, poets, non-fiction writers and students can all learn.
So tell me if you like this kind of blog post here.
5 Writing Posts – Your First Lesson
Just kidding! I thought I’d start with a laugh. Here’s the real article next.
Yes, that’s right. This initial post covers everything you should NOT do as a writer. It’s a simple list, but it covers most of the bad things writers can do and do do.
Your Next Lesson
Now you get a video tutorial on how to structure a book.
Various plot structures
The following quickly summarizes :
1. Hero’s Journey 2. Save the Cat – 15 beat story structure 3. The Plot Embryo 4. 27 chapters (3 act structure) Each act into 3 blocks and each block has three chapters.
Do I follow these structures? Not consciously. I seek to start quickly with a tense situation, and build through each chapter. I’ll have ‘relief’ chapters where I surprise the reader with new, interesting characters and conflicts, before returning to the big conflict. The problems build through the book until they’re finally resolved in a big climax. Then I throw in a twist at the end.
I did this for each of my books:
Andy Zach’s novels
5 Writing Posts – Your Third Lesson
Now, let’s tackle that dreaded activity–editing after you’ve written your book.
My quick summary, in time order:
Developmental editing – story structure and organization
Line editing – making each sentence the best it can be.
Copy editing – getting rid of stupid speling misteaks and grammar errorz and punctuation!!!
Proofreading – how does the final copy look on the page? Font size, spacing, paragraphs, page breaks.
For my latest novel, Secret Supers, just published last March, I tapped Leslie McKie’s expertise.
Aside from professional editing, she’s taught middle school and disabled children. She was perfect to edit my book about seventh-grade disabled superheroes.
Secret Supers Cover
For my layout or proofreading edit, I use Rik Hall at Wild Seas Editing. He’s formatted all my books for print and ebook versions.’
Your Fourth Writing Post
More on plotting! I dislike any structure forcing me to write a particular plot, but I follow everything it says.
Your Last Writing Tip
Naturally, I couldn’t resist publishing another joke first. Your real, last tip comes next.
4 New Science and Technology Stories Ideal for Science Fiction. First of all, let’s start with this one:
What are the five coolest things and what kind of stories can I write?
Firstly, there’s a strong 3D membrane that can be used as a matrix for tissue growth and healing. I’d write a story about using it to restoring some injured person to better than they were.
Then, we have an on/off adhesive that works like a snail. When it’s dry it’s adhesive. When wet, it works as a lubricant. I’d write a story about a human fly who uses it to climb buildings.
Then we have a robotic fish. Out of millions of possible stories, my first inclination is to write about a hopeless military situation where an army is surrounded by a superior force and then use these fish to spy upon and attack the enemy.
Finally you’ll read about a solar desalinator. In this case, I’d make a story about a destitute desert county that turns into a paradise using this.
What stories do you have? What stories do you want? The best response by comment or email will get a free short story from me.
4 New Science Stories – Your Second Story
Yup, this lady wears an external corset that pokes anyone who comes too close to her. What would I do with this story idea?
I’d take it to the next level of extreme. I’d make it a military weapon by increasing the speed and force and add bowie knives to the end.
Then this weekend I’ll sign my books at Geekfest in Peoria.
4 New Science Stories – Your Third Story
Through the annals of science fiction many stories describe adventures with asteroids. In real life, we have a satellite around one for the first time, mapping it to plan a landing. How can I make that into my next story?
I would describe the landing from the satellite’s point of view. Then I would describe some giant creature swallowing it from inside the asteroid. Finally, I’d finish the story by portraying the creature’s point of view. Maybe it’d think, “Yummy!”
Oh, wait–George Lucas already did that. Watch this next video.
3 Laughs must come first! Here’s the first laugh for you. Then you have to categorize this video. What is it? Animation? Comedy? AI? Something else? Your cleverest response will get a free book fom me.
I must tell you when I first watched this I laughed until I cried.
Your First Link to the Future
In the previous video we have a variety of robots currently working. All of them remind me of my 1960s scifi reading I Robot in this volume by Isaac Asimov. Does any of this make you fear for the present or the future?
My biggest fear is the use of robots in war and terrorism. I can envision these robots with guns and ammo programmed to kill people. Soon. Today. Let me know what you think.
3 Laughs – Your Second
Maybe some of you think racing lawnmowers and world speed records for lawnmowers are perfectly serious topics and not suitable for laughing. Tell me why. in this link
Your Second Link to the Future
Continuing my computer theme, the next article focuses on AI, artificial intelligence. I never heard of ‘Generative Adversarial Neworks (GAN)’ before, so I had to read this article.
My quick summary:
AI = a network of computers that learn patterns from raw data. That’s the ‘N’.
Adversarial – One AI network pitted against another.
Generative – The two AI networks work together, one to train the other, correcting it if it doesn’t achieve the goal. A little-discussed aspect of these learning networks is that training them is quite hard and involves enormous amounts of data and a LOT of time. Using an AI to train an AI in something like facial recognition speeds up the process to light speed and vastly improves the quality of the results.
GAN – Two AI networks solve the problem of time and money in training an AI network to do a task.
What tasks would you like to train AI to do? Maybe link it with a robotic soldier to recognize a civilian versus an enemy soldier versus a fellow soldier? How about how to drive in snow and slush? I know a lot of people who don’t know how to do that yet. Let me know your thoughts. I’ll give each of you who responds a free short story.
3 Laughs – Your Third Laugh
In case that’s not funny enough for you (or not funny at all), here’s a backup joke next:
Still not laughing? Here’s my last, desperate attempt at humor.
Your 3 Laughs are over, but we’ve got one more link to the future, the last video.
Admit it. Isn’t this the space travel future you imagined as a kid?
I grew up as a child of the space age in the 60s, reading science fiction, following NASA space flights, and studying astronomy and physics. I dreamed of becoming a science fiction author and finally am one. You can find my books here:
Your Wacky New News From me, your friendly comic paranormal animal author. I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to tell you what I’ve been doing. Let’s correct that.
Andy Zach at his first book convention, Chabanacon
First, I’m writing my science fiction short story anthology. If you want a taste, click below for a free short story that will be in the anthology.
By the way, if you can think of a great title for a collection of funny science fiction stories, let me know! I’ll give you credit and a free autographed copy my book.
Before I became an author I managed a corporate internal website in the 90s. Now I have a full-time job writing, publishing, and promoting my books, I don’t have much time for my own web site maintenance. Let me know of any problems you find and I’ll fix them. As a thanks, I’ll send you a short story.
Breaking Wacky New News
I’ve just been dumping wild and crazy science stories and funny stuff at my Facebook page. Here are some juicy items.
6 Great Items I found on the internet. You’ll find fantastic photos, some funny videos, some amazing news stories. Tell me your favorite and win a free ebooks.
My first item is a supernatural photo. Or is it? In any event, it’s great inspiration for a story. What story would you expect to read from this photo? Let me know and get a free short story!
Your next fun item is a YouTube video. Have you seen this before?
Does the Coyote get the Roadrunner?
Reply with your best suggestion on how the Coyote can catch the Roadrunner. Then I’ll send each response a free short story from my upcoming anthology.
6 Great Items – Your Third Delight
Then you have this a news story about bacteriophages. What are those? A virus that attacks bacteria. I only know because I researched them for my third novel, Paranormal Privateers. Here we have news catching up with my novel.
Back cover section of Paranormal Privateers.Click to get
Zombies charge first, ask questions later.
Middle-aged, overweight, and undead, Diane Newby leads the paranormal privateers against criminals and corruption. Sailing to trouble spots too sensitive for the US government, with zombie strength and regeneration they beat bullies into submission. Aided by zombie turkeys, corgis, and bulls, vicious criminal geniuses fall before them. If Diane gets overwhelmed her lovely zombie bodyguards and romantic zombie husband come to the rescue.
Out of the blue, new foes appear. Or are they friends? Or both? The frenemies neutralize zombies and orchestrate world peace. They disrupt the economy and produce fabulous wealth. Even the greatest criminals and governments can’t stop them from dominating the world.
Can humanity afford the price of peace? All must surrender freedom to a not-so-benign dictatorship. Diane and the paranormal privateers must do the unthinkable to save humanity. But is it enough?
In an explosive and unconventional ending to Andy Zach’s Life After Life Chronicles, you will learn what happens when the paranormal privateers meet the world’s greatest fear. And you will laugh all the way.
This next item will amaze you twice. First, it shows a murmuration, a flock of birds moving together in an unbelievable fashion. Second, I give you a copy of my short story ‘In A Pickle’ were I describe a very unusual murmuration.
The Fifth Item – A Mystery
Why? Why after 50 years did a dead satellite start working again? Give me a correct answer and I’ll give you ALL my books! It’s a real news story.
The Last and Hottest Thing on Internet
Just so you don’t think I’m too predictable, here’s something different.
Bonus Link! Pure Inspiration!
My most recent novel tells the tale of four disabled seventh graders who become superheroes. I found this video of professional violinists stunned by the amazing talent of disabled violinists.
And here you can read Secret Supers. Follow the link below.
4 Writing Hooks – where do I get them? From my books. What are they?
The first hook, for Zombie Turkeys, from the first page:
Chapter 1 Bartonville He felt different. More energetic, more alive. He bred with female after female in his flock without tiring. He stayed awake through the night. He feared no predator. Then a turkey hunter shot him.
“You know I love your mother. But your mother’s a zombie. Who wants to see one zombie, let alone four of them?” “Now that’s not fair. Mom and Dad have adjusted to their zombiism very well. Mom still volunteers at church and bakes cookies and pies for the bake sales. Dad still works as an accountant at GM. There’s nothing to worry about!”
From My Undead Mother-in-law by Andy Zach
My Undead Mother-in-law, chapter 1 icon. Click to get.
So, which hook did you like best? Or do you have another one from another author? If you do, I’ll post it/them here in my next blog.
The Third Hook of 4 Writing Hooks
Chapter 1 – Somalia Dirac sighed with relief when the US flag came down and the surrender flag went up on the mast of the titanic luxury yacht. He didn’t mind firing rounds from his AK-47 over their heads, but he hated killing people. He knew they were only infidels, but they were still people.
Okay, this hook is quite different. Do you still want to read what happens next? If you do, that’s a good hook.
The Last of 4 Writing Hooks
“Dear diary,” Jeremy Gentle dictated into his app on his tablet in his bedroom. “Today, I became a superhero.” Jeremy stopped, uncertain. Was that the best way to start his journal? Might as well just tell the story. He needed to sleep. He had a big algebra test tomorrow at Maryville Middle School.
And there you have it. My four book hooks. You can follow the links and get the one you like, or I’ll give you a free book in exchange for a review. Just let me know here.
Some Reviews
Short or long, I love them all. Good or bad, I want more to be had.
Let me start by saying that “Andy Zach” has an unusual sense of humor (or possibly has escaped from a lunatic asylum and is living under an assumed name). I invite you to check out his Amazon author page and read the bio. He’s gone all in on this zombie expert thing (since his parents were zombies) and states that he reanimated dead animals as a child for a science fair. He also currently raises phoenixes as a hobby. One more thing before starting on the story. What is that ‘thing’ on his head in his author picture?
Not your standard zombie tale December 28, 2018 When I started to read this book, I was leery. As far as I know, I’m less interested in zombies than anyone on the planet. How could I give a reasonable review? Turns out, it wasn’t hard at all. I’ve said before and it turned out to be true here that, if you have a ridiculous premise that’s hard to swallow, run with it, normalize it, and readers /viewers will eventually accept. And it worked. The original premise of cognizant, virtually indestructible zombies was lobbed and backed until I was a believer, actively rooting for zombies. Plenty of (bloodier than average) action, some smiling, if not guffaw humor, a nice fulfilling story arc in an easy readable length made for a fun book (if bloody action doesn’t bother you) with charm that didn’t take itself to seriously but still capable of many a tender and touching moments.
Different tilt on a zombie series December 6, 2018 I have read the whole series and enjoyed it. I did not find myself staying g up all night to finish or rushing home to read. That was probably a good thing as then If I had I’d of been cranky and over sleep for work. Never a pretty sight as I am not a morning person anyway. I liked the book for the unusual perspectives and storyline. If I spot about her book from this author O would definitely give it a try.
3 Science Fiction New Stories and 3 Fun Links is the kind of blog post I love to write. I don’t have to follow any rules. I just pick the most interesting stories and funniest and most delightful links of the week.
I’ll add some commentary. You can too! I’ll send you a free copy of Zombie Turkeys to anyone who comments.
Or, you can just click the next book cover to get one:
Get a free copy! Click the pic!
My Best 3 Science Fiction Stories – The First
Practical nuclear fusion! It’s been a dream since I was in Junior High School. I have this snippet from Paranormal Privateers about alien technology:
Paranormal Privateers Snippet
Talana turned her briefcase sideways. Legs descended and the briefcase unfolded, revealing a cube and two glass vials, one golden, one scummy green. Disturbingly, the cube and vials were larger than the briefcase.
“Our first gift”—Talana picked up the cube, the size of a breadbox—”is a universal power source. Simply pour in water and out comes electricity. The unit produces electricity in the voltage and frequency you wish, controlled by these dials.”
“Hey, Talana!” shouted Lashon Miller from the press box. The camera panned to her.
“Yes?”
“What’s the catch? This is like those infinite energy scams you read on the internet.”
“There’s no scam! The unit works by splitting water into hydrogen and oxygen and fusing the hydrogen. Out comes oxygen and helium, which you may capture and use.” She gestured to two tubes exiting the box. “Let me show you. My cell phone needs charging.” She plugged the charger into an ordinary socket, and it began to charge.
“How long does it work on water? How much water? And how much power comes out?” Lashon asked.
“A cup is good for a year of phone charging. But you’re not limited to that. See this power transmitter on this socket?” She plugged a black box into what appeared to be a two-hundred-and-twenty-volt socket. “This introduces our second gift.” She called into the air, “Come here, Super Car!”
Zooming down the street came a sleek, bubble-roofed car. It stopped in front of the saucer and hovered.
“It’s voice activated and powered wirelessly from this transmitter.
Who wouldn’t want to win a Grand Admiral Thrawn Imperial Assault Bundle? I certainly entered this contest! Click here.
My Second Science Fiction Story
Yup, it’s another black hole story! I love reading the black hole news stories, because science fiction writers have a real challenge keeping their fictional black hole stories up to date with the latest discoveries.
Robots have come a long way since I was a kid. Which robot did you like best? Let me know. Yet robots don’t have sentience–yet. But my robot in Paranormal Privateers does. Check out this excerpt:
“We’re in trouble,” General Figeroa said to the assembled team—paranormal patriots, John Smith’s capuchin ambassador, and the alien AI, Wilhelmina “Minnie” Wallace.
She’d whipped up a portable droid, a golden metallic humanoid, obviously female. She made her robot an exact copy of Marilyn Monroe. She slouched in a chair at the table in a white dress. Her glowing blue diamond eyes captured everything for three hundred and sixty degrees around her. Her third eye, located where the occipital bone was, peered through shiny blond hair.
On the off chance you may not know Marilyn Monroe, here she is in her favorite movie, Some Like It Hot.
Talana turned her briefcase sideways. Legs descended and the briefcase unfolded, revealing a cube and two glass vials, one golden, one scummy green. Disturbingly, the cube and vials were larger than the briefcase.
“Our first gift”—Talana picked up the cube, the size of a breadbox—”is a universal power source. Simply pour in water and out comes electricity. The unit produces electricity in the voltage and frequency you wish, controlled by these dials.”
“Hey, Talana!” shouted Lashon Miller from the press box. The camera panned to her.
“Yes?”
“What’s the catch? This is like those infinite energy scams you read on the internet.”
“There’s no scam! The unit works by splitting water into hydrogen and oxygen and fusing the hydrogen. Out comes oxygen and helium, which you may capture and use.” She gestured to two tubes exiting the box. “Let me show you. My cell phone needs charging.” She plugged the charger into an ordinary socket, and it began to charge.
“How long does it work on water? How much water? And how much power comes out?” Lashon asked.
“A cup is good for a year of phone charging. But you’re not limited to that. See this power transmitter on this socket?” She plugged a black box into what appeared to be a two-hundred-and-twenty-volt socket.
Imagine the societal effects of hypersonic air travel. How will the world change if we can get anywhere in an hour? That’s the import of the story below.
I’ll give a free ebook to anyone who posts a fiction story of any length on this topic to this blog or in an email to me.
5 True Science Fiction Reports – The Fourth
This story seemed unbelievable to me, but the technique is sound and may be commercially possible. What would we do with material that floats and is light as wood and strong as titanium? Once again, a free ebook or audiobook of your choice for some fiction on this sent to me.
The Last True Science Fiction Story – for now
Going to the outer limits of outer space, we encounter our next story.
How many of you remember this movie?
Disney’s Movie The Black Hole from 1979
To be honest, I was a disappointed in the unscientific nature of the movie–based upon what I knew in 1979 when I was 23. It’s ludicrous now.
7 Science Stories – Which Are True? Can you tell? If you can, you can get a free copy of my funny zombie book, Zombie Turkeys.
Let’s start with the first story!
Spooky? Ghostly particles? Have we stumbled into paranormal science here? Decide if this is real science or not and tell me in a comment or send me an email.
Then there’s this science story
Is this for real? If you’re wondering about who Terry Pratchett is, check out this video about the movie ‘The Color of Magic’ based upon Terry’s novel of that name. It’s the first among dozens of novels set in Disk World.
7 Science Stories – The Third
Is this a science fiction book cover? Or is it real? You decide and let me know.
Is this picture real?
Moving on to the fourth science story
R2-D2? Where have I heard that before? Oh yes, Star Wars.
You might have heard of Star Wars.
That’s a science fiction movie. Is the Air Force really using R2-D2? Or is this a hoax story? I need to know. You need to get this right to get your free book.
Oh, and Zombie Turkeys is also available for free as an audiobook.
7 Science Stories – The Fifth
This story is a combination of science and history. Or steampunk fiction? Did they really have AI in the 17th and 18th centuries. Reply to this post or to me
Story Number 6 – Is This Real?
Are these science fiction ideas, or real science? Or are they exaggerated? Our news media would never exaggerate science, would they? You tell me.
Now, the Last story
Can you really pop balloons with a laser? It’s on the internet, so it must be true! Just like the next video.
7 Great Science and SciFi Stories–why am I writing about this? I love science. I love learning new and surprising things. Maybe you do too. The first story is next.
7 Great Science and SciFi Stories – the first
Plate tectonics, geologic history, and astronomy–oh my!
Who would think the earth’s rocks record the Solar System’s planetary movements? I sure didn’t. Yet that is what the rocks are showing. Can you write a science fiction story based upon this? Reply in the comments or here and I’ll send you an ebook of your choice.
7 Great Science and SciFi Stories – the second
Then we have the famed Mars Rover Opportunity giving us this glorious picture.
The photograph is so spectacular, I took it from the NASA site and put it here:
If you love this kind of news or if you hate, be sure to send me a comment. If you hate it, tell me what you want me to blog about instead.
Next we have this.
7 Great Stories – the fourth
Do you think quantum computer will change soon? When do you think we’ll be able to buy one? Best prediction (most accurate) gets a free book from me. Email me.
7 Great Stories – the fifth
A hypersonic jet could get you anywhere in the world in thirty minutes. How would the world and society change?
7 Great Stories – the sixth
Do robotic dogs creep you out? Or do they make you think of the Jetsons?
The future?
7 Great Stories – the last
I have a soft place in my heart for exoskeletons, because the cover of my next book features my character, Jeremy Gentle, wearing one:
Did you know you can get the book Secret Supers right now?
Andy Zach’s Birthday – The Second Book My Undead Mother-in-law
Imagine your mother-in-law and all your inlaws turned zombie. Then they invite you over for Valentine’s Day to celebrate the engagement of two zombies. What could possibly go wrong?
Valentine’s Day dinner with the zombie-in-laws
I read this excerpt for you here:
St. Valentine’s Day Zombie Massacre
Andy Zach’s Birthday – The Third Book Paranormal Privateers
“We’ve got zombie turkeys, zombie humans, what else do you have for us, Andy?”
How about zombies working on a luxury yacht as privateers under a letter of marque from President Trump? They’re sent to areas too sensitive for the US to meddle directly. Here’s the ship, the Resolute Too. That’s the undead mother-in-law on the prow.
The Loving Zombie Privateers
Curious? Check it out for free by clicking.
Andy Zach’s Birthday – 4 Ways to Free Books
Simply win in either of my two monthly drawings. Enter here.
Just pick up any book through Kindle Unlimited. Free ebooks, you know.
Simply write a review on Amazon or Goodreads and I’ll send you an ebook of your choice. Contact me here and I’ll send you the ebook for a link to your review.
Jeremy Gentle fell flat on his face at therapy. That was normal since he had cerebral palsy. But his new superpower wasn’t normal. Then things got weirder when his best friend, Dan Elanga, got a different superpower. But Dan was still blind.
Kayla Verdera and Aubrey Wilcosky, two girls in their middle-school special ed class, discovered they too had new superpowers. Kayla was mute and needed a walker. Aubrey lost two legs and used crutches. But they were as powerful as the boys.
What should the four friends do? Jeremy knew if the word got out, it’d be a media circus. Then they started fighting crime, as the Secret Supers. Who knew a disability could be a perfect disguise? No one would ever think of disabled kids as superheroes. Then they ran into problems they never expected.
But wait! I have yet more turkey postings coming up.
Happy Thanksgiving Have a Zombie Turkey
There’s still more for you. How about the following–zombie dinosaurs!
Zombie dinosaurs! There's one I hadn't thought of.
Continuing on in the outer space for the Thanksgiving theme, we have the next post: a gorgeous video of the largest volcano in the Solar System–the size of France and three times the height of Everest!
And we’ll finish up with the largest planet in the Solar System.
“Dear diary,” Jeremy dictated into his app on his tablet in his bedroom. “Today, I became a superhero.” Jeremy Gentle stopped, uncertain. Was that the best way to start his journal? Might as well just tell the story. He needed to sleep. He had a big algebra test tomorrow at Maryville Middle School.
Yesterday, school went as usual. Same old seventh grade. There were the same handicapped kids in the same class. Same problems transferring to the toilet from my wheelchair. Nothing new.
Oh, I take that back. I had one new, bad thing happen— I fell during physical therapy. There I was, between the parallel bars, halfway done. I tried with all my might to take another step. I couldn’t. My muscles screamed, at their end. My legs collapsed, and I hung like a marionette from the gait belt, held by my therapist, Fred Bernstein.
For once I was glad I was a skinny, twelve-year-old. I’m not even eighty pounds.
I gave up completely and flopped bonelessly. I might as well be on the floor, I thought. And then I was.
Hi, Dan!” Jeremy called to his best friend Dan Elanga as he rolled into the bus from the wheelchair lift. He drove to the wheelchair spot where the driver strapped him down.
“Hi, Jeremy! You sound excited. What’s up?” As usual, a big grin split Dan’s round, brown face. He’d come from Cameroon as a child. He’d been born blind, and his parents sacrificed their successful business to emigrate to the US where they felt he’d have better chances.
“Oh, nothing.” Jeremy wasn’t quite ready to share his secret, even with his best friend. Especially not with the bus driver tightening the wheelchair straps.
“That sounds like you’ve got a secret! C’mon, tell your old friend Dan!”
Jeremy gestured with his head toward the driver and then remembered Dan couldn’t see. As much as he disliked cerebral palsy, he still preferred having that to blindness.
The driver returned to his seat and drove off.
“Okay, but you can’t tell anyone.”
“Sounds like a good one!”
“Everyone will think I’m crazy if this gets out. Or I might be put in a circus.”
“I can’t wait to hear! You know I’ll keep it. Pinky promise.” Dan held out his big fist, pinky extended.
Dan was huge for thirteen, six feet tall and bulky and Jeremy was small for twelve. Jeremy’s small pinky curled around Dan’s big one.
Meet My 7th Grade Superheroes – Kayla Verdera
Kayla of the Secret Supers Her superpower complements Dan’s
Kayla Verdera screamed in frustration as she lost her balance and fell from her walker. Not this again! She had been wiping the drool from her face with her handkerchief and as she placed it in her purse at the side of the walker, she overbalanced and fell down. Her helmeted head bounced off the floor next to Dan Elanga.
“Oh, Kayla, are you all right?” asked their special ed homeroom teacher, Bonita Fuller. Worry creased her face.
“Let me help her get back up,” Dan Elanga offered. He gently picked her up from where he heard her fall and placed her back in the walker. Guided by Mrs. Fuller, Kayla sat at her desk. The other students, Jeremy and Aubrey, watched with concern.
“Thanks, Dan,” said Mrs. Fuller. “I can pick her up, but not as easily as you. Kayla, are you all right? Do you need to go to the infirmary?”
Kayla signed “Okay” and then shook her head. She lost her power of speech and her balance when she contracted spinal meningitis last year. That also caused her to drool at times. Her fingers flew over the tablet on her desk. A female voice spoke from the tablet. “Sorry. I lost my balance.”
Kayla carried her tablet everywhere. It hung in easy reach on her walker. She used it to talk to people, picking out words and then sending them to her voice app to speak them. She could pick any voice she wanted, and she used the pop star, Mackenzie Ziegler.
Meet My 7th Grade Superheroes – Aubrey Wilcowsky
Aubrey Wilcowsky – her power is unique
Aubrey towered over her, big and burly, a kind of tomboy and athlete. Kayla felt small and skinny next to her. Aubrey could talk a knob off a door and was outgoing and friendly to a fault. Kayla only talked when she had to. Now I can’t talk at all.Aubrey just muddled through school. She was a year older but still in our grade. Even though I was quiet, I had been popular with popular kids in school—until I started using a walker.Aubrey just hung around with the sports crowd.
They became friends as Kayla tutored her. Their friendship survived Aubrey’s double amputation. She’d just been fitted for prosthetic legs when Kayla got her spinal meningitis. Aubrey didn’t care. She was a brick.
Jeremy has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. He is in a special education class with Dan, who is blind, Kayla, who was mute and used a walker, and Audrey, who lost her legs and uses crutches. One afternoon, when conducting experiments in his laboratory, Jeremy accidentally gives himself superpowers. . . .
This book was a fun story that placed individuals with disabilities front and center in the story. While the superpowers allow them to do things they wouldn’t have been able to do otherwise, it is what they choose to do with their powers that makes all the difference. Also, even with their superpowers, their initial disabilities aren’t erased, which I think is important. I liked to development of the characters and how they interacted and supported each other; I only wish the book had been longer so I could have spent more time with them. I am glad that there’s a sequel already published, and I look forward to reading/listening to it.
This was a fun concept in the super-hero genre, it had everything that I was looking for in this type of book. The characters were interesting and had a great overall feel to this world. I enjoyed what I read and can’t wait for the sequel. Andy Zach has a great writing style and I’m glad I got to read this.
I received a free copy of this book and am voluntarily leaving a review.
Oops! Grab Yourself Some Short Stories!! Just for laughs, try some free samples of my wacky sci-fi stories. Then grab the book for .99! Click here!It’ll be on sale from November 3rd to 7th.
“But wait Andy–what is Oops! all about?”
It’s all about what can go wrong before, during, and after a zombie turkey apocalypse.
The first story contains a tragedy–a queen’s husband and son died through drowning.
One queen saw the problem
Her king and prince had both drowned only a short distance from the shore because no one saw them signing for help. The queen sat vigil all night long, and in the morning she sent heralds with large signs in every language to all the humans, elves, dwarves, fairies, leprechauns, and even a dragon. She pled with all to find something that would let creatures communicate without signs or gestures when they couldn’t see each other. She promised she would give whatever was in her power to whoever could accomplish this.
Before turning to fiction, Andy published his Ph.D. thesis “Methods of Revivification for Various Species of the Kingdom Animalia” in the prestigious JAPM, Journal of Paranormal Medicine.
Where is my mistake in this story? You’ll have to read and find out!
Learn all about Brice Butterworth, genetic engineer
Now, what was he going to do? Brice Butterworth’s boss just told him to double the productivity of Vegan Inc.’s pickle strain they used for their Kilwowski Pickle brand. That was completely impossible.
But keeping his job required it. Brice was the low man on the genetic engineering totem pole at Vegan Inc., the last one hired and the first one to be fired if another recession hit.
He couldn’t think. He couldn’t face this. So he cruised the internet. “The origin of zombie turkeys? I didn’t know they’d found that. Hmm, a Midley Beacon exclusive, the foremost zombie news source,” he read out loud.
Let me know what you think by clicking here or emailing me at [email protected]. As always, everyone who responds with a comment or email will get a free book from me.
Kathi Clements
