I thought I’d review 2017: The year of My Undead Mother-in-law. I know, everyone else does this at the end of 2017. Don’t expect normal behavior from a comic paranormal animal author!
(Hint to impatient people: the good stuff is at the end!)
Long form trailers would be up to five hundred words. Here’s mine:
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em – they come back stronger. The undead plague of poultry spreads uncontrollably, rocking the whole country. As Sam tracks down the zombie turkeys and how to eradicate them, his editor, Lisa Kambacher, nags him to turn his stories and expenses in on time. During their years of working together, Lisa has mellowed from bitchy into an irascible pinchpenny.
Lisa snipes at Sam for plebeian writing but uses her intelligence to pursue the lucrative carnivorous turkey story. Sam and Lisa ricochet across the landscape, tracking turkeys and fleeing the bloodthirsty hordes. Careening from shell-shocked grocery store owners fighting turkeys crawling out of refrigerators, to machine-gunning turkey farmers, to secret militia, Sam and Lisa doggedly report. Throughout the turkey apocalypse, they dare ravaged cities, plow knee-deep in gore and corpses, and upload streams of zombie turkey video news to the world.
With paranoid militias clashing with the federal government and unkillable turkeys, Sam and Lisa doubt their ability to survive. Sam and Lisa have no superpowers. If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not listen to Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to find out what happens.
Short form trailers would be up to one hundred words. Here’s mine:
Sam Melvin, an underachieving e-reporter from a small town, changes forever when he meets turkeys that won’t stay dead. You can shoot ’em, chop ’em, burn ’em—they come back stronger.
If you have a heart condition or lack humor, you should not read Zombie Turkeys, no matter how much you want to.
Get all your Weekend Zombie News! right here, from me, Andy Zach your favorite comic paranormal animal author.
First of all, my youngest pet phoenix Phoerensix, picked a book of the month winner. Here’s the first stage of packing;
And next is the second layer of packing:
Phoerensix also picked a winner of my monthly audiobook giveaway.
Do you want to get in on the free book drawings? Subscribe to my newsletter here.
Weekend Zombie News – We pose this question:
If you can figure out the meaning of this graphic image or if you have a wild guess, reply to this post or to my Facebook post and I’ll send you a ‘Paranormal Privateers’ advanced reader copy.
Weekend Zombie News – Audiobook Update
My audiobook will be coming out any day! Here’s me reading chapter 1!
Weekend Zombie News – How to Start a Novel
I found this advice pretty commonsensical.
Did You See This?
My new business card!
Then we have some more truth about being an indie author.
I also found this wonderful graphic illustrating complexity!
This blog is powered by WordPress. In 2018 I plan to study WordPress!
Weekend Zombie News – New Years Poem
My fellow author Jane Jago wrote this poem for New Years:
Upcoming Andy Zach Appearances at Conventions
Say, any of you readers want me to come to your town? Just reply, or send me a message right here.
Andy Zach Cogitating
Then there’s this new addition to my office door:
One of my favorite Christmas presents!
If you like time traveling science fiction, I found a great article about this right here:
If you like historical fiction, here’s a fun article about medieval walking.
Paranormal Privateers Update
I’m over fifty-nine thousand words in chapter 8. I also have a free advanced reader copy of chapter one if you request it or reply to this post!
![Platform: Get Noticed in a Noisy World by [Hyatt, Michael]](https://i0.wp.com/images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51-RZ4y3-xL.jpg?w=980&ssl=1)
Audiobook 
